The MisreadBible: GenesisA collection of twisted Bible tales from the warped mind of J. R. Eldridge, taking the reader on a journey from the creation of the universe to the arrival of the Israelites in Egypt in this blasphemously funny collection. A lonely deity creates the universe in his mother's basement and makes a little clay man who falls in love with his own rib. After the humans engage in some freaky angel sex, God decides to flood the entire world, saving only a drunkard called Noah and his family. Once the humans have repopulated the Earth, God chooses one man called Abram, drags him from his home in the middle of the night, changes his name, and then tells him to kill his son, forming an everlasting covenant with him and his descendants. Later, Jacob steals his brother's birthmark, boinks his cousins, and comes up with an innovative way to breed sheep. He fathers a dozen kids including Joseph, whose brothers get tired of his dreams of grandeur and sell him to some shapeshifting Ishmaelites who take him to Egypt. |
What people are saying - Write a review
We haven't found any reviews in the usual places.
Contents
Introduction | 1 |
Adam and Eve | 3 |
Noahs Arc | 19 |
Abraham | 41 |
Isaac | 83 |
Jacob | 97 |
Joseph | 125 |
And Now for Something Completely Twitter | 173 |
Other editions - View all
Common terms and phrases
Abimelech Abraham Abram already angel animals anyway appeared asked began Benjamin blessed blood bought bring brothers buried called camels Canaan cave continued cried daughter dead decided died don’t dream Earth Egypt Egyptians Esau exclaimed face father field finished flood fuck gave Genesis getting give going Hagar hand head heard Isaac Ishmael Israel it’s Jacob Joseph Judah keep kill kind King Laban land later Leah leave light lived looked LORD married mean named never night Noah Okay Pharaoh Rachel Rebekah replied Reuben sack Sarah saying sent seven sheep shit sighed sister slave sleep sons soon started stop sure tell There’s things thought told took tree trying turned Wait walked whole wife woman Yeah yelled you’re