The Mommy Myth: The Idealization of Motherhood and How It Has Undermined Women

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Simon and Schuster, Mar 26, 2004 - Social Science - 400 pages
Susan Douglas first took on the media's misrepresentation of women in her funny, scathing social commentary Where the Girls Are. Now, she and Meredith Michaels, have turned a sardonic (but never jaundiced) eye toward the cult of the new momism: a trend in American culture that is causing women to feel that only through the perfection of motherhood can true contentment be found. This vision of motherhood is highly romanticized and yet its standards for success remain forever out of reach, no matter how hard women may try to "have it all."
The Mommy Myth takes a provocative tour through the past thirty years of media images about mothers: the superficial achievements of the celebrity mom, the news media's sensational coverage of dangerous day care, the staging of the "mommy wars" between working mothers and stay-at-home moms, and the onslaught of values-based marketing that raises mothering standards to impossible levels, just to name a few. In concert with this messaging, the authors contend, is a conservative backwater of talking heads propagating the myth of the modern mom.
This nimble assessment of how motherhood has been shaped by out-of-date mores is not about whether women should have children or not, or about whether once they have kids mothers should work or stay at home. It is about how no matter what they do or how hard they try, women will never achieve the promised nirvana of idealized mothering. Douglas and Michaels skillfully map the distance traveled from the days when The Feminine Mystique demanded more for women than the unpaid labor of keeping house and raising children, to today's not-so-subtle pressure to reverse this thirty-year trend. A must-read for every woman.

From inside the book

Contents

Introduction The New Momism
1
One Revolt Against the MRS
28
Two Mouthing Off to Dr Spock
55
Satanism Abduction and Other Media Panics
85
Four Attack of the Celebrity Moms
110
Maternal Delinquents
140
Six The War Against Welfare Mothers
173
Seven The Mommy Wars
203
Nine Moms R Us
268
Baby Wearing Nanny Cams and the Triumph of the New Momism
298
Epilogue Exorcising the New Momism
331
Notes
337
Acknowledgments
363
Index
367
About the Authors
385
Photos
387

Eight Dumb Men Stupid Choicesor Why We Have No Childcare
236

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Page 53 - My children cause me the most exquisite suffering of which I have any experience. It is the suffering of ambivalence: the murderous alternation between bitter resentment and raw-edged nerves, and blissful gratification and tenderness.
Page 51 - ... feminist culture is based on what is best and strongest in women, and as we begin to define ourselves as women, the qualities coming to the fore are the same ones a mother projects in the best kind of nurturing relationship to a child: empathy, intuitiveness, adaptability, awareness of growth as a process rather than as goal-ended, inventiveness, protective feeling toward others, and a capacity to respond emotionally as well as...
Page 53 - We need to imagine a world in which every woman is the presiding genius of her own body.
Page 263 - Ninth, for the Federal Government to plunge headlong financially into supporting child development would commit the vast moral authority of the National Government to the side of communal approaches to child rearing over against the familycentered approach.
Page 177 - There are a lot of other lies that male society tells about welfare mothers: That AFDC mothers are immoral. That AFDC mothers are lazy, misuse their welfare checks, spend it all on booze, and are stupid and incompetent.
Page 267 - Part of the unemployment is not as much recession as it is the great increase in the people going into the job market, and, ladies, I'm not picking on anyone, but because of the increase in women who are working today and two-worker families and so forth,
Page 177 - I'ma woman. I'ma black woman. I'ma poor woman. I'ma fat woman. I'ma middle-aged woman. And I'm on welfare. In this country, if you're any one of those things — poor, black, fat, female, middle-aged, on welfare — you count less as a human being.
Page 251 - If the Vice President thinks it's disgraceful for an unmarried woman to bear a child, and if he believes that a woman cannot adequately raise a child without a father, then he'd better make sure abortion remains safe and legaL" ... In fact the most serious politics were at work here.
Page 6 - Society today expects that in order "to be a remotely decent mother, a woman has to devote her entire physical, psychological, emotional, and intellectual being, 24/7 to her children."10 If she fails to conform to this ideal, she is looked upon with strong disapproval by society. Ironically, this attitude echoes the 195os when the message was the same— a mother was encouraged to spend all of her time and energy raising her children and was expected to focus on the "most...

About the author (2004)

Susan J. Douglas is the Catherine Neafie Kellogg Professor of Communication Studies at the University of Michigan. She is the author of Listening In: Radio and the American Imagination, Where the Girls Are: Growing Up Female with the Mass Media, and Inventing American Broadcasting, 1899-1922. Her journalistic articles have appeared in The Nation, Ms., In These Times, TV Guide, and The Progressive.

Meredith W. Michaels is a writer who doubles as a philosophy professor at Smith College. Her research and writing focus on the way that cultural changes affect our understanding of reproduction, parenthood, and childhood.

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