Frib. I have done his business. [Struts about. Flash. Give you up, madam! No, madam, when I am determined in my resolutions, I am always calm; 'tis our way, madam: and now I shall proceed to business-Sir, I beg to say a word to you in private. Frib. Keep your distance, fellow, and I'll answer you. That lady has confessed a passion for me; and, as she has delivered up her heart into my keeping, nothing but my 'art's blood shall purchase it. Damnation! Tag. Bravo! bravo! Flash. If those are the conditions, I'll give you earnest for it directly. [Draws.] Now, villain, renounce all right and title this minute, or the torrent of my rage will overflow my reason, and I shall annihilate the nothingness of your soul and body in an instant. Frib. I wish there was a constable at hand to take us both up; we shall certainly do one another a prejudice. Tag. No, you won't indeed, sir; pray, bear up to him; if you would but draw your sword, and be in a passion, he would run away directly. Frib. Will he? [Draws.] Then I can no longer contain myself-Hell and the furies! Come on, thou savage brute! Tag. Go on, sir. [Here they stand in fighting postures, while BIDDY and TAG push them forward. Flash. Come on, sir! Bid. Go on. Frib. Come on, rascal! Enter CAPTAIN LOVEIT and PUFF. [They both keep their fencing posture. Flash. Don't part us, sir! Frib. No, pray sir, don't part us; we shall do you a mischief, Cap. Puff, look to the other gentlemen, and call a surgeon. Capt. Had not you the misfortune, sir, to be missing at the last engagement in Flanders? Flash. I was found amongst the dead in the field of battle. Puff. He was the first that fell, sir-the wind of a cannon ball struck him flat upon his face: be had just strength enough to creep into a ditch; and there he was found after the battle in a most deplorable condition. Capt. Pray, sir, what advancement did you get by the service of that day? Flash. My wounds rendered me unfit for service, and I sold out. Puff. Stole out, you mean. Capt. And now, sir, how have you dared to show your face in open day, or wear even the outside of a profession you have so much scandalized by your behaviour?I honour the name of a soldier; and, as a party concerned, am bound not to see it disgraced. As you have forfeited your title to honour, deliver up your sword this instant. Flash. Nay, good Captain- [Takes his sword. Frib. He's a sad scoundrel- -I wish I had kicked him. Capt. The next thing I command-Leave this house, change the colour of your clothes, and fierceness of your looks; appear from top to toe the wretch, the very wretch thou art: If e'cr I meet thee in the military dress again, or if you put on looks that bely the native baseness of thy heart, be it where it will, this shall be the reward of thy impudence and disobedience. [Kicks him; he runs off. Frib. What an infamous rascal it is!-I thank you, sir, for this favour; but I must after, and cane him. [Going, is stopt by the CAPTAIN. Capt. One word with you too, sir. Frib. With me, sir! Capt. You need not tremble; I shan't use you roughly. Frib. I am certain of that, sir; but I am sadly troubled with weak nerves. Capt. Thou art of a species too despicable for correction; therefore be gone; and if I see you here again, your insignificancy shan't protect Bid. Ha, ha, ha! Tag. Puff. Bless me! how can you stand under you. your wounds, sir? Frib. Am I hurt, sir! Puff. Hurt, sir! why, you have let me see pray, stand in the light-one, two, three, through the heart! and, let me sec-hum-eight through the small guts! Come, sir, make it up the round dozen, and then we'll part you. All. Ha, ha, ba! Capt. Come here, Puff! [Whispers and looks at FLASH. Puff. 'Tis the very same, sir. Capt. [To FLASH.] Pray, sir, have I not had the pleasure of seeing you abroad? Flash. I have served abroad. Frib. I am obliged to you for your kindness. Well, if ever I have any thing to do with intrigues again-Miss Biddy, your servant— Captain, your servant-Mrs. Tag, yours-Old soldier, yours! Puff. Boh! [In FRIBBLE's face, as he is going out. Frib. O lard! [Exit. All. Ha, ha, ha! Puff. Shall I ease you of your trophy, sir? Capt. Take it, Puff, as a small recompense for thy fidelity; thou can'st better use it than its owner. Puff. I wish your honour had a patent to take such trifles from every pretty gentleman that could spare them. I would set up the largest cutler's shop in the kingdom. Bid. I'm afraid the town will be ill-natured enough to think I have been a little coquettish in my behaviour; but, I hope, as I have been constant to the Captain, I shall be excused diverting myself with pretenders. Ladies! to fops and braggarts ne'er be kind; No charms can warm them, and no virtues bind: Each lover's merit by his conduct prove; Who fails in honour, will be false in love. [Exeunt. SCENE-A Grove. With a view of the River Lethe. ACT I. CHARON and Æsop discovered. Cha. Pr'ythee, philosopher, what grand affair is transacting upon earth? There is something of importance going forward, I am sure; for Mercury flew over the Styx this morning, without paying me the usual compliments. Æs. I'll tell thee, Charon; this is the anniversary of the rape of Proserpine; on which day, for the future, Pluto has permitted her to demand from him something forthe benefit of mankind. Cha. I understand you-his majesty's passion, by a long possession of the lady, is abated; and so, like a mere mortal, he must now flatter her vanity and sacrifice his power, to atone for deficiencies But what has our royal mistress proposed in behalf of her favourite mortals? Es. As mankind, you know, are ever complaining of their cares, and dissatisfied with their conditions, the generous Proserpine has begged of Pluto, that they may have free access to the waters of Lethe, as a sovereign remedy for their complaints. Notice has been already given above, and proclamation made; Mercury is to conduct them to the Styx, you are to ferry them over to Elysium, and I am placed here to dis tribute the waters. Cha. A very pretty employment I shall have of it, truly! if her majesty has often these whims, I must petition the court either to build Mer. Away to your boat Charon; there are some mortals arrived; and the females among them will be very clamorous, if you make them wait. Old maids shall forget what they wish for in vain, And young ones the lover they cannot regain ; And Chloe again be with passion enjoy'd; The wife at one draught may forget all her Or drench her fond fool, to forget her gallants; The troubled in mind shall go cheerful away. Obey then the summons, to Lethe repair, your care. Cha. I'll make what haste I can, rather than give those fair creatures a topic for conversation. [Noise within, Boat, boat, boat! -Coming!-coming! -Zounds! you are in a plaguy hurry, sure! no wonder these mortal folks have so many complaints, when there's no patience among them; if they were dead now, and to be settled here for ever, they'd be damned before they'd make such a rout to Es. Mercury, Charon has brought over one come over-but care, I suppose, is thirsty, mortal already, conduct him hither. [Exit MERand till they have drenched themselves with CURY.]--Now for a large catalogue of comLethe, there will be no quiet among them;plaints without the acknowledgment of one therefore, I'll e'en go to work-and so, friend single vice-here he comes-if one may guess at Esop, and brother Mercury, good bye to ye. his cares by his appearance, he really wants the [Exit CHARON. assistance of Lethe. Es. Now to my office of judge and examiner, in which, to the best of my knowledge, I will act with impartiality; for I will immediately relieve real objects, and only divert myself with pretenders. Enter Poet. -your Poet. Sir, your humble servanthumble servant-your name is Esop-I know Mer. Act as your wisdom directs, and confor-your person intimately, though I never saw mable to your earthly character, and we shall you before; and am well acquainted with you, though I never had the honour of your converhave few murmurs. sation.. Es. I still retain my former sentiments, neEs, You are a dealer in paradoxes, friend. ver to refuse advice or charity to those that Poct. I am a dealer in all parts of speech, and want either; flattery and rudeness should be in all the figures of rhetoric-I am a poet, sir equally avoided; folly and vice should never be spared; and though by acting thus, you and to be a poet, and not acquainted with may offend many, yet you will please the bet-the great Esop, is a greater paradox than-I ter few; and the approbation of one virtuous honour you extremely, sir: you certainly, of all mind, is more valuable than all the noisy ap- the writers of antiquity, had the greatest, the plause, and uncertain favours, of the great and sublimest genius, the guilty. Mer. Incomparable Esop! both men and gods admire thee! we must now prepare to receive these mortals; and lest the solemnity of the place should strike them with too much dread, I'll raise music shall dispel their fears, and embolden them to approach, SONG. Ye mortals whom fancies and troubles perplex, Whom folly misguides, and infirmities ver ; Es. Hold, friend, I hate flattery. Poet. My own taste exactly, I assure you; sir, no man loves flattery less than myself. Es. So it appears, sir, by your being so ready to give it away. Poet. You have hit it, Mr. Esop, you have hit it I have given it away indeed; I did not receive one farthing for my last dedication, and yet, would you believe it!I absolutely gave all the virtues in Heaven, to one of the lowest reptiles upon earth. Es. 'Tis hard, indeed, to do dirty work for nothing. I Poet. Ay, sir, to do dirty work, and still be terest, from my brother authors--but to say the dirty one's self, is the stone of Sysiphus, and truth, my performance was terribly handled, bethe thirst of Tantalus-You Greek writers, in-fore it appeared in public. deed, carried your point by truth and simplis. How so, pray? city, they won't do now a-days-our patrons Poet. Why, sir, some squeamish friends of must be tickled into generosity-you gained mine pruned it of all the bawdy and immorathe greatest favours, by shewing your own me-lity, the actors did not speak a line of the sense rits; we can only gain the smallest, by pub- or sentiment, and the manager (who writes lishing those of other people.-You flourished himself) struck out all the wit and humour, în by truth, we starve by fiction; tempora mu-order to lower my performance to a level with his own. Fs. Now, sir, I am acquainted with your case; what have you to propose? Poet. Notwithstanding the success of my first play, I am strongly persuaded that my next may defy the severity of critics, the sheer of wits, and the malice of authors. As, What! have you been hardy enough to attempt another? Poet. I must eat, sir-I must live-but when I set down to write, and am glowing with the heat of my imagination, then-then this damned whistling-or whizzing in my head, that I told you of, so disorders nie, that I grow giddy-In short, sir, I am haunted, as it were, with the ghost of my deceased play, and its dying groans are for ever in my cars- -Now, sir, if you will give me but a draught of Lethe, to forget this unfortunate performance, it will be of more real service to me than all the waters of Helicon. Poet. From whence all my disorder proceeds -I'll tell you my case, sir--You must know, I A's. I doubt, friend, you cannot possibly wrote a play some time ago, presented a dedi- write better, by merely forgetting that you cation of it to a certain young nobleman-be ap-have written before; besides, if, when you proved, and accepted of it; but before I could taste his bounty, my piece was unfortunately damned: I lost my benefit, nor could I have recourse to my patron, for I was told that his lordship played the best catcall the first night, and was the merriest person in the whole audience. Es. Pray, what do you call damning a play? Poet. You cannot possibly be ignorant, what it is to be damned, Mr. Esop? Æs. Indeed I am, sir-we had no such thing among the Greeks. Poet. No, sir!-No wonder, then, that you Greeks were such fine writers—It is impossible to be described, or truly felt, but by the author himself-If you could but get a leave of absence from this world for a few hours, you might perhaps have an opportunity of seeing it yourself-There is a sort of a new piece comes upon our stage this very night, and I am pretty sure it will meet with it's deserts; at least it shall not want my helping hand, rather than you should be disappointed of satisfying your curiosity. Es. You are very obliging, sir ;--but to your own misfortunes, if you please. Poet. Envy, malice, and party, destroyed me -You must know, sir, I was a great damner myself, before I was damned-So the frolics of drink to the forgetfulness of your own works, you should unluckily forget those of other pèople too, your next piece will certainly be the worse for it. Poet. You are certainly in the right-What then would you advise me to? Es. Suppose you could prevail upon the audience to drink the water; their forgetting your former work, might be of no small advantage to your future productions. Poet. Ah, sir! if I could bat do that-but I am afraid--Lethe will never go down with the audience. s. Well, since you are bent upon it, I shall indulge you-if you please to walk in that grove, (which will afford you many subjects for your poetical contemplation) till I have examined the rest, I will dismiss you in your turn. Poet. And I in return, sir, will let the world know, in a preface to my next piece, that your politeness is equal to your sagacity; and that you are as much the fine gentleman as the philosopher. [Exit Poet. Æs. Oh! your servant, sir—In the name of misery and mortality, what have we here. Enter an Old Man, supported by a Servant. my youth were returned to me with double in-recover the fatigue--Ha! what are you, friend? |