SCENE IV.-The Presence-Chamber. Enter King, Queen, HUNCAMUNCA, DOODLE, PLUMANTE, FRIZALETTA, and Attendants. King. Open the prisons, set the wretched free! And bid our treasurer disburse five guineas I issue hell-bilking summons. To pay their debts.-Let our arch necromancer, Next to you, king, queen, lords, and commons, Hunc. Take note, sir, that on this our wedding day Two victories hath my gallant husband won. Nood. Oh, monstrous, dreadful, terrible! oh! oh! King. What means the blockhead? Nood. But to grace my tale with decent horror; Tom Thumb is no more! A huge red cow, larger than the largest size, just now i'the open street, Before my eyes, devour'd the great Tom Thumb! Not issue out three farthings. Hang all the cul prits, And bid the schoolmasters whip all their little boys. Nood. Her majesty the queen is in a swoon. Queen. Not so much in a swoon, but to have still Strength to reward the messenger of ill. [Queen kills NoOODLE. Friz. My lover kill'd— His death I thus revenge. [Kills the Queen. [Kills FRIZALetta. Hune. Kill my mamma! O base assassin! there! Dood. For that, take this! Plum. And thou, take that. King. Die, murdress vile! Ah! Death makes a feast to day, [Kills HUNCA. [Kills DOODLE. my INCANTATION. Love's in haste, don't stay him; Deep we are in Hymen's debt, [Kills PLUM. Hunc. [To Tom.] Have, dear Tommy, And but reserves ourselves for his bon bouche. Pity on me; I am by shame restricted; Yet I obey, So take your way, I must not contradict it. Till the whole pack lie scatter'd and o'erthrown. Griz. [To Glum.] Grandest Glum, in my behoof, Thus all our pack upon the floor is cast, And my sole boast is, that I will die the last. [Stabs himself. They all lie on the stage dead, To love's law be pliant; Me you'll find a man of proof, Although not quite a giant. SCENE I.-The outside of a Cottage near a I waited on a gentleman at Oxford, where I learnt very near as much as my master; from whence I attended a travelling physician six years, under the facetious denomination of a Merry Andrew, where I learnt physic. Dor. O that thou had'st followed him still! Cursed be the hour, wherein I answered the parson, I will.' Gre. And cursed be the parson that asked thee the question! Dor. You have reason to complain of him indeed-who ought to be on your knees every moment, returning thanks to Heaven, for that great blessing it sent you, when it sent you myself. I hope you have not the assurance to think deserv'd such a wife as me ? you Gre. No, really, I don't think I do. When a lady like me, condescends to agree, With what zeal and care, shou'd he worship the Who gives him what's meat for his master ? Attend on her will: Suppose I've a mind he should drub, Hear, sirrah, and take it for warning; here, take and thrash your wife; beat her as you To her he should be Each night on his knee, And so he should be on each morning. Gre. Meat for my master! you were meat for your master, if I an't mistaken. Come, come, Madam, it was a lucky day for you, when you found me out. Dor. Lucky, indeed! a fellow, who eats every thing I have! Gre. That happens to be a mistake, for I drink some part on't. Dor. That has not even left me a bed to lie on! Gre. You'll rise the earlier. Dor. And who, from morning till night, is eternally in an alehouse! Gre. It's genteel; the squire does the game. Dor. Pray, sir, what are you willing I shall do with my family? Gre. Whatever you please. ought to do. Gre. No, sir, I won't beat her. Rob. Oh, sir, that's another thing. Gre. I'll beat her when I please, and will not beat her when I do not please. She is my wife, and not yours. Rob. Certainly. Dor. Give me the stick, dear husband. Rob. Well, if ever I attempt to part husband and wife again, may I be beaten myself. [Erit Roв. Gre. Come, my dear, let us be friends. Dor. What, after beating me so? Gre. 'Twas but in jest. Dor. I desire you will crack your jests on your own bones, not on mine. Gre. Pshaw! You know you and I are one, and I beat one half of myself when I beat you. Dor. Yes, but for the future I desire you will beat the other half of yourself. Gre. Come, my pretty dear, I ask pardon; Dor. My four little children, that are con- I'm sorry for't. tinually crying for bread? Gre. Give 'em a rod! best cure in the world for crying children. Dor. And you imagine, sot Gre. Hark ye, my dear, you know my temper is not over and above passive, and that my arm is extremely active. Dor. I laugh at your threats, poor, beggarly, insolent fellow! Gre. Soft object of my wishing eyes I shall play with your pretty ears. Dor. Touch me if you dare, you insolent, impudent, dirty, lazy, rascally Gre. Oh, ho, ho! you will have it then, I find. [Beats her. Dor. O murder, murder! Enter Squire ROBERT. Rob. What's the matter here? Fie upon you, fie upon you, neighbour, to beat your wife in this scandalous manner! Dor. Well, sir, and if I have a mind to be beat, and what then? Rob. O dear, madam, I give my consent with all my heart and soul. Dor. What's that to you, saucebox? Is it any business of your's? Rob. No, certainly, madam! Dor. Here's an impertinent fellow for you, won't suffer a husband to beat his own wife; AIR II.-Winchester Wedding. Dor. For once I pardon you-but you shall for it. pay [Aside. Gre. Psha! psha! child, these are only little affairs, necessary in friendship; four or five good blows with a cudgel between your very fond couples only tend to heighten the affections. I'll now to the wood, and I promise thee to make a hundred faggots before I come home again. Exit. Dor. If I am not revenged on those blows of yours!-Oh, that I could but think of some method to be revenged on him! Hang the rogue, he's quite insensible of cuckoldom? AIR III.-Oh London is a fine town. No horned brother dares make sport; Oh that I could find out some invention to get Enter HARRY and JAMES. Har. Were ever two fools sent on such a message as we are, in quest of a dumb doctor! James. Blame your own cursed memory, that made you forget his name. For my part, I'll travel through the world rather than return without him; that were as much as a limb or two were worth. Har. Was ever such a cursed misfortune, to |