Be worth a fig-Lord Grizzle, at the head Come, Dollallolla: Huncamunca, come; Within we'll wait in whole skins for Tom Thumb. [Exeunt. SCENE III-A Plain. Enter LORD GRIZZLE, NOODLE, and Rebels. [A March.] Griz. Thus far with victory our arms are crown'd; For, though we have not fought, yet have we found No enemy to fight withal. [Drums and Trumpets.] Enter THUMB, DOODLE, and Soldiers. Tom. Art thou the man, whom men famed Grizzle call? Griz. Art thou the much more fam'd Tom Thumb the small? Tom. The same. Griz. The same. Tom. His prowess now each prove. Tom. And I for love. [A battle between the two armies.-They fight off] Enter GLUMDALCA, and meets GRIZZLE, while fighting with THUMB. Glum. Turn, coward, turn nor from a woman fly! Griz. Thou art unworthy of my arm. Have at thy heart then! [Thrusts at, but misses him. Griz. Rampant queen of sluts! [Strikes. Now have at thine. Glum. [Falling.] You've run me through the guts. Griz. Then there's an end of one. [Going. [Is met by Tom THUMB, who runs him through.] Tom. An end of two, Thou hast it. [Exit. Griz. Oh, Tom Thumb! [Falls.] thy soul be shrew! King. The devil he will!-but see the princess! And the black cart is waiting at the door. I die-Ambition! the fates have made their tour, Enter HUNCAMUNCA. Say, where's the mighty Thumb, our sword and buckler? Though 'gainst us men and giants league with gods, Yet Thumb alone is equal to more odds. Tom sallied forth to meet the foe, And soon, who's who, he'll make them know. King. Oh! oh! AIR. Grizzle. My body is a bankrupt's shop, My cruel creditor, grim Death; Enter TOM THUMB and Attendants. Tom. Bear off the carcasses; lop off his knob, King. Open the prisons, set the wretched [THUMB is thrown out of the Cow's mouth, and free! And bid our treasurer disburse five guineas Hunc. Take note, sir, that on this our wed- Two victories hath my gallant husband won. Nood. Oh, monstrous, dreadful, terrible! oh! oh! King. What means the blockhead? Nood. But to grace my tale with decent horror; Tom Thumb is no more! A huge red cow, larger than the largest size, just now i'the open street, Before my eyes, devour'd the great Tom Thumb! Not issue out three farthings. Hang all the cul prits, And bid the schoolmasters whip all their little boys. Nood. Her majesty the queen is in a swoon. Queen. Not so much in a swoon, but to have still Strength to reward the messenger of ill. [Queen kills NOODLE. starts fiercely.] Mine too went a fleeting; Now we in a nipperkin May toast this merry meeting. [Kills the Queen. Tom. [To Hunc.] Come, my Hunky, come, my [Kills FRIZALETta. Friz. My lover kill'd— His death I thus revenge. Hunc. Kill my mamma! O base assassin! there! Dood. For that, take this! Plum. And thou, take that. King. Die, murdress vile! Ah! Death makes a feast to day, [Kills HUNCA. [Kills DOODLE. [Kills PLUM. Hunc. And but reserves ourselves for his bon bouche. So when the boy,whom nurse from danger guards, Sends Jack for mustard with a pack of cards; Kings, queens, and knaves, tip one another down, pet, Love's in haste, don't stay him; Deep we are in Hymen's debt, And 'tis high time we pay him. [To Tom.] Have, dear Tommy, Pity on me; I am by shame restricted; Yet I obey, So take your way, I must not contradict it. Till the whole pack lie scatter'd and o'erthrown. Griz. [To Glum.] Grandest Glum, in my behoof, Thus all our pack upon the floor is cast, And my sole boast is, that I will die the last. [Stabs himself. They all lie on the stage dead. To love's law be pliant; Me you'll find a man of proof, Although not quite a giant. SCENE I.-The outside of a Cottage near a I waited on a gentleman at Oxford, where I Wood. learnt very near as much as my master; from whence I attended a travelling physician six years, under the facetious denomination of a Merry Andrew, where I learnt physic. Dor. O that thou had'st followed him still! Cursed be the hour, wherein I answered the parson, 'I will.' Gre. And cursed be the parson that asked thee the question! Dor. You have reason to complain of him indeed-who ought to be on your knees every moment, returning thanks to Heaven, for that great blessing it sent you, when it sent you myself. I hope you have not the assurance to think you deserv'd such a wife as me? Gre. No, really, I don't think I do. AIR I.-Bessy Bell. DORCAS. When a lady like me, condescends to agree, With what zeal and care, shou'd he worship the fair, Who gives him what's meat for his master? His actions should still Attend on her will : Suppose I've a mind he should drub, Whose bones are they, sir, he's to lick? Rob. Neighbour, I ask your pardon heartily; Hear, sirrah, and take it for warning; here, take and thrash your wife; beat her as you To her he should be Each night on his knee, And so he should be on each morning. Gre. Meat for my master! you were meat for your master, if I an't mistaken. Come, come, Madam, it was a lucky day for you, when you found me out. Dor. Lucky, indeed! a fellow, who eats every thing I have! Gre. That happens to be a mistake, for I drink some part on't. Dor. That has not even left me a bed to lie On! Gre. You'll rise the earlier. Dor. And who, from morning till night, is cternally in an alehouse! Gre. It's genteel; the squire does the same. Dor. Pray, sir, what are you willing I shall do with my family? Gre. Whatever you please. Dor. My four little children, that are continually crying for bread? Gre. Give 'em a rod! best cure in the world for crying children. Dor. And you imagine, sot Gre. Hark ve, my dear, you know my temper is not over and above passive, and that my arm is extremely active. Dor. I laugh at your threats, poor, beggarly, insolent fellow! Gre. Soft object of my wishing eyes I shall play with your pretty ears. Dor. Touch me if you dare, you insolent, impudent, dirty, lazy, rascally Gre. Oh, ho, ho! you will have it then, I find. [Beats her. Dor. O murder, murder! Enter Squire ROBERT. Rob. What's the matter here? Fie upon you, fie upon you, neighbour, to beat your wife in this scandalous manner! Dor. Well, sir, and if I have a mind to be beat, and what then? all Rob. O dear, madam, I give my consent with my heart and soul. Dor. What's that to you, saucebox? Is it any business of your's? Rob. No, certainly, madam! Dor. Here's an impertinent fellow for you, won't suffer a husband to beat his own wife; AIR II.-Winchester Wedding. May cuckoldom still be his doom, ought to do. Gre. No, sir, I won't beat her. Rob. Oh, sir, that's another thing. Gre. I'll beat her when I please, and will not beat her when I do not please. She is my wife, and not yours. Rob. Certainly. Dor. Give me the stick, dear husband. Rob. Well, if ever I attempt to part husband and wife again, may I be beaten myself. [Exit ROB. Gre. Come, my dear, let us be friends. Dor. What, after beating me so? Gre. 'Twas but in jest. Dor. I desire you will crack your jests on your own bones, not on mine. Gre. Pshaw! You know you and I are one, and I beat one half of myself when I beat you. Dor. Yes, but for the future I desire you will beat the other half of yourself. Gre. Come, my pretty dear, I ask pardon; I'm sorry for't. Dor. For once I pardon you-but you shall pay for it. [Aside. Gre. Psha! psha! child, these are only little affairs, necessary in friendship; four or five good blows with a cudgel between your very fond couples only tend to heighten the affections. I'll now to the wood, and I promise thee to make a hundred faggots before I come home again. Exit. Dor. If I am not revenged on those blows of yours!-Oh, that I could but think of some method to be revenged on him! Hang the rogue, he's quite insensible of cuckoldom? AIR III.-Oh London is a fine town. No horned brother dares make sport; Oh that I could find out some invention to get him well drubbed! Enter HARRY and JAMES. Har. Were ever two fools sent on such a message as we are, in quest of a dumb doctor! James. Blame your own cursed memory, that made you forget his name. For my part, I'll travel through the world rather than return without him; that were as much as a limb or two were worth. Har. Was ever such a cursed misfortune, to 4 |