135 nities to render him the Duties of a Son, he having always carried himself at fo vaft a Distance, and with fuch Superiority towards me, that by long Ufe I have contracted a Timorou fnefs when before him, which hinders me from declaring my own Neceffities, and giving him to understand the Inconveniencies I undergo. IT is my Misfortune to have been neither bred • Scholar, a Soldier, nor to any Kind of Business, which renders me entirely uncapable of making Provision for · my felf without his Affiftance; and this creates a continual Uneafinefs in my Mind, fearing I fhall in time ' want Bread; my Father, if I may fo call him, giving ' me but very faint affurances of doing any thing for me. I have hitherto lived fomewhat like a Gentleman, and it would be very hard for me to labour for my Living. I am in continual Anxiety for my future Fortune, and under a great Unhappiness in lofing the sweet Conversation and friendly Advice of my Parents; fo that I cannot look upon my felf otherwise than as a • Monster strangely fprung up in Nature, which every one is afhamed to own. I am thought to be a Man of fome natural Parts, and by the continual Reading what you have offered the • World, become an Admirer thereof, which has drawn me to make this Confeffion; at the fame time hoping, • if any thing herein fhall touch you with a Senfe of Pity, you would then allow me the Favour of your Opinion thereupon; as alfo what Part I, being unlawfully ⚫ born, may claim of the Man's Affection who begot me, and how far in your Opinion I am to be thought his 'Son, or he acknowledged as my Father. Your Senti ⚫ments and Advice herein will be a great Confolation and : Satisfaction to, No 204. Wednesday, October 24. I Am not all difpleased that I am become the Courier of Love, and that the Distressed in that Paffion convey their Complaints to each other through my Means. The following Letters have lately come to my Hands, and fhall have their Place with great Willingness. As to the Reader's Entertainment, he will, I hope, forgive the inferting fuch Particulars as to him may perhaps feem frivolous, but are to the Perfons who wrote them of the highest Confequence. I fhall not trouble you with the Prefaces, Compliments, and Apologies made to me, before each Epiftle when it was defired to be inserted; but in general they tell me, that the Perfons to whom they are addreffed have Intimations, by Phrafes and Allufions in them, from whence they came. To the Sothades. HE Word by which I addrefs you, gives you, who understand Portuguese, a lively Image of the tender Regard I have for you. The SPECTATOR'S late Letter from Statira, gave me the Hint to use the fame Method of explaining my felf to you. I am not affronted at the Defign your late Behaviour 'discovered you had in your Addreffes to me; but I impute it to the Degeneracy of the Age, rather than your particular Fault." As I aim at nothing more than being yours, I am willing to be a Stranger to your Name, your Fortune, or any Figure which your • Wife might expect to make in the World, provided my Commerce with you is not to be a guilty one. I refign my Drefs, the Pleasure of Vifits, Equipage. Plays, Plays, Balls, and Operas, for that one Satisfaction of ⚫ having you for ever mine. I am willing you fall induftrioufly conceal the only Caufe of Triumph which • I can know in this Life. I wish only to have it my Duty, as well as my Inclination, to ftudy your Happinefs. If this has not the Effect this Letter feems to aim at, you are to understand that I had a mind to be rid of you, and took the readiest Way to pall you with 'an Offer of what you would never defift purfuing while you received ill Ufage. Be a true Man; be my Slave while you doubt me, and neglect me when you think I love you. I defie you to find out what is your pre⚫ fent Circumftance with me; but I know while I can keep this Sufpence, I am your admired Belinda Madam, now T is a ftrange State of Mind a Man is in, when turn into Excellencies and Advantages. I do affure you, I am very much afraid of venturing upon you. I like you in fpite of my Reafon, and think it 'an ill Circumftance to owe one's Happiness to no• thing but Infatuation. I can fee you ogle all the young Fellows that look at you, and obferve your Eye wan• der after new Conquefts every Moment you are in a publick Place; and yet there is fuch a Beauty in all 6 your Looks and Gestures, that I cannot but admire you in the very Act of endeavouring to gain the Hearts of • others. My Condition is the fame with that of the Lover in the Way of the World. I have ftudied your Faults fo long, that they are become as familiar to ← me, and I like them as well as I do my own. Look to it, Madam, and confider whether you think this gay Behaviour will appear to me as amiable when an • Husband, as it does now to me a Lover. Things are fo far advanced, that we muft proceed; and I hope you will lay it to Heart, that it will be becoming in me to appear ftill your Lover, but not in you to be • ftill my Mistress. Gaiety in the Matrimonial Life is graceful in one Sex, but exceptionable in the other. As you improve thefe little Hints, you will ascertain the Happiness or Uneafiness of, Madam, SIR, Your most obedient, T. D. WHEN I fat at the Window, and you at the other of the Room by my Coulin, I faw you ⚫ catch me looking at you. Since you have the Secret at laft, which I am fure you fhould never have known • but by Inadvertency, what my Eyes faid was true. But it is too foon to confirm it with my Hand, therefore fhall not fubfcribe my Name. SIR, HERE were other Gentlemen nearer, and I know no Neceffity you were under to take that flippant Creature's Fan laft Night; but you fhall never touch a Stick of mine more, that's up pos. To Collonel R Phillis. S in Spain. BE EFORE this can reach the beft of Husbands and the fondest Lover, thofe tender Names will be no more of Concern to me. The Indifpofition in which you, to obey the Dictates of your Honour and Duty, left me, has encreafed upon me; and I am acquainted by my Phyficians I cannot live a Week longer. At this time my Spirits fail me; and it is the ardent Love I have for you that carries me beyond my Strength, and enables me to tell you, The most painful Thing in the Profpect of Death, is, that I muft part with you. But let it be a Comfort to you, that I have no Guilt hangs upon me, no unrepented Folly that retards me; but I pafs away my laft • Hours • Hours in Reflection upon the Happiness we have lived in together, and in Sorrow that it is fo foon to have an End. This is a Frailty which I hope is fo far from cri⚫minal, that methinks there is a kind of Piety in being fo unwilling to be feparated from a State which is the • Institution of Heaven, and in which we have lived according to its Laws. As we know no more of the ⚫ next Life, but that it will be an happy one to the Good, and miferable to the Wicked, why may we not please ⚫ our felves at least to alleviate the Difficulty of refigning ⚫ this Being, in imagining that we fhall have a Senfe of what paffles below, and may poffibly be employ'd in guiding the Steps of thofe with whom we walked ⚫ with Innocence when mortal? Why may not I hope to · go on in my ufual Work, and tho' unknown to you, ⚫ be affiftant in all the Conflicts of your Mind? Give me • Leave to fay to you, O beft of Men, that I cannot figure to my felf a greater Happiness than in such an Employment: To be prefent at all the Adventures to which humane Life is expofed, to administer Slumber to thy Eyelids in the Agonies of a Fever, to cover thy beloved Face in Day of Battel, to go with thee ra Guardian Angel incapable of Wound or Pain, where I ⚫ have longed to attend thee when a weak, a fearful Wo• man: Thefe, my Dear, are the Thoughts with which I warm my poor languid Heart; but indeed I am not • capable under my prefent Weakness of bearing the strong • Agonies of Mind I fall into, when I form to my felf the Grief you will be in upon your first hearing of my Departure. I will not dwell upon this, because your kind and generous Heart will be but the more afflicted, lament offers you the more the Perfon for whom you "Confolation. My laft Breath will, if I am my felf, expire in a Prayer for you. I fhall never fee your Face again. Farewell for ever. ་ T Thursday, |