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The farmer, having put in bail t appear,
And, forc'd to town, cries, they are happiest there :
With thousands more of this inconstant race,
Wou'd tire e'en Fabius to relate each case.
Not to detain you longer, pray attend
The issue of all this; shou'd Jove descend,

grant to ev'ry man his rath demand,
To run his lengths with a neglectful hand;
First, grant the harass'd warrior a release,
Bid him go trade, and try the faithless feas,
To purchafe treasure, and declining cafe :
Next, call the pleader from his learned ftrife,
To the calm blessings of a country life:
And, with these feparate demands, dismiss
Each suppliant to enjoy the promis'd blifs :

you believe they'd run? Not one will move, Tho' proffer'd to be happy from above.



T is a celebrated thought of Socrates, that if all

the misfortunes of mankind were cast into a public stock, in order to be equally distributed aniong the whole species, those who now think themselves the moft unhappy, would prefer the share they are already poffefs’d of, before that which would fall to them by such a division. Horace has carried' this thought a great deal farther in the motto of my pa. per, which implies that the hardships or misfortunes we lie under, are more easy to us than those of any other person would be, in cafe we could change conditions with him.

As I was ruminating on these two remarks, and seated in my elbow.chair, I insensibly fell asleep ; when, on a sudden, methought there was a prociamation made by Jupiter, that every mortal should bring in his griefs and calamities, and throw them together in a heap. There was a large plain appointed for this purpose.' I took my ftand in the centre of it, and law, with a great deal of pleafure, the


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whole human species marching one after another, and throwing down their several loads, which immediately grew up into a prodigious mountain, that seemed to rise above the clouds.

There was a certain Lady, of a thin airy shape, who was very active in this solemnity. ried a magnifying glass in one of her hands, and was clothed in a loose flowing robe, embroidered with several figures of fiends and spectres, that dif. covered themselves in a thousand chimerical shapes, as her garments hovered in the wind. There was something wild and distracted in her looks. Her name was Fancy. She led up every mortal to the appointed place, after having very officiously allifted him in making up his pack, and layo ing it upon his shoulders. My heart melted within me to see my fellow-creatures groaning under their respective burdens, and to consider that prodigious bulk of buman calamities which lay before


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There were, however, several persons who gave me great diversion upon this occasion. I observed one bringing in a fardel very carefully concealed under an old embroidered cloak, which, upon

his throwing it into the beap, I discovered to be Po. verty. Another, after a great deal of puffing, threw down his luggage, which, upon examining, I found to be his wife.

There were multitudes of lovers saddled with very whimlical burdens, composed of darts and flames : but what was very odd, though they fighed as if their hearts would break under these bun. dles of calamities, they could not persuade them. felves to cast them into the heap, when they came up to it; but, after a few faint efforts, shook their heads, and marched away as heavy loaden as they

I saw multitudes of old women throw down their wrinkles, and several young ones who strip



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ped themselves of a tawny skin. There were very great heaps of red nofes, large lips, and rusty teeth. The truth of it is, I was surprised to see the greatest part of the mountain made up of bodily deformities. Observing one advancing towards the heap, with a larger cargo than ordinary upon his back, I found, upon his near approach, that it was only a natural hump, which he disposed of, with great joy of heart, among this collection of human mise. ries. There were likewise distempers of all forts, though I could not but obferve, that there were many more imaginary than real. One little packet I could not but take notice of, which was a complia cation of all the diseases incident to human nature, and was in the hand of a great many fine people : this was called the Spleen. But what most of all. surprised me, was a remark I made, that there was not a single vice or folly thrown into the whole heap: at which I was very much astonished, having concluded within myself, that every one would take this opportunity of getting rid of his passions, prejudices, and frailties.

I took notice in particular of a very profrigate fellow, who, I did not question, came loaded with his crimes, but, upon fearching into his bundle, I found, that, instead of throwing his guilt from him, he had only laid down his memory. He was followed by another worthless rogue,

who flung away his modefty instead of bis ignorance.

When the whole race of mankind had thus cast their burdens, the Phantom which had been so bu. sy on this occafion, feeing me an idle spectator of what pafled, approached towards me. I

grew uncafy at her prefence, when on a sudden Me held ber magnifying glass full before my eyes. I no sooner saw my

face in it, but I was startled at the fhortness of it, which now appeared to me in its utmost

ago gravation. The immoderate breadth of the features



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made me very much out of humour with my own countenance, upon which I threw it from me like a mask. It happened very luckily, that one who ftood by me had just before thrown down his visage, which, it seems, was too long for him. It was in. deed extended to a most shameful length; I believe the very chin was, modestly speaking, as long as my whole face. We had both of us an opportunity of mending ourselves; and all the contributions being now brought in, every man was at liberty to exchange his misfortunes for those of another person. But, as there arose many new incidents in the fequel of my vision, I shall reserve them for the subject of my next paper.

No. 559. FRIDAY, JUNE 25.

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Quid caufæ eft, meritò quin illis Jupiter ambas
Iratus buccas inflet, neque fe fore pofthac
Tam facilein dicat, votis ut præbcat aurem?

Hor. Sat. i. lib. i. ver. 20.
Were it not just that yove, provok'd to heat,
Should drive these triÄers from the hallow'd seat,
And unrelenting stand when they entreat?



IN my last paper, I gave my reader a fight of that

mountain of miseries, which was made up of: those several calamities that afflict the minds of men. I saw, with unspeakable pleasure, the whole species thus delivered from its forrows; though, at the same time, as we stood round the beap, and surveyed the several materials of which it was composed, there was scarce a mortal in this vast multitude, who did


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not discover what he thought pleasures and blessings of life, and wondered how the owners of them ever came to look upon them as burdens and grievances.

As we were regarding very attentively this confusion of miseries, this chaos of calamity, Jupiter ifsued out a second proclaination, that every one was now at liberty to exchange his affliction, and to return to his habitation with any such other bundle as should be delivered to him,

Upon this, Fancy began again to beftir herself, and, parcelling out the whole heap with incredible activity, recommended to every one his particular packet. The hurry and confusion at this time was not to be expressed. Some observations, which I made upon the occasion, I shall communicate to the public. A venerable grey-headed man, who had laid down the colic, and who, I found, wanted an heir to his estate, snatched up an undutiful son, that had been thrown into the heap by his angry father. The graceless youth, in less than a quarter of an hour, pulled the old gentleman by the beard, and had like to have knocked his brains out; so that meeting the true father, who came towards him with a fit of the gripes, he begged him to take his son again, and give him back his colic; but they were incapable either of them to recede from the choice they had made. A poor galley.flave, who bad thrown down his chains, took up the gout in their stead, but made such wry faces, that one might easily perceive he was no great gainer by the bargain. It was pleasant enough to see the several exchanges that were made, for fickness against poverty, hunger against want of appetite, and care against pain.

The female world were very busy among themselves in bartering for features; one was trucking a lock of grey hairs for a carbuncle, another was making over a short waist for a pair of round shoulders, and a third cheapening a bad face for lost

reputation :


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