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The farmer, having put in bail t' appear,

And, forc'd to town, cries, they are happiest there:
With thousands more of this inconftant race,
Wou'd tire e'en Fabius to relate each cafe.
Not to detain you longer, pray attend
The iffue of all this; thou'd Jove defcend,
And grant to ev'ry man his rath demand,
To run his lengths with a neglectful hand;
Firft, grant the harafs'd warrior a release,
Bid him go trade, and try the faithless feas,
To purchafe treafure, and declining cafe:
Next, call the pleader from his learned ftrife,
To the calm bleffings of a country life:
And, with these feparate demands, dismiss
Each fuppliant to enjoy the promis'd blifs:
Don't you believe they'd run? Not one will move,
Tho' proffer'd to be happy from above.

HORNECK.

T is a celebrated thought of Socrates, that if all the misfortunes of mankind were cast into a public ftock, in order to be equally diftributed among the whole fpecies, those who now think themfelves the moft unhappy, would prefer the fhare they are already poffefs'd of, before that which would fall to them by fuch a divifion. Horace has carried this thought a great deal farther in the motto of my paper, which implies that the hardships or misfortunes we lie under, are more eafy to us than thofe of any other perfon would be, in cafe we could change conditions with him.

'As I was ruminating on these two remarks, and feated in my elbow chair, I infenfibly fell asleep; when, on a fudden, methought there was a proclamation made by Jupiter, that every mortal should bring in his griefs and calamities, and throw them together in a heap. There was a large plain appointed for this purpose.' I took my ftand in the centre of it, and faw, with a great deal of pleafure, the

whole

whole human fpecies marching one after another, and throwing down their feveral loads, which immediately grew up into a prodigious mountain, that seemed to rife above the clouds.

She car

There was a certain Lady, of a thin airy fhape, who was very active in this folemnity. ried a magnifying glafs in one of her hands, and was clothed in a loofe flowing robe, embroidered with feveral figures of fiends and spectres, that discovered themselves in a thousand chimerical shapes, as her garments hovered in the wind.

There

was fomething wild and diftracted in her looks. Her name was Fancy. She led up every mortal to the appointed place, after having very officiously affifted him in making up his pack, and laying it upon his fhoulders. My heart melted within me to fee my fellow-creatures groaning under their refpective burdens, and to confider that prodigious bulk of human calamities which lay before

me.

There were, however, feveral perfons who gave me great diverfion upon this occafion. I obferved one bringing in a fardel very carefully concealed under an old embroidered cloak, which, upon his throwing it into the heap, I difcovered to be Poverty. Another, after a great deal of puffing, threw down his luggage, which, upon examining, I found to be his wife.

There were multitudes of lovers faddled with very whimsical burdens, compofed of darts and flames but what was very odd, though they fighed as if their hearts would break under these bundles of calamities, they could not perfuade themfelves to caft them into the heap, when they came up to it; but, after a few faint efforts, fhook their heads, and marched away as heavy loaden as they came. I faw multitudes of old women throw down their wrinkles, and feveral young ones who ftrip

ped

There were very

ped themselves of a tawny skin. great heaps of red nofes, large lips, and rufty teeth. The truth of it is, I was furprifed to fee the greatest part of the mountain made up of bodily deformities. Obferving one advancing towards the heap, with a larger cargo than ordinary upon his back, I found, upon his near approach, that it was only a natural hump, which he difpofed of, with great joy of heart, among this collection of human mife. ries. There were likewife diftempers of all forts, though I could not but obferve, that there were many more imaginary than real. One little packet I could not but take notice of, which was a complication of all the difeafes incident to human nature, and was in the hand of a great many fine people: this was called the Spleen. But what moft of all furprifed me, was a remark I made, that there was not a fingle vice or folly thrown into the whole heap at which I was very much astonished, having concluded within myself, that every one would take this opportunity of getting rid of his paffions, prejudices, and frailties.

I took notice in particular of a very profligate fellow, who, I did not question, came loaded with his crimes, but, upon fearching into his bundle, I found, that, inftead of throwing his guilt from him, he had only laid down his memory. He was followed by another worthlefs rogue, who flung away his modefty inftead of his ignorance.

When the whole race of mankind had thus caft their burdens, the Phantom which had been so bu fy on this occafion, feeing me an idle fpectator of what paffed, approached towards me. I grew uneafy at her prefence, when on a fudden fhe held her i magnifying glafs full before my eyes. I no fooner faw my face in it, but I was ftartled at the fhortnefs of it, which now appeared to me in its utmost ag. } gravation. The immoderate breadth of the features

made

made me very much out of humour with my own countenance, upon which I threw it from me like a mask. It happened very luckily, that one who flood by me had just before thrown down his visage, which, it seems, was too long for him. It was indeed extended to a most shameful length; I believe the very chin was, modeftly speaking, as long as my whole face. We had both of us an opportunity of mending ourselves; and all the contributions being now brought in, every man was at liberty to exchange his misfortunes for thofe of another person. But, as there arose many new incidents in the fequel of my vifion, I fhall referve them for the subject of my next paper.

No. 559. FRIDAY, JUNE 25.

Quid caufa eft, meritò quin illis Jupiter ambas
Iratus buccas inflet, neque fe fore pofthac
Tam facilem dicat, votis ut præbeat aurem?

HOR. Sat. i. lib. i. ver. 20.

Were it not just that Jove, provok'd to heat,
Should drive thefe triflers from the hallow'd feat,
And unrelenting stand when they entreat?

HORNECK.

IN my laft paper, I gave my reader a fight of that

mountain of miferies, which was made up of those several calamities that afflict the minds of men. I saw, with unspeakable pleasure, the whole fpecies thus delivered from its forrows; though, at the fame time, as we stood round the heap, and surveyed the feveral materials of which it was compofed, there was scarce a mortal in this vast multitude, who did

not

not difcover what he thought pleasures and bleffings of life, and wondered how the owners of them ever came to look upon them as burdens and grievances.

As we were regarding very attentively this confufion of miferies, this chaos of calamity, Jupiter iffued out a fecond proclamation, that every one was now at liberty to exchange his affliction, and to return to his habitation with any fuch other bundle as fhould be delivered to him.

Upon this, Fancy began again to beftir herself, and, parcelling out the whole heap with incredible activity, recommended to every one his particular packet. The hurry and confufion at this time was not to be expreffed. Some obfervations, which I made upon the occafion, I fhall communicate to the public. A venerable grey-headed man, who had laid down the colic, and who, I found, wanted an heir to his estate, snatched up an undutiful son, that had been thrown into the heap by his angry father. The graceless youth, in lefs than a quarter of an hour, pulled the old gentleman by the beard, and had like to have knocked his brains out; fo that meeting the true father, who came towards him with a fit of the gripes, he begged him to take his fon again, and give him back his colic; but they were incapable either of them to recede from the choice they had made. A poor galley flave, who had thrown down his chains, took up the gout in their ftead, but made fuch wry faces, that one might eafily perceive he was no great gainer by the bargain. It was pleafant enough to fee the feveral exchanges that were made, for fickness against poverty, hunger against want of appetite, and care against pain.

The female world were very bufy among themfelves in bartering for features; one was trucking a lock of grey hairs for a carbuncle, another was making over a fhort waist for a pair of round fhoulders, and a third cheapening a bad face for a loft reputation :

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