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reputation but, on all thefe occafions, there was not one of them who did not think the new blemish, as foon as she had got it into her poffeffion, much more difagreeable than the old one. I made the fame observation on every other misfortune or calamity, which every one in the affembly brought upon himfelf in lieu of what he had parted with; whether it be that all the evils which befal us are in fome measure fuited and proportioned to our ftrength, or that every evil becomes more fupportable by our being accustomed to it, I fhall not determine.

I could not for my heart forbear pitying the poor hump-backed gentleman mentioned in the former paper, who went off a very well-fhaped perfon with a stone in his bladder, nor the fine gentleman who had ftruck up this bargain with him, that limped through a whole affembly of ladies, who used to admire him, with a pair of fhoulders peeping over his head.

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I must not omit my own particular adventure. My friend with the long vifage had no fooner taken upon him my fhort face, but he made fuch a grotefque figure in it, that, as I looked upon him, I could not forbear laughing at myself, infomuch that I put my own face out of countenance. poor gentleman was fo fenfible of the ridicule, that I found he was afhamed of what he had done: on the other fide, I found that I myself had no great reason to triumph; for, as I went to touch my forehead, I miffed the place, and clapped my finger upon my upper lip. Befides, as my nofe was exceeding prominent, I gave it two or three unlucky knocks as I was playing my hand about my face, and aiming at fome other part of it. I saw two other gentlemen by me, who were in the fame ridiculous circumftances. These had made a foolish fwap between a couple of thick bandy legs and two long trapfticks that had no calfs to them. One of thefe looked like a man walking upon stilts, and

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was fo lifted up into the air, above his ordinary height, that his head turned round with it, while the other made fuch awkward circles, as he attempted to walk, that he scarce knew how to move forward upon his new fupporters: obferving him to be a pleasant kind of fellow, I ftuck my cane in the ground, and told him I would lay him a bottle of wine, that he did not march up to it on a line that I drew for him, in a quarter of an hour.

The heap was at laft diftributed among the two fexes, who made a moft piteous fight, as they wandered up and down under the preffure of their several burdens. The whole plain was filled with murmurs and complaints, groans and lamentations. Jupiter at length, taking compaffion on the poor mortals, ordered them a fecond time to lay down. their loads, with a defign to give every one his own again. They difcharged themfelves with a great deal of pleasure; after which the Phantom, who had led them into fuch grofs delufions, was commanded to difappear. There was fent in her flead a goddess of a quite different figure: her motions were fteady and compofed, and her afpect ferious but cheerful. She every now and then caft her eyes towards heaven, and fixed them upon Jupiter: her name was Patience. She had no fooner placed herself by the mount of forrows, but (what I thought very remarkable, the whole heap funk to fuch a degree, that it did not appear a third part fo big as it was before. She afterwards returned every man his own proper calamity; and, teaching him how to bear it in the moft commodious manner, he marched off with it contentedly, being very well pleased that he had not been left to his own choice, as to the kind of evils which fell to his lot.

Befides the several pieces of morality to be drawn out of this vifion, I learned from it, never to repine at my own misfortunes, or to envy the happiness of another, fince it is impoffible for any man to form a VOL. VIII. + c

right

right judgment of his neighbour's fufferings; for which reafon alfo I have determined never to think too lightly of another's complaints, but to regard the forrows of my fellow-creatures with fentiments of humanity and compaffion.

No. 560. MONDAY, JUNE 28.

-Verba intermiffa retentat.

OVID. Met. 1. i. ver. 746.

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He tries his tongue, his filence fofily breaks.

E

DRYDEN.

VERY one has heard of the famous conjurer, who, according to the opinion of the vulgar, has ftudied himfelf dumb; for which reafon, as it is believed, he delivers out all his oracles in writing. Be that as it will, the blind Tirefias was not more famous in Greece, than this dumb artift has been, for fome years laft paft, in the cities of London and Wefiminster. Thus much for the profound gentleman who honours me with the following epiftle.

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• SIR,

From my Cell, June 24. 1714.

Being informed that you have lately got the use of your tongue, I have fome thoughts of following your example, that I may be a fortune-teller, properly fpeaking. I am grown weary of my taciturnity, and, having ferved my country many years under the title of the Dumb Doctor, I fhall now prophefy by word of mouth, and (as Mr. Lee fays of the magpie, who, you know, was a great fortune teller among the ancients) chatter futurity. I have hitherto chofen to receive queftions, and re• turn answers in writing, that I might avoid the tedioufnefs

tedioufnefs and trouble of debates, my querifts being generally of an humour to think, that they have never predictions enough for their money. In fhort, Sir, my cafe has been fomething like that of thofe difcreet animals the monkies, who, as the • Indians tell us, can fpeak if they would, but purpofely avoid it that they may not be made to work. I have hitherto gained a livelihood by holding my < tongue, but fhall now open my mouth in order to • fill it. If I appear little word-bound in my firft folutions and refponfes, I hope it will not be im'puted to any want of forefight, but to the long difufe of speech. I doubt not by this invention to have all my former customers over again; for, if I have promifed any of them lovers or hufbands, riches or good luck, it is my defign to confirm to them, viva voce, what I have already given them under my hand. If you will honour me with a vifit, I will compliment you with the firft opening of my mouth, and, if you pleafe, you may make an entertaining dialogue out of the converfation of two dumb men. Excufe this trouble, worthy bir, 'from one who has been a long time

Your filent admirer,

CORNELIUS AGRIPPA.'

I have received the following letter, or rather biliet-doux, from a pert young baggage, who congratulates with me upon the fame occafion.

Dear Mr. PRAT-APACE,

June 23. 1714. I am a member of a female fociety who call ourfelves the Chit-Chat club, and am ordered by the whole fifterhood to congratulate you upon the ufe of your tongue. We have all of us a mighty mind to hear you talk, and if you will take your place among us for an evening, we have unanimoully agreed to allow you one minute in ten, without interruption. 6 I am, S1 R,

Your humble fervant, S. T.’
C 2

P. S.

··P. S. You may find us at my Lady Betty Clack's, who will leave orders with her parter, that if an • elderly gentleman, with a short face, inquires for her, he fhall be admitted, and no questions afked.'

As this particular paper hail confift wholly of what I have received from my correfpondents, I fhall fill up the remaining part of it with other congratulatory letters of the fame nature.

SIR,

Oxford, June 25. 1714. We are here wonderfully pleafed with the opening of your mouth, and very frequently open ours in approbation of your defign; efpecially fince we find you are refolved to preferve your taciturnity as to all party-matters. We do not queflion but you are as great an orator as Sir Hudibras, of whom the poet fweetly fings,

-He could not ope

His mouth, but out there flew a trope.

If you will fend us down the half-dozen well-turned periods, that produced fuch difmal effects in your muscles, we will depofit them near an old manufcript of Tully's orations, among the archives of the univerfity; for we all agree with you, that there is not a more remarkable accident recorded in history, fince that which happened to the fon of Græfus; nay, I believe you might have gone higher, and have added Balaam's afs. We are impatient to see more of your productions, and expect what words will next fall from you, with as much • attention as thofe who were fet to watch the • speaking head, which Friar Bacon formerly erected • in this place. We are,

• Worthy SIR,

Your most humble fervants,

B. R. T. D, &c.

• Hone

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