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reputation : but, on all these occasions, there was not one of them who did not think the new blemish, as soon as she had got it into her possession, much more disagreeable than the old one. I made the fame observation on every other misfortune or calamity, which every one in the assembly brought upon himself in lieu of what he had parted with; whether it be that all the evils which befal us are in some measure suited and proportioned to our strength, or that every evil becomes more supportable by our being accustomed to it, I shall not determine.
I could not for my heart forbear pitying the poor hump-backed gentleman mentioned in the former paper, who went off a very well-shaped person with a stone in his bladder, nor the fine gentleman who had struck up this bargain with him, that limped through a whole assembly of ladies, who used to admire him, with a pair of shoulders peeping over his head.
I must not omit my own particular adventure. My friend with the long visage had no sooner taken upon him my short face, but he made such a grotesque figure in it, that, as I looked upon him, I could not forbear laughing at myself, infomuch that I put my own face out of countenance. The poor gentleman was fo fenfible of the ridicule, that I found he was ashamed of what he had done : on the other fide, I found that I myself had no great reason to triumph; for, as I went to touch my forebead, I missed the place, and clapped my finger upon my upper lip. Besides, as my nose was exceeding prominent, I gave it two or three unlucky knocks as I was playing my hand about my face, and aiming at some other part of it. I saw two other gentlemen by me, who were in the same ri. diculous circumstances. These had made a foolish swap between a couple of thick bandy legs and two long trapsticks that had no calfs to them. One of thele looked like a man walking upon stilts, and
was fo lifted up into the air, above his ordinary height, that his head turned round with it, while the other made such awkward circles, as he attempted to walk, that he scarce knew how to move forward upon his new supporters : observing him to be a plealant kind of fellow, I stuck my cane in the ground, and told him I would lay him a bottle of wine, that he did not march up to it on a line that I drew for him, in a quarter of an hour. The heap was at last distributed
among sexes, who made a most piteous sight, as they wandered up and down under the pressure of their feveral burdens. The whole plain was filled with murmurs and complaints, groans and lamentations. Jupiter at length, taking compassion on the poor mortals, ordered them a second time to lay down their loads, with a design to give every one his own again. They discharged themselves with a great deal of pleasure; after which the Phantom, who had led them into such gross delusions, was commanded to disappear. There was sent in her stead a goddess of a quite different figure : her motions were steady and composed, and her aspect serious but cheerful. She every now and then caft her eyes towards heaven, and fixed them upon Jupiter : her name was Patience. She had no sooner placed herself by the mount of forrows, but (what I thought very remarkable, the whole heap sunk to such a degree, that it did not appear a third part so big as it was before. She afterwards returned every man his own proper
calamity; and, teaching him how to bear it in the .. most commodious manner, he marched off with it
contentedly, being very well pleased that he had not been left to his own choice, as to the kind of evi's which fell to his lot.
Besides the several pieces of morality to be drawn out of this vision, I learned from it, never to repine at my own misfortunes, or to envy the happiness of another, since it is impossible for any man to form a VOL. VII.
right judgment of his neighbour's sufferings ; for which reason also I have determined never to think too lightly of another's complaints, but to regard the forrows of my fellow.creatures with sentiments of humanity and compassion.
No. 560. MONDAY, JUNE 28.
-Verba intermila retentat.
Ovid. Met. l. i. ver. 746. He tries his tongue, his filence softly breaks.
Very one has heard of the famous conjurer,
who, according to the opinion of the vulgar, has studied himself dumb; for which reason, as it is believed, he delivers out all his oracles in writing. Be that as it will, the blind Tiresias was not more famous in Greece, than this dumb artist has been, for some years last past, in the cities of London and Wefi minster. Thus much for the profound gentleman who honours me with the following epistle.
From my Gell, June 24. 1714. • Being informed that you have lately got the use of your tongue, I have some thoughts of following
your example, that I may be a fortune-teller, pro• perly speaking. I am grown weary of my tacitur
nity, and, having served my country many years
under the title of the Dumb Doctor, I shall now • prophely by word of mouth, and (as Mr. Lee says • of the magpie, who, you know, was a great for• tune teller among the ancients) chatter futurity. I 's have hitherto chosen to receive questions, and return answers in writing, that I might avoid the
ho tediousness and trouble of debates, my querists be
ing generally of an humour to think, that they have 1 I never predictions enough for their money. In • short, Sir, my case has been something like that
of those discreet animals the monkies, who, as the • Indians tell us, can speak if they would, but pur• posely avoid it that they may not be made to work. · I have hitherto gained a livelihood by holding my
tongue, but shall now open my mouth in order to
fill it. If I appear a little word-bound in my first • solutions and responses, I hope it will not be imputed to any want of forefight, but to the long dif. use of speech. I doubt not by this invention to have all my former customers over again; for, if
I bave promifed any of them lovers or husbands, ' riches or good luck, it is my defign to confirm to
them, viva voce, what I have already given them I under my
wilt honour ine with a visit, I will compliment you with the first opening • of my mouth, and, if you pleate, you may make
an entertaining dialogue out of the conversation of (two dumb men. Excuse this trouble, worthy Sir, ' from one who has been a long time
« Your Glent ad nirer,
• CORNELIUS AGRIPPA.' I have received the following letter, or rather biliet-doux, from a pert young baggage, who congratulates with me upon the same occasion.
Dear Mr. PRAT-APACE, June 23. 1714. • I am a member of a female society who call our· felves the Chit-Chat club, and am ordered by the
whole sisterhood to congratulate you upon the use of
your tongue. We have all of us a mighty mind to • hear you talk, and if you wiil take your place among 'us for an evening, we have unanimoufly agreed to " allow you one minute in ten, without interruptici.
• Your humble fervant, S. T.'
o I am,
P. S. • You may find us at my Lady Betty Clack's, a who will leave orders with her porter, that if an
elderly gentleman, with a short face, inquires for • her, he shall be admitted, and no questions asked.'
As this particular paper Shail consist wholly of what I have received from my correspondents, I Thall fill up the remaining part of it with other con• gratulatory letters of the fame nature.
Oxford, June 25. 1714. "We are here wonderfully pleased with the open+ ing of your mouth, and very frequently open ours • in approbation of your design; eipecially since we « find you are resolved to preferve your taciturnity as s to all party-matters. We do not question but you • are as great an orator as Sir Hudibras, of whoin " the poet sweetly fings,
He could not ope His mouth, but out there flew a trope. * If you will send us down the half-dozen well-turn. red periods, that produced fuch difinal effects in • your muscles, we will deposit them near an old • manuscript ot Tully's orations, among the archives
of the univerfity; for we all agree with you, that o there is not a more remarkable accident recorded • in history, fince that which happened to the fon of « Cræjus; nay, I believe you might have gone higher, and have added Balaan's ass.
We are impas * tient to see more of your productions, and expect « what words will next fall from you, with as much « attention as those who were set to watch the ( speaking licad, w ich Fujar Bacon formerly ereclcd • in this place. We are,
· Worthy Sir,
< B. R. T. D, &c.