male, who had for fome time refufed me admit'tance. I made a lodgement in an outer parlour ' about twelve: the enemy retired to her bed-chamber; yet I ftill purfed, and, about two o'clock this afternoon, fhe thought fit to capitulate. Her demands are indeed fomewhat high, in relation to the fettlement of her fortune. But, being in poffeffion of the house, I intended to insist upon Carte Blanche, and am in hopes, by keeping off all other pretenders, for the space of twenty-four hours, to ftarve her into a compliance. I beg your fpeedy advice, and am,

SIR, Yours,

PETER PUSH.

From my camp in Red-Lion Square, Saturday, four in the afternoon.'

No. 567. WEDNESDAY, JULY 14.

-Inceptus clamor fruftratur hiantes.

VIRG. En. vi. ver. 493.

The weak voice deceives their gafping throats.

DRYDEN.

I HAVE received private advice from fome of my

correfpondents, that, if I would give my paper a general turn, I fhould take care to feafon it with fcandal. I have indeed observed of late, that few writings fell, which are not filled with great names and illuftrious titles. The reader generally casts his eye upon a new book; and, if he finds feveral letters feparated from one another by a dash, he buys it up, and perufes it with great fatisfaction. An M and an b,

a T

a T and an r, with a fhort line between them, has fold many infipid pamphlets. Nay, I have known a whole edition go off by virtue of two or three wellwritten &c's.

A fprinkling of the words Faction, Frenchman, Papift, Plunderer, and the like fignificant terms, in an Italic character, have alfo a very good effect upon the eye of the purchaser; not to mention fcribbler, liar, rogue, rafcal, knave, and villain, without which it is impoffible to carry on a moderncontroversy.

Our party-writers are fo fenfible of the fecret virtue of an inuendo to recommend their productions, that of late they never mention the Q-n or P——————— at length, though they speak of them with honour, and with that deference which is due to them from every private perfon. It gives a fecret fatisfaction to a peruser of thofe myfterious works, that he is able to decipher them without help, and, by the ftrength of his own natural parts, to fill up a blank space, or make out a word that has only the first or laft letter to it.

Some of our authors indeed, when they would be more fatirical than ordinary, omit only the vowels of a great man's name, and fall most unmercifully upon all the confonants. This way of writing was first of all introduced by T-m Br-wn, of facetious memory, who, after having gutted a proper name of all its intermediate vowels, used to plant it in his works, and make as free with it as he pleased, without any danger of the fta

tute.

That I may imitate thefe celebrated authors, and publish a paper which fhall be more taking than ordinary, I have here drawn up a very curious libel, in which a reader of penetration will find a great deal of concealed fatire, and, if he be acquainted with the prefent pofture of affairs, will eafily difcover the meaning of it.

,

***.

If there are four perfons in the nation who endeavour to bring all things into confufion, and ruin their native country, I think every honeft Engl-fbm-n ought to be upon his guard. That there are fuch, every one will agree with me, who hears me name ***, with his first friend and favourite *** not to mention *** nor Thefe people may cry ch-rch, ch-rch, as long as they please; but, to make use of a homely proverb, The proof of the p-dd-ng is in the eating. This I am fure of, that if a certain prince fhould concur with a certain prelate, (and we have Monfieur Z-————n's word for it), our pofterity would be in a sweet p-ckle. Muft the British nation suffer, forfooth, because my Lady 24-t-s has been disobliged? Or is it reasonable that our English fleet, which used to be the terror of the ocean, fhould lie wind-bound for the fake of a I love to speak out and declare my mind clearly, when I am talking for the good of my country. I will not make my court to an ill man, though he were a B- y or a Tt. Nay, I would not ftick to call fo wretched a politician a traitor, an enemy to his country, and a • bl-nd-rb-fs, &c. &c.'.

The remaining part of this political treatise, which is written after the manner of the most celebrated authors in Great Britain, I may communicate to the public at a more convenient feafon. In the mean while I fhall leave this with my curious reader, as fome ingenious writers do their enigmas; and, if any fagacious perfon can fairly unriddle it, I will print his explanation, and, if he pleafes, acquaint the world with his name.

I hope this fhort effay will convince my readers, it is not for want of abilities that I avoid state-tracts, and that, if I would apply my mind to it, I might in a little time be as great a maiter of the political scratch as any the most eminent writer of the age. I shall only add, that in order to outfhine all this modern

modern race of Syncopists, and thoroughly content my English readers, I intend fhortly to publish a SPECTATOR, that shall not have a fingle vowel in it.

No. 568.

FRIDAY, JULY 16.

-Dum recitas, incipit effe tuus.

Reciting makes it thine.

MART. Ep. xxxix. lib. 1.

I

Was yesterday in a coffee-house not far from the Royal Exchange, where I observed three persons in close conference over a pipe of tobacco; upon which, having filled one for my own ufe, I lighted it at the little wax-candle that flood before them; and, after having thrown in two or three whiffs amongft them, fat down, and made one of the company. I need not tell my reader, that lighting a man's pipe at the fame candle, is looked upon among brotherfmokers as an overture to converfation and friendhip. As we here laid our heads together in a very amicable manner, being entrenched under a cloud of our own raifing, I took up the last SPECTATOR, and cafting my eye over it, The SPECTATOR, fays I, is very witty to-day; upon which a lufty lethargic old gentleman, who fat at the upper end of the table, having gradually blown out of his mouth a great deal of fmoke, which he had been collecting for fome time before, Ay, fays he, more witty than wife, I am afraid. His neighbour, who fat at his right hand, immediately coloured, and, being an angry politician, laid down his pipe with fo much wrath, that he broke it in the middle, and by that means, furnished me with a tobacco flopper. I took it up very fedately, and, looking him full in the face, made use of it from time to time, all the while he

was

Whig

was speaking: This fellow, fays he, can't for his life keep out of politics. Do you fee how he abuses four great men here? I fixed my eye very attentively on the paper, and asked him if he meant those who were represented by afterisks. Afterisks, says he, do you call them? they are all of them ftars. He might as well have put garters to 'em. Then pray do but mind the two or three next lines: ch-rch and p-dd-ng in the fame fentence! Our clergy are very much beholden to him. Upon this the third gentleman, who was of a mild difpofition, and, as I found, in his heart, defired him not to be too fevere upon the SPECTATOR neither: For, fays he, you find he is very cautious of giving offence, and has therefore put two dashes into his pudding. A fig for his dafb, fays the angry politician. In his next fentence he gives a plain inuendo, that our pofterity will be in a fweet pickle. What does the fool mean by his pickle? Why does he not write it at length, if he means boneftly? I have read over the whole fentence, says Is but I look upon the parenthefis in the belly of it to be the most dangerous part, and as full of infinuations as it can hold. But who, fays 1, is my Lady Q-p-t-s? Ay, anfwer that if you can, Sir, fays the furious ftatesman to the poor Whig that fat over-against him. But without giving him time to reply, I do affure you, fays he, were I my Lady Q-p-t-s, I would fue him for fcandalum magnatum. What is the world come to? Muft every body be allowed to ? He had by this time filled a new pipe, and applying it to his lips, when we expected the laft word of his fentence, put us off with a whiff of tobacco; which he redoubled with fo much rage and trepidation, that he almost ftifled the whole company. After a fhort pause, I owned that I thought the SPECTATOR had gone too far in writing fo many letters of my Lady 2p-t-s's name; but however, fays I, he has made a little amends for it in his next fentence, where he leaves a blank Space without so much as a confonant

to