Page images
[ocr errors]

o male, who had for some time refused me admit

tance. I made a lodgement in an outer parlour about twelve: the eneiny retired to her bed-cham

ber; yet I still pursed, and, about two o'clock this " afternoon, she thought fit to capitulate. Her de. • mands are indeed somewhat high, in relation to " the settlement of her fortune. But, being in pof

fellion of the house, I intended to insist Blanche, and am in hopes, by keeping off all other

pretenders, for the space of twenty-four hours, to

tarve her into a compliance. I beg your speedy (advice, and am,

«SIR, Yours,

« Peter Push.

upon Carte

[ocr errors]

From my camp in Red-Lion Square, Saturday's $ four in the afternoon.'

No. 567. WEDNESDAY, JULY 14.

Inceptus clamor frustratur hiantes.

VIRG. Æn. vi. ver. 493. The weak vcice deceives their gasping throats.



Have received private advice from fome of my

correspondents, that, if I would give my paper a general turn, I should take care to feason it with scandal. I have indeed observed of late, that few writings fell, which are not filled with great names and illustrious titles. The reader generally casts his cye upon a new book; and, if he finds several letters separated from one another by a dash, he buys it up, and peruses it with great fatisfaction. An M and an h,

a T

a T and an r, with a short line between them, has fold many insipid pamphlets. Nay, I have known a whole edition go off by virtue of two or three wellwritten C's.

A sprinkling of the words Faction, Frenchman, Papilt, Plunderer, and the like fignificant terms, in an Italic character, have also a very good effect upon the eye of the purchaser; not to mention fcribbler, liar, rogue, rascal, knave, and villain, without which it is imposible to carry on a modern controverly.

Our party-writers are so sensible of the secret virtue of an inuendo to recommend their productions, that of late they never mention the Q-nor Pat length, though they speak of them with honour, and with that deference which is due to them from every private person. It gives a secret satisfaction to a peruser of those mysterious works, that he is able to decipher then without help, and, by the strength of his own natural parts, to fill up a blank space, or make out a word that has only the first or last letter

to it.

Some of our authors indeed, when they would be more satirical than ordinary, omit only the vowels of a great man's name, and fall most unmercifully upon all the confonants. This way of writing was firit of all introduced by T-m Br-wn, of facetiqus memory, who, after having gutted a proper name of all its intermediate vowels, used to plant it in his works, and make as free with it as he pleased, without any danger of the statute.

That I may imitate these celebrated authors, and publish a paper which shall be more taking than ordinary, I have here drawn up a very curious libel, in which a reader of penetration will find a great deal of concealed satire, and, if he be acquainted with the present polture of affairs, will easily discover the meaning of it.


*** nor

[ocr errors]
[ocr errors]

• If there are four persons in the nation who en: • deavour to bring all things into confusion, and

ruin their native country, I think every honest Englasbni-n ought to be upon his guard. That

there are such, every one will agree with me, who I hears me name **, with his first friend and favourite *** not to mention ***

There • people may cry ch-rch, ch-rch, as long as they • please ; but, to make use of a homely proverb, The

proof of the p-dd-ng is in the eating. This I am

sure of, that if a certain prince should concur with "a certain prelate, and we have Monsieur 2-n's ( word for it), our posterity would be in a sweet

p.ckle. Must the British nation suffer, forsooth, • because my Lady Qut-t-s has been disobliged? Or . is it reasonable that our English fleet, which used to • be the terror of the ocean, should lie wind-bound

for the sake of a I love to speak out and de6 clare my mind clearly, when I am talking for the • good of my country. I will not make my court to

an ill man, though he were a B -y or a Tt. « Nay, I would not stick to call so wretched a polistician a traitor, an enemy to his country, and a « bl-nd-rb-fs, &c. &c.'.

The remaining part of this political treatife, which is written after the manner of the most celebrated authors in Great Britain, I may communicate to the public at a more convenient season. In the mean while I shall leave this with my curious reader, as fome ingenious writers do their enigmas; and, if any fagacious person can fairly unriddle it, I will print his explanation, and, if he pleases, acquaint the world with his name.

I hope this short essay will convince my readers, it is not for want of abilities that I avoid state-tracts, and that, if I would apply my mind to it, I might in a little time be as great a maiter of the political scratch as any the most eminent writer of the age. I shall only add, that in order to outline all this


[ocr errors][ocr errors]

modern race of Syncopists, and thoroughly content my English readers, I intend shortly to publish a SPECTATOR, that shall not have a single vowel in it.

No. 568.


Dum recitas, incipit ele tuus.

Mart. Ep. xxxix. lib. I. Reciting makes it thine.

I Was yesterday in a coffee-house not far from the

Royal Exchange, where I observed three persons in close conference over a pipe of tobacco; upon which, having filled one for my own use, I lighted it at the little wax-candle that stood before them; and, after having thrown in two or three whiffs amongft them, sat down, and made one of the company. I need not tell my reader, that lighting a man's pipe at the same candle, is looked upon among brothersmokers as an overture to conversation and friend. fhip. As we here laid our heads together in a very amicable manner, being entrenched under a cloud of our own raising, I took up the last SPECTATOR, and casting my eye over it, The SPECTATOR, says 1, is very witty to-day; upon which a lusty lethargic old gentleman, who fat at the upper end of the table, having gradually blown out of his mouth a great deal of smoke, which he had been collecting for fome time before, Ay, says he, more witty than wise, I am afraid. His neighbour, who fat at his right hand, immediately coloured, and, being an angry politician, laid down his pipe with fo much wrath, that he broke it in the middle, and by that means, furnished me with a tobacco-ftopper. I took it up very sedately, and, looking him full in the face, made use of it from time to time, all the while he


was speaking: This fellow, says he, can't for his life keep out of politics. Do you see how he abuses four great men here? I fixed my eye very attentively on the paper, and asked him if he meant those who were represented by afterisks. Asterisks, says he, do you call them ? they are all of them stars. He might as well have put garters to 'em. Then pray do but mind the two or three next lines : ch-rch and p-dd-ng in the same sentence! Our clergy are very much beholden to him. Upon this the third gentleman, who was of a mild disposition, and, as I found, a Whig in his heart, desired him not to be too severe upon the SPECTATOR neither: For, says he, you find he is very cautious of giving of'ence, and has therefore put two dasbes into his pudding. A fig for bis dash, says the angry politician. In his next sentence he gives a plain inuendo, that our pofterity will be in a sweet pickle. What does the fool mean by his pickle? Why does he not write it at length, if he means honestly? I have read over the whole sentence, says Is but I look upon the parenthefis in the belly of it to be the most dangerous part, and as full of infinuations as it can held. But who, fays , is my Lady Q-p-t.s? Ay, answer that if you can, Sir, says the furious statesman to the poor Whig that fat over-against him. But without giving him time to reply, I do affure you, says he, were I my Lady Q-p-t-s, I would sue him for fcandalum magnatum. What is the world come to? Must every body be allowed to ? He had by this time filled a new pipe, and applying it to his lips, when we expected the last word of bis fentence, put us off with a whiff of tobacco; which he redoubled with so much rage and trepidation, that he almost stifled the whole company. After a short pause, I owned that I thought the SPECTATOR had gone too far in writing so many letters of my Lady Q:P-t-s's name; but however, says I, he has made a little amends for it in his next sentence, where he leaves a blank space without so much as a confonant


[ocr errors][ocr errors]
« PreviousContinue »