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I mean, says I, after those words, the fleet that used to be the terror of the ocean, should be wind-bound for the sake of a

; after which ensues a chasm that, in my opinion, looks modeft enough. Sir, fays my antagonist, you may easily know his meaning by his gaping; I suppose he designs his chasm, as you call it, for an hole to creep out at; but I believe it will hardly serve his turil.

Who can endure to see the great officers of state, the B—-y's and T-t's treated after so fcurrilous a manner ? I can't for my life, fays I, imagine who they are the Spec. TATOR means? No! says he, Your humble sero vant, Sir! Upon which he flung himself back in his chair after a contemptuous manner, and smiled upon the old lethargic gentlernan on his left hand, who I found was his great admirer. The Whig, however, had begun to conceive a good-will towards me, and seeing my pipe out, very generously offered me the use of his box; but I declined it with great civility, being obliged to meet a friend about that time in another quarter of the city.

At my leaving the coffee-house, I could not forbear reflecting with myself upon that gross tribe of > fools who may be termed the over-wise, and upon

the difficulty of writing any thing in this cepsorious age, which a weak head may not conftrue into private satire, and personal reflection.

A man who has a good riose at an inuendo, smells treason and fedition in the most innocent words that can be put together, and never sees a vice or folly stigmatized, but finds out one or other of his acquaintance pointed at by the writer. I remeniber an empty pragmatical fellow in the country, who, upon reading over The Whole Dirty of Man, had written the names of several persons in the village at the side of every sin which is mentioned by that excellent author; so that he had converted one of the best books in the world into a libel against the 'Iquire, church-wardens, overseers of the poor, and all other


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the most considerable persons in the parish. This book, with these extraordinary marginal notes, fell accidentally into the hands of one who had never seen it before; upon which there arose a current report, that someboily had written a book againit the 'squire, and the whole parish. The minister of the place having at that time a controversy with some of his congregation, upon the account of his tithes, was under fome suspicion of being the authcr, until the good man fet his people right, by fhewing them that the satirical pasiages might be applied to several others of two or three neighbouring villages, and that the book was writ against all the finners in England.

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No. 569. MONDAY, JULY 19.



quantity of liquor, and knocks down the rest of the company. I was the other day with honest Will Funnel, 'the Weft-Saxon, who was reckoning up how much liquor had passed through him in the last twenty years of his life, which, according to his computation, amounted to twenty-three hogsheads of October, four tons of port, half a kilderkin of small beer, nineteen barrels of cyder, and three glaffes of champaigne; befides which he had affifted at four hundred bowls of punch, not to mention fips, drams, and whets without number. I question not but every reader's memory will suggest to him several ambitious young men, who are as vain in this particular as Will Funnel, and can boast of as glorious exploits.

Our modern philosophers observe, that there is a general decay of moisture in the globe of the earth. This they chiefly ascribe to the growth of vegetables, which incorporate into their own fubstance many Auid bodies that never return again to their former nature: but, with fubmission, they ought to throw into their account those innumerable rational beings which fetch their nourishment chiefly out of liquids; especially when we consider that men, compared with their fellow-creatures, drink much more than comes to their share.

But, however highly this tribe of people may think of themselves, a drunken man is a greater monster than


that is to be found among all the creatures which God has made; as indeed there is no character which appears more despicable and deformed, in the eyes of all reasonable perfons, than that of a drunkard. Bonolus, one of our own countrymen, who was addicted to this vice, having set up for a share in the Roman empire, and being defeated in a great battle, hanged himself. When he was seen by the army in this melancholy situation, not withstanding he had behaved himself very bravely, the common jest was, that the thing they saw hanging upon the tree before them, was not a man but a botte. Vol. VIII + F


This vice has very fatal effects on the mind, the body, and fortune of the person who is devoted to it.

In regard to the mind, it first of all discovers every flaw in it. The fober man, by the strength of reason, may keep under, and subdue every vice or folly to which he is most inclined; but wine makes every latent feed sprout up in the soul, and thew itself; it gives fury to the passions, and force to those objects which are apt to produce them. When a young fellow complained to an old philosopher, that his wife was not handsome,. Put less water in your wine, says the philosopher, and you will quickly make her fo. Wine heightens indifference into love, love into jealousy, and jealousy into madness. It often turns the good-natured man into an idiot, and the choleric into an aflaflin. It gives bitterness to resentment, it makes vanity insupportable, and displays every little spot of the soul in its utmost deformity.

Nor does this vice only betray the hidden faults of a man, and shew them in the most odious colours, but often occasions faults to which he is not naturally subject. There is more of turn than of truth in a saying of Seneca, that drunkenness does not produce, but discover faults, Common experience teaches us the contrary. Wine throws a man out of himself, and infuses qualities into the mind which she is a stranger to in her fober moments. The person you converse with, after the third bottle, is not the same man who at first sat down at table with you. Upon this maxim is founded one of the prettiest sayings I ever met with, which is ascribed to Publius Syrus, Qui ebrium ludificat ladit absentem ; He who jefts upon a man that is drunk, injures the absent.

Thus does drunkenness act in direct contradiction to reason, whose business it is to clear the mind of every vice which is crept into it, and to guard it against all the approaches of any that endeavours to make its entrance. But, besides these ill effects

which this vice produces in the person who is actually under its dominion, it has also a bad influence on the mind even in its sober moments, as it insenfibly weakens the understanding, impairs the memory, and makes those faults habitual which are produced by frequent excefies.

I hould now proceed to shew the ill effects which this vice has on the bodies and fortunes of men ; but these I Ihall reserve for the subject of some future paper.

No. 570. WEDNESDAY, JULY 21.

-Nugæque canoræ.

Hor. Ars Poet. ver. 322.


Chiming trifles.

HERE is scarce a man living who is not actu

with an honest mind and great abilities, it does infinite service to the world; on the contrary, when a man only thinks of distinguishing himself, without being thus qualified for it, he becomes a very pernicious or a very ridiculous creature. I shall here confine myself to that pretty kind of ambition by which foine men grow eminent for odd accomplishments, and trivial performances. How many are there whose whole reputation depends upon a pun or a quibble ? You

may often see an artist in the streets gain a circle of admirers by carrying a long pole upon his chin or forehead in a perpendicular posture. Am. bition has taught fome to write with their feet, and others to walk upon their hands. Some tumble in. to fame, others grow immortal by throwing themselves through a hoop.


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