excepted, we hardly know a more pregnant, act for themselves: meanwhile a coldtreatise in its way than The Pocket and the blooded, firm friend, who knows well that Stud.' Few have been fated to fill the parts whistles must be paid for, falls only in love of gentleman and professional horse-master; with points of intrinsic value, and so matches characters as unlike as gentleman and real his customer that 'the money is likely to be farmer-performances as distinct as a cam- kept together' when the illusion-dispelling paign at Waterloo or Wormwood Scrubs. day arrives of parting, or selling may be He has now, however, made a clean breast with a rope in market overt. N.B.—Alof it for the benefit of others; and whoever ways buy the wardrobe, the saddle and hereafter deals in horseflesh, without first bridle, to which your acquisition has been donning his wide awake'-with no particle accustomed. We omit the curious but of nap on it, may thank himself if painful details, how the most bewitching 'digged;' so legibly is notice given of the bargains are got up, being at a loss which traps by which kennels and stables are mystery of iniquity most to admire—the beset, and the possible compatibility of consummate thimble-rigging by which a stud and pocket confirmed. regular screw is converted into quite a nice one,' when Mr. Green wishes to buy, or how his really good horse is changed into a brute when Mr. Green must sell for what he will fetch. The legerdemain practised in certain repositories is most dramatically and grammatically described by Hieover; all the moods and tenses of the verb to do' are conjugated; all the logic of scoundrels major and minor, is chopped better than by Archbishop Whately. Let the galled jade wince; and he does indeed double thong and over the ears' those Grecians who to this day carry on the Attic dodge of diddling the Trojans by a made-up horse; and, by this process of bringing the dealers on their own stage, he lets them trot themselves out for our inspection and benefit.

This adventurous adept's intervention with pen and pitchfork for the public good, has maddened every horsefly of booth and yard. The hundred and more legs, whose cloven hoofs he has bared, and for whom double irons at Newgate are too light, threaten to drag him at Smithfield with its four worst screws, thereby adding horrors to the idea of death, as a noble English exChancellor is said to have exclaimed on hearing that a noble Irish ex-chancellor had already begun his Life. Hieover dares his centipede tormentors to do their best; he wants the loan of a bark from no man's dog; catch him who can—

'Blow wind, come wrack,

At least he'll die with harness on his back.'

pre

Few

Having introduced the Captain to our readers, we proceed to string together some of his condensed experiences-pearls, albeit picked from the dunghill, and wrinkles cious alike to young and old. To begin a faux pas, but especially a false start, is fatal in the affairs of men, women, and horses-c'est le premier pas qui coute. persons, except in church, like being told their faults; the touch of truth, says Hieover (Stud, p. 19), is too rude for sensitive vanity, and self-love resents the superiority implied by givers of unasked-for advice; all this, however, he is ready to risk, and leads gallantly off with a golden rule, and prints it in capital letters

NEVER BUY FOR YOURSELF.

He presumes that every one must have some friend on whose judgment he can rely, and whom he can commission to look out for him. Thus a purchaser has a chance of escaping the Scylla of being taken in by an oleaginous dealer, and the Charybdis of being captivated by some whim of his own which hoodwinks judgment, or of being bitten by some fancy which, as in fairer and more fascinating pursuits, seduces those who'

In common with all dealers, high or low, the 'cute chapman instantly gauges his customer's amount of horse-knowledge, and shapes his tactics accordingly, for alligators are not to be tickled like trouts; woe waits the horse-fancier who thinks himself up to their weight; quickly is he done, and as nicely as côtelette à la minute by Carême; the partnership of a fool and his money is never of slighter duration than in these equine transactions, nor can we now be surprised that such a yard, and those who practise in it, should stand almost as low in general dislike and disrepute as the Court of Chancery- not,' says Hieover, that I mean or intend that there is any affinity between the honesty of a huntsman and a denizen of Stone Buildings; God forbid that there should be!' This state of things is bad enough, we admit ; let not clients, however, totally despair, but specially retain Hieover. According to him, those who, like Richard, want a horse! a horse!' and have neither friend nor even Sir George Stephen's luminous hoof-book, Caveat Emptor,' will find the least dear and dangerous chance to be this :

'Go to a first-rate dealer-state what is wished for-trust to him—and give a good price.'

Money is the momentum in facilitating horse causes; a customer appearing in a crack yard in formâ pauperis is welcomed precisely as he would be if he went to the London Tavern or the court of law just alluded to. There is no economising luxuries. Many of our readers will be agreeably surprised to learn that the popular belief, no trust is to be placed in horse-dealers, is not orthodox; the withers of the merchantprinces in the west are unwrung; and unless a fellow-feeling makes him wondrous kind, Hieover is warranted in saying that 'they do business to the full as uprightly as any other of the upper tradesmen of London.' It is no business of ours to decide whether these analogies be complimentary, or these comparisons odious; at least we agree in our author's eulogy, of admittedly the first seller of horses in Europe. He, take him for all in all, is' a man as incapable of making a guinea by any means that could be construed as bordering on what was dishonourable, as of neglecting to make one where it was to be got in a perfectly honour able way.'

gets his nags into tip-top condition, 'round and shining as a bottle' (so Hieover phrases it), and only shows them when in full blow, as a florist does tulips.' He knows his trade from beginning to end, and does everything in the right way. Gentlemen and ladies, on the contrary, mostly go on the other tack; they commence by paying too much, and, having bought a bad sort, they manage them badly, drive them badly, and employ bad people to look after them. Sad is the change which comes over the spirits and coats of horses when bought, sold, and driven like bullocks from pastures fat to straw-yards lean; no animal loses condition, and, consequently value, so fast as a horse; and the finer he is the faster he goes back; at all times his real value is what mathematicians call indeterminate-racers and carthorses excepted. In other sorts value becomes nominal when it exceeds a certain point, on so many local and accidental circumstances does it depend. Buying and selling are distinct operations; and the turn of the market favours the jobber, whether the bargain be for three per cent. Consols in Capel Court, or for four-footed beasts in a Piccadilly yard.

marks the man; our dealer cannot afford to lose his time or money-indeed they are convertible terms; he minds the main chance and looks to averages, well knowing, if some horses turn out worse, others will turn out better than was expected. Wellthe lots as soon as they are purchased are started off to some neighbouring village, and thither the horse-fair over-he comes in person, to have a private and more careful view ;-and there, if the reader were in his confidence, he would hear something like the following remarks made on the different horses as they are led out. You are to suppose the broker has a friend or a brother of the craft with him overlooking the lot :

To give dealers their due, it must be remembered, be they all honourable men or not, they drive a ticklish trade at best. If The section, 'How a first-rate horsegood men are scarce, good horses are not broker purchases his stock,' may be quoted common; first-rate articles, whatever read-as a fair specimen of doing business, and of ers or writers may be pleased to think, are the style of description which soon attracted not to be had at a moment's notice, like bun-notice to Hicover's Stable-talk. Decision dles of asparagus in spring, or laid in at a profit equally certain as mahogany diningtables. Review the cost of breeding, the risk of bringing up and out a young thing, which eats its head off if long on hand, and seldom improves in the using; consider the moving accidents that will happen in field, flood, and the best-regulated stables, which become certainties when the poor creature is handed over to a new master, who never fails to impute the inevitable diminution of value, that has been occasioned by his own ignorance or ill usage, to the dealer's having deceived him. A dealer's business is to find horses of all sorts and sizes to suit every variety of customer, and he has other things to do besides pointing out the blemishes of his animals; neither can he be expected to too dear.. Run on, Jack; that horse goes well; 'That's a useful sort of nag, and not much give lessons how to ride or manage them. that 'll do, go in.' Something like this, perhaps, Possibly, although he cannot construct a is said of four or five: 'Come on, Jack; now I horse as the Greek carpenters did, he is up like this horse a great deal better than I did to manufacturing the raw material, and can when I saw him yesterday. I was very near adjust a screw quite as well as Sinon, and losing him. I am glad now I did not; he is a teach a step or two like a dancing-master.better nag than I thought he was; he'll do; go A two-legged donkey, whether he buy a watch or a Pegasus, is more likely to injure than improve their going; nor does it much signify he can buy another-but to sell is the sum and substance of a dealer; so he

in. Now here's a horse wants but little to be him. Run on, he can go; he cost a hundred, quite a nice one; I booked him the minute I saw and cheap at the money; come on. The next alters the tone a little: Why, Jack, that ain't 'the grey I got of the parson.' 'Yes it is, sir.'

"Tis education makes us all,'

mere volition, as a Frenchman fiddles. According to Hieover, ninety-nine out of a hundred of such charioteers labour under monomania, and, fit at best for hearses, are on the road to ruin and suicide every time they mount the box; an amateur driving a gig may be more safely pronounced respectable than longevous; and we suspect the life of a dandy, ignorant of rudder and rigging, and caught yachting in a storm off the Needles, is scarcely more insurable at Lloyd's, than the neck of a volunteer Jehu, who does not know a bit from a brace, would be at Tattersall's if run away with in Rotten-row.

print window in Piccadilly, than the picture, lect where the carrion is commensurate. saloons of Florence or Dresden. The fact Aptly therefore may Hieover quote from is, the jealous and exclusive love of our Zaraamateur towards individual horse and hound for its own sake, will not take less than ab. solute identification nor bate one single hair. Short almost as the life and love of any one although his own was picked up on the man is, less enduring is the art which is highways and byways; but whether it be limited to give the form and pressure of his got in college or on coach-box, a man's life particular ends and affections; to confer is too short to obtain a perfect knowledge of immortality and fill the gallery, art must fox-hunting-so say professors who have soar as high and free as Ariel; the utmost died in the vain pursuit. We neither premere resemblance can do is to stock the tend to teach it, nor the art of driving; garret-that sure and sole refuge of the des- from well knowing that in a course of titute, that last bourne, and from whence classics a little learning is a dangerous there is no return, to which the third genera- thing, we conclude it is not less so in careers tion dutifully consigns daubs of grandsires, where collar-bones may be compromised; their dams and studs. and yet men, and women too, in the mass, Enough, however, of his errors in æsthe-imagine that they can drive by intuition and tics for these he makes ample amends in other departments. Especially are we pleased to observe that Hieover, albeit no ultra-moralist, preaches and practises principles of humanity to the full as much as his gallant rival in sport and authorship. Cruel as he admits the chase to be, a fact which foxes probably will not dispute, he urges all who pursue them to be as tender at least to horse and hound, as that judicious hooker Isaac Walton was when trolling for jack with live frogs. It is as much, too, from hating their cruelty as despising their ignorance that he expresses such undisguised contempt for the whole pack of grooms; vulgar pedagogues, says he, and Hieover is never more pithily instructive* pains-taking perhaps, but whose instruction- than when handling the ribbons. For their al principle-condemnation of their charge's successful manipulation a special talent is visual organs, enforced with a pitchfork-is required, combining a clear head, quick eye, wrong. Naturam expellant furcâ. Such a fine hand, strong nerve, and presence of course of education, and adorned eloquence, mind; and these rare gifts must be perfected is only suited for that great and growing by much practice, whether the feat be to innuisance the stable-boy. Colts may be sinuate a French diligence waggon into a frisky from play-but these urchins play porte cochère, or to halloo a Spanish coche tricks from pure monkey-fondness for mis- de colleras along a dry river-bed-whether chief and lad-love of cruelty; the lash ad the passengers' van from the Red Sea is to libitum is mercy to this age sans pitié;' to be full-galloped into Cairo by an Arab cad reason with them he holds to be no less a in a bernouse, or a fast coach brought to waste of words than with most grown-up time into the Saracen's Head by a topgrooms, whose conceits and prejudices sawyer in an upper-benjamin. Happily the neither permit them to unlearn the bad nor rail, which has ruined halfour sweet valleys, learn the good; they for ever fall back country inns, and ostlers, has delivered on what they call experience, which is, nine English horses from the rack and wheel of times out of ten, a dogged continuance in 'fast oppositions;' these torturing concerns, the old and generally the worst way, and now scheduled away, could only be horsed which merely enables them to do wrong by thoroughbreds, so essential were blood with greater facility. Even those expen- and pace-blood, because it endured more, sive articles, stud-grooms, differ (if we may not from its suffering being less, but fortirely on the plain-spoken demi-solde) more tude greater-pace, because matched in degree than kind; fortunately they only against time; and how killing both are, few occur in strata where grooms of the cham- fast men fail to find out. It was in these ber and tier upon tier caxon coachmen are rival Comet coaches, which kept pace with deposited; such cormorants can only col-the double quick march of intellect, that

6

has

the last stages of cruelty were gone through of restraint and delicacy of feeling, they by the high-mettled hunter, who, having necessarily must excel; hence trying as during his prime faithfully served the lords long-continued cantering is to the horse, of creation, was in his old age bought with what perseverance does the gallant cheap to drive to death'-no Wakley near, beast keep on! Oh! happy beast to bear no crowner's quest law handy! Look ye,' the precious weight!' This female tact is said a proprietor (one of Hieover's pleasant the secret why Colonel Greenwood acquaintance) to his executioner, I don't seen the taper tips of the most beautiful mind skinning a horse a-day-only keep fingers in the world restrain the highestyour coach in front.' Let no more be said mettled, hottest horse, and rule him at his against the brutal bull-fight of the blood- wildest.' The importance of the hand in thirsty Spaniard: there one horn-thrust riding and driving might be seen exemplified gives the coup-de-grâce to blindfolded barbs, in Miss Ducrow, and may be conceded, and a brief pang supersedes protracted ago without going the lengths of most gipsies nies-peace to their manes! And if below and some veterinary professors in cheirothere be retaliation in Rhadamanthus, a logical inductions-for the hand, we fancy, particular paddock, out of sight and hear- is quite as likely to indicate the condition of ing of Master Harry's pianistic Elysian its giver's stomach, as of his or her mental Fields, will be assigned to these monster disposition and future destiny. Sir Charles masters when their course is run. Hieover, Bell's scientific and charming work on the judge-advocate general for friendless four- Hand human is in every one's; suffice it footed ones, never spares the lash where therefore to say that the sporting variety is biped culprits are brought up to the bar. defined to be spathulate [Anglicè, shaped Far more true and pathetic is his picture like a battledore], fully developed, rounded of poor English posters than Sterne's sickly with cushionary termination of fingers, and sentimentality over French donkeys. The a large thumb. Such a sporting conformafresh horses out' and changed for happy tion, whether male or female, must be no pairs in chariots and four, the inside fare, joke; but, be it clenched or open, a studswiftly wafted as love thoughts over hard owner will be constantly perplexed how to roads, heed not the panting flanks they leave keep it most out of his pocket, and probably behind, more than suppression-of-cruelty agree with poor Theodore Hook, who used societies do in London, or dozing senators at to maintain that everything in this world St. Stephen's; but humanity now-a-days is turned on six-and-eight-pence. local, and confined within the bills of mortality-and we leave Colonel Hutchinson to explain why the cruel dog-cart is prohibited in the capital-possibly that parliamentary Broughams may not be incommoded-and yet the canine nuisance is left to stink no less in country nostrils than the city sewers do to those of cockneys, Lords and Commons in their wisdom having also declined 'meddling with the unsavoury monopoly.

Hieover dips deeply into these matters, which we must decline; his philippics cannot fail to touch the hardest hearts of gentlemen; a something, too, is hinted at carriages being kept waiting by gentlewomen long after midnight in rain and cold, while warm nothings are listened to. Assuredly the tender hearts of the fair sex have no conception of the pains they often unwittingly inflict on noble creatures who administer to their pleasures. I betide, however, the churl who looks for motes in bright eyes; their white hands can do-designedly, at least-no wrong: naturally, therefore, Hieover and Co., while they merely glance at a little thoughtlessness about certain points, spare neither space nor pretty words to laud the tender rein-handling of equestrian ladies. In this, depending as it does on smoothness

Money undoubtedly makes the mare to go; but the uncertainty of the cost is the question which deters many, who otherwise would rather be carried than walk, from meddling with stables. In proof of how much the consequent expenses vary, Hieover cites instances of different friends of his own where the outlay for keeping two horses ranged from one to three hundred pounds a year-sums which he thinks may have been spent on food, if butchers or bakers were included among the purveyors. Neither Mill nor Malthus ever propounded sounder principles of political economy than our author as regards animal and vehicular locomotion. Let his disciples of both sexes only be true to themselves, admit their incapability of managing stables, make no pretensions to it, nor prate about things which they don't understand, and they may reckon on their paths being rendered pleasant and peaceful, and in the long run for much less money. Gentlemen and ladies, especially the latter with good fortunes, who from widow or spinsterhood have unfortunately no male guardian to look after their stable concerns, are advised by all means to adopt the plan which, since the Reform Bill, has been tried in Downing Street, on a large scale, with com