been fifbing in troubled waters, and that an ignus fatuus hath bewildered you, and that indeed you have built upon a fandy foundation, and brought your hogs to a fair market.

• I am, SIR,

Yours, &c.'

***

No 596. MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 20.

Molle meum levibus cor eft violabile telis.

OVID. Ep. XV. ver. 79.

Cupid's light darts my tender bofom move.

POPE.

THE cafe of my correfpondent, who fends me the following letter, has fomewhat in it fo very whimsical, that I know not how to entertain my readers better than by laying it before them.

• SIR,

I

Aм fully convinced that there is not upon earth a more impertinent creature than an im'portunate lover. We are daily complaining of the feverity of our fate, to people who are wholly unconcerned in it; and hourly improving a paffion, which we would perfuade the world is the ' torment of our lives. Notwithstanding this reflection, Sir, I cannot forbear acquainting you with my own cafe. You must know then, Sir, that even from my childhood, the moft prevailing inclination I could perceive in myself, was a ftrong defire to be in favour with the Fair Sex. I am at prefent in the one and twentieth year of my age, and fhould have made choice of a fhe 'bedfellow many years fince, had not my father, 'who has a pretty good estate of his own getting, VOL. VIII.

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and paffes in the world for a prudent man, been pleased to lay it down as a maxim, That nothing fpoils a young fellow's fortune fo much as marrying early; and that no man ought to think of wedlock until fix and twenty. Knowing his fentiments upon this head, I thought it in vain to apply myself to women of condition, who expect fettlements; fo that all my amours have hitherto been with Ladies who had no fortunes: But I know not how to give you fo good an idea of me, as by laying before you the hiftory of my life.

I can very well remember, that at my fchoolmiftrefs's, whenever we broke up, I was always for joining myself with the mifs who Lay in, and was conftantly one of the first to make a party in the play of Hufband and Wife. This paffion for being well with the females ftill increased as I advanced in years. At the dancing-fchool I contracted fo many quarrels by struggling with my fellow-fcholars for the partner I liked beft, that upon a ball-night, before our mothers made their appearance, I was ufually up to the nose in blood. My father, like a discreet man, foon re⚫ moved me from this stage of softness to a school of difcipline, where I learnt Latin and Greek. I ⚫ underwent feveral feverities in this place, until it was thought convenient to fend me to the univerfity; though, to confefs the truth, I fhould not ⚫ have arrived fo early at that feat of learning, but from the difcovery of an intrigue between me and my master's house-keeper; upon whom I had employed my rhethoric fo effectually, that, though the was a very elderly Lady, I had almost brought her to confent to marry me. Upon my arrival at Oxford, I found logic fo dry, that, inftead of giving attention to the dead, I foon fell to addresfing the living. My firft amour was with a pretty ' girl whom I fhall call Parthenope: Her mother fold ale by the town-wall. Being often caught there

'by

by the proctor, I was forced at laft, that my mif trefs's reputation might receive no blemish, to 'confefs my addreffes were honourable. Upon this I was immediately fent home; but Parthenope foon after marrying a fhoe-maker, I was again fuffered to return. My next affair was with. my taylor's daughter, who deferted me for the fake of a young barber. Upon my complaining "to one of my particular friends of this misfortune, the cruel wag made a mere jeft of my calamity, and asked me with a fmile, Where the needle. Should turn but to the pole? After this I was deeply in love with a millener, and at laft with my bed-maker, upon which I was fent away, or in the univerfity-phrafe, Rufticated for

ever.

• Upon my coming home, I fettled to my ftudies fo heartily, and contracted fo great a refervednefs. by being kept from the company I moft affected, that my father thought he might venture me at "the Temple.

• Within a week after my arrival I began to fhine again, and become enamoured with a mighty pretty creature, who had every thing but money to recommend her. Having frequent opportunities of uttering all the foft things which an heart formed for love could infpire me with, I foon gained her confent to treat of marriage; but unfortunately for us all, in the abfence of my 'charmer I ufually talked the fame language to her eldest fifter, who is alfo very pretty. Now, I affure you, Mr. SPECTATOR, this did not pro-ceed from any real affection I had conceived for: her; but being a perfect ftranger to the converfation of men, and strongly addicted to affociate with the women, I knew no other language but that of love. I fhould however be very much obliged to you, if you could free me from the perplexity I am at prefent in. I have fent word

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to my old Gentlemen in the country, that I am defparately in love with the younger fifter; and her father, who knew no better, poor man, acquainted him by the fame poft, that I had for fome time made my addreffes to the elder. Up< on this old Tefty fends me up word, that he has heard fo much of my exploits, that he intends immediately to order me to the South-Sea. Sir,

I have occafionally talked fo much of dying, that 'I begin to think there is not much in it; and if the old fquire perfifts in his defign, I do hereby give him notice that I am providing myfelf with proper inftruments for the deftruction of defpairing lovers; let him therefore look to it, and confider that by his obftinacy he may himself lofe the fon of his ftrength, the world an hopeful lawyer, my mistress a paffionate lover, and you, Mr. SPECTATOR,

SINCE I received my friend Shadow's letter, feveral of my correfpondents have been pleafed to fend me an account how they have been employed in fleep, and what notable adventures they have been engaged in during that moonshine in the brain. I fhall lay before my readers an abridgement of fome few of their extravagances, in hopes that they will in time accuftom themselves to dream a little more to the purpose.

One

One, who stiles himself Gladio, complains heavily that his fair one charges him with inconftancy, and does not use him with half the kindness which the fincerity of his paffion may demand; the faid Gladio having by valour and stratagem put to death tyrants, enchanters, monfters, knights, &c. without number, and expofed himself to all manner of dangers for her fake and fafety. He defires in hist postscript to know, whether, from a conftant fuccefs in them, he may not promife himself to fucceed in her efteem at laft..

Another, who is very prolix in his narrative, writes me word, that having fent a venture beyond fea, he took occafion one night to fancy himself gone along with it, and grown on a fudden the richest man in all the Indies. Having been there about a year or two; a guft of wind that forced open his cafement, blew him over to his native country again, where awaking at fix o'clock, and the change of the air not agreeing with him, he turned to his left fide in order to a fecond voyage; but ere he could get on fhipboard, was unfortunately apprehended for ftealing a horfe, tried and condemned for the fact, and in a fair way of being executed, if fome body stepping haftily into his chamber had not brought him a reprieve. This fellow too wants Mr. Shadow's advice, who, I dare fay, would bid him be content to rise after his firft nap, and learn to be fatisfied as foon as nature is.

The next is a publick spirited Gentleman, who tells me, That on the fecond of September at night the whole city was on fire, and would certainly. have been reduced to afhes again by this time, if he had not flown over it with the New River on his back, and happily extinguished the flames! before they had prevailed too far. He would be informed whether he has not a right to P3.

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