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The farmer, having put in bail t'appear,

And forc'd to town, cries, they are happiest

there :

With thousands more of this inconftant race,
Wou'd tire e'en Fabius to relate each cafe.
Not to detain you longer, pray attend
The iffue of all this; fhou'd Jove defcend,
And grant to every man his rafh demand,
To run his lengths with a neglectful hand;
Firft, grant the harrafs'd warrior a release,
Bid him go trade, and try the faithless feas,
To purchase treasure and declining cafe:
Next, call the pleader from his learned ftrife,
To the calm bleffings of a country life:
And, with these separate demands, difmifs
Each fuppliant to enjoy the promis'd bliss :
Don't you believe they'd run? Not one will

move,

Tho' proffer'd to be happy from above.

HORNECK.

IT is a celebrated thought of Socrates, that if all

Ho

the misfortunes of mankind were caft into a publick ftock, in order to be equally diftributed among the whole fpecies, thofe who now think themselves the most unhappy, would prefer the fhare they are already poffefs'd of, before that which would fall to them by fuch a divifion. race has carried this thought a great deal farther in the motto of my paper, which implies that the hardships or misfortunes we lie under, are more eafy to us than thofe of any other perfon would be, in cafe we could change conditions with him.

As I was ruminating on these two remarks, and feated in my elbow-chair, I infenfibly fell asleep; when on a fudden, methought, there was a proclamation made by Jupiter, that every mortal fhould bring in his griefs and calamities, and throw them together in a heap. There was a large plain appointed for this purpose. I took my ftand in the cen

tre

tre of it, and saw with a great deal of pleasure the whole human fpecies marching one after another, and throwing down their feveral loads, which immediately grew up into a prodigious mountain, that seemed to rise above the clouds.

There was a certain Lady of a thin airy fhape; who was very active in this folemnity. She carried a magnifying glafs in one of her hands, and was clothed in a loose flowing robe, embroidered with feveral figures of fiends and fpectres, that discoveed themselves in a thousand chimerical thapes, as hér garments hovered in the wind. There was fomething wild and distracted in her looks. Her name was fancy. She led up every mortal to the appointed place, after having very officioufly affifted him in making up his pack, and laying it: upon his fhoulders. My heart melted within me to fee my fellow creatures groaning under their refpective burdens, and to confider that prodi gious bulk of human calamities which lay before.

me.

There were however feveral perfons who gave me great divertion upon this occafion. I obferved one bringing in a fardel very carefully concealed: under an old embroidered cloak, which, upon his throwing it into the heap I difcovered to be Poverty. Another, after a great deal of puffing, threw down his luggage, which, upon examining, I found to be his wife.

There were multitudes of lovers faddled with very whimsical burdens, compofed of darts and flames: But what was very odd, though they fighed as if their hearts would break under thefe burdens of calamities, they could not perfuade themselves to caft them into the heap, when they came up to it; but after a few faint efforts, fhook their heads and marched away, as heavy loaden as they came. I faw multitudes of old women throw

down

down their wrinkles, and feveral young ones who ftripped themselves of a tawny fkin. There were very great heaps of red nofes, large lips, and rufty: teeth. The truth of it is, I was furprised to see the greateft part of the mountain made up of bodily. deformities. Obferving one advancing towards the heap, with a larger cargo than ordinary upon his back, I found upon his near approach, that it was only a natural hump, which he difpofed. of, with. great joy of heart, among this collection of human miferies. There were likewife diftempers of all forts, though I could not but obferve, that there were. many more imaginary than real. One little packet. I could not but take notice of, which was a complication of all the difeafes incident to human nature, and was in the hand of a great many fine people: This was called the fpleen. But what moft of all furprised me, was a remark I made, that there was not a fingle vice or folly thrown into the whole heap At which I was very much aftonished, hav-ing concluded within myself, that every one would take this opportunity of getting rid of his paffions, prejudices, and frailties.

I took notice in particular of a very profligate fellow, who I did not question came loaden with his crimes: But, upon fearching into his bundle, I found that instead of throwing his guilt from him, he had only laid down his memory. He was followed by another worthless rogue, who flung away his modefty instead of his igno

rance.

When the whole race of mankind had thus caft their burdens, the Phantom which had been fo bu-fy on this occafion, feeing me an idle fpectator of what paffed, approached towards me. I grew uneafy at her prefence, when of a fudden fhe held her: magnifying glafs full before my eyes. I no fooner faw my face in it, but was startled at the fhortness of it, which now appeared to me in its utmoft ag

gravation.

gravation. The immoderate breadth of the features made me very much out of humour with my own countenance, upon which I threw it from me like a mask. It happened very luckily, that one who stood by me had just before thrown down his visage, which it feems, was too long for him. It was indeed extended to a most shameful length; I believe the very chin was, modeftly speaking, as long as my whole face. We had both of us an opportunity of mending ourfelves; and all the contributions being now brought in, every man was at liberty to exchange his misfortunes for those of another perfon. But as there arofe many new incidents in the fequel of my vifion, I fhall referve them for the fubject of my next paper.

*********************** FRIDAY, JUNE 25.

No 559.

Quid caufæ eft, meritò quin illis Jupiter ambas
Iratus buccas inflet, neque fe fore pofthac
Tam facilem dicat, votis ut præbeat aurem ?
HOR. Sat. i. lib. 1. ver. 20.

Were it not just that Jove provok'd to heat,
Should drive thefe triflers from the hallow'd feat,
And unrelenting ftand when they intreat?

HORNECK.

IN my laft paper, I gave my reader a fight of that mountain of miferies, which was made up of thofe feveral calamities that afflict the minds of men. I faw with unfpeakable pleasure, the whole. fpecies thus delivered from its forrows: Though, at the fame time, as we ftood round the heap, and furveyed the feveral materials of which it was compofed, there was fcarce a mortal in this vast multitude, who did not difcover what he thought pleafures and bleffings of life; and wondered how the

Owners

owners of them ever came to look upon them as burdens and grievances.

As we were regarding very attentively this confufion of miferies, this chaos of calamity, Jupiter iffued out a fecond proclamation, that every one was now at liberty to exchange his affliction, and to return to his habitation with any fuch other bundle as fhould be delivered to him.

Upon this, Fancy began again to beftir herself, and parcelling out the whole heap with incredible activity, recommended to every one his particular packet. The hurry and confufion at this time was not to be expreffed. Some obfervations, which I made upon the occafion, I fhall communicate to the publick. A venerable grey-headed man, who had laid down the colick and who I found wanted an heir to his estate, snatched up an undutiful for, that had been thrown into the heap by his angry father. The graceless youth, in lefs than a quarter of an hour, pulled the old gentleman by the beard, and had like to have knocked his brains out; fo that meeting the true father, who came towards him with a fit of the gripes, he begged him to take his fon again, and give him back his colick; but they were incapable either of them to recede from the choice they had made. A poor galley-flave, who had thrown down his chains, took up the gout in their ftead, but made fuch wry-faces, that one might eafily perceive he was no great gainer by the bargain. It was pleafant enough to fee the feveral exchanges that were made, for fickness againit poverty, hunger against want of appetite, and care against pain.

The female world were very bufy among themfelves in bartering for features; one was trucking a lock of grey hairs for a carbuncle, another was making over a fhort waift for a pair of round. fhoulders, and a third cheapning a bad face for a loft reputation: But on all thefe occafions, there

was

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