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Sir J. Lamb. Why then, sir, since I am to be SCENE I.— A Hall in Sir JOHN LAMBERT'S catechised, I must tell you, I do not like his cha
House. Sir John LAMBERT enters, followed racter; he is a world-server, a libertine, and has by Colonel LAMBERT.
no more religion than you have. Col. Lamb. PRAY consider, sir.
Col. Lamb. Sir, we neither of us think it
pro Sir J. Lamb. So I do, sir, that I am her father, per to make a boast of our religion; but, if you and will dispose of her as I please.
will please to enquire, you will find that we go Col. Lamb. I do not dispute your authority, to church as orderly as the rest of our neighsir; but as I am your son too, I think it my bours, duty to be concerned for your honour. Have not Sir J. Lamb. Oh! you go to church! you go you countenanced his addresses to my sister? to church Wonderful! wonderful! to bow, and Has not she received them ?-Mr Darnley's birth grin, and cough, and sleep: a fine act of devoand fortune are well known to you; and, I dare tion indeed. swear, he may defy the world to lay a blemish on Col. Lamb. Well, but, dear sirhis character.
Sir J. Lamb. Colonel, you are an atheist. VOL. IV.
Col. Lamb. Pardon me, sir, I am none: it is Sir J. Lamb. I am glad to hear it. a character I abhor; and, next to that, I abhor Col. Lamb. That's kind indeed, sir. the character of an enthusiast.
Sir J. Lamb. May be not, sir; for I will not Sir J. Lamb. Oh, you do so; an enthusiast ! be at home when he comes; and because I will ---this is the fashionable phrase, the bye-word, not tell a lie for the matter, I will go out this the nick.name, that our pleasure-loving genera moment. tion give to those few who have a sense of true Col. Lamb. Nay, dear sirsanctity.
Sir J. Lamb. And, do you hear--because I will Col. Lamb. Say canting, sir.
not deceive him either, tell him I would not have Sir J. Lamb. I tell you what, son, as I have him lose his time in fooling after your sister---In told you more than once, you will draw some short, I have another man in my head for her. heavy judgment on your head one day or other.
(Erit. Col. Lamb. So says the charitable Dr Cantwell: Col. Lamb. Another man! It would be worth you have taken him into your house, and, in one's while to know him : pray Heaven this cantreturn, he gives over half your family to the ing hypocrite has not got some beggarly rascal in devil.
eye for her. I must rid the house of him at Sir J. Lamb. Do not abuse the doctor, colo- any rate, or all the settlement I can hope for from nel; it is not the way to my favour. I know you my father is a castle in the air.—My sister may cannot bear him, because he is not one of your be ruined too.--Here she comes. If there be mincing preachers.--He holds up the glass to another man in the case, she, no doubt, can let your enormities, shows you to yourselves in your me into the secret. genuine colours.
Enter CHARLOTTE. Col. Lamb. I always respect piety and virtue, sir ; but there are pretenders to religion, as well Sister, good morrow; I want to speak with you. as to courage; and as we never find the truly Char. Pr’ythee then, dear brother, don't put brave to be such as make much noise about their on that wise politic face, as if your regiment was valour, so, I apprehend, the truly good seldom going to be disbanded, or sent to the West-Indies, or never deal much in grimace. To be candid, and you obliged to follow it. sir, I make a distinction between hypocrisy and Col. Lamb. Come, come, a truce with your devotion, and can never pay the same regard to raillery; what I have to ask of you is serious, and the mask, that I would to the face.
I beg you would be so in your answer. Sir J. Lamb. Very well, sir ; this is very well. Charl. Well then, provided it is not upon the
Col. Lumb. Besides, sir, I would be glad to subject of love, I will be so—but make haste too know by what authority the doctor pretends to for I have not had my tea yet. cxercise the clerical function. It does not ap Col. Lamb. Why, it is, and it is not, upon that pear clearly to me that he ever was in orders. subject
Sir J. Lamb. That is no business of yours, sir Charl. Oh, I love a riddle dearly-Come---But I am better informed. -However, he let's hear it. has the call of zeal.
Col. Lamb. Nay, psha! if you will be serious, Col. Lamb. Zeal !
say so. Sir J. Lamb. Why, colonel, you are in a pas
Charl. O lard, sir ; I beg your pardon—there sion.
-there's my whole form and features totally Col. Lamb. I own I cannot see with temper, disengaged, and lifeless, at your service; now, sir, so many religious mountebanks impose upon put them in what posture of attention you think the unwary multitude; wretches, who make a fit.
[Leuning against him awkwardly. trade of religion, and shew an uncommon concern Col. Lamb. Was there ever such a giddy devil ! for the next world, only to raise their fortunes -Pr’ythee stand up. I have been talking with with greater security in this.
my father, and he declares positively you shall Sir J. Lamb. Colonel, let me hear no more: not receive any further addresses from Mr DarnI see you are too hardened to be converted now; ley. but since you think it your duty as a son to be Charl, Are
Col. Lamb. He said so this minute, and with as a father, to be concerned for yours. If you some warmth. think fit to amend them, so; if not, take the Charl. I am glad on't with all my heart. consequence.
Col. Lamb. How! glad! Col. Lamb. Well, sir, may I ask
without Charl. To a degree. Do you think a man has offence, if the reasons you have given me are any more charms for me for my father's liking your only reasons for discountenancing Mr Darn- him? No, sir; if Mr Darnley can make his ley's addresses to my sister?
way to me now, he is obliged to me, and to me Sir J. Lamb. Are they not flagrant? Would only. Besides, now it may have the face of an you have me marry my daughter to a pagan? amour indeed, now one has something to strug
Col. Lamb. He intends this morning paying gle for; there's difficulty, there's danger, there's his respects to you, in hopes to obtain your final the dear spirit of contradiction in it too-Oh! consent; and desired me to be present as a me I like it mightily. diator of articles between you.
Col. Lamb. I am glad this does not make you
think the worse of Darnley—but a father's con Charl. O lud! O lud! Pr’ythee, brother, don't sent might have clapt a pair of horses more to be so wise; if you had an empty house to let, your coach perhaps, and the want of it may pinch would you be displeased to hear there were two your fortune.
people about it? Besides, to be a little serious, Charl. Burn fortune! am not I a fine woman? | Darnley has a tincture of jealousy in his temper, and have not I twenty thousand pounds in my which nothing but a substantial rival can cure. own hands?
Col. Lumb. Oh, your servant, madam! now you Col. Lamb. Yes, sister, but with all your charms, talk reason. I am glad you are concerned enough you have had them in your hands almost these for Darnley's faults, to think them worth your four years.
mending-ha, ha! Charl. Psha! and have not I had the full swing Charl. Concern'd! why, did I say that ?-look of my own airs and humours these four years? you, I'll deny it all to him-well, if ever I am sebut if I humour my father, I warrant he'll make rious with him againit three or four thousand more, with some un Col. Lumb. Here he comes; be as merry with lick'd lout A comfortable equivalent, truly! him as you please. No, no; let him light his pipe with his consent, Charl. Psha ! if he please. Wilful against wise for a wager. Col. Lamb. Well said ; nothing goes to your
Enter DARNLEY. -CHARLOTTE takes a Book,
and reads. heart, I find.
Charl. No, no; if I must have an ill match, Darn. My dear colonel, your servant. I'll have the pleasure of playing my own game at Col. Lamb. I am glad you did not come sooner ; least.
for in the humour my father left me, 'twould not Col. Lumb. But pray, sister, has my father ever have been a proper time for you to have pressed proposed any other man to you?
-I touch'd upon't-but-I'll tell Charl, Another man ! let me know why you you more presently; in the mean time, lose no ask, and I'll tell you.
ground with my sister. Col. Lamb. Why, the last words he said to me Darn. I shall always think myself obliged to were, that he had another man in his head for your friendship, let my success be what it willyou.
Madam, your 1:10st obedient—what have you got Charl. And who is it? who is it? tell me, dear there, pray? brother!
Charl. (Reading.) Her lively looks a sprightly Col. Lamb. Why, you don't so much as seem mind disclose ; surprised.
Quick as her eyes, and as unfix'd as thoseChurl. No; but I'm impatient, and that's as Darn. Pray, madam, what is it ? well.
Charl. Favours to none, to all she smiles erCol. Lamb. Why, how now, sister?
tendsCharl. Why, sure, brother, you know very lit Darn. Nay, I will see. tle of female happiness, if you suppose the sur Charl, Oft she rejects, but never once offends, prise of a new lover ought to shock a woman of Col. Lumb. Have a care: she has dipt into her my temper-don't you know that I am a co own character, and she'll never forgive you if quette?
you don't let her go through with it. Col. Lumb. If you are, you are the first that
Durn. I beg your pardan, madam. ever was sincere enough to own her being so. Charl. Brighi as the sun her eyes the gazer
Charl. To a lover, I grant you: but not to strike, you; I make no more of you than a sister ; I can And like the sun they shine on all alikesay any thing to you.
Col. Lamb. I should have been better pleased Darn. That is something like, indeed. if
you had not owned it to me-it's a hateful Col. Lumb. You would say so, if you knew all. character.
Darn. All what! pray what do you mean? Charl. Ay, it's no matter for that; it's violent Col. Lumb. Have a little patience: I'll tell you ly pleasant, and there's no law against it that I immediately.
Charl. If to her share some female errors fall, Col. Lumb. Darnley's like to have a hopeful Look on her face and you'll forget them all.
Is not that natural, Mr Darnley ? Churl. Well; but don't you really know who Durn. For a woman to expect, it is indeed. it is my father intends me?
Charl. And can you blame her, when 'tis at Col. Lamb. Not I, really; but I imagined you the same time a proof of the poor man's passion, might, and therefore thought to advise with you and her power? about it.
Darn. So that you think the greatest compliCharl. Nay, he has not opened his lips to me ment a lover can make his mistress, is to give up yet-are you sure he's gone out?
reason to her. Col. Lamb. You are very impatient to know, Charl, Certainly; for what have your lordly sex methinks; what have you to do to concern your to boast of but your understanding, and till that's self about any man bu: Darnley ?
entirely surrendered to her discretion, whilst the
time with you.
least sentiment holds out against her, a woman you know no more of love than I do of a regimust be downright vain to think her conquest ment-You shall see now how I'll comfort himcompleted.
Poor Darnley, ha, ha, ha! Darn. There we differ, madam; for in my opi Darn. I don't wonder at your good humour, nion, nothing but the most excessive vanity could madam, when you have so substantial an opporvalue or desire such a conquest.
tunity to make me uneasy for life. Chari. Oh, d’ye hear him, brother! the crea Charl. O lud! how sententious he is ! well, ture reasons with me; nay, has the effrontery to his reproaches have that greatness of soul—the think me in the wrong too! O lud! he'd make confusion they give is insupportable.—Betty!-is an horrid tyrant-positively I won't have him. the tea ready?
Darn. Well; my comfort is, no other man will easily know whether you'll have him or not.
Charl. Mr Darnley, your servant. (Exit. Darn. A little bordering upon the baby, I
Col. Lamb. So, you have made a fine piece of Charl. Laud ! how can you love a body so work on't indeed ! then ? but I don't think you love me tho'-do Darn. Dear Tom, pardon me if I speak a lityou?
tle freely; I own the levity of her behaviour, at Darn. Yes, faith, I do; and so shamefully, this time, gives me harder thoughts than I once that I'm in hopes you doubt it.
believed it possible to have of her. Charl. Poor man! he'd fain bring me to rea Col. Lamb. Indeed, my friend, you mistake her. son.
Darn. Nay, nay; had she any real concern Darn. I would indeed.- Nay, were it but pos- for me, the apprehensions of a man's addresses, sible to make you serious only when you should whom yet she never saw, must have alarmed her be so, I should think you the most amiable to some degree of seriousness. Charl. O lud! he's civil
Col. Lamb. Not at all; for let this man be Darn. Come, come, you have good sense; use whom he will, I take her levity as a proof of her me but with that, and make me what you please. resolution to have nothing to say to him.
Charl. Laud ! I don't desire to make any thing Darn. And pray, sir, may I not as well sus. of you, not I.
pect, that this artful delay of her good nature to Darn. Don't look so cold upon me; by Hea me now, is meant as a provisional defence against ven, I can't bear it.
my reproaches, in case, when she has seen this Charl. Well, now you are tolerable.
man, she should think it convenient to prefer Darn. Come then, be generous, and swear at him ? least you'll never marry another.
Col. Lamb. No, no; she's giddy, but not capaChuri. Ah, laud ! now you have spoiled all ble of so studied a falsehood. again :-besides, how can I be sure of that, be Darn. But still, what could she mean by going fore I have seen this other man my brother spoke away so abruptly? to me of ?
Col. Lumb. You grew too grave for her. Darn. What riddle's this!
Darn. Why, who could bear such trifling? Col. Lamb. I told you, you did not know all. Col. Lamb. You should have laughed at her. To be serious, my father went out but now on Darn. I can't love at that easy rate. purpose to avoid you.-In short, he absolutely Col. Lamb. No-if you could, the uneasiness retracts his promises; says, he would not have would lie on her side. you fool away your time after my sister; and, in Darn. Do you then really think she has any plain terms told me, he had another man in his thing in her heart for me? head for lier.
Col. Lanıb. Ay, marry, sir-Ah! if you could Darn. Another man! who? what is he? did but get her to own that seriously now—Lord, not he name him?
how you could love her! Col. Lamb. No; nor has he yet spoke of him Darn. And so I could, by heaven. to my sister.
Col. Lamb, Well, well; I'll undertake for her; Darn. This is unaccountable !—what can have if my father don't stand in the way, we are well given him this sudden turn?
enough. Col. Lumb. Some whim our conscientious doc Darn, What says my lady? you don't think tor has put in his head, I'll lay my life.
she's against us? Darn. He! he can't be such a villain; he Col. Lamb. I dare say she is not. She's of so professes a friendship for me.
soft, so sweet a dispositionCol. Lamb. So much the worse.
Durn. Pr’ythee, how came so fine a woman Darn. But on what pretence, what grounds, to marry your father, with such a vast inequality what reason? what interest can he have to op- of years?
Col. Lamb. Want of fortune, Frank: She was Col. Lamb. Are you really now as unconcern poor and beautiful-he rich and amorous she ed as you seem to be!
made him happy, and he herChurl, You are a strange dunce, brother Darn. A lady