Page images
PDF
EPUB
[ocr errors]

Bal. Pray, sir, did the French attack us, or them, at Landen?

Braz. The French attack us! Oons! sir, are you a Jacobite ?

Bal. Why that question?

Braz. Because none but a Jacobite could think that the French durst attack us-No, sir, we attack'd them on the-I have reason to remember the time, for I had two-and-twenty horses kill'd under me that day.

Wor. Then, sir, you must have rid mighty hard. Bal. Or, perhaps, sir, like my countrymen, you rid upon half-a-dozen horses at once.

Braz. What do ye mean, gentleman? I tell you they were kill'd, all torn to pieces by cannonshot, except six I stak'd to death upon the enemy's chevaur de frise.

Bal. Noble captain, may I crave your name? Braz. Brazen, at your service.

Bal. Oh, Brazen! a very good name. I have known several of the Brazens abroad.

Wor. Do you know one Captain Plume, sir? Braz. Is he any thing related to Frank Plume in Northamptonshire?-Honest Frank! many, many a dry bottle have we crack'd hand to fist. You must have known his brother Charles, that was concern'd in the India Company; he marry'd the daughter of Old Tonguepad, the master in chancery; a very pretty woman, only she squinted a little: she died in child-bed of her first child, but the child surviv'd; 'twas a daughter, but whether it was call'd Margaret or Margery, upon my soul I cann't remember. [Looking on his watch.] But, gentlemen, I must meet a lady, a twenty thousand pounder, presently, upon the walk by the water-Worthy, your servant; Laconic, [Exit. Bal. If you can have so mean an opinion of Melinda as to be jealous of this fellow, I think she ought to give you cause to be so.

yours.

Wor. I don't think she encourages him so much for gaining herself a lover, as to set up a rival. Were there any credit to be given to his words, I should believe Melinda had made him this assignation. I must go see. Sir, you'll par[Exit.

don me.

Bal. Ay, ay, sir, you're a man of businessBut what have we got here?

Enter ROSE, singing.

Rose. And I shall be a lady, a captain's lady, and ride single upon a white horse, with a star, upon a velvet side-saddle; and I shall go to London, and see the tombs, and the lions, and the king and queen.-Sir, an' please your worship, I have often seen your worship ride through our grounds ahunting, begging your worship's pardon.-Pray, what may this lace be worth a-yard?

[Shewing some lace. Bal. Right Mechlin, by this light!-Where did you get this lace, child?

Rose. No matter for that, sir; I came honestly by it.

Bal. I question it much. [Aside. Rose. And see here, sir, a fine Turkey-shell

[ocr errors]

snuff-box, and fine mangere: see here. [Takes snuff affectedly.] The captain learnt me how to take it with an air.

Bal. O ho! the captain! now the murder's out. And so the captain taught you to take it with an air?

Rose. Yes, and give it with an air too.-Will your worship please to taste my snuff?

[Offers the box affectedly. Bal. You are a very apt scholar, pretty maid! And pray, what did you give the captain for these fine things?

Rose. He's to have my brother for a soldier, and two or three sweethearts I have in the country; they shall go with the captain. Oh! he's the finest man, and the humblest withal! Would you believe it, sir? he carried me up with him to his own chamber with as much fam-mam-milyararality as if I had been the best lady in the land. Bal. Oh! he's a mighty familiar gentleman as

can be.

[blocks in formation]

Rose. And I too.

[Exit.

[Exit.

SCENE II.-The Walk by the Severn Side.

Enter MELINDA and her maid LUCY. Mel. And pray was it a ring, or buckle, or pendents, or knots; or in what shape was the almighty gold transform'd that has brib'd you so much in his favour?

Lucy. Indeed, madam, the last bribe I had from the captain was only a small piece of Flanders lace, for a cap.

Mel. Ay, Flanders lace is as constant a present from officers to their women, as something else is from their women to them. They every year bring over a cargo of lace, to cheat the king of his duty, and his subjects of their honesty.

Lucy. They only barter one sort of prohibited goods for another, madam.

Mel. Has any of 'em been bartering with you, Mrs Pert, that you talk so like a trader?

Lucy. Madam, you talk as peevish to me as if it were my fault! the crime is none of mine, though I pretend to excuse it: though he should not see you this week, can I help it? But as I was saying, madam, his friend, Captain Plume, has so taken him up these two days

Mel. Pshaw! would his friend the captain were ty'd upon his back; I warrant he's never been sober since that confounded captain came to town. The devil take all officers, I say; they do the nation more harm, by debauching us at home, than they do good, by defending us abroad. No sooner a captain comes to town but all the young fellows flock about him, and we cann't keep a man to ourselves.

Lucy. One would imagine, madam, by your concern for Worthy's absence, that you should use him better when he's with you.

Mel. Who told you, pray, that I was concern'd for his absence? I'm only vex'd that I have had nothing said to me these two days: as one may love the treason and hate the traitor. Oh! here comes another captain, and a rogue that has the confidence to make love to me; but indeed I don't wonder at that, when he has the assurance to fancy himself a fine gentleman. Lucy. If he should speak o' th' assignation, I should be ruin'd. [Aside.

Enter BRAZEN.

Braz. True to the touch, faith! [Aside.] Madam, I am your humble servant, and all that, madam. A fine river this same Severn-Do you love fishing, madam?

Mel. 'Tis a pretty melancholy amusement for lovers.

Braz. I'll go buy hooks and lines presently; for you must know, madam, that I have serv'd in Flanders against the French, in Hungary against the Turks, and in Tangier against the Moors, and I was never so much in love before; and, split me, madam, in all the campaigns I ever made, I have not seen so fine a woman as your ladyship.

Mel. And from all the men I ever saw, I never had so fine a compliment: but you soldiers are the best bred men, that we must allow.

Braz. Some of us, madam; but there are brutes among us too, very sad brutes: for my own part, I have always had the good luck to prove agreeable. I have had very considerable offers, madam-I might have married a German princess, worth fifty thousand crowns a-year, but her stove disgusted me. The daughter of a Turkish bashaw fell in love with me too, when I was a prisoner among the Infidels; she offered to rob her father of his treasure, and make her escape with me; but I don't know how, my time was not come hanging and marriage, you know, go by destiny: Fate has reserv'd me for a Shropshire lady, worth twenty thousand pounds. Do you know any such person, madam?

Mel. Extravagant coxcomb! [Aside.] To be

sure, a great many ladies of that fortune would be proud of the name of Mrs Brazen.

Braz. Nay, for that matter, madam, there are women of very good quality of the name of Bra

zen.

Enter WORTHY.

Mel. Oh, are you there, gentleman!-Come, captain, we'll walk this way. Give me your hand.

Braz. My hand!-heart's blood and guts are at your service.-Mr Worthy, your servant, my dear! [Exit, leading MELINDA. Wor. Death and fire! this is not to be borne. Enter PLUME.

Plume. No more it is, faith.
Wor. What?

Plume. The March beer at The Raven. I have been doubly serving the king,-raising men and raising the excise. Recruiting and elections are rare friends to the excise.

Wor. You a'n't drunk?

Plume. No, no, whimsical only; I could be mighty foolish, and fancy myself mighty witty. Reason still keeps its throne, but it nods a little,

that's all.

Wor. Then you're just fit for a frolic.
Plume. As fit as close pinners for a punk in

the pit.

Wor. There's your play, then : recover me that vessel from that Tangerine.

Plume. She's well rigg'd, but how is she mann'd?

Wor. By Captain Brazen, that I told you of to-day she is call'd the Melinda, a first rate I can assure you; she sheer'd off with him just now, on purpose to affront me; but according to your advice, I would take no notice, because I would seem to be above a concern for her behaviour:-but have a care of a quarrel.

Plume. No, no: I never quarrel with any thing in my cups but an oyster-wench or a cookmaid, and if they ben't civil, I knock 'em down. But hark'e, my friend, I'll make love, and I must make love-I tell you what, I'll make love like a platoon.

Wor. Platoon! how's that?

Plume. I'll kneel, stoop, and stand, faith:most ladies are gain'd by platooning. Wor. Here they come: I must leave you. [Exit.

Plume. So! now must I look as sober and demure as a whore at a christening.

[blocks in formation]

-but there's a face well known as the sun's, that shines on all, and is by all ador'd. Bruz. Have you any pretensions, sir? Plume. Pretensions!

Braz. That is, sir, have you ever served abroad?

Plume. I have serv'd at home, sir, for ages serv'd this cruel fair, and that will serve the turn, sir.

Mel. So, between the fool and the rake, I shall bring a fine spot of work upon my hands! I see Worthy yonder: I could be content to be friends with him, would he come this way.

Braz. Will you fight for the lady, sir? Plume. No, sir; but I'll have her notwithstanding.

Thou peerless princess of Salopian plains, Envy'd by nymphs, and worshipp'd by the

swains

Braz. Oons! sir, not fight for her!

Plume. Pr'ythee be quiet-I shall be outBehold how humbly does the Severn glide, To greet thee princess of the Severn side.

Braz. Don't mind him, madam-if he were not so well dress'd, I should take him for a poet; but I'll shew you the difference presently. Come, madam, we'll place you between us; and now the longest sword carries her. [Draws. Mel. [Shrieking.]

Enter WORTHY.

Oh, Mr Worthy! save me from these madmen. [Exit with WORTHY.

Plume. Ha, ha, ha! why don't you follow, sir, and fight the bold ravisher?

Braz. No, sir, you are my man.

Plume. I don't like the wages; I won't be

your man.

Braz. Then you're not worth my sword. Plume. No! pray what did it cost? Braz. It cost me twenty pistoles in France, and my enemies thousands of lives in Flanders. Plume. Then they had a dear bargain.

Enter SYLVIA, in man's apparel.

Syl. Save ye, save ye, gentlemen. Braz. My dear! I'm yours. Plume. Do you know the gentleman? Braz. No, but I will presently-Your name, my dear?

Syl. Wilful. Jack Wilful, at your service. Braz. What, the Kentish Wilfuls, or those of Staffordshire?

Syl. Both, sir, both; I'm related to all the Wilfuls in Europe, and I'm head of the family at present.

Plume. Do you live in this country, sir? Syl. Yes, sir, I live where I stand; I have neither home, house, or habitation, beyond this spot of ground.

Braz. What are you, sir?

Syl. A rake.

Plume. In the army, I presume..

[blocks in formation]

duty.

Syl. Then you must make me a field-officer.. Plume. Pho, pho, pho! I'll do more than all this; I'll make you a corporal, and give you a brevet for serjeant.

Braz. Can you read and write, sir?
Syl. Yes.

Braz. Then your business is done-I'll make you chaplain to the regiment.

Syl. Your promises are so equal that I'm at a loss to choose. There is one Plume that I hear much commended in town; pray, which of you is Captain Plume.

Plume. I am Captain Plume.

Braz. No, no, I am Captain Plume.
Syl. Hey-day!

Plume. Captain Plume! I'm your servant, my dear!

Braz. Captain Brazen! I'm yours-The fellow dares not fight. [Aside.

Enter KITE.
Kite. Sir, if you please

[Goes to whisper PLUME. Plume. No, no, there's your captain. Captain Plume, your serjeant has got so drunk he mistakes me for you.

Braz. He's an incorrigible sot. Here, my Hector of Holborn, here's forty shillings for

you.

Plume. I forbid the banns. Look'e, friend, you shall list with Captain Brazen.

Syl. I will see Captain Brazen hang'd first; I will list with Captain Plume: I am a free-born Englishman, and will be a slave my own way.— Look'e, sir, will you stand by me?

[TO BRAZEN. Braz. I warrant you, my lad. Syl. Then I will tell you, Captain Brazen, [To PLUME] that you are an ignorant, pretending, impudent coxcomb.

Braz. Ay, ay, a sad dog,

Syl. A very sad dog. Give me the money, noble Captain Plume.

Plume. Then you won't list with Captain Bra

zen?

Syl. I won't.

Braz. Never mind him, child: I'll end the dispute presently.-Hark'e, my dear!

[Takes PLUME to one side of the stage, and entertains him in dumb show, Kite. Sir, he in the plain coat is Captain Plume; I am his serjeant, and will take my oath on't.

Syl. What! you are Serjeant Kite?
Kite. At your service.

Syl. Then I would not take your oath for a farthing.

Kite. A very understanding youth of his age! Pray, sir, let me look you full in the face.

Syl. Well, sir, what have you to say to my face?

Kite. The very image of my brother; two bullets of the same caliber were never so like: it must be Charles; Charles

Syl. What do you mean by Charles?

Kite. The voice too, only a little variation in Ffaut flat. My dear brother! for I must call you so, if you should have the fortune to enter into the most noble society of the sword, I bespeak you for a comrade.

Syl. No, sir, I'll be the captain's comrade, if any body's.

Kite. Ambition! there again! 'tis a noble passion for a soldier; by that I gain'd this glorious halberd. Ambition! I see a commission in his face already. Pray, noble captain, give me leave to salute you. [Offers to kiss her. Syl. What! men kiss one another? Kite. We officers do; 'tis our way; we live together like man and wife, always either kissing or fighting: but I see a storm coming.

Syl. Now, serjeant, I shall see who is your captain, by your knocking down the other.

Kite. My captain scorns assistance, sir. Braz. How dare you contend for any thing, and not dare to draw your sword? But you are a young fellow, and have not been much abroad: I

excuse that; but pr'ythee resign the man, pr'ythee do: you are a very honest fellow. Plume. You lie; and you are a son of a whore. [Draws, and makes up to BRAZEN. Braz. Hold, hold; did not you refuse to fight for the lady? [Retiring. Plume. I always do; but for a man I'll fight knee-deep; so you lie again.

[PLUME and BRAZEN fight a traverse or
two about the stage; SYLVIA draws, and
is held by KITE, who sounds to arms with
his mouth, takes SYLVIA in his arms, and
carries her off the stage.

Braz. Hold! where's the man?
Plume. Gone.

Braz. Then what do we fight for? [Puts up. Now let's embrace, my dear!

Piume. With all my heart, my dear! [Putting up.] I suppose Kite has listed him by this time. [Embraces. Braz. You are a brave fellow: I always fight with a man before I make him my friend; and if once I find he will fight, I never quarrel with him afterwards.-And now I'll tell you a secret, my dear friend! that lady we frighten'd out of the walk just now, I found in bed this morning, so beautiful, so inviting! I presently lock'd the door-but I'm a man of honour-but I believe I shall marry her nevertheless-her twenty thousand pounds, you know, will be a pretty conveniency. I had an assignation with her here, but your coming spoil'd my sport. Curse you, my dear! but don't do so again

Plume. No, no, my dear! men are my business at present. [Exeunt.

ACT IV.

SCENE I.-The Walk continues. Enter ROSE and BULLOCK, meeting. Rose. Where have you been, you great booby? you are always out of the way in the time of preferment.

Bul. Preferment! who should prefer me? Rose. I would prefer you! who should prefer a man but a woman? Come, throw away that great club, hold up your head, cock your hat, and look big.

Bul. Ah, Ruose, Ruose! I fear somebody will look big sooner than folk think of. Here has been Cartwheel your sweetheart; what will become of him?

Rose. Look'e, I'm a great woman, and will provide for my relations: I told the captain how finely he play'd upon the tabor and pipe, so he set him down for drum-major.

Bul. Nay, sister, why did not you keep that place for me? you know I have always lov'd to be a-drumming, if it were but on a table or on a quart-pot.

Enter SYLVIA.

Syl. Had I but a commission in my pocket, I fancy my breeches would become me as well as any ranting fellow of 'em all; for I take a bold step, a rakish toss, a smart cock, and an impudent air, to be the principal ingredients in the composition of a captain.-What's here? Rose, my nurse's daughter! I'll go and practise. Come, child, kiss me at once. [Kisses ROSE.] And her brother too! Well, honest Dungfork, do you know the difference between a horse and a cart and a cart-horse? eh!

Bul. I presume that your worship is a captain, by your clothes and your courage.

Syl. Suppose I were, would you be contented to list, friend?

Rose. No, no; though your worship be a handsome man, there be others as fine as you. My brother is engag'd to Captain Plume.

Syl. Plume! do you know Captain Plume?

Rose. Yes, I do, and he knows me. He took the ribands out of his shirt-sleeves, and put them into my shoes: see there-I can assure you that I can do any thing with the captain.

et

Bul. That is, in a modest way, sir.-Have a care what you say, Ruose; don't shame your parentage.

Rose. Nay, for that matter, I am not so simple as to say that I can do any thing with the captain but what I may do with any body else.

Syl. So!-And pray what do you expect from this captain, child?

Rose. I expect, sir!-I expect-but he ordered me to tell nobody-but suppose he should propose to marry me?

Syl. You should have a care, my dear! men will promise any thing before-hand.

Rose. I know that; but he promised to marry me afterwards.

Bul. Wauns! Ruose, what have you said? Syl. Afterwards! After what?

Rose. After I had sold my chickens-I hope there's no harm in that.

Enter PLUME.

Plume. What, Mr Wilful, so close with my market-woman?

Syt. I'll try if he loves her. [Aside.] Close, sir? ay, and closer yet, sir. Come, my pretty maid! you and I will withdraw a little.

Plume. No, no, friend, I ha'n't done with her yet. Syl. Nor have I begun with her; so I have as good a right as you have.

Plume. Thou'rt a bloody impudent fellow! Syl. Sir, I would qualify myself for the service. Plume. Hast thou really a mind to the service? Syl. Yes, sir; so let her go.

Rose. Pray, gentlemen, don't be so violent. Plume. Come, leave it to the girl's own choice. Will you belong to me or to that gentleman? Rose. Let me consider; you're both very hand

some.

Plume. Now the natural inconstancy of her sex begins to work.

Rose. Pray, sir, what will you give me? Bul. Dunna be angry, sir, that my sister should be mercenary, for she's but young.

Syl. Give thee, child! I'll set thee above scandal; you shall have a coach with six before and six behind; an equipage to make vice fashionable, and put virtue out of countenance.

Plume. Pho! that's easily done. I'll do more for thee, child; I'll buy you a furbelow-scarf, and give you a ticket to see a play.

Bul. A play! wauns! Ruose, take the ticket, and let's see the show.

[blocks in formation]

Plume. Ha, ha, ha! West Indies! No, no, my honest lad; give me thy hand; nor you nor she shall move a step farther than I do. This gentleman is one of us, and will be kind to you, Mrs Rose.

Rose. But will you be so kind to me, sir, as the captain would?

Syl. I cann't be altogether so kind to you; my circumstances are not so good as the captain's; but I'll take care of you, upon my word.

Plume. Ay, ay, we'll all take care of her; she shall live like a princess, and her brother here shall be- -What would you be?

Bul. Oh, sir, if you had not promis'd the place of drum-major!

Plume. Ay, that is promis'd; but what think you of barrack-master? you are a person of understanding, and barrack-master you shall beBut what's become of this same Cartwheel you told me of, my dear?

Rose. We'll go fetch him—Come, brother barrack-master—We shall find you at home, noble captain? [Exeunt ROSE and BULLOCK. Plume. Yes, yes; and now, sir, here are your forty shillings.

Syl. Captain Plume, I despise your listing-money; if I do serve 'tis purely for love-of that wench, I mean-for you must know that among my other sallies I've spent the best part of my fortune in search of a maid, and could never find one hitherto; so you may be assured I'd not sell my freedom under a less purchase than I did my estate-so before I list I must be certify'd that this girl is a virgin.

Plume. Mr Wilful, I cann't tell you how you can be certify'd in that point till you try; but upon my honour she may be a vestal for aught that I know to the contrary. I gain'd her heart indeed by some trifling presents and promises, and knowing that the best security for a woman's heart is her person, I would have made myself master of that too, had not the jealousy of my impertinent landlady interposed.

Syl. So you only want an opportunity for accomplishing your designs upon her?

Plume. Not at all; I have already gain'd my ends, which were only the drawing in one or two of her followers. The women, you know, are the loadstones every where; gain the wives, and you are caress'd by the husbands; please the mistress, and you are valued by the gallants; secure an interest with the finest women at court, and you procure the favour of the greatest men; kiss the prettiest country wenches, and you are sure of listing the lustiest fellows. Some peo. ple call this artifice, but I term it stratagem, since it is so main a part of the service: besides, the fatigue of recruiting is so intolerable, that unless we could make ourselves some pleasure amidst the pain, no mortal man would be able to bear it.

Syl. Well, sir, I am satisfied as to the point in debate; but now let me beg you to lay aside

« PreviousContinue »