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ACT II.

last guinea.

tradesmen; but to an haughty, thriving, CoventSCENE I.

Garden mercer, silk, or lace-man, your lordship

gives your most huinble service to him, hopes Enter Lord HARDY.

his wife is well ; you have letters to write, or L Hardy. Now, indeed, I am utterly undone you would see him yourself, but you desire he .but to expect an evil softens the weight of would be with you punctually on such a day, it when it happens; and pain, no more than plea- that is to say, the day after you are gone out of sure, is in reality so great as in expectation. But town. what will become of me ?-How shall I keep my L. Hardy. Go, sirrah ; you are scurrilous : I self even above worldly want?-Shall I live at won't believe there are such men of quality home, a stiff, melancholy, poor man of quality; D'ye hear, give my service, this afternoon, to Mr grow uneasy to my acquaintance, as well as my- Cutpurse, the agent, and tell him I am obliged to self , by fancying I am slighted where I am not ; pay him for his

readiness to serve me, for I am with all the thousand particularities which at resolved to pay my debts forthwith. tend those whoin low fortune and high spirit (A vice without.] I don't know whether he is make malcontents? No! We have a brave prince within or not. Mr Trim, is my lord within ? on the throne, whose commission I bear, and a L. Hardy. Trim, see who it is: I am not withglorious war, in an honest cause, approaching, Vin, you know.

(Exit Trim. (Clapping his hand on his sword) in which this Prim. (Without.] Yes, sir, my lord is above; shall cut out bread for me, and may, perhaps, pray walk up. equal that estate to which my birth entitled me L. Hardy. Who can it be? he owns me too.

But what to do in present pressures-Ha, Trim!

(Calling

Enter CAMPLEY and TRIM.

Dear Tom Campley, this is kind-You are an Enter TRIM.

extraordinary man, indeed, who, in the sudden Trim. My lord !

accession of a noble fortune, can still be yourself, L. Hardy. How do the poor rogues that are to and visit your less happy friends. recruit my company?

Camp. No, you are, my lord, the extraordinary Trim. Do, sir ! They have eat you to your man, who, on the loss of an almost princely for

tune, can be master of a temper that makes you L. Hardy. Were you at the agent's?

the envy, rather than pity of your more fortunate, Trim. Yes.

not more happy friends. L. Hardy. Well, and how ?

L. Hardy. Ob, sir, your servant !-But let me Trim. Why, sir, for your arrears you may gaze on thee a little I ha'n't seen thee since have eleven shillings in the pound; but he'll not we came home into England.-Most exactly, netouch your growing subsistence under three shil. gligently, genteelly dressed. I know there is more lings in the pound interest ; besides which, you than ordinary in this. (Beating CAMPLEY'S nust let his clerk, Jonathan Item, swear the breast.] Come, confess who shares with me here. peace against you, to keep you from duelling, -I must have ber real and poetical name or insure your life, which you may do for eight Come, she is in sonnet, Cynthia ; in prose, Misper cent. On these terms he'll oblige you, which tresshe would not do for any body else in the regi Camp. One you little dream of, though she ment; but he has a friendship for you."

is, in a manner, of your placing there. L. Hardy. Oh, I am his humble servant ! but L. Hardy. My placing there ! he must have his own terms; we cann't starve, Camp. Why, my lord, all the fine things you por must the fellows want. But methinks this have said to me in the camp, of my lady Char, is a calm midnight:-I have heard no duns to lotte, your father's ward, ran in my head so very day.

much, that I made it my business to become acTrim. Duns, my lord! Why, now your father's quainted in that family, which I did by Mr Cabi. dead, and they cann't arrest you, I shall grow a net's mcans, and am now in love in the same little less upon the smooth with them than I have place with your lordship. been. Why, friend, says I, how often must I L. Hardy. How! in love in the same place. tell you my lord is not stirring ? His lordship has with me, Mr Campley? not slept well; you must come some other time: Camp: Ay, my lord, with t'other sister, with your lordship will send for him when you are at

t'other sister. leisure to look upon money affairs : or, if they L. Hardy. What a dunce was I, not to know are so saucy, so impertinent as to press a man of which, without your naming her? Why, thou art your quality for their own, there are canes, there's the only man breathing fit to deal with herBridewell

, there's the stocks for your ordinary But my lady Charlotte; there's a woman!

som.

so easily virtuous, so agrecably severe; her mo- | myself with half the resolution you have under tion só unaffected, yet so composed ; her lips mine; for, to confess my weakness, though I breathe nothing but truth, good sense, and flow- know she loves me, though I know she is steding wit.

fastly mine, as her heart can make her, I know Camp. Lady Harriot:- there's the woman! Her not how, when I am near her, that my tongue lips are made of gum and balm—There is some falters, my nerves shake, and my heart so alterthing in that dear girl that fires my blood above nately sinks and rises, that my pre-meditated re-above above

solves vanish into confusion, down-cast eyes, and L. Hardy. Above what?

broken utterance. Camp. A grenadier's march.

Camp. Ha, ha, ha! this is a campaigner too ! L. Hardy. A soft simile, I must confess—But, Why, my lord, that's the condition Harriot would oh! that Charlotte ! to recline this aching head, have me in, and then she thinks she could have full of care, on that tender, snowy, faithful bo me; but I, that know her better than she does

herself—But I shall make her no such sacrifice. Camp. Oh! that Harriot! to embrace that 'Tis well my lady Charlotte's a woman of so sobeauteous

lid an understanding : I don't know another that L Hardy. Ay, Tom; but methinks your head would not use you ill for your high value. runs too much on the wedding-night only, to L. Hardy. But, Tom, I must see your song you make your happiness lasting: mine is fixed on have sent your cousin Fardingale, as you call her. the married state :-) expect my felicity from La Camp. This is lucky enough—[Aside.]—No, dy Charlotte, in her friendship, her constancy, hang it, my lord, a man makes so silly a figure her piety, her household cares, her maternal when his verses are rcading-Trim, thou hast not tenderness—But tell me, I wonder how you left off thy loving and thy rhyming:- Trim's a crimake your approaches in besieging such a sort of tic: I remember him a servitor at Oxon. (Giving creature; she that loves addresses, gallantry, fid a paper to TRIM.) I give myself into his hands, dles; that reigns and delights in a crowd of ad- because you sha'n't see them till I am gone mirers. If I know her, she is one of those you My lord, your servant, you sha'n't stir. may easily have a general acquaintance with, but L. Hardy. Nor you neither, then. (Struggling. hard to make particular.

Camp. You will be obeyed. Cump. You understand her very well—You [Exeunt; Lord HARDY waits on him down. must know, I put her out of all her play, by car Trim. What is in this song-Ha!-Don't my rying it in a humorous manner: I took care, in eyes deceive me ?-A bill of three hundred all my actions, before I discovered the lover, that pounds !

(Reads. she should, in general, have a good opinion of me; • Mr Cash, so that she is now extremely at a loss how to Pray, pay to Mr William Trim, or bearer, the throw me, from the familiarity of an acquaintance, sum of three hundred pounds, and place it to the into the distance of a lover; but I laugh her out account of

Sir, of it: when she begins to frown and look grave

Your humble servant, at my mirth, I mimic her till she bursts out a

THOMAS CAMPLEY.' laughing. L. Hardy. That's ridiculous enough.

(Pulling off his hat, and bowiny.) Your very Cump. By Cabinet’s interest over my lady humble servant, good Mr Campley. Ay, this is Brumpton, with gold and flattery to Mrs Fardin- poetry; this is a song, indeed-Faith, řil set it, gale, an old maid her ladyship has placed about and sing it myself -Pray, pay to Mr William the young ladies, I have easy access at all times, Trim -so far in recitative-Three hundred and am this very day to be admitted by her into -(Singing ridiculously.)-hundred-hundred their apartmentI have found, you must -Hundred thrice repeated, because 'tis three know, that she is my relation.

hundred pounds: I love repetitions in music, L. Hardy. Her ladyship has chose an odd com when there is a good reason for it--Pods, panion for

young
ladies.

after the Italian manner. If they would bring Cump. Oh, my lady's a politician: she told me such sensible words as these, I would outstrip Tattleaid, one day, that an old maid was the best all your composers for the music prize. This guard for young ones; for they, like eunuchs in was honestly done of Mr Campley; though I have a seraglio, are vigilant out of envy of enjoyment carried him many a purse from my master, when they cannot themselves arrive at. But, as I was he was ensign to our company in Flanders. saying, I have sent my cousin Fardingale'a song, which she and I are to practise to the spinet

Re-enter Lord HARDY. The young ladies will be by, and I am to be left My lord, I am your lordship’s humble servant. alone with Lady Harriot. If you'll meet me at L. Hardy. Sir, your humble servant. But, pray, Toms', have a letter ready;I will, myself, deliver my good familiar friend, how came you to be so it to your mistress, conduct you into the house, very much my humble servant all of a sudden? and tell her you are there, and find means to place Prim. I beg pardon, dear sir :-My lord, I am you together. You must march under my com not your humble servant. mand to-day, as I have many a one under yours. L. Hardy. No!

L. Hardy. But, faith, Tom, I shall not behave Trim. Yes, my lord, I am; but not as you

every line.

mean—but I am-I am, my lord -In short, I L. Brump. Watching me! Why, I had none am overjoyed.

but by own servants by turns. L. Hardy. Overjoyed! thou art distracted Sub. I mean, attending to give notice of your What ails the fellow? Where is Campley's song? death. I had, all your long fit of sickness, last

Trim. Oh, my lord, one would not think it was winter, at half-a-crown a-day, a fellow waiting at in him! Mr Campley is really a very great poet- your gate to bring me intelligence; but you unAs for the song, it is only as they all end in fortunately recovered, and I lost all my obliging rhyme-owe, woe ; isses, kisses ; boy, joy-but, pains for your service. my lord, the other in long heroic blank verse. L. Brump. Ha, ha, ha! Sable, thou'rt a very (Reading it with a great ione.] Pray, pay to Mr impudent fellow. Half-a-crown a day to attend William Trim, or order, the sum of -How my decease! and dost thou reckon it to me? sweetly it runs !-Pactolian guineas chink in Sab. Look you, gentlemen, don't stand staring

at me, I have a book at home, which I call my L. Hardy. How very handsomely this was done Dooms-day Book, where I have every man of quain Campley! I wondered, indeed, he was so will-lity's age and distemper in town, and know when ing to shew his verses. In how careless a man- you should drop-Nay, my lord, if you had re. ner that fellow does the greatest actions ! flected upon your mortality, half so much as poor I

Irim. My lord, pray, my lord, sha'n't I go im- have for you, you would not desire to return to life mediately to Cutpurse's?

thus-in short, I cannot keep this a secret, under L. Hurdy. No, sirrah; now we have no occa the whole money I am to have for burying you. sion for it.

L. Brump. Trusty, if you think it safe in you Trim. No, my lord, only to stare him full in the to obey my orders after the deed Puzzle told his face after I have received this money, not say a clerk of, pay it him. word, but keep my hat on, and walk out; or, per: Trusty. I should be glad to give it out of my haps, not hear, if any I meet with speak to me, own pocket, rather than be without the satisfacbut grow stiff, deaf, and short-sighted to all my tion of seeing you witness to it. old acquaintance, like a sudden rich man, as I am; L. Brump. I heartily believe thee, dear Trusty. or, perhaps, my lord, desire Cutpurse's clerk to Sab. Then, my lord, the secret of your being let me leave fifty pounds at their house, payable alive is now safe with me. to Mr William Trim, or order-till I come that Trusty. I'll warrant I'll be reveng’d of this unway-or, a month or two hence, may have occa conscionabledog.-{aside.] Mylord, you must sion for it I don't know what bills may be to your closet_I fear somebody's coming. drawn upon meThen, when the clerk begins (Exeunt SAB. one way, and L. BRUMPT. and to stare at me, till he pulls the great goose quill TRUSTY another. from behind his ear, (Pulls a handful of farthings out} I fall a-reckoning the pieces, as I do these SCENE II—Draws, and discovers Lady CHARfarthings.

LOTTE reading at a Table ; Lady HARRIOT L. Hurdy. Well, sirrah, you may have your hu playing at a glass to and fro, and viewing mour, but be sure you take fourscore pounds, and herself pay my debts immediately--if you meet any officer you ever see me in company with, that looks grave L. Har. Nay, good sage sister, you may as at Cutpurse's house, tell him I'll speak with bim-well talk to me (Looking at herself as she speaks) We must help our friends-—But learn moderation, as sit staring at a book, which I know you cann't you rogue, in your good fortune.Be at home all attend -Good Dr Lucas may have writ there the evening after, while I wait at Toms' to meet what he pleases, but there's no putting Francis, Campley, in order to see Lady Charlotte. Lord Hardy, now Earl of Brumpton, out of your My good or ill in her alone is found,

head, or making him absent from your eyes. Do And in that thought all other cares are drown'd. but look on me now, and deny it if you can,

[Exit. L, Char. You are the maddest girl— [Smiling. Trim. Oh dear, dear, three hundred pounds! L. Har. Look ye, I knew you could not say

(Exit. it and forbear laughing[Looking over Char

LOTTE.)-Oh, I see his name as plain as you do Enter SABLE, Lord BRUMPTON, and TRUSTY.

-F-r-a-n, Fran, cm--s, cis, Francis : 'tis in Sab. Why, my lord, you cann't in conscience every line of the book. put me off so : I must do according to my orders, L. Char. (Rising.] 'Tis in vain, I see, to mind -cut you up and embalm you, except you'll come anything in such impertinent company—but grantdown a little deeper than you talk of :-You don't ing 'twere as you say, as to my Lord Hardy, 'tis consider the charges I've been at already. more excusable to admire another than one's self. L. Brump. Charges! for what?

L. Har. No, I think not-Yes, I grant you, Sub. First, twenty guineas to my lady's woman, than really to be vain at one's person ; but I don't for notice of your death, (a fee I've before now admire myself Pish! I don't believe my eyes known the widow herself go halves in ;) but no have that softness-(Looking in the glass.] They matter for that—in the next place, ten pounds a’n’t so piercing: no; 'tis only stuff; the men wil for watching you all your long fit of sickness last be talking Some people are such admirers of winter

teeth-Lord, what signifies tceih! (Shewing her

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teeth.] A very black-a-moor has as white teeth But Harriot thinks that a little unreasonable, to as I–No, sister, I don't admire myself, but I've expect one without enduring t'other. à spirit of contradiction in me e-You don't know I'm in love with myself, only to rival the men.

Enter Servant. L. Char. Ay, but Mr Campley will gain ground Serv. There's your cousin Campley to wait on ev'n of that rival of his, your dear self.

L. Har. Oh! what have I done to you, that Fur. Let him come in-We shall have the you should name that insolent intruder --A con

song now. ħdent, opinionative fop—No, indeed: if I am, as

Enter CAMPLEY. à poetical lover of mine sighed and sung of both

Camp. Ladies, your most obedient servant The public envy, and the public care,

Your servant, Lady Charlotte-servant, Lady HarI sha'n't be so easily catched- I thank him riot. [HARRIOT looks grave upon him.] What's want but to be sure I should heartily torment the matter, dear Lady Harriot-Not well! I prohim, by banishing him, and then consider whether test to you I'm mightily concerned—[Pulls out a he should depart this life or not.

bottle.] This is a most excellent spirit-snuff it L. Char. Indeed, sister, to be serious with you, up, madam. this vanity in your humour does not at all be L. Har. Pish! the familiar coxcomb frets me come you.

heartily. L. Hur. Vanity! All the matter is, we gay Camp. 'Twill be over, I hope, immediately. people are more sincere than you wise folks :-all L. Char. Your cousin Fardingale has shewn us your life's an art-Speak your soul-Look you some of your poetry. there-[Hauling her to the glass.] Are not Cump. You should not have called it mỹ struck with a secret pleasure, when you view that poetry. bloom in your look, that harmony in your shape,

Far. Who waits there—Pray bring my lute that promptitude of your mien?

out of the next room-(Enter Seroant, with a L. Chur. Well, simpleton, if I am at first so lute.] You must know I conn'd this song before silly as to be a little taken with myself, I know I came in, and find it will go to an excellent air it a fault, and take pains to correct it.

of old Mr Law's, who was my mother's intimate L. Har. Pshaw! pshaw! talk this musty tale acquaintance :-my mother's! what do I talk of? to old Mrs Fardingale; 'tis too soon for me to I mean my grand-mother's–Oh, here's the lute think at that rate.

-Cousin Cainpley, hold the song upon your hat. L. Char. They that think it too soon to un (Aside to him.] 'Tis a pretty gallantry to a reladerstand themselves, will very soon find it too

tion.

Sings und squalls. But tell me honestly, don't you like Camp

Let not love, &c. ley?

Oh, I have left off these things many a day. L. Har. The fellow is not to be abhorred, if Camp. No ;-but you are not assured enough the forward thing did not think of getting me so - Take it higher-{In her own squall.]—Thuseasily-Oh, I hate a heart I cann't break when II know your voice will bear it. please-- What makes the value of dear china, but L. Har. Oh, hideous ! Oh, the gross flatterer that 'tis so brittle ?-Were it not for that, you -I shall burst-Mrs Fardingale, pray go on; the might as well bave stone mugs in your closet. music fits the words most aptly—Take it higher, L. Char. Hist, hist, here's Fardingale.

as your cousin advises.

Far. Oh, dear madam, do you really like itEnter FARDINGALE.

I do purely to please you—for I cann't sing, Far. Lady Harriot, Lady Charlotte-I'll en alas! tertain you now : I've a new song, just come hot L. Chur. We know it, good madam, we know out of the poet's brain. Lady Charlotte, my

it-But

praycousin Campley writ it, and it's set to a pretty

Fur. Let not love, and substantial blisses, is air, I warrant you.

lively enough, and ran accordingly in the tune. L. Hur. 'Tis like to be pretty indeed, of his (Courtesies to the company.] Now I took it higher. writing.

[Flings away.

L. Har. Incomparably done! Nothing can Fur. Come, come, this is not one of your tring- equal it, except your cousin sang his own poetry. ham trangham witty things, that your poor poets

Camp. Madam, from my lord Hardy-{Delivers write: no; 'tis well known my cousin Campley a letter to Lady CHARLOTTE.) How do you say, has two thousand pounds a-year

-But this is

my lady Harriot ; except i sing it myself! Then all dissimulation in you.

I assure you I will. L. Char. 'Tis so indeed; for your cousin's song

L. Char. I ha'n't patience: I must go read my is very pretty, Mrs Fardingale.

(Exit.

Far. Bless me! what's become of Lady CharLet not love on me bestow

lotte ?

(Exit. Soft distress and tender woe;

L. Har. Mrs Fardingale, Mrs Fardingale, what, Then, pr’ythee give me, gentle boy, must we lose you? (CAMPLEY runs to the door, None of thy grief, but all thy joy. takes the key out, und locks her in.] What means

(Reads. letter.

dain!

L. Har.

this insolence ?-A plot upon me. Do you know me to a fault you have so lately shewn me! who I am

will not suffer this—No more ecstasies ! But Camp. Yes, madam; you're my lady Harriot pray, sir, what was't you did to get my sister out Lovely, with ten thousand pounds in your pocket; of the room? and I am Mr Campley, worth two thousand a Cump. You may know it; and I must desire year-of quality enough to pretend to you-And you to assist my lord Hardy there, who writ to I do design, before I leave this room, to hear you her by me-For he is no ravisher, as you called talk like a reasonable woman, as nature has made me just now. -He is now in the houseyou. Nay, 'tis in vain to flounce, and discom- And I would fain gain an interview. pose yourself and your dress.

L. Har. That they may have-But they'll L. Har. If there are swords, if they are men make little use of it; for the tongue is the in. of honour, and not all dastards, cowards, that strument of speech to us of a lower form : they pretend to this injured person

are of that high order of lovers, who know none [Running round the room. but eloquent silence, and can utter themselves Camp. Ay, ay, madam, let 'em come-That's only by a gesture, that speaks their passion inexputting me in my way: fighting's my trade-but pressible -and what not fine things. you've used all mankind too ill to expect so much Camp. But pray let's go into your sister's closervice -in short, madam, were you a fool, I set, while they are together, should not desire to expostulate with

you.

L. Hur. I swear I don't know how to see my

(Seizing her hand. sister-she'll laugh me to death to see me out of L Har. Unhand me, ravisher !-(Pulls her my pantoufles, and you and I thus familiar hand from him, and runs round the room, CAMP- However, I know she'll approve it. LEY after her.

Camp. You may boast yourself an heroine to Camp. But, madam, madam, madam, why, ma her, and the first woman that was ever vanquished

(Sings. by hearing truth, and had sincerity enough to re

ceive so rough an obligation, as being made acPr’ythee, Cynthia, look behind you ;

quainted with her faults-Come, madam, stand Age and wrinkles will o'ertake you.

your ground bravely: we'll march in to her thus. Age, wrinkles, small-pox, nay, any

(She leaning on CAMPLEY. thing that's most abhorrent to you:h and bloom,

L. Har. Who'll believe a woman's anger more! were welcome in the place of so detested a crea

I've betray'd the whole sex to you, Mr Campley. ture.

(Exeunt. Camp. Nosuch matter, Lady Harriot:- I would

Re-enter Lord HARDY and CAMPLEY. not be a vain coxcomb, but I know I am not detestable, nay, know where you've said as much, Cump. My lord, her sister, who now is mine, before you understood me for your servant. Was will immediately send her hither—But be yourI immediately transformed because I became self-Charge her bravely I wish she were your love'r ?

a cannon-an eighteen-pounder, for your sakeL. Har. My lover, sir ! Did I ever give you Then, I know, were there occasion, you'd be in reason to think I admitted you as such ?

the mouth of her. Camp. Yes, you did, in your using me ill L. Hardy. I long, yet fear to see her I know How do you answer yourself for some parts of I am unable to utter myself

. your behaviour to me as a gentleman-Do but Camp. Come, retire here till she

appears. consider, madam, I have long loved you—bore with this fantastic humour through all its mazes

Enter Lady CHARLOTTE. Nay, do not frown--for 'tis no better-I L. Char. Now is the tender moment now aplove with too sincere, too honest a devotion, and proaching. (Aside.] There he is. (They approach would bave your mind as faultless as your person, und salute each other, trembling.) Your lordship which 'twould be, if you'll lay aside this vanity will please to sit. After a very long pause, sto

{She walks about less violently, but inore con lenglantes, and irresolute gestures,] your lordship, fused.] Had I not better tell you of it now, than I think, has travelled those parts of Italy where

you were in my power: I should be then the armies are. too generous to thwart your inclination.

L. Hardy. Yes, madam, L. Har. That is indeed very handsomely said. L. Char. I think I have letters from you, daWhy should I not obey reason as soon as I see ted Mantua. it-(Asıđe.) Since so, Mr Campley, I can, as in L. Hardy. I hope you have, madam-and that geniously as I should then, acknowledge that I have been in an error.

L. Char. My lord ! (Looking down on her fun.

(Looking serious and confused. Camp. Nay, that's too great a condescension. L. Hardy. Was not your ladyship going to say Oh, excellence ! I repent! I see 'twas but justice something? in you to demand my knees, (Kneeling) my sighs, L. Char. I only attended to what your lordmy constant, tenderest regard and service-And ship was going to say that is, my lord-But you you shall have 'em, since you are above 'em. were, I believe, going to say something of that

L. Hur. Nay, Mr Campley, you won't recall garden of the world, Italy I am very sorry your

when

their purposes

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