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ACT I.

one with a pocket glass to see his own face, and SCENE I.-The Park.

an affected perspective to know others.

[Imitates each. Enter CLERIMONT, Sen. and FAINLOVE.

Cier. Sen. Ay, ay, that's my man-Thou dear Cler. Sen. Well, Mr Fainlove, how do you go rogue! on in your amour with my wife?

Fain. Let me alone-I'll lay my life I'll horn Fuin. I am very civil, and very distant; if she you, that is, I'll make it appear I might if I smiles or speaks, Í bow and gaze at her— Then could. throw down my eyes, as if oppressed by fear of of Cler. Sen. Ay, that will please me quite as fence, then steal a look again, till she again sees well. me—This is my general method.

Fain. To shew you the progress I have made, Cler. Sen. And 'tis right-For such a fine lady I last night won of her five hundred pounds, has no guard to her virtue, but her pride; there which I have brought you safe. fore, you must constantly apply yourself to that:

[Giving him bills. But dear Lucy, as you have been a very faithful, Cler. Sen. Oh the damned vice! That wobut a very costly wench to me, so my spouse men can imagine all household care, regard to also has been constant to my bed, but careless posterity, and fear of poverty, must be sacrificed of my fortune.

to a game at cards-Suppose she had not had it Fain. Ah! my dear, how could you leave your to pay, and you had been capable of finding your poor Lucy, and run into France to see sights, account another wayand show your gallantry with a wife? Was not

Fain. That's but a supposethat unnatural ?

Cler. Sen. I say, she must have complied with Cler. Sen. She brought me a noble fortune, every thing you ask'dand I thought she had a right to share it: there Fuin. But she knows you never limit her exfore carried her to see the world, forsooth, and pences—I'll gain him from her for ever if I can. make the tour of France and Italy, where she

[Aside. learned to lose her money gracefully, to admire Cler. Sen. With this you have repaid me two every vanity in our sex, and contemn every thousand pounds, and if you did not refund this virtue in her own; which, with ten thousand honestly, I could not have supplied her-We other perfections, are the ordinary improvements must have parted. of a travelld lady. Now I can neither mortify Fain. Then you shall part—if t’other way her vanity, that I may live at ease with her, or fails. (Aside.] However, I cann't blame your fondquite discard her, till" I have catch'd her a little ness of her, she has so many entertaining qualienlarging her innocent freedoms, as she calls ties with her vanity—Then she has such a pretty 'em : for this end I am content to be a French unthinking air, while she saunters round a room, husband, though now and then with the secret and prattles sentences, pangs of an Italian one; and therefore, sir, or Cier. Sen. That was her turn from her infancy ; madam, you are thus equipt to attend and accost she always had a great genias for knowing every her ladyship: it concerns you to be diligent: if thing but what it was necessary she shouldwe wholly part-I need say no more: if we do The wits of the age, the great beauties, and shortnot-l'll see thee well provided for.

lived people of vogue, were always hier discourse Fain. I'll do all I can, I warrant you, but you and imitation-Thus the case stood when she are not to expect I'll go much among the men. went to France; but her fine follies improved so

Cler. Sen. No, no, you must not go near men, daily, that, though I was then proud of her being you are only (when my wife goes to a play) to call'd Mr Clerimont's wife, I am now as much sit in a side-box with pret y fellows—I don't de out of countenance to hear myself called Mrs sign you to personate a réal man, you are only Clerimont's husband, so much is the superiority to be a pretty gentleman-Not to be of any of her side. use or consequence in the world, as to yourself, Fain. I am sur

if ever I gave myself a little but merely as a property to others; such as you see liberty, I never found you so indulgent. now and ihen have a life in the entail of a great

Cler. Sen. I should have the whole sex on my estate, and seem to have come into the world back, should I pretend to retrench a lady so well only to be tags in the pedigree of a wealthy visited as mine is-Therefore I must bring it house.—You must have seen many of that spe- about, that it shall appear her own act, it she

reforms; or else I shall be pronounc'd jealous, Fain. I apprehend you; such as stand in as and have my eyes pull'd out for being opensemblies, with an indolent softness and contempt But I hear my brother Jack coming, who, I hope, of all around 'em; who make a figure in public, has brought yours with him -Hist, not a and are scorn'd in private; I have seen such a word.

cies.

ror

Garden, and St James's; you have, too, the Enter Captain CLERIMONT and POUNCE.

mien and language of each place so naturally, Cupt. I have found him out at last, brother, that you are the properest instrument I know in and brought you the obsequious Mr Pounce; I the world, to help an honest young fellow to fasaw him at a distance in a crowd, whispering in vour in one of 'em, by credit in the other. their turns with all about him-He is a gentle Pounce. By what I understand of your many man so received, so courted, and so trusted prefaces, gentlemen, the purpose of all this is

Pounce. I am very glad if you saw any thing That it would not in the least discompose this like that, if the approbation of others can re- gentleman's easy, indolent disposition, to fall commend me (where I much more desired it) to into twenty thousand, pounds, though it came this company

upon him never so suddenly. Capt. "Oh, the civil person-But, dear Pounce, Cupt. You are a very discerning man

-How you know I am your professed admirer; I al- could you see so far through me, as to know I ways celebrated you for your excellent skill and love a fine woman, pretty equipage, good comaddress, for that happy knowledge of the world, pany, and a clean habitation? which makes you seem born for living with the Pounce. Well, though I am so much a conjupersons you are with, wherever you come

- What then? Now, my brother and I want your help, in a bu Cler. Sen. You know a certain person, into siness that requires a little more dexterity than whose hands you now and then recommend a we ourselves are masters of.

young heir, to be relieved from the vexation of Pounce. You know, sir, my character is help- tenants, taxes, and so forthing the distressed, which I do freely, and without Pounce. What! my worthy friend, and city reserve; while others are for distinguishing ri- patron, Hezekiah Tipkin, banker, in Lombard. gidly on the justice of the occasion, and so lose street! would the noble captain lay any sums in the grace of the benefit-Now 'tis my profes- his hands? sion to assist a free-hearted young fellow, against Capt. No—But the noble captain would have an unnatural long-lived father-to disencumber treasure out of his hands-You know bis niece. men of pleasure of the vexation of unwieldy es. Pounce. To my knowledge, ten thousand tates, to support a feeble title to an inheritance, pounds in money. to

Capt. Such a stature ! such a blooming counCler. Sen. I have been well acquainted with tenance! so easy a shape ! your merits ever since I saw you, with so much Pounce. In jewels of her grandmother's, five compassion, prompt a stammering witness in thousand Westminster-hall-that wanted instruction Capt. Her wit so lively, her mien so alluring! I love a man that can venture his ears with so Pounce. In land a thousand a-year. much bravery for his friend.

Capt. Her lips have that certain prominence, Pounce Dear sir, spare my modesty, and let that swelling softness, that they invite to a presme know to what all this panegyric tends. sure; her eyes that languish, that they give pain,

Cler. Sen. Why, sir, what I would say is in though they look only inclined to rest Her behalf of my brother the captain here, whose whole person that one charmmisfortune it is that I was born before him. Pounce. Raptures ! raptures !

Pounce. I'am confident he had rather you Capt. How can it, so insensibly to itself, lead should have been so, than any other man in Eng us through cares it knows not, through such a land.

wilderness of hopes, fears, joys, sorrows, desires, Capt. You do me justice, Mr Pounce -But despairs, ecstacies, and torments, with so sweet, though'tis to that gentleman, I am still a younger yet so anxious vicissitude ! brother, and you know we that are so, are gene Pounce. Why, I thought you had never seen rally condemn’d to shops, colleges, or inns of here court.

Capt. No more I ha'n't. Pounce. But you, sir, have escap'd 'em; you Pounce. Who told you, then, of her inviting have been trading in the noble mart of glory lips, her soft sleepy eyes

Capt. That's true—but the general makes such Capt. You, yourself. haste to finish the war, that we red coats may be Pounce. Sure you rave; I never spoke of her soon out of fasiion-and then I am a fellow of

before to you. the most easy, indolent disposition in the world; Capt. Why, you won't face me down-Did I hate all manner of business.

you not just now say, she had ten thousand Pounce. A composed temper, indeed ! pounds in money, five in jewels, and a thousand

Capt. In such a case, I should have no way a-year? of livelihood, but calling over this gentleman's Pounce. I confess my own stupidity, and her dogs in the country, drinking bis stale beer to charms—Why, if you were to meet, you would the neighbourhood, or marrying a fortunc. certainly please her ; you have the cant of lo

Cler. Sen. To be short, Pounce-I am puto ving; but, pray, may we be free-That young genting Jack upon marriage; and you are so public tlemanan envoy, or rather plenipotentiary, from the Capt. A very honest, modest gentleman of very different nations of "Cheapside, Covent- | my acquaintance: one that has much more in

him than he appears to have ; you shall know Cler. Sen. I have seen thee cajole the knave him better, sir; this is Mr Pounce. Mr Pounce, very dexterously. this is Mr Fainlove; I must desire you to let Pounce. Why, really, sir, generally speaking, him be known to you, and your friends. 'tis but knowing what a man thinks of himself,

Pounce. I shall be proud-Well, then, since and giving him that, to make him what else you we may be free, you must understand, the young please -Now Tipkin is an absolute Lombardlady, by being kept from the world, has made a street wit, a fellow that drolls on the strength of world of her own. She has spent all her soli fifty thousand pounds: he is called on 'Change, tude in reading romances; her head is full of Sly-boots, and by the force of a very good creshepherds, knights, flowery meads, groves, and dit, and very bad conscience, he is a leading streams ; so that if you talk like a man of this person: but we must be quick, or be'll sneer old world to her, you do nothing.

Sir Harry out of his senses, and strike up the Capl. Oh, let me alone-I have been a great sale of his niece immediately. traveller in fairy land myself; I know Oroon Capt. But my rival, what's he? dates, Cassandra; Astrea and Clelia are my in Pounce. There's some hopes there, for I hear timate acquaintance.

the booby is as averse, as his father is inclined to Go, my heart's envoys, tender sighs make it-One is as obstinate, as the other is cruel. haste,

Cler. Sen. He is, they say, a pert blockhead, And with your breath swell the soft zephyr's and very lively out of his father's sight. blast:

Pounce. He that gave me his character, call'd Then near that fair one, if you chance to fly, him a docile dunce, a fellow rather absurd, than Tell her, in whispers, 'tis for her I die. a direct fool-When his father's absent, he'll Pounce. That would do, that would do -her pursue any thing he's put upon-But we must very language.

not lose time-Pray be you two brothers at home Cler. Sen. Why then, dear Pounce, I know to wait for any notice from me-While that thou art the only man living that can serve him. pretty gentleman and I, whose face I have

Pounce. Gentlemen, you must pardon me, I known, take a walk and look about for 'em-So, am soliciting the marriage settlement between SO Young lady_{Aside to FAINLOVE.) her and a country booby, her cousin, Humphry

[Exeunt. Gubbin, Sir Harry's heir, who is come to town

Enter Sir HARRY GUBBIN and TIPKIN. to take possession of her.

Cler. Sen. Well, all that I can say to the mat Sir Har. Look ye, brother Tipkin, as I told ter is, that a thousand pounds on the day of Jack's you before, my business in town is to dispose of marriage to her, is more than you'll get by the an hundred head of cattle, and my son. dispatch of those deeds.

Tip. Brother Gubbin, as I signified to you in Pounce. Why, a thousand pounds is a pretty my last, bearing date Sept. 13th, my niece has a thing, especially when 'tis to take a lady fair out thousand pounds per annum, and because I of the hands of an obstinate ill-bred clown, to have found you a plain dealing man, (particularly give her to a gentle swain, a dying enamour'd in the easy pad you put into my bands last sum

mer,) I was willing you should have the refusal Cler. Sen. Ay, dear Pounce-consider but of my niece, provided that I have a discharge that-the justice of the thing.

from all retrospects while her guardian, and one Pounce. Besides, he is just come from the thousand pounds for my care. glorious Blenheim ! -Look ye, captain, I hope Sir Hur. Ay, but, brother, you rate her too you have learn's an implicit obedience to your high, the war has fetch'd down the price of wo

men : the whole nation is over-run with pettiCupt. 'Tis all I know.

coats ; our daughters lie upon our hands, broPounce. Then, if I am to command-make no ther Tipkin; girls are drugs, sir, mere drugs. one step without me—And since we may be free Tip. Look ye, Sir Harry-Let girls be what I am also to acquaint you, there will be more they will—a thousand pounds a year, is a thoumerit in bringing this matter to bear than you sand pounds a-year; and a thousand pounds aimagine-Yet right measures make all things year is neither girl nor boy. possible.

Sir Har. Look ye, Mr Tipkin, the main artiCapt. We'll follow yours exactly.

cle with me is, that foundation of wives' rebelPounce. But the great matter against us is lion, and husbands' cuckoldom, that cursed pinay want of time, for the nymph's uncle, and 'squire's inoney-Five hundred pounds per annum pinfather, this morning met, and made an end of money. the matter-But the difficulty of a thing, cap Tip. The word pin-money, Sir Harry, is a tain, shall be no reason against attempting it. term

Capt I have so great an opinion of your con Sir Hur. It is a term, brother, we never had duct, that I warrant you we conquer all. in our family, nor ever will-make her jointure

Pounce. I am so intimately employ'd by old in widowhood accordingly large, but four hunTipkin, and so necessary to him, that I may, dred pounds a-year is enough to give no account perhaps, puzzle things yet.

of.

knight.

leaders.

Tip. Well, Sir Harry, since you cann't swal Sir Har. Don't disgrace me, sirrah: you grim low these pins, I will abate to four hundred graceless rogue. ( Apurt.)—Brother, he has been pounds.

bred up to respect and silence before his parents Sir Hur. And to mollify the article—as well Yet did you but hear what a noise he makes as specify the uses, we'll put in the names of se sometimes in the kitchen, or the kennel, he's the veral female utensils, as needles, knitting-needles, loudest of 'em all. tape, thread, scissars, bodkins, fans, play-books, Tip. Well, Sir Harry, since you assure me he with other toys of that nature. And now since can speak, l'il take your word for it. we have as good as concluded the marriage, it Humph. I can speak when I see occasion, and will not be improper that the young people see I can hold my tongue when I see occasion. each other.

Sir Hur. Well said, Numps--sirrah, I see you Tip. I don't think it prudent till the very in can do well if you will. (Apurl.] stant of marriage, lest they should not like one Tip. Pray walk up to nie, cousin Humphry. another.

Sir Har. Ay, walk to and fro between us, Sir Har. They shall meet

-As for the young

with your hat under your arm. Clear up your girl, she cannot dislike Numps; and for Numps, countenance. (dpart.] I never suffered him to have any thing he liked Tip. I see, Sir Harry, you ha'n't set him a cain his life. He'll be here immediately; he has pering under a French dancing-master: he does been train'd up from bis childhood under such a not mince it: he has not learn’d to walk by a plant as this in my hand—I have taken pains courant, or a boree--His paces are natural, in his education.

Sir Harry Tip. Sir Harry, I approve your method: for Humph. I don't know but 'tis, so we walk in since you have left oft hunting, you might other the west of England. wise want exercise, and this is a subtile expedi Sir Hur. Ay, right, Numps, and so we doent to preserve your own health, and your son's Ha, ha, ha! Pray, brother, observe his make, good manners.

none of your latlı-back'd wishy-washy breed Sir Hur. It has been the custom of the Gub come hither, Numps. Cann't you stand still? bins to preserve severity and discipline in their

[ Apart, measuring his shoulders. families, I myself was caned the day before my Tip. I presume this is not the first time, Sir wedding.

Harry, you have measured his shoulders with Tip. Ay, Sir Harry, had you not been well your cane. cudgelled in youth, you had never been the man Sir Hur. Look ye, brother, two feet and an you are.

half in the shoulders. Sir Har. You say right, now I feel the bene Tip. Two feet and an half! we must make fit of it-There's a crab-tree, near our house, some settlement on the

younger children. which flourishes for the good of my posterity, Sir Har. Not like him, quoth-a ! and has brush'd our jackets, from father to son, Tip. He may see his cousin when he pleases. for several generations,

Humph, But hark ye, uncle, I have a scruTip. I am glad to hear you have all things ne ple I had better mention before marriage than cessary for the family within yourselves

after. Sir Har. Oh! yonder, I see Numps is coming Tip. What's that, what's that?

-I have dressed him in the very suit I had on Humph. My cousin, you know, is a-kin to me, at my own wedding; 'tis a most becoming appa- and I don't think it lawful for a young man to rel.

marry his own relations.

Sir Har. Hark ye, hark ye, Numps, we have Enter HUMPHRY GUBBIN.

got a way to solve all that: sirrah, consider this Tip. Truly, the youth makes a good marriage. cudgel! Your cousin ! Suppose I'd have you marable figure.

ry your grandmother; what then? (Apurt.] Sir Hur. Come forward, Numps, this is your Tip. Well, has your father satisfied you in the uncle Tipkin, your mother's brother, Numps, point, Mr Humphry? that is so kind as to bestow his niece upon you. Humph. Ay, ay, sir, very well: I have not (Don't be so glum, sirrah.) Don't bow to a the least scruple remaining; no, no-not in the man, with a face as if you'd knock him down, least, sir. don't, sirrah.

Tup. Then hark yc, brother; we'll

take a Tip. I am glad to see you, cousin Humphry, whet, and settle the whole affair. He is not talkative, I observe already.

Sir Hur. Come, we'll leave Numps hereSir Hur. He is very shrewd, sir, when he he knows the way. Not marry your own relapleases. Do you see illis crab-stick, you dog? tions, sirrah! [ Apart.] ( Apart.] Well, Numps, don't be out of humour.

[Exeunt Sir HARRY and TIPKIN. Will you talk? (4 purt.] Come, we're your Humph. Very fine, very fine; how prettily this friends, Numps, come, lad.

park is stock'd with soldiers, and deer, and ducks, Humph. You are a pure fellow for a father. and ladies--Ha! where are the old fellows This is always your trick, to make a great fool gone; where cau they be, tro'--I'll ask these of one before company.

[..purt to his father people-

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Pounce. A man of your beauty and fortune Enter POUNCE and FAINLOVE.

may find out ladies enough that are not a-kin to Humph. Ha, you pretty young gentleman, did you. you see my father?

Humph. Look ye, Mr What-d'ye-call-As to Fain. Your father, sir?

my beauty, I don't know but they may take a Humph. A weezel-faced cross old gentleman, liking to that—-But, sir, mayn't I crave your with spindle shanks.

name? Fuin. No, sir.

Pounce. My name, sir, is Pounce, at your serHumph. A crab-tree stick in his hand ? vice. Pounce. We ha'n't met any body with these Humph. Pounce, with a P? marks, but sure I have seen you before-Are Pounce. Yes, sir, and Samuel with an S. not you Mr Humphry Gubbin, son and heir to Humph. Why, then, Mr Samuel Pounce, do Sir Henry Gubbin?

you know any gentlewoman that you think I Humph. I am his son and heir-But how could like? For, to tell you truly, I took an anlong I shall be so, I cann't tell, for he talks every pathy to my cousin ever since my father proday of disinheriting me.

posed her to me-And, since every body knows Pounce. Dear sir, let me embrace you I came up to be married, I don't care to go down Nay, don't be offended if I take the liberty to and look baulk'd. kiss you ; Mr Fainlove, pray (FAINLOVE kisses] Pounce. I have a thought just come into my kiss the gentleman--Nay, dear sir, don't stare head -Do you see this young gentleman ? he and be surprised, for I have had a desire to be has a sister, a prodigious fortune—'faith you two better known to you ever since I saw you one shall be acquaintedday clench your fist at your father, when his back Fain. I cann't pretend to expect so accomhas turn’d upon you For, I must own, I very plish'd a gentleman as Mr Humphry for my much admire a young gentleman of spirit. sister! but, being your friend, I'll be at his ser

Humph. Why, sir, would it not vex a man to vice in the affair. the heart, to have an old fool snubbing a body Humph. If I had your sister, she and I should every minute afore company

live like two turtles, Pounce, Oh fie, he uses you like a boy.

Pounce. Mr Humphry, you sha'n't be fool'd any Humph. Like a boy! He lays on me, now and longer. I'll carry you into company; Mr Fainthen, as if I were one of his hounds—You cann't love, you shall introduce him to Mrs Clerimont's think what a rage he was in this morning because toilet. I boggled a little at marrying my own cousin. Fuin. She'll be highly taken with him, for she

Pounce. A man cann't be too scrupulous, Mr loves a gentleman whose manner is particular. Humphry; a man cann't be too scrupulous. Pounce. What, sir, a person of your preten

Humph. Sir, I could as soon love my own flesh sions, a clear estate, no portions to pay! 'Tis and blood, we should squabble like brother and barbarous, your treatment—Mr Humphry, I'm sister; do you think we should not, Mr-? afraid you want money—There's for you-What, Pray, gentlemen, may I crave the favour of your a man of your accomplishments ! names?

[Giving a purse. Pounce. Sir, I am the very person that bave Humph. And yet you see, sir, how they use been employed to draw up the articles of mar - Dear sir, you are the best friend I ever met riage between you

and
your
cousin.

with in all my life—Now, I am flush of money, Humph. Ay, say you so ? Then you can in- bring me to your sister, and I warrant you for my form me in some things concerning myself?- behaviour-A man's quite another thing with moPray, sir, what estate am I heir to ?

ney in his pocket—you know. Pounce. To fifteen hundred pounds a-year, an Pounce. How little the oaf wonders why I entailed estate

should give him money !-You shall never want, Humph. I am glad to hear it with all my heart; Mr Humphry, while I have it-Mr Humphry i and can you satisfy me in another question but, dear friend, I must take my leave of you, I Pray how old am i at present ?

have some extraordinary business on my hands; Pounce. Three-and-twenty last March. I cann't stay; but you must not say a word

Hunph. Why, as sure as you are there they Fuin. But you must be in the way half an have kept me back. I have been told by some of hour hence, and I'll introduce you at Mrs Clerithe neighbourhood, that I was born the very year mont's. the pigeon-house was built, and every body knows Pounce, Make 'em believe you are willing to the pigeon-house is three-and-twenty—Why, I have your cousin Bridget, 'till opportunity serves: find there has been tricks play'd me; I have Farewell, dear friend. obey'd hiin all along, as if I liad been obliged to

(Ereunt Pounce and FAINLOVE. it.

Humph. Farewell, good Mr Samuel Pounce Pounce. Not at all, sir; your father cann't cut But let's see my cash 'Tis very true, the old you out of one acre of fifteen hundred pounds a- saying, a man meets with more friendship fromı year.

strangers than his own relations Humph. What a fool have I been to give him cash : 1, 2, 3, 4, there on that side-1, 2, 3, 4, his head so long!

on that side; 'tis a foolish thing to put all one's

me

-Let's see my

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