Mir. I am so surpris'd with joy to see you, I know not what to say. Sir Fran. Poor dear girl! But do you know that my son, or some such rogue, to rob or murder me, or both, contrived this journey? for, upon the road, I met my neighbour Squeezum well, and coming to town. Mir. Good lack! good lack! what tricks are there in this world? Enter SCENTWELL, with a diamond necklace in her hand, not seeing Sir FRANCIS. Scent. Madam, be pleas'd to tie this necklace on, for I cann't get it into the [Seeing Sir FRANCIS. Mir. The wench is a fool I think! Could you not have carried it to be mended without putting it in the box? Sir Fran. What's the matter? Mir. Only, dearee! I bid her, I bid her Your ill usage has put every thing out of my head. But won't you go, Gardy, and find out these fellows, and have them punished? and, and— Sir Fran. Where should I look for them, child? No, I'll sit me down contented with my safety, nor stir out of my own doors till I go with thee to a parson. Mir. [Aside. If he goes into his closet I am ruin'd. Oh! bless me ! in this fright I had forgot Mrs Patch. Patch. Ay, madam, and I stay for your speedy answer. Mir. [Aside.] I must get him out of the house. Now assist me, Fortune! Sir Fran. Mrs Patch! I profess I did not see you: How dost thou do, Mrs Patch? Well, don't you repent leaving my Chargy? Patch. Yes, every body must love her-but I come now- -Madam, what did I come for? my invention is at the last ebb. [Aside to MIRANDA. Sir Fran. Nay, never whisper, tell me. Mir. She came, dear Gardy! to invite me to her lady's wedding, and you shall go with me, Gardy; 'tis to be done this moment, to a Spanish merchant. Old Sir Jealous keeps on his humour; the first minute he sees her, the next he marries her. Sir Fran. Ha, ha, ha, ha! I'd go if I thought the sight of matrimony would tempt Chargy to perform her promise. There was a smile, there was a consenting look, with those pretty twinklers, worth a million! 'Ods-precious! I am happier than the Great Mogul, the Emperor of China, or all the potentates that are not in wars. Speak, confirm it, make me leap out of my skin. Mir. When one has resolved, 'tis in vain to stand shilly-shally. If ever I marry, positively this is my wedding-day. Sir Fran. Oh! happy, happy man-Verily, I will beget a son the first night shall disinherit that dog Charles. I have estate enough to purchase a barony, and be the immortalizing the whole family of the Gripes. Sir Jeal. Ha! Signior Babinetto! admit 'em instantly-joyful minute; I'll have my daughter married to-night. Enter CHARLES in a Spanish habit, with Sir GEORGE dressed like a merchant. Sir Jeal. Senhor, beso las manos: vuestra merced es muy bien venido en esta tierra. Cha. Senhor, soy muy humilde, y muy obligado cryado de vuestra merced: mi padre embia a vuestra merced, los mas profondos de sus respetos; y a commissionado este mercadel Ingles, de concluyr un negocio, que me haze el mas dichoss hombre del mundo, haziendo me su yerno. Sir Jeal. I am glad on't, for I find I have lost much of my Spanish. Sir, I am your most humble servant. Signior Don Diego Babinetto has informed me, that you are commissioned by Signior Don Pedro, &c. his worthy father Sir Geo. To see an affair of marriage consummated between a daughter of yours and Signior Diego Babinetto, his son, here. True, sir, such a trust is repos'd in me, as that letter will inform you. I hope 'twill pass upon him. [Aside. [Gives him a letter. Sir Jeal. Ay, 'tis his hand. [Seems to read. Sir Geo. Good, you have counterfeited to a nicety, Charles. [Aside to CHARLES. Cha. If the whole plot succeeds as well, I'm happy. Sir Jeal. Sir, I find by this that you are a man of honour and probity; I think, sir, he calls you Meanwell. Sir Geo. Meanwell is my name, sir. Sir Jeal. A very good name, and very signifi cant. Cha. Yes, faith, if he knew all. [Aside. Sir Jeal. For to mean well is to be honest, and to be honest is the virtue of a friend, and a friend is the delight and support of human society. Sir Geo. You shall find that I'll discharge the part of a friend in what I have undertaken, Sir Jealous. Cha. But little does he think to whom. [Aside. Sir Geo. Therefore, sir, I must entreat the presence of your fair daughter, and the assistance of your chaplain; for Signior Don Pedro strictly enjoined me to see the marriage rites performed as soon as we should arrive, to avoid the accidental overtures of Venus. Sir Jeal. Overtures of Venus! 1 Sir Geo. Ay, sir; that is, those little hawking females that traverse the Park and the play-house, to put off their damag'd ware-they fasten upon foreigners like leeches, and watch their arrival as carefully as the Kentish men do a shipwreck: I warrant you, they have heard of him already. Sir Jeal. Nay, I know this town swarms with them. Sir Geo. Ay, and then you know the Spaniards are naturally amorous, but very constant; the first face fixes 'em; and it may be very dangerous to let him ramble ere he is tied. Cha. Well hinted. Isab. Oh! hear me, sir, hear me but speak one word. Do not destroy my everlasting peace; Isab. Let this posture move your tender nature. For ever will I hang upon these knees, Cha. Oh! that I could discover myself to her! [Aside. Sir Jeal. Pat to my purpose-Well, sir, there Sir Geo. Have a care what you do you had is but one thing more, and they shall be married | better trust to his obstinacy. [Aside. instantly. Sir Jeal. Did you ever see such a perverse Cha. Pray Heaven that one thing more don't slut? Off, I say. Mr Meanwell, pray help me a spoil all. [Aside Sir Jeal. Don Pedro writ me word, in his last but one, that he designed the sum of five thousand crowns by way of jointure for my daughter, and that it should be paid into my hands upon the day of marriage— Cha. Oh, the devil! [Aside. Sir Jeal. In order to lodge it in some of our funds, in case she should become a widow, and return for England Sir Geo. Pox on't! this is an unlucky turn. What shall I say? [Aside. Sir Jeal. And he does not mention one word of it in this letter. Cha. I don't know how he should. [Aside. Sir Geo. Humph! True, Sir Jealous, he told me such a thing, but, but, but, but-he, he, he, he, he did not imagine that you would insist upon the very day; for, for, for, for money, you know, is dangerous returning by sea; an, an, an, an Cha. Zounds! say we have brought it in commodities. [Aside to Sir GEORGE. Sir Geo. And so, sir, he has sent it in merchandise, tobacco, sugars, spices, lemons, and so forth, which shall be turned into money with all expedition in the mean time, sir, if you please to accept of my bond for performance little. Sir Geo. Rise, madam, and do not disoblige your father, who has provided a husband worthy of you, one that will love you equal with his soul, and one that you will love, when once you know him. Isab. Oh! never, never! Could I suspect that falsehood in my heart, Cha. Oh! my charming, faithful dear! [Aside. Cha. Heaven forbid! for I shall infallibly discover myself if he should. Sir Geo. Have patience, madam, and look at him: why will ye prepossess yourself against a man that is master of all the charms you would desire in a husband? Sir Jeal. Ay, look at him, Isabinda. Senhor, pase vind adelante. Cha. My heart bleeds to see her grieve, who I imagined would with joy receive me. Senhora obligue me veustra merced de sa mano. Sir Jeal. [Pulling up her head.] Hold up your head, hold up your head, hussy, and look at him. Sir Jeal. It is enough, sir; I am so pleas'd with Is there a properer, handsomer, better shaped the countenance of Signior Diego, and the har-fellow in England, ye jade you? Ha! see, see the mony of your name, that I'll take your word, and obstinate baggage shuts her cyes; by St Iago, I will fetch my daughter this moment. Within have a good mind to beat 'em out. there. [Enter Servant.] Desire Mr Tackum, my neighbour's chaplain, to walk hither. Serv. Yes, sir. [Exit. Sir Jeal. Gentlemen, I'll return in an instant. [Exit. Cha. Wondrous well! let me embrace thee. Sir Geo. 'Egad, that five thousand crowns had like to have ruined the plot. Cha. But that's over; and if Fortune throws no more rubs in our way Sir Geo. Thou'lt carry the prize-But hist! here he comes. Enter Sir JEALOUS dragging in ISABINDA. Sir Jcal. Come along, you stubborn baggage you! come along. [Pushes her down. Isab. Do then, sir, kill me, kill me instantly; 'Tis much the kinder action of the two, For 'twill be worse than death to wed him. Sir Geo. Sir Jealous, you are too passionate. Give me leave, I'll try by gentle words to work her to your purpose. Sir Jeal. I pray do, Mr Meanwell, I pray do; she'll break my heart. [Weeps.] There is in that jewels of the value of three thousand pounds, which were her mother's, and a paper wherein I have settled one half of my estate upon her now, and the whole when I die, but provided she marries this gentleman, else, by St Iago, I'll turn her out of doors, to beg or starve. Tell her this, Mr Meanwell, pray do. [Walks off Sir Geo. Ha! this is beyond expectationTrust to me, sir, I'll lay the dangerous consequence of disobeying you at this juncture before her, I warrant you. Cha. A sudden joy runs through my heart like a propitious omen. [Aside. Sir Geo. Come, madam, do not blindly cast your life away, just in the moment you would wish to save it. Cha. Oh, transport!-Senhor, yo la recibo como se deve un tesoro tan grande. Oh! my joy, my life, my soul! [Embruce. Isab. My faithful, everlasting comfort! son, Who, by his art, will join this pair for life, Make me the happiest father, her the happiest [Exeunt. Isub. Pray cease your trouble, sir; I have no wish but sudden death to free me from this ha- SCENE ted Spaniard. If you are his friend, inform him what I say; my heart is given to another youth, whom I love with the same strength of passion that I hate this Diego, with whom, if I am forced to wed, my own hand shall cut the Gordian knot. Sir Geo. Suppose this Spaniard, whom you strive to shun, should be the very man to whom you'd fly? Isub. Ha! Sir Geo. Would you not blame your rash resolve, and curse your eyes that would not look on Charles? Isab. On Charles! Oh! you have inspired new life, and collected every wandering sense. Where is he? Oh! let me fly into his arms. [Rises. Sir Geo. Hold, hold, hold. 'Sdeath! madam, you'll ruin all. Your father believes him to be Signior Babinetto. Compose yourself a little, pray, madam. [He runs to Sir JEALOUS. Cha. Her eyes declare she knows me. [Aside. Sir Geo. She begins to hear reason, sir; the fear of being turned out of doors has done it. [Runs back to ISABINDA. Isab. 'Tis he! Oh my ravish'd soul! Sir Geo. Take heed, madam, you don't betray yourself. Seem with reluctance to consent, or you are undone. [Runs to Sir JEALOUS.] Speak gently to her, sir; I'm sure she'll yield; I see it in her face. Sir Jeal. Well, Isabinda, can you refuse to bless a father whose only care is to make you happy, as Mr Meanwell has informed you? Come, wipe thy eyes; nay, pr'ythee do, or thou wilt break thy father's heart. See, thou bring'st the tears in mine, to think of thy undutiful carriage to me. [Weeps. wife. II.-Changes to the Street bjore Sir JEALOUS'S Door. Enter MARPLOT solus. Mar. I have hunted all over the town for Charles, but cann't find him, and by Whisper's scouting at the end of the street, I suspect he must be in the house again. I am informed too that he has borrowed a Spanish habit out of the play-house: what can it mean? Enter a Servant of Sir JEALOUS's to him out of the House. Hark'e, sir, do you belong to this house? Mar. Isn't your name Richard? Mur. Oh, ay, Thomas-Well, Thomas, there's a shilling for you. Serv. Thank you, sir. Mur. Pray, Thomas, can you tell if there be a gentleman in it in a Spanish habit? Serv. There's a Spanish gentleman within, that is just a-going to marry my young lady, sir. Mar. Are you sure he is a Spanish gentleman? Sero. I'm sure he speaks no English that I hear of. Mar. Then that cann't be him I want, for 'tis an English gentleman that I enquire after; he may be dressed like a Spaniard for aught I know. Serv. Ha! who knows but this may be an inpostor? I'll inform my master, for if he should be impos'd upon, he'll beat us all round. [Aside.] Pray come in, sir, and see if this be the person you inquire for. Mar. Ay, I'll follow you.-Now for it. [Exeunt. SCENE III.-Changes to the Inside of the House. Enter MARPLOT and Servant. Serv. Sir, please to stay here; I'll send my master to you. [Exit. Mar. So, this was a good contrivance. It this be Charles now, he will wonder how I found him out. Enter Servant and Sir JEALOUS. Sir Jeal. What is your earnest business, blockhead! that you must speak with me before the ceremony's past? Ha! who's this? Serv. Why this gentleman, sir, wants another gentleman in a Spanish habit, he says. Sir Jeul. In a Spanish habit! 'tis some friend Ꭱ of Signior Don Diego's, I warrant. Sir, your servant. Mur. Your servant, sir. Sir Jeal. I suppose you would speak with Signior Babinetto. Mar. Sir! Ser Jeal. I say, I suppose you would speak with Signior Babinetto. Mar. Hey-day! what the devil does he say now?-Sir, I don't understand you. Sir Jeal. Don't you understand Spanish, sir? Mar. Not I indeed, sir. Sir Jeal. I thought you had known Signior Babinetto. Mur. Not I, upon my word, sir. Sir Jeal. What then, you'd speak with his friend, the English merchant, Mr Meanwell? Mar. Neither, sir, not I; I don't mean any such thing. Sir Jeal. Why, who are you then, sir? and what do you want? [In an angry tone. Mar. Nay, nothing at all, not I, sir. Pox on him! I wish I were out; he begins to exalt his voice; I shall be beaten again. Sir Jeal Nothing at all, sir! Why, then, what business have you in my house? ha! Serv. You said you wanted a gentleman in a Spanish habit. Mur. Why, ay, but his name is neither Babinetto nor Meanwell. Sir Jeal. What is his name, then, sirrah? Ha! now I look at you again, I believe you are the rogue that threatened me with half-a-dozen myrmidons Mar. Me, sir! I never saw your face in all my life before. Sir Jeul. Speak, sir, who is it you look for? or, or Mar. A terrible old dog!-Why, sir, only an honest young fellow of my acquaintance-I thought that here might be a ball, and that he might have been here in a masquerade. 'Tis Charles, Sir Francis Gripe's son, because I knew he us'd to come hither sometimes. Sir Jeal. Did he so?-not that I know of, I'm sure. Pray Heav'n that this be Don Diego -If I should be trick'd now-Ha? my heart misgives me plaguily- -Within there! stop the marriage-Run, sirrah, call all my servants! I'll be satisfied that this is Signior Pedro's son ere he has my daughter. Mar. Ha! Sir George! what have I done now? Enter Sir GEORGE, with a drawn sword, between the scenes. Sir Geo. Ha! Marplot here-oh, the unlucky dog-What's the matter, Sir Jealous? Sir Jeal. Nay, I don't know the matter, Mr Meanwell. Mar. Upon my soul, Sir George [Going up to Sir GEORGE. Sir Jeal. Nay, then, I'm betray'd, ruin'd, undone. Thieves, traitors, rogues! [Offers to go in.] Stop the marriage, I say Sir Geo. I say go on, Mr Tackum.-Nay, no entering here; I guard this passage, old gentleman: the act and deed were both your own, and I'll see 'em sign'd, or die for't. on, Enter Servant. Sir Jeal. A pox on the act and deed!-Fall knock him down. Sir Geo. Ay, come on, scoundrels! I'll prick your jackets for you. Sir Jeal. Zounds! sirrah, I'll be reveng'd on you. [Beats MARPLOT. Sir Geo. Ay, there your vengeance is due. Ha, ha! Mar. Why, what do you beat me for? I ha'n't married your daughter. Sir Jeal. Rascals! why don't you knock him down? Serv. We are afraid of his sword, sir; if you'll take that from him, we'll knock him down presently. Enter CHARLES and ISABINDA. Sir Jeal. Seize her then. Cha. Rascals! retire; she's my wife; touch her if you dare; I'll make dog's meat of you. Mar. Ay, I'll make dog's meat of you, rascal, Sir Jeal. Ah! downright English-Oh, oh, oh, oh! Enter Sir FRANCIS GRIPE, MIRANDA, PATCH, SCENTWELL, and WHISPER. Sir Fran. Into the house of joy we enter without knocking-Ha! I think 'tis the house of sorrow, Sir Jealous. Sir Jeal. Oh, Sir Francis, are you come? What! was this your contrivance, to abuse, trick, and chouse me out of my child. Sir Fran. My contrivance! what do you mean? Sir Jeal. No, you don't know your son there in a Spanish habit! Sir Fran. How! my son in a Spanish habit! Sirrah, you'll come to be hang'd. Get out of my sight, ye dog! get out of my sight. Sir Jeal. Get out of your sight, sir! get out with your bags. Let's see what you'll give him now to maintain my daughter. Sir Fran. Give him! he shall never be the better for a penny of mine-and you might have look'd after your daughter better, Sir Jealous. Trick'd, quoth-a! 'Egad, I think you design'd to trick me but look ye, gentlemen, I believe I shall trick you both. This lady is my wife, do you see, and my estate shall descend only to the heirs of her body. extremely obliged to you, Sir Francis. Sir Geo. Lawfully begotten by me-I shall be Sir Fran. Ha, ha, ha, ha! poor Sir George! you see your project was of no use: does not your hundred pounds stick in your stomach! ha, ha, ha! Sir Geo. No, faith, Sir Francis, this lady has given me a cordial for that. [Takes her by the hand. Sir Fran. Hold, sir, you have nothing to say to this lady. Sir Geo. Nor you nothing to do with my wife, sir. Mir. Ay, really, guardian,, 'tis even so. I hope you'll forgive my first offence. Sir Fran. What, have you chous'd me out of my consent and your writings then, mistress, ha? Mir. Out of nothing but my own, guardian. Sir Jeal. Ha, ha, ha! 'tis some comfort at least to see you are over-reach'd as well as myself. Will you settle your estate upon your son now? Sir Fran. He shall starve first. Mir. That I have taken care to prevent. There, sir, are the writings of your uncle's estate, which have been your due these three years. [Gives CHARLES papers. Cha. I shall study to deserve this favour. Mar. Now, how the devil could she get those writings, and I know nothing of it! Sir Fran. What, have you robb'd me too, mistress! 'egad, I'll make you restore 'em-hussy, I will so. Sir Jeal. Take care I don't make you pay the arrears, sir. 'Tis well 'tis no worse, since 'tis no better. Come, young man, seeing thou hast outwitted me, take her, and bless you both! Cha. I hope, sir, you'll bestow your blessing too; 'tis all I ask. Mar. Do, Gardy, do. [Kneels. [Exit. Sir Geo. Ha, ha, ha! ne'er mind his curses, Charles; thou❜lt thrive not one jot the worse for 'em. Since this gentleman is reconcil'd, we are all made happy. Sir Jeal. I always lov'd precaution, and took care to avoid dangers; but when a thing was past, I ever had philosophy to be easy. Cha. Which is the true sign of a great soul. I lov'd your daughter, and she me, and you shall have no reason to repent her choice. Isab. You will not blame me, sir, for loving my own country best. Mar. So here's every body happy, I find, but poor Pilgarlick. I wonder what satisfaction I shall have for being cuff'd, kick'd, and beaten in your service! Sir Jeal. I have been a little too familiar with you as things are fallen out; but since there's no help for't, you must forgive me. Mar. 'Egad, I think so-but provided that you be not so familiar for the future. Sir Geo. Thou hast been an unlucky rogue. Chu. That I'll vouch for, and freely forgive thee. Sir Geo. And I'll do you one piece of service more, Marplot; I'll take care that Sir Francis make you master of your estate. Mar. That will make me as happy as any of ou. Patch. Your humble servant begs leave to remind you, madam. Isab. Sir, I hope you'll give me leave to take Patch into favour again. Sir Jeal. Nay, let your husband look to that; I have done with my care. Cha. Her own liberty shall always oblige me. Here's nobody but honest Whisper and Mrs Scentwell to be provided for now. It shall be left to their choice to marry or keep their services. Whisp. Nay, then, I'll stick to m master. Scent. Coxcomb! and I prefer my lady before a footman. Sir Jeal. Hark, I hear the music; the fiddlers smell a wedding. What say you, young fellows, will you have a dance? Sir Geo. With all my heart; call 'em in. [A dance. Sir Jeal. Now let us in and refresh ourselves with a cheerful glass, in which we'll bury all animosities and : By my example let all parents move, And never strive to cross their children's love; But still submit that care to Providence above. [Exeunt omnes. EPILOGUE. IN me you see one Busy Body more, And one may pass since they do every where. Sour critics time, and breath, and censures waste, Old beaux, who none, not e'en themselves, can please, Are busy still for nothing-but to tease; |