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opportunity to tell her so. She replied, she had no objection to mine; but if I could not reconcile contradictions, I must not think of her, for that she was condemned to the caprice of four persons, who never yet agreed in any one thing, and she was obliged to please them all.

Sack. 'Tis most true, sir: I'll give you a short description of the men, and leave you to judge of the poor lady's condition. One is a kind of virtuoso, a silly, half-witted fellow, but positive and surly; fond of every thing antique and foreign, and wears his clothes of the fashion of the last century; doats upon travellers; and believes more of Sir John Mandeville than he does of the Bible.

Col. That must be a rare odd fellow !

Sack. Another is a 'Change broker; a fellow that will out-lie the devil for the advantage of stock, and cheat his father that got him, in a bargain he is a great stickler for trade, and hates every man that wears a sword.

Free. He is a great admirer of the Dutch management, and swears they understand trade better than any nation under the sun.

Sack. The third is an old beau, that has May in his fancy and dress, but December in his face and his heels he admires all the new fashions, and those must be French; loves operas, balls, masquerades, and is always the most tawdry of the whole company on a birth-day.

Col. These are pretty opposite to one another, truly-And the fourth, what is he, landlord? Suck. A very rigid quaker, whose quarter began this day. I saw Mrs Lovely go in, not above two hours ago,-Sir Philip set her down. What think you now, colonel; is not the poor lady to be pitied?

Col. Ay, and rescu'd too, landlord.
Free. In my opinion that's impossible.

Col. There is nothing impossible to a lover.What would not a man attempt for a fine woman and thirty thousand pounds? Besides, my honour is at stake; I promised to deliver her, and she bid me win her and wear her.

Sack. That's fair, faith.

Frce. If it depended upon knight-errantry, I should not doubt your setting free the damsel; but to have avarice, impertinence, hypocrisy, and pride at once to deal with, requires more cunning than generally attends a man of honour.

Col. My fancy tells me I shall come off with glory. I am resolved to try, however.-Do you know all the guardians, Mr Sackbut?

Sack. Very well, sir; they all use my house. Col. And will you assist me, if occasion requires?

Sack. In every thing I can, colonel.

Free. I'll answer for him: and whatever I can serve you in, you may depend on. I know Mr Periwinkle and Mr Tradelove; the latter has a very great opinion of my interest abroad.—I happen'd to have a letter from a correspondent two hours before the news arrived of the French king's death: I communicated it to him; upon which he bought all the stock he could; and what

with that, and some wagers he laid, he told me he had got to the tune of five hundred pounds; so that I am much in his good graces.

Col. I don't know but you may be of service to me, Freeman.

Free. If I can, command me, colonel.

Col. Isn't it possible to find a suit of clothes ready made, at some of these sale shops, fit to rig out a beau, think you, Mr Sackbut?

Sack. O! hang 'em-No, colonel, they keep nothing ready made that a gentleman would be seen in but I can fit you with a suit of clothes, if you'd make a figure-velvet and gold brocade

They were pawn'd to me by a French count, who had been stript at play, and wanted money to carry him home: he promised to send for them, but I have not heard any thing of him.

Free. He has not fed upon frogs long enough yet to recover his loss; ha, ha!

Col. Ha, ha! Well, the clothes will do, Mr Sackbut, though we must have three or four fellows in tawdry liveries; they can be procur'd, I hope.

Free. 'Egad! I have a brother come from the West Indies that can match you; and, for expedition sake, you shall have his servants: there's a black, a tawney Moor, and a Frenchman: they don't speak one word of English, so can make no mistake.

Col. Excellent 'Egad! I shall look like an Indian prince. First, I'll attack my beau guardian; where lives he?

Sack. Faith, somewhere about St James's, tho' to say in what street I cannot; but any chairman will tell you where Sir Philip Modelove lives.

Free. Oh! you'll find him in the Park at eleven every day; at least, I never pass through at that hour without seeing him there.-But what do you intend?

Col. To address him in his own way, and find what he designs to do with the lady. Free. And what then?

Col. Nay, that I cann't tell ; but I shall take my measures accordingly.

Sack. Well, 'tis a mad undertaking in my mind: but here's to your success, colonel. [Drinks.

Col. 'Tis something out of the way, I confess; but Fortune may chance to smile, and I succeed. -Come, landlord, let me see those clothes.Freeman, I shall expect you'll leave word with Mr Sackbut where one may find you upon occasion; and send me my Indian equipage immedi ately, d'ye hear?

Free. Immediately.

[Exit.

Col. Bold was the man who ventur'd first to sea, But the first vent'ring lovers bolder were. The path of love's a dark and dang'rous way, Without a land-mark, or one friendly star, And he that runs the risk deserves the fair.

SCENE II.-PRIM'S House.

[Excunt.

Enter Mrs LOVELY and her maid BETTY. Betty. Bless me, madam! Why do you fret

and tease yourself so? This is giving them the advantage with a witness.

Mrs Lov. Must I be condemned all my life to the preposterous humours of other people, and pointed at by every boy in town?-Oh! I could tear my flesh, and curse the hour I was bornIsn't it monstrously ridiculous, that they should desire to impose their quaking dress upon me at these years! When I was a child, no matter what they made me wear, but now

Betty. I would resolve against it, madam; I'd see 'em hang'd before I'd put on the pinch'd cap again.

Mrs Lov. Then I must never expect one moment's ease: she has rung such a peal in my ears already, that I sha'n't have the right use of them this month.- -What can I do?

Betty. What can you not do, if you will but give your mind to it? Marry, madam.

Mrs Lov. What! and have my fortune go to build churches and hospitals?

-If the colonel loves

Betty. Why, let it go.you as he pretends, he'll marry you without a fortune, madam; and I assure you a colonel's lady is no despicable thing; a colonel's post will maintain you like a gentlewoman, madam.

Mrs Lov. So you would advise me to give up my own fortune, and throw myself upon the colonel's?

Betty. I would advise you to make yourself easy, madam.

Mrs Lov. That's not the way, I'm sure. No, no, girl, there are certain ingredients to be mingled with matrimony, without which I may as well change for the worse as the better. When the woman has fortune enough to make the man happy, if he has either honour or good manners, he'll make her easy. Love makes but a slovenly figure in a house where Poverty keeps the door. Betty. And so you resolve to die a maid, do you, madam.

Mrs Lov. Or have it in my power to make the man I love master of my fortune.

Betty. Then you don't like the colonel so well

as I thought you did, madam, or you would no take such a resolution.

Mrs Lov. It is because I do like him, Betty, that I do take such a resolution.

Betty. Why, do you expect, madam, the colonel can work miracles? Is it possible for him to marry you with the consent of all your guardians? Mrs Lov. Or he must not marry me at all: and so I told him; and he did not seem displeased with the news.- -He promised to set me free; and I, on that condition, promised to make him master of that freedom.

Betty. Well, I have read of enchanted castles, ladies delivered from the chains of magic, giants kill'd, and monsters overcome; so that I shall be the less surprised if the colonel should conjure you out of the power of your four guardians; if he does, I am sure he deserves your fortune.

Mrs Lov. And shall have it, girl, if it were ten times as much-For I'll ingenuously confess to thee, that I do like the colonel above all the men I ever saw:-There's something so jantee in a soldier, a kind of je-ne-sçar-quoi air, that makes them more agreeable than the rest of mankind.-They command regard; as who shall say, We are your defenders; we preserve your beauties from the insults of rude and unpolish'd foes, and ought to be preferr'd before those lazy, indolent mortals, who, by dropping into their fathers' estates, set up their coaches, and think to rattle themselves into our affections.

Betty. Nay, madam, I confess that the army has engrossed all the prettiest fellows-A laced coat and a feather have irresistible charms.

Mrs Lov. But the colonel has all the beauties of the mind as well as the body.-O! all ye powers that favour happy lovers, grant that he may be mine! Thou god of Love, if thou be'st aught but name, assist my Fainwell!

Point all thy darts to aid his just design,
And make his plots as prevalent as thine.
[Exeunt.

ACT II.

SCENE I.-The Park.

Enter Colonel, finely dressed, three Foolmen after

him.

Wom. Yes, really, sir.-Hey-day! Who comes yonder? He cuts a mighty figure.

Sir Phil. Ha! a stranger, by his equipage keeping so close at his heels. He has the apCol. So, now if I can but meet this beau!-pearance of a man of quality.-Positively French, 'Egad! methinks I cut a smart figure, and have by his dancing air. as much of the tawdry air as any Italian count or French marquis of them all. -Sure I shall know this knight again-Ah! yonder he sits, making love to a mask, i'faith. I'll walk up the Mall, and come down by him. [Exit.

Scene draws, and discovers Sir PHILIP upon a

Bench, with a Woman mask'd.

Sir Phil. Well, but, my dear, are you really constant to your keeper?

Wom. He crosses, as if he meant to sit down here.

Sir Phil. He has a mind to make love to thee,

child.
Enter Colonel, and seats himself upon the Bench
by Sir PHILIP.

Wom. It will be to no purpose, if he does.
Sir Phil. Are you resolved to be cruel then?
Col. You must be very cruel indeed, if you

can deny any thing to so fine a gentleman, madam. [Takes out his watch. Wom. I never mind the outside of a man. Col. And I'm afraid thou art no judge of the inside.

Sir Phil. I am positively of your mind, sir; for creatures of her function seldom penetrate beyond the pocket.

Wom. Creatures of your composition have, indeed, generally more in their pockets than in their heads. [Aside. Sir Phil. Pray what says your watch? mine is down. [Pulling out his watch. Col. I want thirty-six minutes of twelve, sir.[Puts up his watch, and takes out his snuff-box. Sir Phil. May I presume, sir?

Col. Sir, you honour me. [Presenting the box. Sir Phil. He speaks good English-though he must be a foreigner. [Aside.]-This snuff is extremely good,--and the box prodigious fine; the work is French, I presume, sir.

Col. I bought it in Paris, sir—I do think the workmanship pretty neat.

Sir Phil. Neat! 'tis exquisitely fine, sir. Pray, sir, if I may take the liberty of enquiring-what country is so happy to claim the birth of the finest gentleman in the universe? France, I pre

sume.

Col. Then you don't think me an Englishman?
Sir Phil. No, upon my soul, don't I.
Col. I am sorry for't.

Sir Phil. Impossible you should wish to be an Englishman! Pardon me, sir; this island could not produce a person of such alertness.

Col. As this mirror shews you, sir.

[Puts up a pocket glass to Sir PHILIP's face. Wom. Coxcombs! I'm sick to hear them praise one another. One seldom gets any thing by such animals; not even a dinner, unless one can dine upon soup and celery.

Sir Phil. O Gad, sir!-Will you leave us, madam? Ha, ha! [Exit Wom. Col. She fears 'twill be only losing time to stay here; ha, ha!—I know not how to distinguish you, sir, but your mien and address speak you right honourable.

Sir Phil. Thus great souls judge of others by themselves-I am only adorn'd with knighthood, that's all, I assure you, sir: my name is Sir Phi lip Modelove.

Col. Of French extraction?

Sir Phil. My father was French.

Col. One may plainly perceive it-There is a certain gaiety peculiar to my nation (for I will own myself a Frenchman) which distinguishes us every where-A person of your figure would be a vast addition to a coronet.

Sir Phil. I must own I had the offer of a barony about five years ago, but I abhorr'd the fatigue which must have attended it. I could never yet bring myself to join with either party.

Col. You are perfectly in the right, Sir Philip -a fine person should not embark himself in the slovenly concern of politics; dress and pleasure are objects proper for the soul of a fine gentle

man.

Sir Phil. And love.

Col. Oh! that's included under the article of pleasure.

Sir Phil. Parbleu il est un homme d'esprit.— I must embrace you-[Rises and embraces.]Your sentiments are so agreeable to mine, that we appear to have but one soul, for our ideas and conceptions are the same.

Col. I should be sorry for that. [Aside.]—You do me too much honour, Sir Philip.

Sir Phil. Your vivacity and jantee mien assured me, at first sight, there was nothing of this foggy island in your composition. May I crave your name, sir?

Col. My name is La Fainwell, sir, at your ser

vice.

Sir Phil. The La Fainwells are French, I know, tho' the name is become very numerous in Great Britain of late years-I was sure you was French the moment I laid my eyes upon you; I could not come into the supposition of your being an Englishman: this island produces few such orna

ments.

Col. Pardon me, Sir Philip; this island has two things superior to all nations under the sun. Sir Phil. Ah! what are they?

Col. The ladies and the laws.

Sir Phil. The laws, indeed, do claim a preference of other nations,-but, by my soul, there are fine women every where-I must own I have felt their power in all countries.

Col. There are some finish'd beauties, I confess, in France, Italy, Germany, nay, even in Hol land, mais elles sont bien rare: but les belles Angloises! Oh, Sir Philip, where find we such women! such symmetry of shape! such elegancy of dress! such regularity of features! such sweetness of temper! such commanding eyes! and such bewitching smiles!

Sir Phil. Ah!-Parbleu vous etes attrapé.

Col. Non, je vous assure, chevalier.—But I declare there is no amusement so agreeable to my goût as the conversation of a fine woman.I could never be prevailed upon to enter into what the vulgar call the pleasures of the bottle.

Sir Phil. My own taste, positivement-A bail, or a masquerade, is certainly preferable to all the productions of the vineyard.

Col. Infinitely! I hope the people of quality in England will support that branch of pleasure, which was imported with their peace, and since naturaliz'd by the ingenious Mr Heidegger.

Sir Phil. The ladies assure me it will become part of the constitution-upon which I subscrib'd a hundred guineas-It will be of great service to the public, at least to the company of surgeons, and the city in general.

Col. Ha, ha! it may help to ennoble the blood of the city. Are you married, Sir Philip?

Sir Phil. No; nor do I believe I ever shall enter into that honourable state; I have an absolute tendre for the whole sex.

Col. That's more than they have for you, I dare swear. Aside.

Sir Phil. And I have the honour to be very well with the ladies, I can assure you, sir: and I

won't affront a million of fine women to make one happy.

Col. Nay, marriage is reducing a man's taste to a kind of half pleasure; but then it carries the blessings of peace along with it; one goes to sleep without fear, and wakes without pain.

Sir Phil. There's something of that in't; a wife is a good dish for an English stomach,—but gross feeding for nicer palates; ha, ha, ha!

Col. I find I was very much mistaken-I imagined you had been married to that young lady whom I saw in the chariot with you this morning in Grace-church Street.

Sir Phil. Who? Nancy Lovely? I am a piece of a guardian to that lady: you must know, her father, I thank him, joined me with three of the most preposterous old fellows-that, upon my soul, I am in pain for the poor girl;-she must certainly lead apes, as the saying is; ha, ha!

Col. That's pity, Sir Philip. If the lady would give me leave, I would endeavour to avert that

curse.

Col. Le Noir, la Brun, la Blanc.-Morbleu, ou sont ces coquins la? Allons, Monsieur le Chevalier.

Sir Phil. Ah! Pardonnez moi, monsieur. Col. Not one step, upon my soul, Sir Philip. Sir Phil. The best bred man in Europe, positively. [Exeunt.

SCENE II.-Changes to OBADIAH PRIM'S
House.

Enter Mrs LOVELY, followed by Mrs PRIM.
Mrs Pr. Then thou wilt not obey me: and
thou dost really think those fallals become thee?
Mrs Lov. I do, indeed.

Mrs Pr. Now will I be judged by all sober people, if I don't look more like a modest woman than thou dost, Anne.

Mrs Lov. More like a hypocrite you mean, Mrs Prim.

to the upright.

Mrs Pr. Ah! Anne, Anne, that wicked Philip Modelove will undo thee.-Satan so fills thy Sir Phil. As to the lady, she'd gladly be rid of heart with pride, during the three months of his us at any rate, I believe; but here's the mischief-guardianship, thou becomest a stumbling-block he who marries Miss Lovely must have the consent of us all four,-or not a penny of her portion. For my part, I shall never approve of any but a man of figure,--and the rest are not only averse to cleanliness, but have each a peculiar taste to gratify.-For my part, I declare I would prefer you to all the men I ever saw.

Col. And I her to all women.

Sir Phit. I assure you, Mr Fainwell, I am for marrying her, for I hate the trouble of a guardian, especially among such wretches, but resolve never to agree to the choice of any one of them, -and I fancy they'll be even with me; for they never came into any proposal of mine yet.

Col. I wish I had your leave to try them, Sir Philip.

Sir Phil. With all my soul, sir; I can refuse a person of your appearance nothing.

Col. Sir, I am infinitely obliged to you.
Sir Phil. But do you really like matrimony?
Col. I believe I could with that lady.

Mrs Lov. Pray who are they? Are the pinch'd cap and formal hood the emblems of sanctity? Does your virtue consist in your dress, Mrs Prim?

Mrs Pr. It doth not consist in cut hair, spotted face, and a bare neck.-Oh! the wickedness of the generation! The primitive women knew not the abomination of hoop'd petticoats.

Mrs Lov. No, nor the abomination of cant neither. Don't tell me, Mrs Prim, don't.-I know you have as much pride, vanity, self-conceit, and ambition among you, couched under that formal habit and sanctified countenance, as the proudest of us all; but the world begins to see your pru dery.

Mrs Pr. Prudery! What! do they invent new words as well as new fashions? Ah! poor fantastic age, I pity thee-Poor deluded Anne, which dost thou think most resemblest the saint, and which the sinner, thy dress or mine? Thy naked bosom allureth the eye of the by-stander-enSir Phit. The only point in which we differ-courageth the frailty of human nature—and corBut you are master of so many qualifications, that I can excuse one fault; for I must think it a fault in a fine gentleman; and that you are such, I'l give it under my hand,

Col, I wish you'd give me your consent to marry Mrs Lovely under your hand, Sir Philip.

rupteth the soul with evil longings.

Mrs Loo. And pray who corrupted your son Tobias with evil longings? Your maid Tabitha wore a handkerchief, and yet she made the saint a sinner.

Mrs Pr. Well, well, spit thy malice. I confess Satan did buffet my son Tobias and my servant Tabitha; the evil spirit was at that time too strong, and they both became subject to its workings,not from any outward provocation,-but from an inward call: he was not tainted with the rotten

Sir Phit. I'll do't, if you'll step into St James's coffee-house, where we may have pen and ink,though I cann't foresee what advantage my consent will be to you, without you could find a way to get the rest of the guardians.-But I'll introduce you, however. She is now at a quaker'sness of the fashions, nor did his eyes take in the where I carried her this morning, when you saw us in Grace-church Street.-I assure you she has an odd ragout of guardians, as you will find when you hear the characters, which I'll endeavour to give you as we go along.-Hey! Pierre, Jacque, Renno,-where are you all, scoundrels?-Order the chariot to St James's coffee-house.

drunkenness of beauty.

Mrs Lov. No! that's plainly to be seen, Mrs Pr. Tabitha is one of the faithful; he fell not with a stranger.

Mrs Lov. So! Then you hold wenching no crime, provided it be within the pale of your own tribe. You are an excellent casuist, truly.

Enter OBADIAH PRIM.

Ob. Pr. Not stripp'd of thy vanity yet, Anne! -Why dost thou not make her put it off, Sarah? Mrs Pr. She will not do it.

little bit of her delicious bubby :-Don't you remember those words, Mr Prim?

Mrs Pr. What does she say, Obadiah? Ob. Pr. She talketh unintelligibly, Sarah.Which way did she hear this? This should not have reached the ears of the wicked ones :-veri[Aside.

Ob. Pr. Verily, thy naked breasts troubleth my outward man; I pray thee hide 'em, Anne: putly, it troubleth me. on an handkerchief, Anne Lovely.

Mrs Lov I hate handkerchiefs when 'tis not cold weather, Mr Prim.

Mrs Pr. I have seen thee wear a handkerchief, nay, and a mask to boot, in the middle of July. Mrs Lov. Ay, to keep the sun from scorching

me.

Ob. Pr. If thou couldst not bear the sun-beams, how dost thou think man can bear thy beams? Those breasts inflame desire: Let them be hid, I

say.

Mrs Lov. Let me be quiet, I say.-Must I be tormented thus for ever? Sure no woman's condition ever equalled mine! Foppery, folly, avarice, and hypocrisy, are, by turns, my constant companions, and I must vary shapes as often as a play-❘ er-I cannot think my father meant this tyranny! No, you usurp an authority which he never intended you should take.

Ob. Pr. Hark thee: Dost thou call good counsel tyranny? Do I or my wife tyrannize, when we desire thee, in all love, to put off thy tempting attire, and veil thy provokers to sin?

Mrs Lov. Deliver me, good Heaven! or I shall go distracted. [Walks about. Mrs Pr. So! now thy pinners are tost, and thy breasts pulled up!- -Verily, they were seen enough before.Fie upon the filthy tailor who made thy stays.

Mrs Lov. I wish I were in my grave! Kill me rather than treat me thus.

Ob. Pr. Kill thee! Ha, ha! thou thinkest thou art acting some lewd play, sure :-Kill thee! Art thou prepared for death, Anne Lovely? No, no, thou wouldst rather have a husband, Anne :

thou wantest a gilt coach, with six lazy fellows behind, to flaunt it in the ring of vanity, among the princes and rulers of the land-who pamper themselves with the fatness thereof: but I will take care that none shall squander away thy father's estate: thou shalt marry none such, Anne. Mrs Lov. Would you marry me to one of your own canting sect?

Ob. Pr. Yea, verily, no one else shall ever get my consent, I do assure thee, Anne.

Mrs Lov. And I do assure thee, Obadiah, that I will as soon turn papist, and die in a convent. Mrs Pr. Oh, wickedness!

Mrs Lov. Oh, stupidity!

Ob. Pr. Oh, blindness of heart!

Enter Servant.

Serv. Philip Modelove, whom they call Sir Philip, is below, and such another with him; shall I up?

send them

Ob. Pr. Yea.

[Exit Sere.

Enter Sir PHILIP and Colonel.

Sir Phil. How dost thou do, friend Prim?Odso! my she-friend here too?-What, are you documenting Miss Nancy? reading her a lecture upon the pinch'd coif, I warrant ye.

Mrs Pr. I am sure thou didst never read her any lecture that was good.-My flesh riseth so to withdraw from their sight. at these wicked ones, that prudence adviseth me [Erit.

Col. Oh! that I could find means to speak with her! How charming she appears! I wish I could get this letter into her hand. [Aside.

Sir Phil. Well, Miss Cockey, I hope thou hast got the better of them.

Mrs Lov. The difficulties of my life are not to be surmounted, Sir Philip.—I hate the impertinence of him as much as the stupidity of the other. [Aside. Ob. Pr. Verily, Philip, thou wilt spoil this maid

en.

Sir Phil. I find we still differ in opinion; but let us consent to marry her.-I have sent for our that we may none of us spoil her, pr'ythee, Prim, brother guardians to meet me here about this commend a husband to you?—Here's a gentlevery thing-Madam, will you give me leave to reman, whom, in my mind, you can have no objection to. [Presents the Colonel to her; she looks

another way.

Mrs Lov. Heaven deliver me from the formal and the fantastic fool!

Col. A fine woman, a fine horse, and fine equipage, are the finest things in the universe: and if I am so happy to possess you, madam, I shall become the envy of mankind, as much as you outshine your whole sex. [ds he takes her

hand, to kiss it, he endeavours to put a letter into it; she lets it drop-PRIM takes it up. Mrs Lov. I have no ambition to appear con. spicuously ridiculous, sir. [Turning from him. Col. So fail the hopes of Fainwell. Mrs Lov. Ha! Fainwell!-'Tis he !-What have I done? Prim has the letter, and it will be discover'd. [Aside.

Mrs Lov. Thou blinder of the world, don't provoke me,-lest I betray your sanctity, and Ob. Pr. Friend, I know not thy name, so canleave your wife to judge of your purity:-Whatnot call thee by it; but thou seest thy letter is were the emotions of your spirit-when you unwelcome to the maiden; she will not read it. squeez'd Mary by the hand last night in the pantry when she told you you buss'd so filthiÎy? Ah! you had no aversion to naked bosoms, when you begged her to shew you a little, little,

Mrs Lov. Nor shall you: [Snatches the letter] I'll tear it in a thousand pieces, and scatter it, as I will the hopes of all those that any of you shall recommend to me. [Tears the letter.

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