Free. A Dutch merchant just come to England. But hark ye, Mr Tradelove-I have a piece of news will get you as much as the French king's death did, if you are expeditious. [Shewing him a letter.] Read there: I received it just now from one that belongs to the emperor's minis ter. Trade. I'll lay any man a brace of thousands the siege is rais'd. in. Free. The Dutch merchant is your man to take [Aside to TRADELOVE. Trade. Does not he know the news? Free. Not a syllable: if he did, he would bet a hundred thousand pounds as soon as one penTrade. [Reads.] "Sir, as I have many obliga-ny:-he's plaguy rich, and a mighty man at wations to you, I cannot miss any opportunity to shew my gratitude. This moment my lord has receiv'd a private express, that the Spaniards have rais'd their siege from before Cagliari :-If this proves any advantage to you, it will answer both the ends and wishes of, sir, your most obliged humble servant. HENRICUS DUSSELDORP. Postscript In two or three hours the news will be public." -May one depend upon this, Mr Freeman ? [Aside to FREEMAN. Free. You may-I never knew this person send me a false piece of news in my life. Trade. Sir, I am much obliged to you. 'Egad, 'tis rare news -Who sells South Sea for next week? Stock-job. [All together.] I sell; I, I, I, I, I sell. 1st Stock. I'll sell 5000l. for next week, at fiveeighths. 2d Stock. I'll sell ten thousand, at five-eighths, for the same time. Trade. Nay, nay; hold, hold; not all together, gentlemen: I'll be no bull: I'll buy no more than I can take. Will you sell ten thousand pounds at a half, for any day next week, except Saturday? 1st Stock. I'll sell it you, Mr Tradelove. Free. [Whispers to one of the gentlemen.] 1st Gent. [Aside.] The Spaniards rais'd the siege of Cagliari! I don't believe one word of it. 2d Gent. Rais'd the siege! As much as you have rais'd the monument. Free. 'Tis rais'd, I assure you, sir. 2d Gent. What will you lay on't? Free. What you please. 1st Gent. Why, I have a brother upon the spot, in the emperor's service: I am certain if there were any such thing, I should have had a letter. 2d Stock. How's this? The siege of Cagliari rais'd!-I wish it may be true: 'twill make business stir, and stocks rise. 1st Stock. Tradelove's a cunning fat bear: If this news prove true, I shall repent I sold him the five thousand pounds.--Pray, sir, what assu rance have you that the siege is rais'd? Free. There is come an express to the emperor's minister. 2d Stock. I'll know that presently. gers. [TO TRADELOVE Trade. Say you so-'Egad, I'll bite him if pos sible.- -Are you from Holland, sir? Col. Ya, mynheer. Trade. Had you the news before you came away? Col. What believe you, mynheer? Col. What duyvel's news is dat? 'Tis met waer, mynheer- -'tis no true, sir. Trade. 'Tis so true, mynheer, that I'll lay you two thousand pounds upon it.- -You are sure the letter may be depended upon, Mr Freeman? Free. Do you think I would venture my mo ney, if I were not sure of the truth of it? [Aside to TRADE. Col. Two duysend pound, mynheer; 'tis gada. en-dis gentleman sal hold de gelt. [Gives FREE, money. Trade. With all my heart-this binds the wager. Free. You have certainly lost, mynheer: the siege is rais'd indeed. ye Col. Ik gelov't niet, Mynheer Freeman; ik sal dubbled honden, if you please. Free. I am let into the secret, therefore won't win your money. Trade. Ha, ha, ha! I have snapt the Dutaman, faith; ha, ha! This is no ill day's workPray, may I crave your name, mynheer? Col. Myn naem, mynheer! Myn naem is Jan Van Timtamtirelireletta Heer Fainwell. Trade. Zounds! 'tis a damn'd long name; ;I shall never remember it-Myn heer Van, Tim, Tim, Tim,- -What the devil is it? Free. Oh! never heed; I know the gentleman, and will pass my word for twice the sum. Trade. That's enough. Col. You'll hear of me sooner than you'll wish, old gentleman, I fancy. [Aside.] You'll come to Sackbut's, Freeman. [Exit. Free. Immediately. [Aside to the Colonel. 1st Man. Humphry Hump here? 2d Boy. Mr Humphry Hump is not here: you'll find him upon the Dutch walk. 1st Gent. Let it come where it will, I'll hold for you fifty pounds 'tis false. Free. 'Tis done. 2d Gent. I'll lay you a brace of hundreds upon the same. Trade. Mr Freeman, I give you many thanks your kindness. Free. I fear you'll repent, when you know all. [Aside. [Exit. Trade. Will you dine with me? Trade. Sir, your humble servant. Now I'll see SCENE II.-The Tavern. Enter FREEMAN and Colonel. Free. Ha, ha, ha! The old fellow swallowed the bait as greedily as a gudgeon. Col. I have him, faith; ha, ha, ha!-his two thousand pounds secure- -If he would keep his money, he must part with the lady; ha, ha, ha! What came of your two friends? They performed their part very well: You should have brought 'em to take a glass with us. seventy-five-that he has seven hundred a-year, most in abbey land-that he was once in love with your mother, shrewdly suspected by some to be your father-that you have been thirty years his steward-and ten years his gentleman-Remember to improve these hints. Col. Never fear; let me alone for that-But what's the steward's name? Free. His name is Pillage. Col. Enough [Enter SACKBUT with clothes.] -Now for the country put. [Dresses. Free. 'Egad, landlord, thou deservest to have the first night's lodging with the lady, for thy fide-What say you, colonel: shall we settle a club here? You'll make one? Free. No matter; we'll drink a bottle together another time.-I did not care to bring them hi-lity: ther: there's no necessity to trust them with the main secret, you know, colonel. Col. Nay, that's right, Freeman, Enter SACKBUT. Sack. Joy, joy, colonel! The luckiest accident in the world! Col. What say'st thou ? Sack. This letter does your business. Col. [Reads.] "To Obadiah Prim, hosier, near the building call'd the Monument, in London." Free. A letter to Prim! How came you by it? Sack. Looking over the letters our post-woman brought, as I always do, to see what letters are directed to my house, (for she cann't read, you must know,) I spy'd this directed to Prim, so paid for it among the rest. I have given the old jade a pint of wine on purpose to delay time, till you see if the letter be of any service; then I'll seal it up again, and tell her I took it by mistake:-I have read it, and fancy you'll like the project.-Read, read, colonel. Col. [Reads.] "Friend Prim, there is arrived from Pennsylvania one Simon Pure, a leader of the faithful, who hath sojourned with us eleven days, and hath been of great comfort to the brethren-He intendeth for the quarterly meeting in London. I have recommended him to thy house. I pray thee treat him kindly, and let thy wife cherish him, for he's of weakly constitution-He will depart from us the third day: Which is all from thy friend in the faith, AMINADAB HOLDFAST." Ha, ha! excellent! I understand you, landlord-I am to personate this Simon Pure, am I not? Sack. Don't you like the hint? Col. Admirably well! Free. 'Tis the best contrivance in the world, if the right Simon gets not there before you. Col. No, no; the quakers never ride post: he cann't be here before to-morrow, at soonest.-Do you send and buy me a quaker's dress, Mr Sackbut; and suppose, Freeman, you should wait at the Bristol coach, that if you see any such person, you might contrive to give me notice. Free. I will-The country dress and boots, are they ready? Sack. Yes, yes, every thing, sir. Free. Bring 'em in then.-[Exit SACK.] Thou must dispatch Periwinkle first-Remember his uncle, Sir Toby Periwinkle, is an old batchelor of Col. Make one! I'll bring a set of honest officers, that will spend their money as freely to the king's health, as they would their blood in his service. Sack. I thank you, colonel.-Here, here. [Bell rings.] [Exit SACKBUT. Col. So, now for my boots. [Puts on boots.]Shall I find you here, Freeman, when I come back? Free. Yes, or I'll leave word with Sackbut where he may send for me-Have you the writings, the will-and every thing? Col. All, all. Free. I know it: I this minute parted with my friend, who protested he never sent me any such letter-Some roguish stock-jobber has done it, on purpose to make me lose my money, that's certain: I wish I knew who he was; I'd make him repent it. I have lost 300l. by it. Trade. What signifies your three hundred pounds to what I have lost? There's two thousand pounds to that Dutchman with a cursed long name, besides the stock I bought.-The devil! I could tear my flesh.-I must never shew my face upon 'Change more ;-for, by my soul, I cann't pay it. Free. I am heartily sorry for it! What can I serve you in? Shall I speak to the Dutch merchant, and try to get you time for the payment? Trade. Time! Ads'heart, I shall never be able to look up again. Free. I am very much concerned that I was the occasion, and wish I could be an instrument of retrieving your misfortune: for my own, I value it not. Adso! a thought comes into my head, that, well improved, may be of service. Trade. Ah! there's no thought can be of any service to me, without paying the money, or running away. Free. How do we know? What do you think of my proposing Mrs Lovely to him? He is a single man-and I heard him say he had a mind to marry an English woman--nay, more than that, he said somebody told him you had a pretty ward -he wish'd you had betted her instead of your money. Trade. Ay, but he'd be hang'd before he'd take her instead of the money: the Dutch are too covetous for that: besides, he did not know that there were three more of us, I suppose. Free. So much the better. You may venture to give him your consent, if he'll forgive you the wager: it is not your business to tell him that your consent will signify nothing. Trade. That's right, as you say; but will he do it, think you? Free. I cann't tell that; but I'll try what I can do with him--He has promis'd to meet me here an hour hence: I'll feel his pulse, and let you know if I find it feasible, I'll send for you; if not, you are at liberty to take what measures you please. : Col. Is your name Periwinkle, sir? Col. I am sorry for the message I bring-My old master, whom I served these forty years, claims the sorrow due from a faithful servant to an indul gent master. [Weeps. Per. By this I understand, sir, my uncle, Sir Toby Periwinkle, is dead. Col. He is, sir, and he has left you heir to seven hundred a-year, in as good abbey-land as ever paid Peter-pence to Rome.--I wish you long to enjoy it; but my tears will flow when I think of my benefactor.-[Weeps.] Ah! he was a good man-he has not left many of his fellowsthe poor lament him sorely. Per. I pray, sir, what office bore you? Per. I have heard him mention you with much respect Your name is Col. Pillage, sir. Per. Ay, Pillage; I do remember he call'd you Pillage.—Pray, Mr Pillage, when did my uncle die? Col. Monday last, at four in the morning. About two he sign'd his will, and gave it into my hands, and strictly charged me to leave Coventry the moment he expired, and deliver it to you with what speed I could. I have obeyed him, sir; and there is the will. [Gives it to PER. Per. 'Tis very well: I'll lodge it in the Com mons. Col. There are two things which he forgot to insert, but charg'd me to tell you that he desir'd you'd perform them as readily as if you had found them written in the will, which is, to remove his corpse, and bury him by his father at St Paul's, Covent-Garden, and to give all his servants mourn Trade. You must extol her beauty, double her portion, and tell him I have the entire disposal of her, and that she cann't marry without my consent; and that I am a covetous rogue, and will never part with her without a valuable consi-ing. deration. Free. Ay, ay, let me alone for a lie at a pinch. Trade. 'Egad, if you can bring this to bear, Mr Freeman, I'll make you whole again: I'll pay the three hundred pounds you lost with all my soul. Free. Well, I'll use my best endeavoursWhere will you be? Trade. At home-Pray Heaven you prosper If I were but the sole trustee now, I should not fear it. Who the devil would be a guardian Per. That will be a considerable charge.-A pox of all modern fashions! [Aside.]-Well, it shall be done. Mr Pillage, I will agree with one of Death's fashion-mongers, call'd an undertaker, to go down, and bring up the body. Col. I hope, sir, I shall have the honour to serve you in the same station I did your worthy uncle: I have not many years to stay behind him, and would gladly spend them in the family where I was brought up-[Weeps.]-He was a kind and tender master to me. Per. Pray don't grieve, Mr Pillage: you shall | hold your place, and every thing else which you held under my uncle-You make me weep to see you so concern'd. [Weeps.]-He liv'd to a good old age, and we are all mortal. Col. We are so, sir, and therefore I must beg you to sign this lease: you'll find Sir Toby has taken particular notice of it in his will-I could not get it time enough from the lawyer, or he had sign'd it before he died. [Gives him a paper. Per. A lease! for what? Col. I rented a hundred a-year of Sir Toby upon lease, which lease expires at Lady-day next. I desire to renew it for twenty years-that's all, sir. Per. Let me see. [Looks over the lease. Col. Matters go swimmingly, if nothing inter[Aside. Per. Very well-Let's see what he says in his will about it. vene. [Lays the lease upon the table, and looks on the will. Col. He's very wary, yet I fancy I shall be too cunning for him. [Aside. Per. Ho, here it is-The farm lying-now in possession of Samuel Pillage-suffer him to renew his lease-at the same rent. Very well, Mr Pillage, I see my uncle does mention it, and I'll perform his will. Give me the lease-[Col. gives it him; he looks upon it, and lays it upon the table.] Pray you step to the door, and call for pen and ink, Mr Pillage. a Col. I have a pen and ink in my pocket, sir: [Pulls out an ink-horn :] I never go without that. Per. I think it belongs to your professionHe looks upon the pen, while the Col. changes the lease, and lays down the contract.] I doubt this is but a sorry pen, though it may serve to write my name. [Writes. Col. Little does he think what he signs. [Aside. Per. There is your lease, Mr Pillage. [Gives him the paper.] Now I must desire you to make what haste you can down to Coventry, and take care of every thing, and I'll send down the undertaker for the body; do you attend it up, and whatever charge you are at, I'll repay you. Col. You have paid me already, I thank you, [Aside. sir. lection of rarities might I have had by this time! I might have travell'd over all the known parts of the globe, and made my own closet rival the Vatican at Rome.Odso, 1 have a good mind to begin my travels now.- -Let me see- I am but sixty! My father, grandfather, and great grandfather, reach'd ninety odd.-I have almost forty years good.Let me consider! What will seven hundred a-year amount to in-ay, in thirty years, I'll say but thirty-Thirty times seven, is seven times thirty- that is just twenty-one thousand pounds :-'Tis a great deal of money.- -I may very well reserve sixteen hundred of it for a collection of such rarities as will make my name famous to posterity:-I would not die like other mortals, forgotten in a year or two, as my uncle will be- No, With Nature's curious works I'll raise my fame, That men, till doom's-day, may repeat my name. SCENE IV.-Changes to a Tavern. [Exit. FREEMAN and TRADELOVE over a bottle. Trade. Come, Mr Freeman, here's Mynheer Jan Van Tim, Tam, Tam-I shall never think of that Dutchman's name. Free. Mynheer Jan Van Timtamtirelireletta Heer Van Fainwell. Trade. Ay, Heer Van Fainwell. I never heard such a confounded name in my life-Here's his health, I say. Free. With all my heart. Trade. Faith, I never expected to have found so generous a thing in a Dutchman. Free. Oh, he has nothing of the Hollander in his temper-except an antipathy to monarchy. -As soon as I told him your circumstances, he reply'd, he would not be the ruin of any man for the world-and immediately made this proposal himself-Let him take what time he will for the payment, said he; or if he'll give me his ward, I'll forgive him the debt. Trade. Well, Mr Freeman, I can but thank you.-'Egad, you have made a man of me again! and if ever I lay a wager more, may I rot in a gaol. Free. I assure you, Mr Tradelove, I was very much concern'd, because I was the occasion though very innocently, I protest. Trade. I dare swear you was, Mr Freeman. Col. Ha, Mynheer Tradelove, Ik ben sorry voor your troubles-maer Ik sal you easie maken, Ik will de gelt nie haben. Trade. I shall for ever acknowledge the obligation, sir. Free. But you understand upon what condition, Mr Tradelove:-Mrs Lovely. Col. Ya, de frow sal al te regt setten, mynheer. Trade. With all my heart, mynheer: you shall have my consent to marry her freely. Free. Well, then, as I am a party concern'd between you, Mynheer Jan Van Timtamtirelireletta Heer Van Fainwell shall give you a discharge of your wager, under his own hand, and you shall give him your consent to marry Mrs Lovely under yours,that is the way to avoid all manner of disputes hereafter. Col. Ya, weeragtig. Trade. Ay, ay, so it is, Mr Freeman : I'll give it under mine this minute. [Sits down to write. Col. And so Ik sal. [Does the same. Free. So ho! the house! [Enter Drawer.] Bid your master come up--I'll see there be witnesses enough to the bargain. [Aside. Free. Ay, ay, that we will. Col. Well, mynheer, ye most meer doen, ye most myn voorsprach to de frow syn. Free. He means you must recommend him to the lady. Trade. That I will, and to the rest of my brother guardians. Col. Wat, vour, de duyvel, heb you meer guardians? Trade. Only three, mynheer. Col. What donder heb ye myn betrocken, mynheer?-Had Ik dat gewoeten, Ik soude eaven met you geweest syn. Sack. But Mr Tradelove is the principal, and he can do a great deal with the rest, sir. Free. And he shall use his interest, I promise you, mynheer. Trade. I will say all that ever I can think on to recommend you, mynheer; and, if you please, I'll introduce you to the lady. Col. Well, dat is waer-Maer ye must first spreken of myn to de frow, and to oudore gentle SCENE I.-PRIM'S House. ACT V. Enter Mrs PRIM and Mrs LOVELY, in Quakers' dresses, meeting. Mrs Pr. So, now I like thee, Anne. Art thou not better without thy monstrous hoop-coat and patches?-If Heaven should make thee so many black spots upon thy face, would it not fright thee, Anne? Mrs Lov. If it should turn your inside outward, and shew all the spots of your hypocrisy, 'twould fright me worse! Mrs Pr. My hypocrisy! I scorn thy words, Anne: I lay no baits. Mrs Lov. If you did, you'd catch no fish. Mrs Pr. Well, well, make thy jests—but I'd have thee to know, Anne, that I could have catch'd as many fish (as thou call'st them) in my time, as ever thou did'st, with all thy fool-traps about thee -If admirers be thy aim, thou wilt have more of them in this dress than the other-The men, take my word for't, are more desirous to see what we are most careful to conceal, Mrs Lov. Is that the reason of your formality, Mrs Prim? Truth will out.-I ever thought, in |