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The colonel leads the van ; next Mr Vizard; Enter CLINCHIER senior.
He courts me out of the Practice of Piety, Clin. Here, sirrah, order my coach about to Therefore is a hypocrite; St. James's, I'll walk across the Park too-Mr Then Clincher; he adores me with orangerie, Vizard, your most devoted—Sir, [T. WILDAIR] And is consequently a fool ; I admire the mode of your shoulder-knot; me Then my old merchant, Alderman Smuggler ; thinks it hangs very emphatically, and carries an He's a compound of both ;-out of which medley air of travel in it: your sword-knot too is most of lovers, if I dont make good diversionornamentally modish, and bears a foreign mien. What d'ye think, Parly? Gentlemen, my brother is just arrived in town; Par. I think, madai, I'm like to be very virso that, being upon the wing to kiss his hands, I tuous in your service, if you teach me all those hope you'll pardon this abrupt departure of, gen tricks that you use to your lovers. tlemen, your most devoted, and most faithful Lure. You're a fool, child; observe this, that humble servant.
[Erit. though a woman swear, forswear, lie, dissemble, Wild. Pr'ythee, dost know him?
back-bite, be proud, vain, malicious, any thing, Viz. Know him! why, it is Clincher, who was if she secures the main chance, she's still virapprentice to my uncle Smuggler, the merchant tuous; that's a maxiin. in the city.
Par. I cann't be persuaded though, madam, Wild. What makes him so gay?
but that you really loved Sir Harry Wildair in Viz. Wlay, he's in mourning.
Paris. Wild. In mourning?
Lure. Of all the lovers I ever had, he was my Viz. Yes, for his father. The kind old man in greatest plague, for I could never make him unHertfordshire t'other day broke his neck a foxo easy: I left him involved in a duel upon my hunting; the son upon the news has broke his account: I long to know whether the fop be indentures ; whipped from behind the counter killed or not. into the side-box, forswears merchandise, where he must live by cheating, and usurps gentility,
Enter STANDARD. where he may die by raking. He keeps his Oh, Lord ! no sooner talk of killing, but the solcoach and liveries, brace of geldings, leash of dier is conjured up. You're upon hard duty, comistresses, talks of nothing but wines, intrigues, lonel, to serve your king, your country, and a plays, fashions, and going to the jubilee.
mistress too. Wild. Ha, ha, ha! how many pounds of pul Stand. The latter, I must confess, is the hardvil must the fellow use of sweetening himself | est ; for in war, madam, we can be relieved in from the smell of hops and tobacco ? Faugh— our duty; but in love, he who would take our I my conscience, methought, like Olivia's lover, post, is our enemy; emulation in glory is tranhe stunk of Thames street. But now for Ange- sporting, but rivals here intolerable. lica; that's her name: we'll to the Prince's cho Lure. Those that bear away the prize in the colate-house, where you shall write my passport. field, should boast the same success in the bedAllons.
Exeunt. chamber; and, I think, considering the weakness
of our sex, we should make those our companions SCENE II.-Lady LUREWELL's Lodgings. who can be our champions.
Stand. I once, madam, hoped the honour of Enter LUREWELL, and her Maid PARLY.
defending you from all injuries, through a title to Lure. Parly, my pocket-book-let me see your lovely person, but now my love must attend Madrid, Paris, Venice, London ! -Ay, London! my fortune. My commission, madam, was my They may talk what they will of the hot coun passport to the fair; adding a nobleness to my tries, but I find love most fruitful under this cli- passion, it stamped a value on my love; 'twas once mate-In a month's space have I gained—let the life of honour, but now its winding-sheet, me see, --imprimis, Colonel Standard.
and with it must my love be buried. Par. And how will your ladyship manage him? Par. What! disbanded, colonel?
Lure. As all soldiers should be managed; he Stand. Yes, Mrs Parly. shall serve me till I gain my ends, then I'll dis Par. Faugh, the nauseous fellow! he stinks band him.
of poverty already.
Aside. Par. But he loves you, madam.
Lure. His misfortune troubles me, because it Lure. Therefore I scorn bim;
may prevent my designs.
(Aside I hate all that don't love me, and slight all that do; Štand. I'll choose, madam, rather to destroy Would his whole deluding sex admir'd me, my passion by absence abroad, than have it stara Thus would I slight them all.
ved at home. My virgin and unwary innocence
Lure. I'm sorry, sir, you have so mean an Was wrong'd by faithless man;
opinion of my affection, as to imagine it founded But now, glance eyes, plot brain, dissemble face, upon your fortune. And, to convince you of your Lie tongue, and be a second Eve to tempt, seduce, mistake, here I vow, by all that's sacred, I own and
the same affection now as before. Let it suffice, Plague the treacherous kind.
fortune is considerable. Let me survey my captives.
Stand. No, madam, no ; I'll never be a charge
to her I love! The man that sells himself for Stand. Only called you his mistress, and pregold, is the worst of prostitutes.
tending to be extravagant in your commendation, Lure. Now, were he any other creature buta would vainly insinuate the praise of his own judge man, I could love him.
[Aside. ment and good fortune in a choice. Stand. This only last request I make, that no Lure. How easily is the vanity of fops tickled title recommend a fool, no office introduce a by our sex! knave, nor coat a coward, to my place in your Stand. Why, your sex is the vanity of fops. affections ; so farewell my country, and adieu my Lure. On my conscience, I believe so. This love.
(Exit. gentleman, because he danced well, I pitched on Lure. Now the devil take thee for being so for a partner at a ball in Paris, and ever since he bonourable! here, Parly, call him back, I shall has so persecuted me with letters, songs, dances, lose half my diversion else. Now for a trial of serenading, flattery, foppery, and noise, that I skill.
was forced to fly the kingdom--And I warrant
you he made you jealous. Re-enter STANDARD.
Stand. Faith, madam, I was a little uneasy. Sir, I hope you'll pardon my curiosity. When
Lure. You shall have a plentiful revenge; I'll do you take your journey ?
send him back all his foolish letters, songs, and Štand. To-morrow morning, early, madam. verses, and you yourself shall carry them : 'twill
Lure. So suddenly! which way are you de- afford you opportunity of triumphing, and free signed to travel ?
me from his further impertinence; for of all men Stand. That I cann't yet resolve on.
he's my aversion. I'll run and fetch them inLure. Pray, sir, tell me ; pray, sir; I entreat stantly.
[Exit. you; why are you so obstinate?
Stand. Dear madam, a rare project ! Now shall Stand. Why are you so curious, madam? I bait him, like Actæon, with his own dogs. Lure. Because
Well, Mrs Parly, it is ordered by act of parSland. What?
liament, that you receive no more pieces, Mrs Lure. Because, I, I
Parly. Stand. Because! What, madam ?-Pray, tell Par. 'Tis provided by the same act, that you
send no more messages by me, good colonel ; Lure. Because I design to follow you, you must not presume to send any more letters,
(Crying. unless you can pay the postage. Stand. Follow me! By all that's great I ne'er Stund. Come, come, don't be mercenary; take was proud before. But such love from such a example by your lady, be honourable. creature might swell the vanity of the proudest Par. A-lack-a-day, sir, it shews as ridiculous prince. Follow me! By heavens thou shalt not. and haughty for us to imitate our betters in their What! expose
thee to the hazards of a camp!-- honour, as in their finery: leave honour to noRather I'll stay, and here bear the contempt of bility that can support it: we poor folks, colonel, fools, and worst of fortune.
have no pretence to't; and truly, I think, sir, Lurc. You need not, shall not; my estate for that your honour should be cashiered with your both is sufficient.
leading-staff. Stand. Thy estate! No, I'll turn a knave, and Stand. 'Tis one of the greatest curses of popurchase one myself; I'll cringe to the proud man verty to be the jest of chambermaids ! I undermine, and fawn on him that I would bite
Enter LUREWELL. to death ; I'll tip my tongue with flattery, and smooth
face with smiles; I'll turn pimp, in Lure. Here's the packet, colonel : the whole former, office-broker, nay, coward, to be great; magazine of love's artillery, and sacrifice it all to thee, my generous fair.
(Gives him the packet. Lure. And I'll dissemble, lie, swear, jilt, any Stand. Which, since I have gained, I will turn thing, but I'll reward thy love, and recompense upon the enemy. Madam, I'll bring you the thy noble passion.
news of my victory this evening. Poor Sir HarStand. Sir Harry, ha, ha, ha! poor Sir Harry, ry, ha, ha, ha!
[Erit. ha, ha, ha! Rather kiss her hand than the pope's Lure. To the right about, as you were; march, toe, ha, ha, ha!
colonel. Ha, ha, ha! Lure. What Sir Harry, colonel ? What Sir Vain man, who boasts of studied parts and wiles! Harry?
Nature in us, your deepest art beguiles, Stand. Sir Harry Wildair, madam.
Stamping deep cunning in our frowns and smiles. Lure. What! is he come over ?
You toil for art, your intellects you trace; Stund. Ay, and he told me--but I don't be- Woman, without a thought, bears policy in her tieve a syllable on't.
(Excunt, Lure. What did he tell you?
Dame, sir ?
Dick. Why, the jubilee is the same thing as SCENE I.-CLINCHER junior's Lodgings. our lord mayor's day in the city; there will be Enter CLINCHER, opening a Letter; Servant that, sir.
pageants, and squibs, and raree-shows, and all following.
Clin. jun. And must you go so soon, brother? Clin. (Reads.] “ Dear brother,
Clin. sen. Yes, sir, for I must stay a month at “ I will see you presently: I have sent this lad Amsterdam to study poetry. to wait on you; he can instruct you in the fash Clin. jun. Then I suppose, brother, you travel ions of the
town. I am your affectionate bro- through Muscovy to learn fashions ; don't you, ther, Clincher.” Very well, and what's your brother ?
Clin. sen. Brother ! Pr’ythee, Robin, don't Dick. My name is Dicky, sir.
call me brother; sir will do every jot as well. Clin. Dicky!
Clin. jun. Oh, Jupiter Ammon! why so? Dick. Ay, Dicky, sir.
Clin. sen. Because people will imagine you Clin. Very well; a pretty name! And what have a spite at me-But have you seen your coucan you do, Mr Dicky?
sin Angelica yet, and her mother the Lady DarDick. Why, sir, I can powder a wig, and pick ling? up a whore.
Clin. jun. No; my dancing-master has not Clin. Oh, Lord! Oh, Lord! a whore ! Why, been with me yet. How shall I salute them, are there many whores in this town?
brother? Dick. Ha, ha, ha! many whores ! there's a Clin. sen. Pshaw! that's easy ; 'tis only two question, indeed! Why, sir, there are above five scrapes, a kiss, and your humble servant. I'll tell hundred surgeons in town. -Hark'ee, sir ; do you more when I come from the jubilee. Come you see that woman there, in the velvet scarf, along.
(Exeunt. and red knots ? Clin. Ay, sir; what then?
SCENE II.- Lady DARLING's House. Dick. Why, she shall be at your service in three minutes, as I'm a pimp.
Enter WILDAIR with a Letter. Clin. Oh, Jupiter Ammon! Why, she's a Wild. Like light and heat, incorporate we gentlewoman.
lay; Dick. A gentlewoman! Why so are all the Webless'd the night, and curs'd the coming day. whores in town, sir.
Well, if this paper kite flies sure, I'm secure of
my game-Humph !--the prettiest bourdel I Enter CLINCHER senior.
have seen; a very stately genteel oneClin. sen. Brother, you're welcome to Lon
Footmen cross the stage. don.
Clin. jun. I thought, brother, you owed so Hey-day ! equipage too! Now for a bawd by the much to the memory of my father, as to wear curtesy, and a whore with a coat of armsmourning for his death.
'Sdeath, I'm afraid I've mistaken the house! Clin. sen. Why, so I do, fool; I wear this, because I have the estate, and you wear that, be
Enter Lady DARLING. cause you have not the estate. You have cause No, this must be the bawd, by her bulk. to mourn, indeed, brother. Well, brother, I'm Darl. Your business, pray, sir? glad to see you: fare
(Going Wild. Pleasure, madam. Clin. jun. Stay, stay, brother
Darl. Then, sir, you have no business here. you going?
Wild. This letter, madam, will inform you Clin. sen. How natural 'tis for a country boo arther; Mr Vizard sent it, with his humble ser. by to ask impertinent questions !-Hark'e, sir; vice to your ladyship. is not my father dead?
Darl. How does my cousin, sir? Clin. jun. Ay, ay, to my sorrow.
Wild. Ay, her cousin too ! that's right procuClin. sen. No matter for that, he's dead; and ress again.
(Aside. am not I a young, powdered, extravagant Eng Darl. (Reads.] “Madam-Earnest inclina. lislı heir?
tion to serve
-Sir Harry -MadamClin. jun. Very right, sir.
court my cousin—Gentleman -fortune Clin. sen. Why then, sir, you may be sure that Your ladyship's most humble servant, Vizard.” I am going to the jubilee, sir.
Sir, your fortune and quality are sufficient to Clin. jun. Jubilee ! What's that?
recommend you any where; but what goes far. Clin. sen. Jubilee ! Why, the jubilee is ther with me, is the recommendation of so sober Faith I don't know what it is.
and pious a young gentleman asmy cousin Vizard.
Wila. A right sanctified bawd, o' my word! Clin. jun. These London sparks are plaguy
(Aside. impudent ! This fellow, by his wig and assurance, Darl. Sir Harry, your conversation with Mr can be no less than a courtier. Vizard argues you a gentleman, free from the Dick. He's rather a courtier by his borrowing. loose and vicious carriage of the town. I shall Clin. jun. Faith, sir, I han't above five guineas therefore call my daughter.
(Exit. about me. Wild. Now go thy way for an illustrious bawd Wild. What business have you here then, sir? of Babylon-She dresses up a sin so religiously, For, tomy knowledge, twenty won't be sufficient. that the devil would hardly know it of his mak Clin. jun. Sufficient? For what, sir? ing.
Wild. What, sir! Why, for that, sir; what
the devil should it be, sir? I know your business, Re-enter DARLING with ANGELICA. notwithstanding all your gravity, sir. Darl. Pray, daughter, use him civilly; such Clin. jun. My business? Why, my cousin lives matches don't offer every day.
[Erit DARL. Wild. I know your cousin does live here, and Wild. Oh, all ye powers of love! an angel ! Vizard's cousin, and every body's cousin'Sdeath, what money have I got in my pocket? I Hark'e, sir, I shall return immediately ; and if cann't offer her less than twenty guineas and, you offer to touch her till I come back, I shall by Jupiter, she's worth a hundred.
cut your throat, rascal,
[Exit: Ang. 'Tis he! the very same! and his person Clin. jun. Why, the man's mad, sure ! as agreeable as his character of good humour Dick. Mad, sir! Ay—-Why, he's a beau.
-Pray Heaven his silence proceed from re Clin, jun. A beau! What's that? Are all madspect!
men beaux ? Wild. How innocent she looks! How would Dick. No, sir; but most beaux are madmen. that modesty adorn virtue, when it makes even But now for your cousin. Remember your three vice look so charming By Heaven, there's scrapes, a kiss, and your humble servant. such a commanding innocence in her looks, that
(Exeunt, as into the house, I dare not ask the question ! Ang. Now, all the charms of real love and
Enter WILDAIR, STANDARD following. feigned indifference assist me to engage his heart; Stand. Sir Harry, Sir Harry! for mine is lost already.
Wild. I am in haste, colonel; besides, if you're Wild. Madam—1,1 -Zoons, I cannot speak in no better humour than when I parted with to her! But she's a whore, and I will -Ma- you in the Park this morning, your company dant, in short, I, Oh, hypocrisy, hypocrisy, won't be very agreeable. what a charming sin art thou !
Stand. You're a happy man, Sir Harry, who Ang. He is caught; now to secure my con are never out of humour. Can nothing move quest—I thought, sir, you had business to com your gall, Sir Harry? municate.
Wild. Nothing but impossibilities, which are Wild Business to communicate ! How nicely the same as nothing. she words it!-Yes, madam, I have a little Stand. What impossibilities? business to communicate. Don't you love sing Wild. The resurrection of my father to disining-birds, madam?
herit me, or an act of parliament against wenchAng. That's an odd question for a lover-Yes, ing. A man of eight thousand pounds per ansir.
num to be vex'd! No, no; anger and spleen are Wild. Why, then, madam, here is a nest of the companions for younger brothers. prettiest goldfinches that ever chirp'd in a cage ; Stanı. Suppose one called you a son of a twenty young ones, I assure you, madam. whore behind your back?
Ang. Twenty young ones! What then, sir? Wild. Why, then would I call him rascal bes
Wild. Why, then, madam, there are--twenty hind his back; so we're even. young ones - Slife, I think twenty is pretty Stand. But suppose you had lost a mistress? fair.
Wild. Why, then I would get another. Ang. He's mad, sure! Sir Harry, when Stand. But suppose you were discarded by the you have learned more wit and manners, you woman you love, that would surely trouble you? shall be welcome here again.
(Exit. Wild. You're mistaken, colonel ; my love is Wild. Wit and mamers ! 'Egad, now, I con- neither romantically honourable, nor meanly merceive there is a great deal of wit and manners in cenary; 'tis only a pitch of gratitude; while she twenty guineas—I'm sure 'tis all the wit and loves me, I love her; when she desists, the oblimanners I have about me at present. What shallgation's void. I do?
Stand. But to be mistaken in your opinion, sir;
if the Lady Lurewell (only suppose it) had disEnter CLINCHER Junior and Dicky.
carded you—I say, only suppose it—and had What the devil's here? Another cousin, I war sent your discharge by me?' rant ye !-Hark'e, sir, can you lend me ten or a
Wild. Pshaw! that's another impossibility. dozen guineas instantly? I'll pay you fifteen for Stand. Are you sure of that? them in three hours, upon my honour.
Wild. Why, 'twere a solecism in nature. Whya VOL. IV.
she's a rib of me, sir. She dances with me, sings Wild. I am so, 'egad! ha, ha, ha! with me, plays with me, swears with me, lies with
(Laugh and point at one another. me.
Stand, Ay, with all my heart! ha, ha! Well, Stand. How, sir?
well, that's forced, Sir Harry. Wild. I mean in an honourable way; that is, Wild. I was never better pleas’d in all my life, she lies for me. In short, we are as like one ano by Jupiter. ther as a couple of guineas.
Stand. Well, Sir Harry, 'tis prudence to hide Stand. Now that I have raised you to the high- your concern, when there's no help for it. But, est pinnacle of vanity, will I give you so morti to be serious, now; the lady has sent you back fying a fall, as shall dash your hopes to pieces.- all your papers there I was so just as not I pray your honour to peruse these papers. to look upon them.
[Gives him the packet. Wild. I'm glad on't, sir; for there were some Wild. What is't, the muster-roll of your regi- things that I would not have you see. ment, colonel ?
Stand. All this she has done for my sake, and Stand. No, no, 'tis a list of your forces in your I desire you would decline any further pretenlast love campaign; and, for your comfort, allsions for your own sake. So, honest, good-natured disbanded.
Sir Harry, I'm your humble servant. (Exit. Wild. Pr’ythee, good metaphorical colonel, Wild. Ha, ha, ha! poor colonel! Oh, the dewhat d’ye mean?
light of an ingenious mistress! What a life and Stand. Read, sir, read; these are the sibyl's briskness it adds to an amour, like the loves of leaves, that will unfold your destiny.
mighty Jove, still suing in different shapes. A Wild. So it be not a false deed, to cheat me of leger-de-main mistress, who, presto! pass! and my estate, what care I-[Opening the packet.) she's vanish’d; then hey! in an instant in your Humph! my hand! To the Lady Lurewell—T. arms again.
[Going. the Lady Lurewell— To the Lady Lurewelle What the devil hast thou been tampering with,
Enter VIZARD. to conjure up these spirits ? Stand. A certain familiar of your acquaintance,
Viz. Well met, Sir Harry—What news from
the island of love? sir. Read, read. Wild. [Reading.)— Madam, my passion
Wild. Faith, we made but a broken voyage by so natural -your beauty contending force your chart; but now I am bound for another of charme mankind eternal admirer, Wild- port: I told you the colonel was my rival. air.'-I ne'er was ashamed of my name before.
Viz. The colonel-curs'd misfortune! another, Stand. What, Sir Harry Wildair out of humour!
Aside. ha, ha, ha! Poor Sir Harry! More glory in her
Wild. But the civilest in the world: he brought smile than in the jubilee at Rome! ba, ha, ha!
me word where my mistress lodges. The story's But then her foot, Sir Harry; she dances to a
too long to tell you now, for I must fly. miracle! ha, ha, ha! Fie, Sir Harry, a man of
Viz. What, have you given over all thoughts your parts write letters not worth keeping! What of Angelica ? sayest thou, my dear knight-errant ? 'ha, ha, ha!
Wild. No, no, I'll think of her some other you may seek adventures now indeed.
time. But now for the Lady Lurewell. Wit Wild. (Sings.] No, no, let her wander, &c.
and beauty calls. Stand. You are jilted to some tune, sir; blown That mistress ne'er can pall her lover's joys, up with false music, that's all.
Whose wit can whet, whene'er her beauty cloys. Wild. Now, why should I be angry that a woman is a woman? Since inconstancy and false And make us happy, being deceiv'd so well.
Her little amorous frauds all truths excel, hood are grounded in their natures, how can
(Exit. they help it? Stand. Then they must be grounded in your
Viz. The colonel my rival too ! -How shall
1 nature; for she's a rib of you, Sir Harry.
manage? There is but one way,
-him and Wild. Here's a copy of verses too: I must turn
the knight will I set a tilting, where one cuts poet, in the devil's name-Stay-'Sdeath, what's t'other's throat, and the survivor's hang'd: so here This is her hand Oh, the charming
there will be two rivals pretty decently disposed characters!--[Reading)- My dear Wildair,'
of. Since honour may oblige them to play the That's I, 'egad! • This huff-bluff colonel'--that's fool, why should not necessity engage me to play he is the rarest fool in nature,'--the devil he the knave?
Erit. is !' and as such have I used him.'— with all my heart, faith— I had no better way of letting SCENE III.-Lady LUREWELL's Lodgings. you know that I lodge in St. James's, near the Holy Lamb. Lurewell.'-Colonel, I am your
Enter LUREWELL and PARLY. most humble servant.
Lure. Has my servant brought me the money Stand. Hold, sir, you sha’n’t go yet; I ha'n't from my merchant ? delivered half my message.
Par. No, madam: he met Alderman Smuggler Wild. Upon my faith but you have, colonel, at Charing Cross, who has promised to wait on
Stand. Well, well, own your spleen; out with you himself immediately. it; I know you are like to burst.
Lure. 'Tis odd that this old rogue should pre