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Mar. I suppose, sir, you expect to be finely [Drum without.] Heavens bless your honour! spoken of abroad for this; you will get an excel. 'Squire Lovegold, Madam Lovegold, long life and lent character in the world by this behaviour ? happiness, and many children attend you—and Mrs Wise. Is this your gratitude to a woman so God save the king !
(Drums beat. who has refused so much better offers on your (LOVEGOLD goes out, and soon after the account?
drums ceuse. Love. Oh, would she had taken them! Give James. So he has quieted the drums I find me up my contract, and I will gladly resign all This is the roguery of some well-wishing neighright and litle whatsoever.
bours of his. Well, we shall soon see which will Mrs Wise. It is too late now, the gentlemen get the better, my master or my mistress: if my have had their answers; a good offer, once refu. master does, away go I; if my mistress, I'll stay sed, is not to be had again.
while there's any housekeeping, which canu't be
long; for the riches of my lord mayor will never Enter Servant.
hold it out at this rate. Sero. Madam, the tailor, whom your ladyship sent for, is come.
Enter LOVEGOLD. Mur, Bid him come in. This is an instance of
Love. James ! I shall be destroyed; in one the regard I have for you. I have sent for one week I shall not be worth a groat upon earth
. of the best tailors in town to make you a new suit Go, send all the provisions back to the trades. of clothes, that you may appear like a gentleman : for, as it is for your honour that I should be well
men, put out all the fires, leave not so much as
a candle burning. dressed, so it is for mine that you should. Come, madar, we will go in, and give farther orders con- commanded me, and I dare not disobey her.
James. Sir, I don't know how to do it; madam cerning the entertainment.
Love How' not when I command thee? [Exeunt Mrs WISELY and MARIANA.
lumes I have lost several places, sir, by oberEnter List.
ing the master against the mistress, but never Love. Oh, Lappet, Lappet! the time thou hast
lost one by obeying the mistress against the mas
ter. Besides, sir, she is so good and generous a prophesied of is come to pass.
lady, that it would go against my very heart to List. I am vour honour's most humble servant.
offend her. My name is List : 1 presume I am the person you Love. The devil take her generosity! sent for- The laceman will be here immediately.
James. And I don't believe she has provided Will
your honour be pleased to be taken measure of first, or look over the patterns ? if you please has invited above five hundred people to supper:
one morsel more than will be eat: why, sir, she we will take measure first. I do not know, sir, within this hour your house will be as full as who was so kind as to recommend me to you, but Westminster-hall the last day of term—But I I believe I shall give you entire satisfaction. I have no time to lose. may defy any tailor in England to understand the
Love. Oh! oh! what shall I do? fashion better than myself; the thing is impossible, sir. I always visit France twice a-year; and,
Enter LAPPET. though I say it, that should not say it -Stand upright, if you please, sir
Lap. Where is my poor master? Oh, sir, 1 Love. I'll take ncasure of your back, sirrah cannot express the affliction I am in to see you I'll teach such pick-pockets as you are to come
devoured in this manner. How could you, si, here-Out of my doors, you villain !
when I told you what a woman she was, List. Hley-day, sir! did you send for me for could you undo yourself with your eyes open? this, sir ?- shall bring you in a bill without any
Love. Poor Lappet! had I taken your advice clothes.
I had been happy.
Lup. And I too, sir; for, alack-a-day! I am
as miserable as you are; I feel everything for Love. Where are you going? what have you you, sir; indeed I shall break my heart upor there?
your account. James. Some fine wine, sir, that my lady sent Love. I shall be much obliged to you if you do, for to Mr Mixture's~But, sir, it will be impos- Lappet. sible for me to get supper ready by twelve, as it Lap. How could a man of your sense, sir, nas is ordered, unless I have more assistance. I want
ry in so precipitate a manner ? half-a dozen kitchens too. The very wild fowl Love. I am not married: I am not married. that my lady has sent for will take up a dozen Lup. Not married ! spits.
Lote. No, no, no. Love. Oh ! oh! it is in vain to oppose it: her Lap. Alls safe yet. No man is quite undone extravagance is like a violent fire, that is no soon till he is married. er stopped in one place than it breaks out in ano
Love. I am, I am undone. Oh, Lappet! I can ther. - [Drums beat without.] Ha! what's the not tell it thee. I have given her a bond, a bood meaning of this ? is my house besieged ? would a bond, of ten thousand pounds, to marry they would set it on fire, and burn all in it ! Lap. You shall forfeit it.
Love. Forfeit what? my life, and soul, and treasure, for to possess that treasure is to be rich blood, and heart !
indeed. Lap. You shall forfeit it
Love. Yes, truly, I think three thousand pounds Love. I'll be buried alive sooner: no, I am may well be called a trensure.--Go, go, fetch it determined I'll
marry her first, and hang myself hither; perhaps I may give it you-fetch it hiafterwards, to save my money.
ther. Lap. I see, sir, you are undone ; and if you Cler. To shew you, sir, the confidence I place should hang yourself, I could not blame you. in you, I will fetch hither all that I love and Love. Could I but save one thousand by it, I adore.
(Exit. would hang myself with all my soul. Shall I live Love. Sure never was so impudent a fellow ! to die not worth a groat ?
to confess his robbery before my face, and desire Lap. Oh, my poor master! my poor master ! to keep what he has stolen as if he had a right
to it. Love. Why did I not die a year ago ? what a deal had I saved by dying a year ago! (A noise
Enter LAPPET. without.] Ob! oh! dear Lappet ! see what it is ! Lode. Oh, Lappet! what's the matter? I shall be undone in an hour-Oh!
Lap. Oh, sir ! I am scarce able to tell you. It
is spread about the town that you are married, Enter CLERIMONT, richly dressed.
and your wife's creditors are coming in whole Lode. What is here!--some of the people who flocks. There is one single debt for five thouare to eat me up?
sand pounds, which an attorney is without to deCler. Don't you know me, sir ?
mand. Love. Know you! ha! what is the meaning Love. Oh! oh! oh! let them cut my throat. of this ?-Oh, it is plain, it is too plain ; my mo. Lap. Think what an escape you have had ! ney has paid for all this finery. Ah, base wretch! think if you had married hercould I have suspected you of such an action, of Love. I am as bad as married to her. lurking in my house to use me in such a man. Lup. It is impossible, sir, nothing can be so ner?
bad: what, you are to pay her ten thousand Cler. Sir, I am come to confess the fact to pounds-Well—and ten thousand pounds are a you; and if you will but give me leave to reason sum; they are a sum, I own it-they are a sum ; with you, you will not find yourself so much in but what is sich a sum compared with such a jured as you imagine.
wife? had you married her, in one week you Love. Not injured! when you have stolen away would have been in a prison, sirmy blood ?
Lore. If I am, I can keep my money ; they Cler. Your blood is not fallen into bad hands: cann't take that from me. I am a gentleman, sir.
Lap. Why, sir, you will lose twice the value Love. Here's impudence ! a fellow robs me, of your contract before you know how to turn and tells me he is a gentleman !—Tell me who yourself; and if you have no value for liberty, tempted you to it?
yet consider, sir, such is the great goodness of Cler. Ah, sir! need I say-love.
our laws, that a prison is one of the dearest places Love. Love !
you can live in. Cler. Yes, love, sir.
Love. Ten thousand pounds !-No-I'll be Love. Very pretty love, indeed! the love of hanged, I'll be hanged. my guineas.
Lap. Suppose, sir, it were possible (not that I Cler. Ah, sir, think not so. Do but grant me believe it is,) but suppose it were possible to make the free possession of what I have, and, by hea- her abate a little; suppose one could bring her ven, I'll never ask you more.
to eight thousand-
Lap. But, dear sir! consider, nay, consider
lose vain; we have sworn never to forsake each other, a sum-Let me beg you, entreat you, my dear and nothing but death can part us.
good master ! let me prevail on you, not to be Love. I don't question, sir, the very great af- ruined. Be resolute, sir ; consider every guinea fection on your side ; but I believe I shall find you give saves you a score. methods to recover
Love. Well, if she will consent to, to, to, eight Cler. By heavens I'll die in defending my right! hundred-But try, do try, if you can make her and, if that were the case, think not, when I am 'bate any thing of that—if you can-you shall gone, you ever could possess what you have rob have a twentieth part of what she 'bates for yourbed me of.
self. Love. Ha! that's true; he may find
ways to Lap. Why, sir, if I could get you off at eight prevent the restoring it.-Well, well, let me de- thousand, you ought to leap out of your skin for light my eyes at least; let me see my treasure, joy. and perhaps I may give it you, perhaps I may. Lode. Would I were out of my skin !
Cler. Then I am blest! Well may you say Lap. You will have more reason to wish se
when you are in the hands of bailiffs for your should be the consequence, I know my master wife's debts
would be cast; I know it would cost him an imLove. Why was I begotten! why was I born! mense sum of money, and that he would pay the why was I brought up! why was I not knocked charges of both in the end ; but you might be o'th' head before I knew the value of money ! kept out of it a long tiine. Eight thousand
Lap. [Knocking without.) So, so, more duns I pounds now are better than ten five years bence. suppose -Go but into the kitchen, sir, or the hall, Mar. No; the satisfaction of my revenge on and it will have a better effect on you than all I a man who basely departs from his word will
make me amends for the delay; and whatever I Love. What have I brought myself to? what suffer, as long as I know his ruin will be the conshall I do? Part with eight thousand pounds ! sequence, I shall be easy. misery, destruction, beggary, prisons ! But then, Love. Oh, bloody-minded wretch ! on the other side, are wife, ruin, chains, slavery, Lap. Why, sir, since she insists on it, what torment! I shall run distracted either way! does it signify? You know you are in her power,
[Erit. and it will be only throwing away more money Lap. Ah! would we could once prove you so, to be compelled to it at last; get rid of her at you old covetous good-for-nothing.
once; what are two thousand pounds? why, sir
, the Court of Chancery will eat it up for a breakEnter MARIANA.
fast: it has been given for a mistress, and will Mar. Well, what success?
you not give it to be rid of a wife? Lap. It is impossible to tell; he is just gone
[They whisper. into the kitchen, where, if he is not frightened into our design, I shall begin to despair. They
Enter THOMAS and JAMES. say fear will make a coward brave, but nothing
[LOVEGOLD and LAPPET talk apart. can make him generous; the very fear of losing Tho. Madam, the music are come which your all he is worth will scarce bring him to part with ladyship, ordered, and most of the company will a penny.
be here immediately. Mar. And have you acquainted neither Fre James. Where will your ladyship be pleased derick nor Harriet with my iotentions ?
the servants shall eat, for there is no room in the Lap. Neither, I assure you. Ah, madam, had house that will be large enough to entertain 'em. I not been able to have kept a secret, I had never Mur. Then beat down the partition, and turn brought about those affairs that I have: were I two rooms into one. not secret, Lud have mercy upon tuany a virtuous James. There is no service in the house prowoman's reputation in this town!
per for the dessert, madam. Alar. And don't you think I have kept my real Mar. Send immediately to the great china shop intentions very secret?
in the Strand for the finest that is there. Lap. From every one but me I believe you Love. How! and will you swear a robbery have: I assure you I knew them long before you against her? that she robbed me of what I shall sent for me this afternoon to discover them to me.
Mar. But could you bring him to no terms, Lap. Depend on it, sir. no proposals ? did he make no offer?
Love. I'll break open a bureau to make it look Lup. It must be done all at once, and while the more likely. you are by.
Lap. Do so, sir; but lose no time; give it her Mar. So you think he must see me, to give any this moment.-Madam, my master has consentthing to be rid of me?
ed, and if you have the contract, he is ready to Lap. Hush, hush! I hear him coming again. pay the money. Be sure to break open the bu
Mar. Here is the contract. Love. I am undone! I am undone! I am eat Love. I'll fetch the money: it is all I am worth up! I am devoured ! I have an army of cooks in in the world.
(Exit. my house.
Mur. Sure he will never be brought to it yet. Lap. Dear madam! consider ; I know eight Lap. I warrant him: but you are to pay dearthousand pounds are a trifle; I know they are er for it than you imagine, for I am to swear a nothing; my master can very well afford them; robbery against you. What will you give me, they will make no hole in his purse; and if you madam, to buy off my evidence ? should stand out you will get more.
Mur. And is it possible that the old rogue Love. [Putting his hand before LAPPET'S would consent to such a villany? mouth.) You lie, you lie, you lie, you lie, you Lap. Ay, madam; for half that sum he would she never could get more, never should get more; hang half the town. But truly I can never be it is more than I am worth; it is an immense made amends for all the pains I have taken on sum; and I will be starved, drowned, shot, hang- your account. Were I to receive a single guinea ed, burnt, before I part with a penny of it. a lie, for every one I have told this day, it would
Lap. For Heaven's sake, sir, you will ruin all make me a pretty tolerable fortune. Ah, madam, -Madam, let me beg you, entreat you, to 'bate what a pity it is that a woman of
my these two thousand pounds. Suppose a law-suit | talents should be confined to so low á sphere of
life as I am! had I been born a great lady, what have robbed yourself. This lady can only be a a deal of good should I have done in the world! receiver of stolen goods, for I saw you give her
the money with your own hands. Enter LOVEGOLD.
Love. How! Í! you! what! what! Love. Here, here they are—all in bank-notes Lap. And I must own it, with shame I must all the money I am worth in the world— (I own it-that the money you gave her in exchange have sent for a constable; she must not go out for the contract I promised to swear she had stoof sight before we have her taken into stody.) len from you.
(Aside to LAPPET. Cler. Is it possible Mr Lovegold could be capaLap. (To LOVEGOLD.) You have done very ble of such an action as this? wisely.
Love. I am undone, undone, undone ! Bar. There, sir, is your contract. And now, Fred. No, sir, your three thousand guineas are sir, I have nothing to do but to make myself as safe yet; depend upon it, within an hour you easy as I can in my loss.
shall find them in the same place they were first
deposited. I thought to have purchased a reprieve Enter FREDERI K, CLERIMONT, and HARRIET. with them, but I find my fortune has of itself be
Love. Where is that you promised me? where stowed that on me. is my treasure?
Love. Give 'em me, give 'em me, this instant Cier. Here, sir, is all the treasure I am worth; - but then the ten thousand, where are they? a treasure which the whole world's worth should Mar. Where they ought to be, in the hands of not purchase.
one who I think deserves them. [Gives them to Lorde. Give me the money, sir, give me the mo. FREDERICK.) You see, sir, I had no design to ney; I say, give me the money you stole from me. the prejudice of your family: nay, I have proved Cier. I understand you not.
the best friend you ever had ; for I presume you Lode. Did you not confess you robbed me of are now thoroughly cured of your longing for a my treasure
Cler. This, sir, is the inestimable treasure I Love. Sirrah! give me my notes, give me my meant! Your daughter, sir, has this day blest me by making me her husband.
Fred. You must excuse me, sir; I can part Love. How! oh, wicked, vile wretch! to run with nothing I receive from this lady. away thus with a pitirul mean fellow, thy father's Love. Then I will go to law with that lady and clerk!
you, and all of you; for I will have them again, Cler. Think not your family disgraced, sir! I if law or justice, or injustice, will give them me. am at least your equal born; and though my for Cler. Be pacified, sir; I think the lady has acttune be not so large, as for my dearest Harriet’s ed nobly in giving that back again into your fasake I wish, still it is such as will put it out of mily which she might have carried out of it. your power to make us miserable.
Love. My family be hanged ! If I am robbed, love. Oh! my money, my money, my money! I don't care who robs me. I would as soon hang Fred. If this lady does not make you amends my son as another—and I will hang him if he for the loss of your money, resign over all preten- does not restore me all I have lost: for I would sions in her to me, and I will engage to get it re not give half the sum to save the whole world
I will go and employ all the lawyers in town; Love. How, sirrah? are you a confederate for I will have my money again, or never sleep you helped to rob me?'
[Exit. Fred. Softly, sir, or you shall never see your Fred. I am resolved we will get the better of
him now: but oh, Mariana! your generosity is Love. I resign her over to you entirely, and much greater in bestowing this sum than my hapmay you both starve together! so, go fetch my piness in receiving it: I am an unconscionable beggold
gar, and shall never be satisfied while you have any Mur. You are easily prevailed upon, I see, to thing to bestow. resign a right which you have not. But were I Mar. Do you hear him?
over myself, it would hardly be the man's Har. Yes, and begin to approve him ; for your fortune to starve, whose wife brought him ten late behaviour has convinced me
Mar. Dear girl ! no more; you have frightened Love. Bear witness, she has confessed she has me already so much to-day, that, rather than venthe money, and I shall prove she stole it from me. ture a second lecture, I would do whatever you She has broke open my bureau; Lappet is my wished: so, sir, if I do bestow all on you, here is
the lady you are to thank for it. Lap. I hope I shall have all your pardons, and Har. Well, this I will say, when you do a goodparticularly yours, madam, whom I have most
in natured thing you have the prettiest way of doing
it. And now, Mariana, I am ready to ask your Love. A fig for her pardon! you are doing a pardon for all I said to-day.
Mar. Dear Harriet! no apologies ! all you Lap. Then if there were any robbery, you must I deserved.
stored to you.
to resign thousand pounds.
no peace with the old gentleman in which you shal Enter LAPPET and RAMILIE.
not be included. I hope my sister will prove a Lap. Treaties are going on on both sides, while fortune equal to your deserts. you and I seem forgotten.
Cler. While I am enabled to support her in a Ram. Why, have we not done them all the ser- afluence equal to her desires, I shall desire no vice we can? What farther have they to do with
From what I have seen lately, I think us ?-Sir, there are some people in masquerading riches are rather to be feared than wished ; at least habits without.
I am sure avarice, which too often attends wealth, Mar. Some I sent for to assist in my design on is a greater evil than any that is found in poverty. your father: I think we will give them admittance, Misery is generally the end of all vice, but it is though we have done without 'em. .
the very mark at which avarice seems to aim; the Omnes. Oh! by all means.
Miser endeavours to be wretched; Fred. Mrs Lappet, be assured I have a just sense
He boards eternal cares within his purse, of your favours, and both you and Ramilie shall And what he wishes most, proves most his curse. find my gratitude. (Dance here.
(Exeunt. Fred. Dear Clerimont! be satisfied I shall make
WRITTEN BY COLLEY CIBBER.
OUR author's sure bewitch'd! the senseless rogue Then to reproach the critics with ill-nature,
And charge their malice to his stinging satire,
For epilogues, they shall have none from me. Besides, your modern epilogues, said he, Lord, sir! says I, the gallery will so bawl. Are but ragouts of smut and ribaldry,
Let 'em, he cried; a bad one's worse than none Where the false jests are dwindled to so few,
at all. There's scarceone double entendre left that's new; Madam, these things than you I'm more expert in, Nor would I in that lovely circle raise
Nor do I see no epilogue much hurt in. One ush to gain a thousand coxcombs' praise : Zounds ! when the play is ended-drop the curThen for the threadbare jokes of cit and wit,
tain. Whose foreknown rhyme is echo'd from the pit, Till of their laugh the galleries are bit ;