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[Drum without.] Heavens bless your honour!

Mar. I suppose, sir, you expect to be finely spoken of abroad for this; you will get an excel-'Squire Lovegold, Madam Lovegold, long life and lent character in the world by this behaviour? happiness, and many children attend you-and so God save the king! [Drums beat. [LOVEGOLD goes out, and soon after the

Mrs Wise. Is this your gratitude to a woman who has refused so much better offers on your account?

Love. Oh, would she had taken them! Give me up my contract, and I will gladly resign all right and title whatsoever.

Mrs Wise. It is too late now, the gentlemen have had their answers; a good offer, once refused, is not to be had again.

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Enter Servant.

Serv. Madam, the tailor, whom your ladyship sent for, is come.

Mur. Bid him come in. This is an instance of the regard I have for you. I have sent for one of the best tailors in town to make you a new suit of clothes, that you may appear like a gentleman: for, as it is for your honour that I should be well dressed, so it is for mine that you should. Come, madam, we will go in, and give farther orders concerning the entertainment.

[Exeunt Mrs WISELY and MARIANA.

Enter LIST.

Love. Oh, Lappet, Lappet! the time thou hast prophesied of is come to pass.

List. I am your honour's most humble servant. My name is List: I presume I am the person you sent for-The laceman will be here immediately. Will your honour be pleased to be taken measure of first, or look over the patterns? if you please we will take measure first. I do not know, sir, who was so kind as to recommend me to you, but I believe I shall give you entire satisfaction. I may defy any tailor in England to understand the fashion better than myself; the thing is impossible, sir. I always visit France twice a-year; and, though I say it, that should not say it- -Stand upright, if you please, sir

Love. I'll take measure of your back, sirrah— I'll teach such pick-pockets as you are to come here-Out of my doors, you villain!

List. Hey-day, sir! did you send for me for this, sir?—I shall bring you in a bill without any clothes. [Exit.

Enter JAMES and Porter. Love. Where are you going? what have you there?

James. Some fine wine, sir, that my lady sent for to Mr Mixture's-But, sir, it will be impossible for me to get supper ready by twelve, as it is ordered, unless I have more assistance. I want half-a dozen kitchens too. The very wild fowl that my lady has sent for will take up a dozen spits.

Love. Oh! oh! it is in vain to oppose it: her extravagance is like a violent fire, that is no sooner stopped in one place than it breaks out in another. [Drums beat without.] Ha! what's the meaning of this? is my house besieged? would they would set it on fire, and burn all in it!

drums cease.

James. So he has quieted the drums I findThis is the roguery of some well-wishing neigh bours of his. Well, we shall soon see which will get the better, my master or my mistress: if my master does, away go I; if my mistress, I'll stay while there's any housekeeping, which cann't be long; for the riches of my lord mayor will never hold it out at this rate.

Enter LOVEGOLD.

Love. James! I shall be destroyed; in one week I shall not be worth a groat upon earth. Go, send all the provisions back to the tradesmen, put out all the fires, leave not so much as a candle burning.

James. Sir, I don't know how to do it; madam commanded me, and I dare not disobey her.

Love How not when I command thee? James I have lost several places, sir, by obeying the master against the mistress, but never lost one by obeying the mistress against the master. Besides, sir, she is so good and generous a lady, that it would go against my very heart to

offend her.

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Lap. Where is my poor master? Oh, sir, I cannot express the affliction I am in to see you devoured in this manner. How could you, sir, when I told you what a woman she was, how could you undo yourself with your eyes open?

Love. Poor Lappet! had I taken your advice I had been happy.

Lup. And I too, sir; for, alack-a-day! I am as miserable as you are; I feel every thing for you, sir; indeed I shall break my heart upon

your account.

Love. I shall be much obliged to you if you do, Lappet.

Lap. How could a man of your sense, sir, warry in so precipitate a manner?

Love. I am not married: I am not married. Lap. Not married!

Love. No, no, no.

Lap. All's safe yet. No man is quite undone till he is married.

Love. I am, I am undone. Oh, Lappet! I cannot tell it thee. I have given her a bond, a bond, a bond, of ten thousand pounds, to marry her! Lap. You shall forfeit it.

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Love. Forfeit what? my life, and soul, and blood, and heart!

Lap. You shall forfeit it

Love. I'll be buried alive sooner: no, I am determined I'll marry her first, and hang myself afterwards, to save my money.

Lap. I see, sir, you are undone; and if you should hang yourself, I could not blame you. Love. Could I but save one thousand by it, I would hang myself with all my soul. Shall I live to die not worth a groat?

Lap. Oh, my poor master! my poor master! [Crying. Love. Why did I not die a year ago? what a deal had I saved by dying a year ago! [A noise without.] Oh! oh! dear Lappet! see what it is! I shall be undone in an hour-Oh!

Enter CLERIMONT, richly dressed.

treasure, for to possess that treasure is to be rich indeed.

Love. Yes, truly, I think three thousand pounds may well be called a treasure.-Go, go, fetch it hither; perhaps I may give it you-fetch it hither.

Cler. To shew you, sir, the confidence I place in you, I will fetch hither all that I love and adore. [Exit.

Love. Sure never was so impudent a fellow! to confess his robbery before my face, and desire to keep what he has stolen as if he had a right

to it.

Enter LAPPET.

Love. Oh, Lappet! what's the matter?

Lap. Oh, sir! I am scarce able to tell you. It is spread about the town that you are married, and your wife's creditors are coming in whole

Love. What is here?-some of the people who flocks. There is one single debt for five thouare to eat me up?

know me, sir?

Cler. Don't you Love. Know you! ha! what is the meaning of this?-Oh, it is plain, it is too plain; my mo ney has paid for all this finery. Ah, base wretch! could I have suspected you of such an action, of lurking in my house to use me in such a manner?

Cler. Sir, I am come to confess the fact to you; and if you will but give me leave to reason with you, you will not find yourself so much injured as you imagine.

Love. Not injured! when you have stolen away my blood?

Cler. Your blood is not fallen into bad hands: I am a gentleman, sir.”

Love. Here's impudence! a fellow robs me, and tells me he is a gentleman!-Tell me who tempted you to it?

Cler. Ah, sir! need I say-love.

Love. Love!

Cler. Yes, love, sir.

Love. Very pretty love, indeed! the love of my guineas.

Cler. Ah, sir, think not so. Do but grant me the free possession of what I have, and, by heaven, I'll never ask you more.

Love. Oh, most unequalled impudence! was ever so modest a request?

Cler. All your efforts to separate us will be vain; we have sworn never to forsake each other, and nothing but death can part us.

Love. I don't question, sir, the very great affection on your side; but I believe I shall find methods to recover

Cler. By heavens I'll die in defending my right! and, if that were the case, think not, when I am gone, you ever could possess what you have robbed me of.

Love. Ha! that's true; he may find ways to prevent the restoring it.-Well, well, let me delight my eyes at least; let me see my treasure, and perhaps I may give it you, perhaps I may.

Cler. Then I am blest! Well may you say

sand pounds, which an attorney is without to demand.

Love. Oh! oh! oh! let them cut my throat. Lap. Think what an escape you have had! think if you had married her

Love. I am as bad as married to her.

Lap. It is impossible, sir, nothing can be so bad: what, you are to pay her ten thousand pounds-Well-and ten thousand pounds are a sum; they are a sum, I own it-they are a sum; but what is such a sum compared with such a wife? had you married her, in one week you would have been in a prison, sir

Love. If I am, I can keep my money; they cann't take that from me.

Lap. Why, sir, you will lose twice the value of your contract before you know how to turn yourself; and if you have no value for liberty, yet consider, sir, such is the great goodness of our laws, that a prison is one of the dearest places you can live in.

Love. Ten thousand pounds!-No-I'll be hanged, I'll be hanged.

Lap. Suppose, sir, it were possible (not that I believe it is,) but suppose it were possible to make her abate a little; suppose one could bring her to eight thousand

Love. Eight thousand devils take her

Lap. But, dear sir! consider, nay, consider immediately, for every minute you lose you lose a sum-Let me beg you, entreat you, my dear good master! let me prevail on you, not to be ruined. Be resolute, sir; consider every guinea you give saves you a score.

Love. Well, if she will consent to, to, to, eight hundred-But try, do try, if you can make her 'bate any thing of that-if you can-you shall have a twentieth part of what she 'bates for yourself.

Lap. Why, sir, if I could get you off at eight thousand, you ought to leap out of your skin for joy.

Love. Would I were out of my skin!-
Lap. You will have more reason to wish se

when you are in the hands of bailiffs for your wife's debts

Love. Why was I begotten! why was I born! why was I brought up! why was I not knocked o'th' head before I knew the value of money!

Lap. [Knocking without.] So, so, more duns I suppose-Go but into the kitchen, sir, or the hall, and it will have a better effect on you than all I can say.

Love. What have I brought myself to? what shall I do? Part with eight thousand pounds! misery, destruction, beggary, prisons! But then, on the other side, are wife, ruin, chains, slavery, torment! I shall run distracted either way! [Exit. Lap. Ah! would we could once prove you so, you old covetous good-for-nothing.

Enter MARIANA.

Mar. Well, what success?

Lap. It is impossible to tell; he is just gone into the kitchen, where, if he is not frightened into our design, I shall begin to despair. They say fear will make a coward brave, but nothing can make him generous; the very fear of losing all he is worth will scarce bring him to part with a penny.

Mar. And have you acquainted neither Frederick nor Harriet with my intentions?

Lap. Neither, I assure you. Ah, madam, had I not been able to have kept a secret, I had never brought about those affairs that I have: were I not secret, Lud have mercy upon many a virtuous woman's reputation in this town!

Mar. And don't you think I have kept my real intentions very secret?

Lap. From every one but me I believe you have: I assure you I knew them long before you sent for me this afternoon to discover them to me. Mar. But could you bring him to no terms, no proposals? did he make no offer?

Lap. It must be done all at once, and while you are by.

Mar. So you think he must see me, to give any thing to be rid of me?

Lap. Hush, hush! I hear him coming again.
Enter LOVEgold.

Love. I am undone! I am undone! I am eat up! I am devoured! I have an army of cooks in my house.

Lap. Dear madam! consider; I know eight thousand pounds are a trifle; I know they are nothing; my master can very well afford them; they will make no hole in his purse; and if you should stand out you will get more.

Love. [Putting his hand before LAPPET's mouth.] You lie, you lie, you lie, you lie, you lie : she never could get more, never should get more; it is more than I am worth; it is an immense sum; and I will be starved, drowned, shot, hanged, burnt, before I part with a penny of it.

Lap. For Heaven's sake, sir, you will ruin all -Madam, let me beg you, entreat you, to 'bate these two thousand pounds. Suppose a law-suit

should be the consequence, I know my master would be cast; I know it would cost him an im mense sum of money, and that he would pay the charges of both in the end; but you might be kept out of it a long time. Eight thousand pounds now are better than ten five years hence.

Mar. No; the satisfaction of my revenge on a man who basely departs from his word will make me amends for the delay; and whatever I suffer, as long as I know his ruin will be the consequence, I shall be easy.

Love. Oh, bloody-minded wretch!

Lap. Why, sir, since she insists on it, what does it signify? You know you are in her power, and it will be only throwing away more money to be compelled to it at last; get rid of her at once; what are two thousand pounds? why, sir, the Court of Chancery will eat it up for a breakfast it has been given for a mistress, and will you not give it to be rid of a wife?

[They whisper.

Enter THOMAS and JAMES.

[LOVEGOLD and LAPPET talk apart. Tho. Madam, the music are come which your ladyship ordered, and most of the company will be here immediately.

James. Where will your ladyship be pleased the servants shall eat, for there is no room in the house that will be large enough to entertain 'em. Mur. Then beat down the partition, and turn two rooms into one.

James. There is no service in the house proper for the dessert, madam.

Mar. Send immediately to the great china shop in the Strand for the finest that is there.

Love. How! and will you swear a robbery against her? that she robbed me of what I shall give her?

Lap. Depend on it, sir.

Love. I'll break open a bureau to make it look the more likely.

Lap. Do so, sir; but lose no time; give it her this moment.-Madam, my master has consented, and if you have the contract, he is ready to pay the money. Be sure to break open the bu reau, sir. [Aside.

Mar. Here is the contract. Love. I'll fetch the money: it is all I am worth in the world.

[Exit. Mar. Sure he will never be brought to it yet. Lap. I warrant him: but you are to pay dearer for it than you imagine, for I am to swear a robbery against you. What will you give me, madam, to buy off my evidence?

Mar. And is it possible that the old rogue would consent to such a villany?

Lap. Ay, madam; for half that sum he would hang half the town. But truly I can never be made amends for all the pains I have taken on your account. Were I to receive a single guinea a lie, for every one I have told this day, it would make me a pretty tolerable fortune. Ah, madam, what a pity it is that a woman of my excellent talents should be confined to so low a sphere of

life as I am! had I been born a great lady, what a deal of good should I have done in the world! Enter LOVEGOLD.

Love. Here, here they are-all in bank-notes -all the money I am worth in the world-(I have sent for a constable; she must not go out of sight before we have her taken into custody.) [Aside to LAPPET. Lap. [To LOVEGOLD.] You have done very wisely.

Mar. There, sir, is your contract. sir, I have nothing to do but to make easy as I can in my loss.

And now, myself as

Enter FREDERIK, CLERIMONT, and HARRIET. Love. Where is that you promised me? where my treasure?

is

Cler. Here, sir, is all the treasure I am worth; a treasure which the whole world's worth should not purchase.

Love. Give me the money, sir, give me the money; I say, give me the money you stole from me. Cier. I understand you not.

Love. Did you not confess you robbed me of my treasure?

Cler. This, sir, is the inestimable treasure I meant! Your daughter, sir, has this day blest me by making me her husband.

Love. How! oh, wicked, vile wretch! to run away thus with a pitiful mean fellow, thy father's clerk!

Cler. Think not your family disgraced, sir! I am at least your equal born; and though my fortune be not so large, as for my dearest Harriet's sake I wish, still it is such as will put it out of your power to make us miserable.

Love. Oh! my money, my money, my money! Fred. If this lady does not make you amends for the loss of your money, resign over all pretensions in her to me, and I will engage to get it restored to you.

Love. How, sirrah? are you a confederate? have you helped to rob me?"

Fred. Softly, sir, or you shall never see your guineas again.

Love. I resign her over to you entirely, and may you both starve together! so, go fetch my gold

Mar. You are easily prevailed upon, I see, to resign a right which you have not. But were I to resign over myself, it would hardly be the man's fortune to starve, whose wife brought him ten thousand pounds.

Love. Bear witness, she has confessed she has the money, and I shall prove she stole it from me. She has broke open my bureau; Lappet is my

evidence.

have robbed yourself. This lady can only be a receiver of stolen goods, for I saw you give her the money with your own hands.

Love. How! I! you! what! what!

Lap. And I must own it, with shame I must own it-that the money you gave her in exchange for the contract I promised to swear she had stolen from you.

Cler. Is it possible Mr Lovegold could be capa ble of such an action as this?

Love. I am undone, undone, undone !

Fred. No, sir, your three thousand guineas are safe yet; depend upon it, within an hour you shall find them in the same place they were first deposited. I thought to have purchased a reprieve with them, but I find my fortune has of itself bestowed that on me.

Love. Give 'em me, give 'em me, this instant -but then the ten thousand, where are they?

Mar. Where they ought to be, in the hands of one who I think deserves them. [Gives them to FREDERICK. You see, sir, I had no design to the prejudice of your family: nay, I have proved the best friend you ever had; for I presume you are now thoroughly cured of your longing for a young wife.

Love. Sirrah! give me my notes, give me my notes.

Fred. You must excuse me, sir; I can part with nothing I receive from this lady.

Love. Then I will go to law with that lady and you, and all of you; for I will have them again, if law or justice, or injustice, will give them me.

Cler. Be pacified, sir; I think the lady has acted nobly in giving that back again into your family which she might have carried out of it.

Love. My family be hanged! If I am robbed, I don't care who robs me. I would as soon hang my son as another-and I will hang him if he does not restore me all I have lost: for I would not give half the sum to save the whole worldI will go and employ all the lawyers in town; for I will have my money again, or never sleep [Exit.

more.

Fred. I am resolved we will get the better of him now but oh, Mariana! your generosity is much greater in bestowing this sum than my happiness in receiving it: I am an unconscionable beggar, and shall never be satisfied while you have any thing to bestow.

Mar. Do you hear him?

Har. Yes, and begin to approve him; for your late behaviour has convinced me

Mar. Dear girl! no more; you have frightened me already so much to-day, that, rather than venture a second lecture, I would do whatever you wished: so, sir, if I do bestow all on you, here is the lady you are to thank for it.

Lap. I hope I shall have all your pardons, and Har. Well, this I will say, when you do a goodparticularly yours, madam, whom I have most in-natured thing you have the prettiest way of doing jured. it. And now, Mariana, I am ready to ask your pardon for all I said to-day.

Love. A fig for her pardon! you are doing a right action.

Lap. Then if there were any robbery, you must

Mar. Dear Harriet! no apologies! all you said I deserved.

Enter LAPPET and RAMILIE. Lap. Treaties are going on on both sides, while you and I seem forgotten..

Ram. Why, have we not done them all the service we can? What farther have they to do with us?-Sir, there are some people in masquerading habits without.

Mur. Some I sent for to assist in my design on your father: I think we will give them admittance, though we have done without 'em.

Omnes. Oh! by all means.

Fred. Mrs Lappet, be assured I have a just sense of your favours, and both you and Ramilie shall find my gratitude. [Dance here.

Fred. Dear Clerimont! be satisfied I shall make

no peace with the old gentleman in which you shall not be included. I hope my sister will prove a fortune equal to your deserts.

Cler. While I am enabled to support her in an affluence equal to her desires, I shall desire no more. From what I have seen lately, I think riches are rather to be feared than wished; at least I am sure avarice, which too often attends wealth, is a greater evil than any that is found in poverty. Misery is generally the end of all vice, but it is the very mark at which avarice seems to aim; the Miser endeavours to be wretched;

He hoards eternal cares within his purse, And what he wishes most, proves most his curse. [Exeunt.

EPILOGUE.

WRITTEN BY COLLEY CIBBER.

OUR author's sure bewitch'd! the senseless rogue
Insists, no good play wants an epilogue.
Suppose that true, said I, What's that to this?
Is yours a good one?—No, but Moliere's is,
He cried, and, zounds! no epilogue was tack'd
to his.

Besides, your modern epilogues, said he,
Are but ragouts of smut and ribaldry,
Where the false jests are dwindled to so few,
There's scarce one double entendre left that's new;
Nor would I in that lovely circle raise
One blush to gain a thousand coxcombs' praise:
Then for the threadbare jokes of cit and wit,
Whose foreknown rhyme is echo'd from the pit,
Till of their laugh the galleries are bit;

Then to reproach the critics with ill-nature,
And charge their malice to his stinging satire,
And thence appealing to the nicer boxes,
Though talking stuff might dash the Drury doxies;
If these, he cried, the choice ingredients be
For epilogues, they shall have none from me.
Lord, sir! says I, the gallery will so bawl.
Let 'em, he cried; a bad one's worse than none
at all.

Madam, these things than you I'm more expert in,
Nor do I see no epilogue much hurt in.
Zounds! when the play is ended-drop the cur-

tain.

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