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Mr Alderman, your servant; have you brought me any money, sir?

Smug. Faith, madam, trading is very dead; what with paying the taxes, raising the customs, losses at sea abroad, and maintaining our wives at home, the bank is reduced very low.

Lure. Come, come, sir, these evasions won't serve your turn; I must have money, sir-I hope you don't design to cheat me?

Smug. Cheat you, madam !—have à care what you say I am an alderman, madam Cheat you, madam! I have been an honest citizen these five-and-thirty years.

Lure. An honest citizen! Bear witness, Parly -I shall trap him in more lies presently. Come, sir, tho' I am a woman, I can take a course.

Smug. What course, madam? You'll go to law, will ye? I can maintain a suit of law, be it right or wrong, these forty years, I am sure of that, thanks to the honest practice of the courts.

Lure. Sir, I'll blast your reputation, and so ruin your credit.

Smug. Blast my reputation! he, he, he! Why, I'm a religious man, madam; I have been very instrumental in the reformation of manners. Ruin my credit! Ah, poor woman! There is but one way, madam-you have a sweet leering eye. Lure. You instrumental in the reformation! How?

Smug. I whipp'd all the whores, cut and longtail, out of the parish-Ah, that leering eye!Then I voted for pulling down the playhouseAh, that ogle, that ogle!-Then my own pious example-Ah, that lip, that lip!

Lure. Here's a religious rogue for you, now! -As I hope to be saved, I have a good mind to beat the old monster.

Smug. Madam, I have brought you about a hundred and fifty guineas (a great deal of money, as times go) and

Lure. Come, give 'em me.

Smug. Ah, that hand, that hand! that pretty, soft, white-I have brought it, you see; but the conditions of the obligation are such, that whereas that leering eye, that pouting lip, that pretty soft hand, that you understand me; you understand; I'm sure you do, you little Togue.

Lure. Here's a villain, now, so covetous, that he won't wench upon his own cost, but would bribe me with my own money! I'll be revenged. [Aside.]-Upon my word, Mr Alderman, you make me blush,-what d'ye mean, pray?

Smug. See here, madam. [Puts a piece of money in his mouth.] Buss and guinca, buss and guinea, buss and guinea.

Lure. Well, Mr Alderman, you have such pretty winning ways, that I will! ha, ha, ha!

Smug. Will you indeed! he, he, he! my little coquet? And when, and where, and how!

Lure. 'Twill be a difficult point, sir, to secure both our honours; you must therefore be disguised, Mr Alderman.

Smug. Pshaw! no matter; I am an old fornicator; I'm not half so religious as I seem to be. You little rogue, why, I'm disguised as I am; our sanctity is all outside, all hypocrisy.

Lure. No man is seen to come into this house after night-fall; you must therefore sneak in, when 'tis dark, in woman's clothes.

Smug. With all my heart-I have a suit on purpose, my little coquet; I love to be disguised; 'ecod, I make a very handsome woman, 'ecod I do.

Enter Servant, who whispers LUREwell.

Lure. Oh, Mr Alderman, shall I beg you to walk into the next room? Here are some strangers coming up.

Smug. Buss and guinea first-Ah, my little [Exit. coquet! Enter WILDAIR.

Wild. My life, my soul, my all that Heaven can give!

Lure. Death's life with thee, without thee death to live.

Welcome, my dear Sir Harry I see you got my directions.

Wild. Directions! in the most charming manner, thou dear Machiavel of intrigue.

Lure. Still brisk and airy, I find, Sir Harry. Wild. The sight of you, madam, exalts my air, and makes joy lighten in my face.

Lure. I have a thousand questions to ask you, Sir Harry. How d'ye like France?

Wild. Ah! c'est le plus beau païs du monde. Lure. Then what made you leave it so soon ? Wild. Madam, vous voyez que je vous suive partout.

Lure. Oh, monsieur, je vous suis fort obligée
-But, where's the court now?
Wild. At Marli, madam.

Lure. And where my Count La Valier?
Wild. His body's in the church of Nôtre
Dame; I don't know where his soul is.

Lure. What disease did he die of?
Wild. A duel, madam; I was his doctor.
Lure. How d'ye mean?

Wild. As most doctors do; I kill'd him.

Lure. En cavalier, my dear knight-errantWell, and how, and how: what intrigues, what gallantries are carrying on in the beau monde?

Wild. I should ask you that question, madam since your ladyship makes the beau monde whereever you come.

Lure. Ah, Sir Harry, I've been almost ruined, pestered to death here, by the incessant attacks of a mighty colonel; he has besieged me as close as our army did Nainur.

Wild. I hope your ladyship did not surrender, though.

Lure. No, no; but was forced to capitulate.

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But since you are come to raise the siege, we'll dance, and sing, and laugh——

Wild. And love and kiss-Montrez moi vo-. tre chambre ?

Lure. Attends, attends, un peu- -I remember, Sir Harry, you promised me, in Paris, never to ask that impertinent question again.

Wild. Pshaw, madam! that was above two months ago besides, madam, treaties made in France are never kept.

Lure. Would you marry me, Sir Harry? Wild. Oh! la marriage est un grand mal— But I will marry you.

Lure. Your word, sir, is not to be relied on; if a gentleman will forfeit his honour in dealings of business, we may reasonably suspect his fidelity in an amour.

Wild. My honour in dealings of business! Why, madam, I never had any business in all my life.

Lure. Yes, Sir Harry, I have heard a very odd story, and am sorry that a gentleman of your figure should undergo the scandal.

Wild. Out with it, madam.

Lure. Why, the merchant, sir, that transmitted your bills of exchange to you in France, complains of some indirect and dishonourable dealings. Wild. Who, old Smuggler?

Jure. Ay, ay, you know him, I find.

Wild. I have some reason, I think; why, the rogue has cheated me of above five hundred pounds within these three years.

Lure. 'Tis your business then to acquit yourself publicly; for he spreads the scandal every where. Wild. Acquit myself publicly!-Here, sirrah, my coach; I'll drive instantly into the city, and cane the old villain round the Royal Exchange; he shall run the gauntlet through a thousand brush'd beavers, and formal cravats.

in

Lure. Why, he is in the house now, sir.
Wild. What, in this house?

Lure. Ay, in the next room.

Wild. Then, sirrah, lend me your cudgel. Lure Sir Harry, you won't raise a disturbance my house?

Wild. Disturbance, madam! no, no, I'll beat him with the temper of a philosopher. Here, Mrs Parly, shew me the gentleman.

[Exit with PARLY.

Lure. Now shall I get the old monster well beaten, and Sir Harry pestered next term with bloodsheds, batteries, costs and damages, solicitors and attornies; and if they don't tease him out of his good humour, I'll never plot again. [Exit.

SCENE IV.-Changes to another Room in the same House.

Enter SMUGGLER.

Smug. Oh, this damn'd tide-waiter! A ship and cargo worth five thousand pounds! Why, 'tis richly worth five hundred perjuries.

Enter WILDAIR.

Wild. Dear Mr Alderman, I'm your most devoted and humble servant.

Smug. My best friend, Sir Harry, you're welcome to England.

Wild. I'll assure you, sir, there's not a man in the king's dominions I am gladder to meet, dear, dear Mr Alderman. [Bowing very low. Smug. Oh, Lord, sir, you travellers have the most obliging ways with you!

Wild. There is a business, Mr Alderman, fallen out, which you may oblige me infinitely byI am very sorry that I am forced to be troublesome; but necessity, Mr Alderman—

Smug. Ay, sir, as you say, necessity-But, upon my word, sir, I am very short of money at present; but

Wild. That's not the matter, sir; I'm above an obligation that way: but the business is, I'm reduced to an indespensible necessity of being obliged to you for a beating-Here, take this cudgel.

Smug. A beating, Sir Harry! ha, ha, ha! I beat a knight baronet! an alderman turn cudgelplayer—Ha, ha, ha !

Wild. Upon my word, sir, you must beat me, or I cudgel you; take your choice. Smug. Pshaw, pshaw! you jest. Wild. Nay, 'tis sure as fate-So, Alderman, I hope you'll pardon my curiosity. [Strikes him. Smug. Curiosity! Deuce take your curiosity, sir!-What d'ye mean?

Wild. Nothing at all; I'm but in jest, sir.

Smug. Oh, I can take any thing in jest! but a man might imagine, by the smartness of the stroke, that you were in downright earnest.

Wild. Not in the least, sir; [strikes him] not in the least, indeed, sir.

Smug. Pray, good sir, no more of your jests; for they are the bluntest jests that ever I knew. Wild. [Strikes.] I heartily beg your pardon with all my heart, sir.

Smug. Pardon, sir! Well, sir, that is satisfaction enough from a gentleman. But, seriously, now, if you pass any more of your jests upon me, I shall grow angry.

one or two more.

Wild. I humbly beg your permission to break [Strikes him. Smug. Oh, Lord, sir, you'll break my bones! Are you mad, sir! Murder, felony, manslaughter! [WILDAIR knocks him down. Wild. Sir, I beg you ten thousand pardons; but I am absolutely compelled to it, upon my honour, sir: nothing can be more averse to my inclinations, than to jest with my honest, dear, loving, obliging friend the Alderman. [Striking him all this while : SMUGGLER tumbles over and over, and shakes out his pocket-book on the floor; LUREWELL enters, and takes it up.] Lure. The old rogue's pocket-book; this may be of use. [Aside.] Oh, Lord, Sir Harry's murdering the poor old man!

Smug. Oh, dear madam, I was beaten in jest, till I am murdered in good earnest.

Lure. Well, well, I'll bring you off, SeniorFrappez, frappez!

Smug. Oh, for charity's sake, madam, rescue a poor citizen!

Lure. Oh, you barbarous man!—Hold, hold! Frappez, plus rudement ! Fruppez !- I wonder you are not ashamed. [Holding WILD.] A poor, reverend, honest elder-[Helps SMUG. up.] It makes me weep to see him in this condition, poor man!-Now, the devil take you, Sir Harry-for not beating him harder-Well, my dear, you shall come at night, and I'll make you amends. [Here Sir HARRY takes snuff. Smug. Madam, I will have amends before I leave the placeSir, how durst you use me thus? Wild. Sir?

Smug. Sir, I say that I will have satisfaction. Wild. With all my heart. [Throws snuff into his eyes. Smug. Oh, murder, blindness, fire! Oh, madam, madam, get me some water. Water, fire, fire, water! [Exit with LUrewell.

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SCENE I.-The Street.

ACT III.

Enter STANDARD and VIZARD. Stand. I bring him word where she lodged? I the civilest rival in the world? 'Tis impossible.

Stand. Here, you, friend.

Viz. I have now some business, and must take myleave; I would advise you, nevertheless against this affair.

Stand. No whispering now, nor telling of friends to prevent us. He that disappoints a man Viz. I shall urge it no farther, sir. I only of an honourable revenge, may love him foolishthought, sir, that my character in the worldly like a wife, but never value him as a friend. might add authority to my words, without so Viz. Nay, the devil take him that parts you, many repetitions.

Stand. Pardon me, dear Vizard. Our belief struggles hard before it can be brought to yield to the disadvantage of what we love; 'tis so great an abuse to our judgment, that it makes the faults of our choice our own failing. But what said Sir Harry?

Viz. He pitied the poor credulous colonel, laughed heartily, flew away, with all the raptures of a bridegroom, repeating these lines:

A mistress ne'er can pall her lover's joys, Whose wit can whet, whene'er her beauty cloys. Stand. A mistress ne'er can pall! By all my wrongs, he whores her, and I am made their property. Vengeance-Vizard, you must carry a note for me to Sir Harry.

Viz. What, a challenge? I hope you don't design to fight.

Stand. What, wear the livery of my king, and pocket an affront? 'Twere an abuse to his sacred Majesty a soldier's sword, Vizard, should start of itself to redress its master's wrong.

Viz. However, sir, I think it not proper for me to carry any such message between friends. Stand. I have ne'er a servant here; what shall I do?

Viz. There's Tom Errand, the porter that plies at the Blue Posts, one who knows Sir Harry and his haunts very well; you may send a note by him.

say I.

Enter Porter, running.

[Exit.

Er. Did your honour call porter?
Stand. Is your name Tom Errand?
Er. People call me so, an't like your worship.
Stand. D'ye know Sir Harry Wildair?

Er. Ay, very well, sir; he's one of my best masters; many a round half-crown have I had of his worship; he's newly come home from France, sir.

Stand. Go to the next coffee-house, and wait for me. -Oh, woman, woman! how bless'd is man when favoured by your smiles, and how accurs'd when all those siniles are found but wanton baits to sooth us to destruction!

Thus our chief joys with base allays are
curs'd,

And our best things, when once corrupt-
ed, worst.
[Exeunt.

Enter WILDAIR, and CLINCHER Senior following.

Clin. sen. Sir, sir, sir, having some business of importance to communicate to you, I would beg your attention to a trifling affair that I would impart to your understanding.

Wild. What is your trifling business of importance, pray, sweet sir?

Clin. sen. Pray, sir, are the roads deep betweer. this and Paris.

Wild. Why that question, sir?

Clin. sen. Because I design to go to the jubilee, sir. I understand that you are a traveller, sir; there is an air of travel in the tie of your cravat, sir; there is indeed, sir- -I suppose, sir, you bought this lace in Flanders.

Wild. No, sir, this lace was made in Norway.
Clin. sen. Norway, sir?

Wild. Yes, sir, of the shavings of deal-boards. Clin. sen. That's very strange now, faithLace made of the shavings of deal-boards! 'Egad, sir, you travellers see very strange things abroad, very incredible things abroad, indeed. Well, I'll have a cravat of the very same lace before I come home.

Wild. But, sir, what preparations have you made for your journey?

Clin. sen. A case of pocket-pistols for the bravoes, and a swimming-girdle. Wild. Why these, sir?

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SCENE II.-Lady DARLING'S House.

Enter ANGELICA.

Ang. Unhappy state of woman! whose chief virtue is but ceremony, and our much boasted modesty but a slavish restraint. The strict confinement on our words, makes our thoughts ramble more; and what preserves our outward fame, destroys our inward quiet. "Tis hard that love should be denied the privilege of hatred; that scandal and detraction should be so much indulged, yet sacred love and truth de

Clin. sen. Oh, Lord, sir, I'll tell you- -Suppose us in Rome, now; away goes Ï to some ball -for I'll be a mighty beau. Then, as I said, I go to some ball, or some bear-baiting-'tis all one, you know—then comes a fine Italian bona roba, and plucks me by the sleeve: Signior Angle, Signior Angle-She's a very fine lady, observe that-Signior Angle, says she-Signora, says I; and trips after her to the corner of a street,— suppose it Russel-street, here, or any other street; then, you know, I must invite her to the tavern ; I can do no less-Then up comes her bravo; the Italian grows saucy, and I give him an Eng-barred our conversation. lish dowse o' the face: I can box, sir, box tightly; I was a 'prentice, sir But then, sir, he whips out his stiletto, and I whips out my bull-dogslaps him through, trips down stairs, turns the corner of Russel-street again, and whips me into the ambassador's train, and there I'm safe as a beau behind the scenes.

Wild. Is your pistol charg❜d, sir?

Clin. sen. Only a brace of bullets, that's all, sir. Wild. 'Tis a very fine pistol, truly; pray let me see it.

Clin. sen. With all my heart, sir.

Wild. Hark'e, Mr Jubilee, can you digest a brace of bullets?

Clin. sen. Oh, by no means in the world, sir. Wild. I'll try the strength of your stomach, however. Sir, you're a dead man.

[Presenting the pistol to his breast. Clin, sen. Consider, dear sir, I am going to the jubilee: when I come home again, I am a dead man at your service.

Wild. Oh, very well, sir; but take heed you are not so choleric for the future.

Clin. sen. Choleric, sir! Oons, I design to shoot seven Italians in a week, sir.

Wild. Sir, you won't have provocation.

Clin. sen. Provocation, sir! Zauns, sir, I'll kill any man for treading upon my corns; and there will be a devilish throng of people there: they say that all the princes of Italy will be there.

Wild. And all the fops and fiddlers in Europe
-But the use of your swimming-girdle, pray,

sir?

Enter DARLING, CLINCHER Junior, and DICKY.
Darl. This is my daughter, cousin.

Dick. Now, sir, remember your three scrapes. Clin.jun.[Saluting ANGELICA.]One, two, three; your humble servant. Was not that right, Dicky? Dick. Ay, faith, sir; but why don't you speak to her?

Clin. jun. I beg your pardon, Dicky; I know my distance. Would you have me speak to a lady at the first sight?

Dick. Ay, sir, by all means; the first aim is the surest.

Clin. jun. Now for a good jest, to make her laugh heartily--By Jupiter Ammon, I'll go give her a kiss. [Goes towards her.

Enter WILDAIR, interposing. Wild. 'Tis all to no purpose; I told you so before; your pitiful five guineas will never do. You may go; I'll outbid you.

Clin. jun. What, the devil! the madman's here again.

Dart. Bless me, cousin, what d'ye mean! Affront a gentleman of his quality in my house.

Clin. jun. Quality!Why, madam, I don't know what you mean by your madmen, and your beaux, and your quality--they're all alike, I

believe.

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Ang. Sir, if your conversation be no more agreeable than 'twas the last time, I would advise you to make your visit as short as you can.

Wild. The offences of my last visit, madam, bore their punishment in the commission; and have made me as uneasy till I receive pardon, as your ladyship can be till I sue for it.

Ang. Sir Harry, I did not well understand the offence, and must therefore proportion it to the greatness of your apology; if you would, therefore, have me think it light, take no great pains in an excuse.

Wild. How sweet must the lips be that guard that tongue! Then, madam, no more of past offences; let us prepare for joys to come. Let this seal my pardon; [kisses her hand and this Lagain] initiate me to farther happiness.

Ang. Hold, sir-one question, Sir Harry, and, pray, answer plainly-D'ye love me?

Wild. Love you! Does fire ascend? Do hypocrites dissemble, usurers love gold, or great men flattery? Doubt these, then question that I love.

Ang. This shews your gallantry, sir, but not your love.

Wild. View your own charms, madam, then judge my passion; your beauty ravishes my eye, your voice my ear, and your touch has thrill'd my melting soul.

Ang. If your words be real, 'tis in your power to raise an equal flame in me.

Wild. Nay, then, I seize

Ang. Hold, sir; 'tis also possible to make me detest and scorn you worse than the most profligate of your deceiving sex.

Wild. Ha! A very odd turn this. I hope, madam, you only affect anger, because you know your frowns are becoming.

Ang. Sir Harry, you being the best judge of your own designs, can best understand whether my anger should be real or dissembled; think what strict modesty should bear, then judge of my resentment,

Wild. Strict modesty should bear! Why, faith, madam, I believe the strictest modesty may bear fifty guineas, and I don't believe 'twill bear one farthing more.

Ang. What d'ye mean, sir?

Wild. Nay, madam, what do you mean? if you go to that. I think now fifty guineas is a fair offer for your strict modesty, as you call it. Ang. 'Tis more charitable, Sir Harry, to charge the impertinence of a man of your figure on his defect in understanding, than on his want of manners. I'm afraid you're mad, sir.

Wild. Why, madam, you're enough to make any man mad. 'Sdeath, are you not a―― Ang. What, sir?

Wild. Why, a lady of-strict modesty, if you will have it so.

Ang. I shall never hereafter trust common report, which represented you, sir, aman of honour, wit, and breeding; for I find you very deficient in them all three. [Exit. Wild. [Solus.] Now I find that the strict pre

tences which the ladies of pleasure make to strict modesty, is the reason why those of quality are ashamed to wear it.

Enter VIZARD.

Viz. Ah! Sir Harry, have I caught you? Well, and what success?

Wild. Success! 'Tis a shame for you young fellows in town here to let the wenches grow so saucy. I offered her fifty guineas, and she was in her airs presently, and flew away in a huff. I could have had a brace of countesses in Paris for half the money, and je vous remercie into the bargain.

Viz. Gone in her airs, say you! And did not you follow her?

Wild. Whither should I follow her?

Viz. Into her bed-chamber, man; she went on purpose. You a man of gallantry, and not understand that a lady's best pleased when she puts on her airs, as you call it !

Wild. She talked to me of strict modesty, and stuff.

Viz. Certainly. Most women magnify their modesty, for the same reason that cowards boast their courage-because they have least on't. Come, come, Sir Harry, when you make your next assault, encourage your spirits with brisk Burgundy: if you succeed, 'tis well; if not, you have a fair excuse for your rudeness. I'll go in, and make your peace for what's past. Oh, I had almost forgot-Colonel Standard wants to speak with you about some business.

Wild. I'll wait upon him presently; d'ye know where he may be found?

Viz. In the piazza of Covent-Garden, about an hour hence, I promised to see him; and there you may meet him-to have your throat cut. Aside.]-I'll go in and intercede for you.

Wild. But no foul play with the lady, Vizard.

Viz. No fair play, I can assure you.

[Exit. [Exit.

SCENE III.-The Street before LUREWELL'S Lodgings; CLINCHER Senior and LUREWELL coquetting in the Balcony.

Enter STANDARD.

Stand. How weak is reason in disputes of love! That daring reason which so oft pretends to question works of high omnipotence, yet poorly truckles to our weakest passions, and yields implicit faith to foolish love, paying blind zeal to faithless women's eyes. I've heard her falsehood with such pressing proofs, that I no longer should distrust

Yet still my love would baffle demonstrath, and make impossibilities seem probable. [Looks up.] Ha! That fool too! What, stoop so low as that animal!-'Tis true, woman once fallen, like cowards in despair, will stick at nothing; there's no medium in their actions. They must be bright as angels, or black as fiends. But now for my revenge; I'll kick her cully before her face, call her whore, curse the whole sex, and leave her.

[Goes in.

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