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tend to love me, and at the same time cheat me Lure. Well, Mr Alderman, you have such pretty of my money.
winning ways, that I will! ha, ha, ha!
your estate; for you say the writings are in coquet? And when, and where, and how?
Lure. 'Twill be a difficult point, sir, to secure
. But what satisfaction can I get of him? both our honours ; you must therefore be dis-Oh, here he comes !
guised, Mr Alderman. Enter SMUGGLER.
Smug. Pshaw! no matter; I am an old forni
cator ; I'm not half so religious as I seem to be. Mr Alderman, your servant; have you brouglıt You little rogue, why, I'm disguised as I am; our me any money, sir ?
sanctity is all outside, all hypocrisy. Smug. Faith, madam, trading is very dead; Lure. No man is seen to come into this house what with paying the taxes, raising the customs, after night-fall; you must therefore sneak in, losses at sea abroad, and maintaining our wives when 'tis dark, in woman's clothes. at home, the bank is reduced very low.
Smug. With all my heart-I have a suit on Lure. Come, come, sir, these evasions won't purpose, my little coquet ; I love to be disguised; serve your turn; I must have money, sir-I hope 'ecod, I make a very handsome woman, 'ecod I do. you don't design to cheat me?
Enter Servant, who whispers LUREWELL. Smug. Cheat you, madam !..have à care what you say: I am an alderman, madam Cheat
Lure. Oh, Mr Alderman, shall I beg you to you, madam! I have been an honest citizen these walk into the next room ? Here are some stranfive-and-thirty years.
gers coming up. Lure. An honest citizen! Bear witness, Parly
Smug. Buss and guinea first-Ah, my little -I shall trap him in more lies presently. Come,
(Exit. sir, tho' I am a woman, I can take a course.
Enter WILDAIR. Smug. What course, madam ? You'll go to law, Wild. My life, my soul, my all that Heaven will ye? I can maintain a suit of law, be it right
can give! or wrong, these forty years, I am sure of that, Lure. Death's life with thee, without thee thanks to the honest practice of the courts.
death to live. Lure. Sir, I'll blast your reputation, and so Welcome, my dear Sir Harry I see you ruin your credit.
got my directions.
Lure. You instrumental in the reformation ! Lure. I have a thousand questions to ask you,
Sir Harry. How d'ye like France ?
Lure. Oh, monsieur, je vous suis forl obligée Lure. Here's a religious rogue for you, now! -But, where's the court now?
As I hope to be saved, I have a good mind to Wild. At Marli, madam. beat the old monster.
Lure. And where my Count La Valier?
Lure. What disease did he die of?
Wild. A duel, madain ; I was his doctor.
since your ladyship makes the beau monde whereLure. Here's a villain, now, so covetous, that ever you come. he won't wench upon his own cost, but would Lure. Ah, Sir Harry, I've been almost ruined, bribe me with my own money! I'll be revenged. pestered to death here, by the incessant attacks (Aside.)- Upon 'my word, Mr Alderman, you of a mighty colonel; he has besieged me as close make me blush, what d'øe mean, pray?
as our army did Namur. Smug. See here, madam. [Puts a piece of Wild. I hope your ladyship did not surrender, money in his mouth.} Buss and guinca, buss and though. guinea, buss and guinea.
Lure. No, no; but was forced to capitulate.
But since you are come to raise the siege, we'll Smug. My best friend, Sir Harry, you're weldance, and sing, and laugh
come to England. Wild. And love and kiss -Montrez moi vo Wild. I'll assure you, sir, there's not a man in tre chambre ?
the king's dominions I am gladder to meet, dear, Lure. Attends,attends, un peuI remember, dear Mr Alderman.
(Bowing very low. Sir Harry, you promised me, in Paris, never to Smug. Oh, Lord, sir, you travellers have the ask that impert nt question again.
most obliging ways with you! Wild. Pshaw, madam! that was above two Wild. There is a business, Mr Alderman, falmonths ago : besides, madam, treaties made in len out, which you may oblige me infinitely byFrance are never kept.
I am very sorry that I am forced to be troubleLure. Would you marry me, Sir Harry ? some; but necessity, Vr Alderman
Wild. Oh! lú marriage est un grand mal Smug. Ay, sir, as you say, necessity -But, But I will marry you.
upon my word, sir, I am very short of money at Lure. Your word, sir, is not to be relied on; present; butif a gentleman .will forfeit his honour in dealings Wild. That's not the matter, sir; I'm above of business, we may reasonably suspect his fideli an obligation that way: but the businessis, I'm rety in an amour.
duced to an indespensible necessity of being obliWild. My honour in dealings of business! ged to you for a beating—Here, take this cudgel. Why, inadam, I never had any business in all my Smug. A beating, Sir Harry! ha, ha, ha! I life.
beat a knight baronet ! an alderman turn cudge Lure. Yes, Sir Harry, I have heard a very odd player–Ha, ha, ha! story, and am sorry that a gentleman of your Wild. Upon my word, sir, you must beat me, or figure should undergo the scandal,
I cudgel you; take your choice. Wild. Out with it, madam.
Smuy. Pshaw, pshaw! you jest. Lure. Why,the merchant, sir, that transmitted Wild. Nay, 'tis sure as fate-So, Alderman, I your bills of exchange to you in France, com- hope you'll pardon my curiosity. . (Strikes him. plains or some indirect and dishonourable dealings. Smug. Curiosity ! Deuce take your curiosity, Wild. Who, old Smuggler?
sir !-What d'ye mean? Jure. Ay, ay, you know him, I find.
Wild. Nothing at all; I'm but in jest, sir. Wild. I have some reason, I think; why, the Smug. Oh, I can take any thing in jest ! but rogue has cheated me of above tive hundred a man might imagine, by the smartness of the pounds within these three years.
stroke, that you were in downright earnest. Lure. 'Tis your business then to acquit yourself Wild. Not in the least, sir; (strikes him] not publicly; for he spreads the scandal every where in the least, indeed, sir.
Wild. Acquit myself publicly !-Here, sirrah, Smug. Pray, good sir, no more of your jests; my coach; I'll drive instantly into the city, and for they are the bluntest jests that ever I knew. cane the old villain round the Royal Exchange ; Wild. Strikes.] I heartily beg your pardon he shall run the gauntlet through a thousand with all my heart, sir. brush'd beavers, and formal cravats.
Smug. Pardon, sir! Well, sir, that is satisfacLure. Why, he is in the house now, sir. tion enough from a gentleman. But, seriously, Wild. What, in this house?
now, if you pass any more of your jests upon me, Lure. Ay, in the next room.
I shall grow angry. Pild. Then, sirrah, lend me your cudgel. Wild. I humbly beg your permission to break Lure Sir Harry, you won't raise a disturbance
(Strikes him. in my house?
Smug. Oh, Lord, sir, you'll break my bones! Wild. Disturbance, madam! no, no, I'll beat Are you mad, sir! Murder, felony, manslaughbim with the temper of a philosopher. Here, ter !
(WildAiR knocks him down. Mrs Parly, shew me the gentleman.
Wild. Sir, I beg you ten thousand pardons; but
(Exit with PARLY. I am absolutely compelled to it, upon my honour, Lure. Now shall I get the old monster well sir: nothing can be more averse to my inclinabeaten, and Sir Harry pestered next term with tions, than to jest with my honest, dear, loving, bloodsheds, batteries, costs and damages, solicitors obliging friend the Alderman. and attornies ;'and if they don't tease him out of (Striking him all this while : SMUGGLER tumbles his good humour, I'll never plot again. [Exit.
over and over, and shukes out his pocket-book on
the floor ; LUREWELL enters, and takes it up.) SCENE IV.-Changes to another Room in the sume House.
Lure. The old rogue's pocket-book; this may Enter SMUGGLER.
be of use. (Aside.] Oh, Lord, Sir Harry's murder
ing the poor old man ! Smug. Oh, this damn'd tide-waiter ! A ship Sinug. Oh, dear madam, I was beaten in jest, and cargo worth five thousand pounds! Why, till I am murdered in good earnest. 'tis richiy worth five hundred perjuries.
Lure. Well, well, i'll bring you off, Senior Enter WilDAIR.
Frappez, fruppez !
Smug. Oh, for charity's sake, madam, rescue a Il’ild. Dear Mr Alderman, I'm your most devoicd and humble servant.
one or two more.
Lure. Oh, you barbarous man! -Hold, hold! Wild. How pleasant is resenting an injury Frappez, plus rudement! Fruppez !- I wonder without passion! 'Tis the beauty of revenge. you are not ashamed. (Holding Wild.) A poor: Let statesmen plot, and under business groan, reverend, honest elder-[Helps SMUG. up.] It makes me weep to see him in this condition, poor
And settling public quiet, lose their own; man !Now, the devil take you, Sir Harry-for Let soldiers drudge and fight for pay or fame, not beating him harder -Well, my dear, you
For when they're shot, I think 'tis much the shall come at night, and I'll make you amends.
same; (Here Sir Harry takes snuff: Let scholars vex their brains with mood and Smug. Madam, I will have amends before I
tense, leave the place-Sir, how durst you use me
And, mad with strength of reason, fools comthus?
mence, Wild, Sir?
Losing their wits in searching after sense; Smug. Sir, I say that I will have satisfaction.
Their summum bonum they must toil to gain, Wild. With all my heart.
And, seeking pleasure, spend their life in pain. [Throws snuff into his eyes.
I make the most of life, no hour mispend : Smug. Oh, murder, blindness, fire! Oh, ma
Pleasure's the mean, and pleasure is my end. dam, madam, get me some water. Water, fire, No spleen, no trouble shall my time destroy; fire, water! [Exit with LUREWELL.
Life's but a span, I'll ev'ry inch enjoy. (Exit.
Stand. Here, you, friend.
Viz. I have now some business, and must take
myleave; I would advise you, nevertheless against Enter STANDARD and VIZARD.
this affair. Stand. I bring him word where she lodged? I Stand. No whispering now, nor telling of the civilest rival in the world? 'Tis impossible. friends to prevent us. He that disappoints a man
Viz. I shall urge it no farther, sir. I only of an honourable revenge, may love him foolishthought, sir, that my character in the world ly like a wife, but never value him as a friend. might add authority to my words, without so Viz. Nay, the devil take him that parts yoll, many repetitions.
[Éxit. Stand. Pardon me, dear Vizard. Our belief struggles hard before it can be brought to yield
Enter Porter, running. to the disadvantage of what we love; 'tis so Er. Did your honour call porter? great an abuse to our judgment, that it makes Stand. Is your name Tom Errand ? the faults of our choice our own failing. But Er. People call me so, an't like your worship. what said Sir Harry?
Stand. D’ye know Sir Harry Wildair ? Viz. He pitied the poor credulous colonel, Er. Ay, very well, sir; he's one of my best laughed heartily, flew away, with all the raptures masters; many a round half-crown have I had of of a bridegroom, repeating these lines:
his worship; he's newly come home from France,
sir. A mistress ne'er can pall her lover's joys,
Stand. Go to the next coffee-house, and wait for Whose wit can whet, whene'er her beauty cloys. -Oh, woman, woman! how bless'd is man
Stand. A mistress ne'er can pall! By all my when favoured by your smiles, and how accurs' wrongs, he whores her, and I am made their pro- when all those siniles are found but wanton baits perty. Vengeance-Vizard, you must carry
to sooth us to destruction ! a note for me to Sir Harry.
Thus our chief joys with base allays are Viz. What, a challenge? I hope you don't de
curs’d, sign to fight.
And our best things, when once corruptStand. What, wear the livery of my king, and
(Ereunt. pocket an affront? 'Twere an abuse to his sacred Majesty: a soldier's sword, Vizard, should start
Enter WILDAIR, and CLINCHER Senior following. of itself to redress its master's wrong.
Clin. sen. Sir, sir, sir, having some business Viz. However, sir, I think it not proper for of importance to communicate to you, I woulit me to carry any such message between friends. beg your attention to a trifling affair that I would
Stand. I have ne'er a servant here; what shall impart to your understanding. I do?
Wild. What is your trifling business of importViz. There's Tom Errand, the porter that ance, pray, sweet sir? plies at the Blue Posts, one who knows Sir Harry Clin. sen. Pray, sir, are the roads deop betweer. and his haunts very well ; you may send a note this and Paris. by him.
Wild. Why that question, sir?
Clin. sen. Because I design to go to the jubilee, Clin. sen. Oh, Lord, sir, that's easy. Suppose sir. I understand that you are a traveller, sir; the ship cast away; now, whilst other foolish peothere is an air of travel in the tie of your cravat, ple are busy at their prayers, I whip on my swimsir; there is indeed, sir I suppose, sir, you ming-girdle, clapa month’s provision in my pocket, bought this lace in Flanders.
and sails me away, like an egg in a duck's belly Wild. No, sir, this lace was made in Norway. -And hark'e, sir, I have a new project in my Clin. sen. Norway, sir?
head: where dy'e think my swimming-girdle shall Wild. Yes, sir, of the shavings of deal-boards. carry me upon this occasion ? 'Tis a new pro
Clin. sen. That's very strange now, faith ject. Lace made of the shavings of deal-boards ! ’Egad, Wild. Where, sir? sir, you travellers see very strange things abroad, Clin. sen. To Civita Vecchia, faith and troth, very incredible things abroad, indeed. Well, I'll and so save the charges of my passage. Well, have a cravat of the very same lace before I come sir, you must pardon me now; I am going to see home.
(Exit. Wild. But, sir, what preparations have you Wild. This fellow's an accomplish'd ass before made for your journey?
he goes abroad. Well, this Angelica has got inClin. sen. A case of pocket-pistols for the bra- to my heart, and I cann't get her out of my head. voes, and a swimming-girdle.
I must pay her t’other visit.
(Erit. Wild. Why these, sir?
Clin. sen. Oh, Lord, sir, I'll tell you -Sup SCENE II.- Lady DARLING's House. pose us in Rome, now; away goes I to some ball —for I'll be a mighty beau. Then, as I said, I
Enter ANGELICA. go to some ball, or some bear-baiting—'tis all Ang. Unhappy state of woman! whose chief one, you know then comes a fine Italian bona virtue is but ceremony, and our much boasted roba, and plucks me by the sleeve: Signior An- modesty but a slavish restraint. The strict congle, Signior Angle_She's a very fine lady, ob- finement on our words, makes our thoughts serve that—Signior Angle, says she Signora, says ramble more; and what preserves our outward I; and trips after her to the corner of a street, --- fame, destroys our inward quiet.. 'Tis hard suppose it Russel-street, here, or any other street; that love should be denied the privilege of hatthen, you know, I must invite her to the tavern; red ; that scandal and detraction should be so I can do no less-Then up comes her bravo; much indulged, yet sacred love and truth dethe Italian grows saucy, and I give him an Eng- barred our conversation. lish dowse o' the face: 1 can box, sir, box tightly; Enter DARLING, CLINCHER Junior, and Dicky. I was a 'prentice, sir But then, sir, he whips out his stiletto, and I whips out my bull-dog Darl. This is my daughter, cousin. slaps him through, trips down stairs, turns the Dick. Now, sir, remember your three scrapes. corner of Russel-street again, and whips me into Clin.jun. (SalutingANGELICA.]One, two, three; the ambassador's train, and there I'm safe as a your humble servant. Was not that right, Dicky? beau behind the scenes.
Dick. Ay, faith, sir; but why don't you speak Wild. Is your pistol charg'd, sir?
to her? Clin. sen. Only a brace of bullets, that's all, sir. Clin. jun. I beg your pardon, Dicky; I know
Wild. 'Tis a very fine pistol, truly; pray let my distance. Would you have me speak to a me see it.
lady at the first sight? Clin. sen. With all my heart, sir.
Dick. Ay, sir, by all means; the first aim is Wild. Hark'e, Mr Jubilee, can you digest a the surest. brace of bullets?
Clin. jun. Now for a good jest, to make her Clin. sen. Oh, by no means in the world, sir. laugh heartily-By Jupiter Ammon, I'll go Wild. I'll try the strength of your stomach, give her a kiss.
(Goes towurds her. however. Sir, you're a dead man. [Presenting the pistol to his breast.
Enter WilDAIR, interposing. Clin, sen. Consider, dear sir, I am going to the Wild. 'T'is all to no purpose; I told you so bejubilee: when I come home again, I am a dead fore ; your pitiful five guineas will never do. You man at your service.
may go; I'll outbid you. Wild. Oh, very well, sir; but take heed you Clin. jun. What, the devil! the madman's are not so choleric for the future.
Clin. sen. Choleric, sir! Oons, I design to Dart. Bless me, cousin, what d’ye mean! Af shoot seven Italians in a week, sir.
front a gentleman of his quality in my house. Wild. Sir, you won't have provocation. Clin. jun. Quality - Why, madam, I don't
Clin. sen. Provocation, sir ! Zauns, sir, I'll kill know what you mean by your madmen, and your any man for treading upon my corns; and there beaux, and your quality--they're all alike, I will be a devilish throng of people there: they believe. say that all the princes of Italy will be there. Darl. Pray, sir, walk with me into the next 'Wild. And all the fops and fiddlers in Europe room.
-But the use of your swimming-girdle, pray, (Exit DARLING, leading CLINCHER; DICKY sir?
Ang. Sir, if your conversation be no more tences which the ladies of pleasure make to strict agreeable than 'twas the last time, I would ad- modesty, is the reason why those of quality are vise you to make your visit as short as you can. ashamed to wear it.
Wild. The offences of my last visit, madam, pore their punishment in the comunission; and
Enier VIZARD. have made me as uneasy till I receive pardon, as Viz. Ah! Sir Harry, have I caught you? Well, your ladyship can be till I sue for it.
and what success ? Ang. Sir Harry, I did not well understand the Wild. Success ! 'Tis a shame for you young feloffence, and must therefore proportion it to the lows in town here to let the wenches grow so greatness of your apology; if you would, there- saucy. I offered her fifty guineas, and she was fore, have me think it light, take no great pains, in her airs presently, and flew away in a huff. I in an excuse.
could have had a brace of countesses in Paris for Wild. How sweet must the lips be that guard half the money, and je vous reinercie into the barthat tongue! Then, madam, no more of past of- gain. fences; let us prepare for joys to come. Let Viz. Gone in her airs, say you! And did not this seal my pardon; (kisses her hand, and this you follow her ? Lagain) initiate me to farther happiness.
Wild. Whither should I follow her? Ang. Hold, sir-one
question, Sir Harry, and, Viz. Into her bed-chamber, man; she went on pray, answer plainly-D'ye love me?
purpose. You a man of gallantry, and not underWild. Love you! Does fire ascend? Do hy- stand that a lady's best pleased when she puts on pocrites dissemble, usurers love gold, or great her airs, as you call it ! men flattery? Doubt these, then question that I Wild. She talked to me of strict modesty, and love.
stuff. Ang. This shews your gallantry, sir, but not Vis. Certainly. Most woinen magnify their
modesty, for the same reason that cowards boast Wild. View your own charms, madam, then their courage—because they have least on't. judge my passion; your beauty ravishes my eye, Come, come, Sir Harry, when you make your your voice my ear, and your touch has thrill'd next assault, encourage your spirits with brisk my melting soul.
Burgundy: if you succeed, 'tis well; if not, you Ang. If your words be real, 'tis in your power have a fair excuse for your rudeness. I'll go in, to raise an equal flame in me.
and make your peace for what's past. Oh, I had Wild. Nay, then, I seize
almost forgot-Colonel Standari wants to speak Ang. Hold, sir ; 'tis also possible to make me with you about some business. detest and scorn you worse than the most pro Wild. I'll wait upon him presently; d'ye know fligate of your deceiving sex.
where he may be found ? Wild. Ha! A very odd turn this. I hope, ma Viz. In the piazza of Covent-Garden, about an dam, you only affect anger, because you know hour hence, I promised to see him; and there your frowns are becoming.
you may meet him—to have your throat cut. Ang. Sir Harry, you being the best judge of Aside.)-I'll go in and intercede for you. your own designs, can best understand whether Wild. But no foul play with the lady, Vizard. my anger should be real or dissembled; think
[Exit. what strict modesty should bear, then judge of Viz. No fair play, I can assure you. (Exit. my resentment,
Wild. Strict modesty should bear! Why, faith, SCENE III. - The Street before LUREWELL'S madam, I believe the strictest modesty may bear Lodgings ; CLINCHER Senior and LUREWELL fifty guineas, and I don't believe 'twill bear one
coquelling in the Balcony. farthing more. Ang. What d'ye mean, sir?
Enter STANDARD. Wild. Nay, madam, what do you mean? if Stand. How weak is reason in disputes of love! you go to that. I think now fifty guineas is a That daring reason wbich so oft pretends to quesfair offer for your strict modesty, as you call it. tion works of high omnipotence, yet poorly truckles
Ang. 'Tis more charitable, Sir Harry, to charge to our weakest passions, and yields implicit faith the impertinence of a man of your figure on his to foolish love, paying blind zeal to faithless wodefect in understanding, than on his want of man- men's eyes. I've heard hier falsehood with such ners. I'm afraid you're mad, sir.
pressing proofs, that I no longer should distrust Wild. Why, madam, you're enough to make its Yet still my love would baffle demonstraany man mad. 'Sdeath, are you not a
tin, and make impossibilities seem probable. Ang. What, sir ?
[ Looks up.] Ha! That fool too! What, stoop so Wild. Why, a lady of-strict modesty, if you low as that animal !—'Tis true, woman once falwill have it 80.
len, like cowards in despair, will stick at nothing; Ang. I shall never hereafter trust common re there's no medium in their actions. They must port, which represented you, sir, aman of honour, be bright as angels, or black as fiends. But now wit, and breeding; for I find you very deficient for my revenge; I'll kick her cully before ber in them all three.
(Exit. face, call her whore, curse the whole sex, and Wild. (Solus.] Now I find that the strict pre- | leave her.