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ready; Mrs Bellamy has promised me her hand, happiness. Bellamy, Frankly, I wish you joy with and I won't part with one of you till midnight ; all my heart, though I had rather you should be and if you are as well satisfied as you pretend to married than I, for all that. Never did Matrimony be, let our friend Rattle here begin the ball with appear to me with a smile upon her face till this Mrs Strictland; for he seems to be the hero of instant. the day. Str. As you and the company please.

Sure joys for ever wait each happy pair, Ran. Why this is honest; continue but in this When sense the man, and virtue crowns the humour, and faith, sir, you may trust me to run

fair, about

your house like a spaniel. I cannot suffi And kind compliance proves their mutual care. ciently admire at the whimsicalness of my good

[Ā dance, Exeunt omncs. fortune, in being so instrumental to this general

EPILOGUE.

WRITTEN BY MR GARRICK,

THOUGH the young smarts, I see, begin to sneer, \ The horned cattle were in piteous taking, And the old sinners cast a wicked leer,

At fornication, rapes, and cuckold-making. Be not alarm’d, ye fair-You've nought to fear. The tigers swore, he wanted fire and passion; No wanton hint, no loose ambiguous sense, The apes condemn'd-because it was the fashion. Shall flatter vicious taste at your expence. The generous steeds allow'd him proper merit; Leaving, for once, these shameless arts in vogue, Here mark'd his faults, and there approved his We give a fable for the epilogue.

spirit. An ass there was, our author bade me say, While brother bards bray'd forth with usual spleen, Who needs must write-Hedid—and wrote a play. And, as they heard, exploded ev'ry scene. The parts were cast to various beasts and fowl; When Reynard's thoughts were ask'd, the shrug. Their stage a barn ;-----the manager an owl.

ging sage, The house was cramm'd at six, with friends and famed for hypocrisy, and worn with age, foes;

Condemn’d the shameless licence of the stage. Rakes, wits, and critics, citizens and beaux. At which the monkey skipp'd from box to box, These characters appear'd in different shapes And whisper'd round the judgment of the fox ; Of tigers, foxes, horses, bulls, and apes; Abused the moderns, talk'd of Rome and Greece; With others, too, of lower rank and station : Bilk'd

every box-keeper ; and damn’d the piece. A perfect abstract of the brute creation.

Now ev'ry fable has a moral to itEach, as he felt, mark”d out the author's faults, Be churchman, statesman, any thing—but port. And thus the connoiseurs express'd their thoughts. In law, or physic, quack in what you will, The critic-curs first snarld--the rules are broke, Cant and grimace conceal the want of skill; Time, place, and action, sacrificed to joke. Secure in these, his gravity may passThe goats cried out, 'twas formal, dull, and But here no artifice can hide the ass.

chaste Nor writ for bcasts of gallantry and taste,

THE

WAY TO KEEP HIM.

BY

MURPHY

PROLOGUE.

UN we use haughty critic's dreadful rage, With Gothic fury, over-ran the stage,

Then prologues rose, and strove with varied art E To gain the soft accesses to the heart.

Thro' all the tuneful tribe th' infection flew,
And each great genius—his petition drew;
In forma pauperis address'd the pit,
With all the gay antithesis of wit.
Their sacred art poor poets own'd a crime;
They sigh'd in simile, they bow'd in rhime.
For charity they all were forced to beg;
And every“ prologue was a wooden leg.”.

Next these a hardy, manly race appear'd,
Who knew no dulness, and no critics fear’d.
From Nature's store each curious tint they drew,

Then boldly held the piece to public view:
: "Lo! here, exact proportion ! just design!

The bold relief! and the unerring line !
Mark in soft union how the colours strike!
This, sirs, you will, or this you ought to like."

They bid defiance to the foes of wit, “Scatter'd like ratsbane up and down the pit.” Such prologues were of yore ;-our bard to

night Disdains a false compassion to excite: Nor too secure, your judgment would oppose; He packs no jury, and he dreads no foes. To govern here no party can expect; An audience will preserve its own respect.

To catch the foibles, that misguide the fair, From trifles spring, and end in lasting care, Our author aims ; nor this alone he tries, But as fresh objects, and new manners rise, He bids his canvass glow with various dyes; Where sense and folly mix in dubious strife, Alternate rise, and struggle into life. Judge if with art the mimic strokes he blend ; If amicably light and shade contend; The mental features if he trace with skill; See the piece first, then damn it if you will.

DRAMATIS PERSONÆ.
MEN,

WOMEN.
LOVEMORE.

Mrs LOVEMORE. Sir BASHFUL CONSTANT.

The Widow BELLMOUR. Sir BRILLIANT FASHION.

Lady CONSTANT. WILLIAM, Servant to Lovemore.

MUSLIN, Maid to Mrs Lovemore. SIDEBOARD, Servant to Sir Bashful. MIGNIONET, Maid to Mrs Bellmour. POMPEY, a black Servant. ·

FURNISH, Maid to Lady Constant. John,

SCENE

-- London.

ACT I.

SCENE I.--An Apartment in LOVEMORE's Will. Death and fury! this meddling woman House. WILLIAM and SIDEBOARD disco

has destroyed my whole gaine. A man might as vered at a Game of Cards.

well be married, as be treated in this fashion. Will. A plague go with it! I have turned out Side. I shall score you for this, Mr William: I my game: Is forty-seven good?

was sure of the cards, and that would have made Side. Equal.

me up, : Will. Confound the cards! tierce to a queen? Will, No, you'll score nothing for this. You Şide. Equal.

win too much off me. I am a very pretty anauiWill, There again ! ruined, stock and block : ty to you. nothing can save me. I don't believe there is a Side. Annuity, say you ? I lose a fortune to you footman in England plays with worse luck than in the course of the year. How could you, Mrs myself. Four aces are fourteen.

Muslin, behave in this sort to persons of our dige Side. That's hard, cruel by Jupiter ! Aces nity? against me every time.

Alus. Decamp with your dignity; take your Will

. Four aces are fourteen: fifteen. [Plays. answer to your master : turn upon your rogue's Side. There's your equality.

heel, and rid the house. Will, Very well: I turned out my point. Six

Side. I sha'n't dispute with you, I hate wrangteen; (Plays.) seventeen. (Pluys.)

ling: I leave that to lawyers and married people;

they have nothing else to do. Mr William, I shall Enter MUSLIN.

let Sir Bashful know that Mr Lovemore will be Mus. There's a couple of you, indeed! You at home for him. When you come to our house, are so fond of the vices of your betters, that you I'll give you your revenge. We can have a snug are scarce out of your beds, but you must imi. party there, and I promise you a glass of choice tate them and their profligate ways. Set you up Champaigne: it happens to be a good batch ; Sir forsooth!

Bashful gets none of it: I keep it for my own Will . Pr’ythee be quiet, woman, do. Eighteen. friends. Au revoir.

(Exit. (Plays. Will. [ lo Muslin.) You see what mischief Mus. Upon my word ! With your usual ease, you have

made. Mr Coxcomb.

Mus. Truce with your foolery; and now, sir, Will, Manners, Mrs Muslin : you see Mr Side- be so obliging as to send my lady an answer to board here; he is just come on a message from her questions: How and when your rakehelly Sir Bashful Constant. Have some respect for a master came home last night? stranger. Nineteen, clubs.

(Plays. Will, I'll tell you one thing, Mrs Muslin; you Mus. It would become Mr Sideboard to go and my master will be the death of me at last. bạck with his answer, and it would become you in the name of charity, what do you both take to send my lady word

me for? Whatever appearances may be, I am but Vill, Command your tongue, Mrs Muslin : of mort inould; nothing supernatural about me. you'll put me out. What shall I play?—He will Mus. Upon my word, Mr Powder-Puff! go back with his answer in good time. Let his Will. I have not, indeed; and flesh and blood, master wait till it suits our conveniency. Nine- let me tell you, cann't hold it always at this rate. teen, clubs : where shall I go now?

I cann't be for ever a slave to Mr Lovemore's eterMus. Have done with your folly, Mr Imperti na! frolics, and to your second-hand airs. nent. My lady desires to know

Mus. Second-hand airs ! Will. I tell you, woman, my master and I de Will. Yes, second-hand airs ! you take them sire to have nothing to do with you and your lady. at your ladies' toilets with their cast gowns, and Twenty, diamonds,

(Plays. so you descend to us with them. And then, on Mus. But I tell you, Mr Brazen, that my lady the other hand, there's my master !-Because he desires to know at what hour your master came chooses to live upon the principal of his health, home last night, and how he does this morning and so run out his whole stock as fast as he can,

Will. Ridiculous! Don't disturb us with that he must have my company with him in his devil's nonsense now; you see I am not at leisure. I dance to the other world! Never at home till and my master are resolved to be teased no more three, four, five, six in the morning, by you; and so, Mrs Go-between, you may return Mus. Ay, a vile ungrateful man always ranas you came. What the devil shall I play? We ging abroad, and no regard for a wife that dotes will have nothing to do with you, I tell you. upon him. And your love for me is all of a piece.

Mus. You'll have nothing to do with us? But I have no patience with you both; a couple of you shall have to do with us, or I'll know the false, perfidious, abandoned profligates ! reason why. (She snatches the cards from him, Will. Hey! 'where is your tongue running? and throu's them about.

My master, as the world goes, is a good sort of

kiss me.

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a civil kind of a husband; and I, heaven help me! Will. He has been up~{Kisses her.] Sdeath! a poor simpleton of a constant, amorous puppy, you have set me all on fire. (Kisses her. who bears with all the whims of my little tyrant Mus. There, there; have done now; the bell here. Come and kiss me, you jade, come and rings again. What must I say? When did he

come home? Mus. Paws off, Cæsar. Don't think to make Will. He came home-[Kisses her.}-he carne me your dupe. I know when you go with him home at five this morning; damned himself for to this new lady, this Bath acquaintance; and I a blockhead ; ( hissex.) went to bed in a surly huknow you are as false as iny master, and give all mour; was tired of himself and every body else; my dues to your Mrs Mignionet there.

(Bell rings, he hisses her.) and he is now in tipWilt. Hush! not a word of that. I am ruin. toe spirits with Sir Brilliant Fashion in that room ed, pressed, and sent on board a tender directly, yonder. if you blab that I trusted you with that secret. Mus. Sir Brilliant Fashion? I wish my lady But to charge me with falsehood !--injustice and would mind what he says to hier-You great bear! ingratitude !—My master, to be sure, does drink you have given me such a flush in my face ! [Takes an agreeable dish of tea with the widow. He has u pocket looking-giuss ] I look pretty well, I think, been there every evening this month past. How There [Kisses him.) have done, and let me be gone. long things are to be in this train, heaven only

(Erit. knows. But he does visit there, and I attend Will. There goes high and low lise contrasted in. I ask my master, Sir, says I, what time will in one person. She has not dived to the bottom you please to want me? He fixes the hour, and I of my master's secrets ; that's one good thing. strut by Mrs Mignionet, without so much as tip. What she knows, she'll blab. We shall hear of ping her a single glance. She stands watering this widow from Bath: but the plot lies deeper at the mouth, and a pretty fellow that,' says she: than they are aware of. Inquire they will; and Ay, gaze on, say I, gaze on: I know what you let 'em, say I; their answer will do 'em no good. would be at: you would be glad to have me: but Mr Lovemore visit the widow: Bellmour ? We sour grapes, my dear; and so home I come, to know no such person. That's what they'll get cherish my own lovely little wanton : you know for their pains. Their puzzle will be greater than I do, and after toying with thee, I fly back to my ever, and they may sit down to chew the cud of master, later indeed than he appoints, but always disappointed malice.- ilush! my master and Sir too soon for him. He is loth to part: he lingers Brilliant: I'll take care of a single rogue, and get and dangles, and I stand cooling my heels. Oh! me out of their way.

(Exit. to the devil I pitch such a life!

Enter LOVEMORE and Sir BRILLIANT. Mus. Why don't you strive to reclaim the vile

Love. My dear Sir Brilliant, I must both pity Will. Softly; not so fast. I have my talent and laugh at you. Thou art metamorphosed in. to be sure; yes, I inust acknowledge some talent. to the most whimsical being! But can you suppose that I have power to turn Sir Bril. If your raillery diverts you, go on the drift of his inclinations ? Can I give him a with it. This is always the case : apply for sonew taste, and lead him as I please? And to ber advice, and your friend plays you off with a whom? To his wife? Ridiculous! A wife has no joke. attraction now; the spring of the passions flies

Love. Sober advice ! very far gone indeed. back; it won't do.

There is no such thing as talking soberly to the Mus. Fine talking! and you admire yourself tribe of lovers. That eternal absence of mind for it, don't you? Can you proceed, sir? that possesses you all! There is no society with Will. I tell

you

a wite is out of date: the time you. I was damnable company myself, when I was, but that's all over: a wife is a drug now; was one of the pining herd: but a dose of mamere tar-water, with every virtue under heaven, trimony has cooled me pretty handsomely; and but nobody takes it.

here comes repetatur huustus. Mus. Have done, or I'll print these ten nails

Enler MUSLIN. upon your rogue's face. Wiil. Come and kiss me, I say.

Mus. My lady sends her compliments, and bego Mus. A fiddlestick for your kisses, while you to know how you do this morning. encourage your master to open rebellion against Loce. (Aside to Sir Bril.] The novelty of the the best of wives.

compliment is enlivening-It is the devil to be Will. I tell you 'tis all her own fault. Why teased in this manner.-

:- What did you say, child ? does not she study to please him as you do me? Mus. My lady hopes you find yourself well this Come and throw your arms about my neck. morning.

Mus. As I used to do, Mr Impudence? Love. Ay, your lady :-give her my compliWill. Then I must force you to your own good. ments, and tell her and tell her I hope she is (Kisses her.] Pregnant with delight! egad, if my well, and

(Yawns. master was not in the next room (Bell rings. Mus. She begs you won't think of going out

Mus. Hush! my lady's bell: how long has he without seeing her. been up?

Love, To be sure, she has such variety every

man?

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time one sees her-my head aches wofully-tell shrinks back from your observation, casting a sly, your lady—I shall be glad to see ber; I'll wait slow, jealous eye all round him, like Miss Bump on her-(ruwns) tell her what you will. kin in a country village, awkwardly endeavouring Mus. À brute !—I shall let my lady know, sir. to conceal what the increase of her shape disco

[Erit. vers to the whole parish. Love. My dear Sir Brilliant, you see me an Sir Bril. And then his behaviour to his lady! example before

your eyes. Put the widow Bell. Love. Why, as to that point, I don't think he mour out of your head, and let my Lord Ethe hates her. His fear of ridicule may beat the bottom. ridge be the victim for you.

He has strange notions about the dignity of a busSir Bril. Positively no; my pride is piqued. band. There is a secret, which he would fain tell My Lord Etheridge shall find me a more formid- me, and yet he is shy, and he hints, and he hesi. able rival than he imagines. By the way, how tates, and then he retreats back into himself, and long has the noble peer been in England ? ends just where he began. But with all his faults,

Love. His motions are unknown to me.—[ Aside.] he has fits of good-nature. There-his chariot's
I don't like that question. His lordship is in at the door.
France, is not he?

Sir Bril. Lady Constant, you mean, has fits of Sir Bril. No; he is certainly returned. The good-nature. Have you made any progress there? match is to be concluded privately. He visits her Love. That's well from you, who are the forincog.

midable man in that quarter. Love. (Forcing a laugh.) Oh! no; that cann't Sir Bril. Oh! no ; positively, no pretence, no be; my Lord Etheridge loves parade. I can-colour for it. not help laughing. The jealousy of you lovers Love. Don't I know that you have made ade is for ever conjuring up phantoms to torment

vances ? yourselves. My dear Sir Brilliant, wait for rea Sir Bril. Advances ! I pity my Lady Constant, livies; there are enough in life, and you may andteach your fancy to be at rest, and give you no Larve. Well, that's generous-Hush! I hear him further trouble.

coming. Sir Brilliant, I admire your amorous chsSir Bril. Nay, don't let your fancy run away rity of all things ! with you. What I tell you, is the real truth. Love. Well, if it be true, and if Lord Etheridge

Enter Sir BASHFUL CONSTANT. is come to England to marry, do you go to France Sir Bash. Mr Lovemore, I have taken the linot to marry, and you will have the best of the berty—but you seem to be busy, and I intrude bargain.

perhaps. Enter WILLIAM.

Love. Oh, by no means: walk in, Sir Bashful.

Sir Bush. Sir Brilliant, I am glad to see you. Will. Sir Bashful Constant is in his chariot at.

[Bows au kwardly. the upper end of the street, and if your honour Sir Bril. You do me honour, sir. I hope you is at leisure, he will wait upon you.

left my lady well. Love. Have not I sent him word I should be Sir Bush. I cann't say, sir ; I am not her phy. at home? Let him come as soon as he will. (Eritsician. William. Another instance, Sir Brilliant, to Sir Bril. [ Aside.) An absurd brute !-Lovedeter you from all thoughts of matrimony. more, I'll just step and pay a short visit to our Sir Bril. Po! hang him; he is no precedent! friend over the way.

A younger brother, who lived in mid Love. Why in such a hurry? dling life, comes to a title and an estate on the Sir Bril. I shall return immediately. I'll be death of a consumptive baronet; marries a wo- with you before you are dressed. Sir Bashful, I man of quality, and now carries the primitive ideas kiss your hand.

(Erit. of his narrow education into high life. Don't Sir Bash. I am glad he is gone. I have some you remember when he had chambers in Fig.tree-thing, Mr Lovemore, that I want to advise with court, and used to saunter and lounge away his you about. time in Temple coffee-houses? The fellow is as Love. Have you? dull as a bill in Chancery.

Sir Bash, I have had another brush with my Love. But he is improved since that time. wife.

Sir Bril. Impossible; don't you see how he Lore. I am sorry for it, Sir Bashful.—(Aside.) goes on? He knows nothing of the world ; if his I am perfectly glad of it. eyes meet yours, he blushes up to his ears, and Sir Bush. Pretty warm the quarrel was. She looks suspicious, as if he imagined you had a de took it in a high tone. Sir Bashful, says she, I sign upon him.

wonder you will disgrace yourself at this rate. Love. I can explain that part of his character. You know my pin-money is not sufficient. The He has a mortal aversion to wit and raillery, and mercer and every body dunning me! I cann't go dreads nothing so much as being laughed at for on after this fashion, says she, and then something being particular.

about her quality. You know, Mr Lovemore, Sir Bril. And so, fearing to be ridiculous, he (Smiling.) she is a woman of high quality. becomes substantially so every moment.

Lode. Yes, and a very fine woman. Love. Even so, and if you look at him, he Sir Bash. No, no, no, not mush of that and

for me.

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