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Sir Bril. Profligates ?
at worst, an error in judgment; whereas, on Lode. Ay! both! we are pretty fellows in yoursdeed!
Mrs Bell. Po! po! never stand disputing : Mrs Bell. I am glad to find you are awakened you know each other's faults and virtues : you to a sense of your error.
have nothing to do but to mend the former, and Love. I am, madam, and am frank enough to enjoy the latter. There, there, kiss and friends. own it. I am above attempting to disguise my There, Mrs Lovemore, take your reclaimed li feelings, when I am conscious they are on the bertine to your arms. side of truth and honour. With the sincerest re Lode. 'Tis in your power, madam, to make a morse I ask your pardon.-I should ask pardon reclaimed libertine of me indeed. of my Lady Constant too, but the fact is, Sir Mrs Love. From this moment it shall be our Bashful threw the whole affair in my way; and, mutual study to please each other. when a husband will be ashamed of loving a va Love. A match, with all my heart. I shall luable woman, he must not be surprised if other hereafter be ashamed only of my follies, but nepeople take her case into consideration, and love ver ashamed of owning that I sincerely love you. her for him.
Sir Bush. Sha’n't you be ashamed? Sir Bril. Why, faith, that does in some sort Love. Never, sir. make his apology:
Sir Bash. And will you keep me in countenance! Sir Bash. Sir Bashful! Sir Bashful ! thou art Lore. I will, ruined.
(Aside. Sir Bush, Give me your hand. I now forgive Mrs Bell. Well, sir, upon certain terms, I you all. My Lady Constant, I own the letter, I don't know but I may sign and seal your pardon. own the sentiments of it; (Embraces her.] and Love. Terms !-what terms?
from this moment I take you to my heart.-LoveMrs Bell. That you make due expiation of more, zookers ! you have made a man of me. your guilt to that lady.
Sir Brilliant, come; produce the buckles. [Pointing lo Mrs LoveMORE. Lady Cons. If you hold in this humour, Sir Love. That lady, ma'am !—That lady has no Bashful, our quarrels are at an end. reason to complain,
Sir Bril. And now, I suppose, I must make Mrs Love. No reason to complain, Mr Love- restitution here more?
(Gides Lady CONSTANT the buckles. Love. No, madam, none; for whatever may Sir Bash. Ay, ay, make restitution. Lovemore! have been my imprudences, they have had their this is the consequence of his having some tolesource in your conduct.
rable phrase, and a person, Mr Lovemore, ha! Mrs Love. In my conduct, sir?
. Why, I own the laugh is against me. this company, and I am above misrepresenting the With all my heart; I am glad to see my friends matter; 1 here declare, that no man in England happy at last. Lovemore, may I presume to hope could be better inclined to domestic happiness, for pardon at that lady's hands ? if you, madam, on your part, had been willing to
[Points to Mrs LOVEMORE. -make home agreeable.
Love. My dear confederate in vice, your pare Mrs Love. There, I confess, he touches me. don is granted. Two sad libertines we have been.
(Aside. But come, give us your band: we have used each Love. You could take pains enough before other scurvily: for the future we will endeavour narriage; you could put forth all your charms; to atone for the errors of our past misconduct. practise all your arts, and make your features Sir Bril. Agreed; we will henceforward beplease by rule; for ever changing; running an have like men, who have not forgot the obligaeternal round of variety; and all this to win my tions of truth and honour. affections: but when you had won them, you did Love. And now I congratulate the whole comnot think thern worth your keeping; never dress. pany, that this business has had so happy a ten. ed, pensive, silent, melancholy; and the only en-dency to convince each of us of our folly. tertainment in my house was the dear pleasure Mrs Bell. Pray, sir, don't draw me into a share of a dull conjugal tête-d-tête; and all this insipi- of your folly." dity, because you think the sole merit of a wife Love. Come, come, my dear ma'am, you are consists in her virtue: a fine way of amusing a not without your share of it. This will teach busband, truly!
you, for the future, to be content with one lover Sir Bril. Upon my soul, and so it is at a time, without listening to a fellow you know
(Laughing. nothing of, because he assumes a title, and spreads Mrs Love. Sir, I must own there is too much a fair report of himself truth in what you say. This lady has opened my Mrs Bell. The reproof is just, I grant it. eyes, and convinced me there was a mistake in Love. Come, let us join the company cheermy former conduct.
fully, keep our own secrets, and not make ourLove. Come, come, you need say no more. Iselves the town-talk. forgive you; I forgive.
Sir Bask. Ay, ay; let us keep the secret. Mrs Love. Forgive ! I like that air of confi Love. What, returning to your fears again? dence, when you know that, on my side, it is, 1 you will put me out of countenance, Sir Bashful.
Sir Bash. I have done.
to the danger of wounding the bosom of a friend: Love. When your conduct is fair and upright, and the ladies would learn, that, after the mar. never be afraid of ridicule. Real honour and ge? riage rites are performed, they ought not to su: nerous affection may bid defiance to all the small fer
their powers of pleasing to languish away, but wits in the kingdom. In my opinion, were the should still remember to sacrifice to the graces business of this day to go abroad into the world, To win a man when all your pains succeed, it might prove a very useful lesson: the men The WAY TO KEEP HIM is a task indeed. would see how their passions may carry them in
SONG FOR MRS CIBBER,
IN THE WAY TO KEEP HIM.
Written at the Revival of the Play, by Mr Garrick.
Ye fair married dames, who so often deplore, How tuneful and soft from a delicate touch,
Grow tame by your kindness, and come at coc
mand: The bloom of your cheek, and the glance of Exert with your husband the same happy skill, your eye,
For hearts, like young birds, may be tamed to your Your roses and lilies, may make the men sigh:
will. But roses, and lilies, and sighs pass away, And passion will die, as your beauties decay. Be gay and good-humour'd, complying and kind,
Turn the chief of your care from your face to you Use the man that you wed like your fav’rite
'Tis there that a wife may her conquests improve, Though music in both, they ar both apt to jar ; | And Hymen shall rivet the fetters of love.
WRITTEN IN IMITATION OF SHAKESPEARE.
W. KENRICK, LL.D
SPOKEN BY MR DODD, IN THE CHARACTER OF MERCURY.
[Mercury descends from the clouds, flying across the stage : re-enters, followed by a servant,
carrying a counsellor's gown and wig.]
A LA MERCURE, equipp'd from top to toe, Link'd in a gang, each cut-purse with his crony, My godship's name and quality you know. All arrant thieves and Dramatis Persona ; Commission'd from Apollo, I come down Bent, as supposed, to prostitute to shame T'attend this bench of justices, the town; Th’ aforesaid Shakespeare's honour, name, and Assembled here, all members of the quorum :
fame. To lay a matter of complaint before 'em.
I shall not trespass on your worship’s time, The errand's not in character, 'tis true; T explain at full the nature of this crime: But what our betters bid us, we must do. But, poets having an exclusive right Therefore, t appear with decency at session, To bring their mental progeny to light, I've stole, you see, the garb of the profession. This right's invaded by the party 'peach'd;
This gown and band belong to serjeant Prig, Who, vi et urmis, hath th' old bård o'er-reach'd ; And this our brother Puzzle's learned wig. By counterfeiting of his hand, do you see,
(Putting on the gown, &c. Feloniously to set these vagrants free; Dress makes the man, sirs, veslis virum facit With base design e adopt them for his own, So now to business—Hem!-si destris plucel- Though Shakespeare's property, and his alone. May't please your worships-Forgery, which is Such is the fact.-A critic were an ass, grown
No doubt, to let such imposition pass; To such a height as ne'er before was known Nor could a cheat so palpable succeed, I say, a forgery hath been committed,
But that the captain of the guard couldn't readBy which king Pluto's myrmidons, outwitted, Not he, for laughing, though to’ve saved his soul; Certain choice spirits, in theatric shape,
The scene and circumstances were so droll. Have suffer'd from Elysium to escape;
Pistol, with yellow nightcap patch'd with red, Of Shakespeare's offspring an ideal train, With mother Quickly was retired to bed; Sprung, Pallas-like, from an immortal brain ! And, waking, swore, by Styx, he would not come, Their names--I have 'em down-but, to be brief, Sans preparation, pike and beat of drum. Shall only just enumerate the chief.
Of aqua-vitæ having stole a flaggon, Imprimis, with Madeira swell’d, and sack, Bardolph and Nym were playing at snap-dragon; There's Sir John Falstaff, alias call’d Plump Jack; Sometimes proceeding from hard words to blows, Next, Captain Pistol, a notorious bully; As by mistake Nym seiz'd on Bardolph's nose. And Miss Doll Tearsheet, famed for jilting cully; With Falstaff sat Doll Tearsheet, cheek by joll, The widow Quickly, vintner, bawd and whore, And while she Luss'd his chin and scratch'd his With Bardolph, Peto, Nym, and-several more;
services are thus requited, I will turn cordwainSCENE I.-A Street in Westminster, on the Day er; yea, cobler, and heel-piece old shoes, ere ! of the Coronation of King Henry the Fifih. have to do with blood royal again. Ingratitude !
I hate it.
Bar. To be sure, Sir John, what you say is What a scurvy quarter is this ? Not a bush or right; for, as the song says, ingratitude is worse a blind Cupid in the neighbourhood! 'Sblood, my than the sin of witchcraft. But I hope your legs will fail me ere I reach a tavern. Phoo honour got no personable harm in the mob : you Phoo-It is some comfort, however, I escaped were carried off the terrace, for all the world with my life. The green-apron'd rascals, crowd-like a dunghill from Mill-bank by a spring-tide. ing after the procession, had well nigh made an Fal. Bardolph, away with thy filthy compariend of me.
sons; I am ill at ease, and more disposed to
spleen than merriment. I pr’ythee look out, BARDOLPH enters.
and see if there be a bawdy-house at hand. Bar. O, Sir John, I'm glad I have found ye. Bar. What here, so near the court, Sir John? I was in the fearfullest quandary for you in the Fal. Where better? 'Sblood, dost think there world. I hope your honour has got no hurt. are no whores at court? Are there no dames of
Fal. Not its death's wound, I hope ; though honour? Dost think Hal hath banish'd them too? Hal, indeed, look'd somewhat cold upon me. Look out, look out. Bar. Cold, Sir John! I am a-fear'd we shall Bar. I will, Sir John.
(Erit BAR. be in limbo shortly : for my lord chief justice Fal. I would I were in East-cheap. Mine hos.
Fal. Hold thy ill-omen'd croaking. If faithful l tess hath a most excellent cordial; and I never
stood in more need of it than now. The gross | head, says I, and Sir John will make you smart indignity Hal hath put on me, sticks in my throat, for it, says I, every bone in your skin, says I. and in the end, may go near to choak me. I shall Fal. And what said the rascal to that? never gulp it down: that's flat; unless, indeed, a Quick. Said, Sir John! he stood mumchance, full cup of sherris help to clear the way. And and spoke never a living syllable, but set his vithen, how I shall stomach it; how I shall digest negar-visaged catch-poles upon us ; who fastened it, Heaven knows ! At present both my person their claws into Mrs Tearsheet's best kirtle, and and knighthood are in jeopardy; my lord chief toreit into as many rents and tatters, as there were justice, to whose care I am commended, holding in the old tapestry hangings I pawn'd to fit your me not altogether in good liking. But no mat honour out for the last expedition. ter—if I am to be provided for, what avails it Fal. Pahaw! who is my caterer? I could wish, nevertheless, Doll. Yes indeed, Sir John, made a mere tatold white wine stood higher in his lordship’s fa- terdemallion of me. But we did so tongue the vour ; that I may not be stinted at table, or in my leather-ear'd vulturesby-drinkings. I like not such splenetic tempera Fal. That they were glad to lose their gripe to ments ; such phlegmatic constitutions;grey-beards, get rid of you, I suppose. that never inake allowances for the continual Quick. Nay, Sir John, I was obliged to perwaste of radical moisture -'Sblood, I am as foun- duce an angel to convince them we were not the dered and as sure as a blind horse in a mill. parties indicted. Bardolph! where a plague art thou gotten to, Fal. Infidel rogues ! would nothing less than saterwauling?
the testimony of an angel convince them?
Quick. Ay, I knew how Sir John would take Mrs QUICKLY and DOLL TEARSHEET enter.
it.-0, how soundly will the knave constable be Quick. O, Sir John Falstaff!
swinged for this ! a jack-in-office rascal ! we shall Dol. O, sweet Sir John !
cure the blue-skinn'd runnion of his itch for whip.. Fal. How! mine hostess, and my good vestal, ping, I warrant ye. Mrs Tearsheet! saveye,gentlewomen both! goodnorrow !
BARDOLPH re-enters. Quick. Godild ye, Sir John-Well, I vow and Bar. I have been looking all about, Sir John, protest an I didn't say he would take as civil no- but I cannot find one. ice of his old acquaintance: nay, tho'f he was Quick. What is it Sir John wants, Mr Bardolph? Teated by my lord mayor of London.
Bar. A bawdy-house, mistress. Doll. What talk ye of lord mayors and fusty Quick. O Jesu-Maria! Mrs Dorothy. itizens, gossip Quickly? Sir John is a courtier, Fal. How, sirrah! what callst thou a bawdy. ind to be sure we must gratulate him now as one house? I sent thee to look out for a house of civil of the greatest knights in the nation-0, sweet entertainment, where I might repose myself after jir John!
my fatigue? Why, what, you rogue, would you Fal. Truce with your formalities, Mrs Dorothy. make of me? Pray, have you seen none of your followers by Quick. Marry come up indeed; a bawdy-house he way ? Pistol, nor Peto?
truly ? but as to a house of civil entertainment, Quick. No verily, Sir John, not one. We Sir John, here is one hard by, where the knights ave seen nothing of any of them to-day. They and lords, and all the great gentlemen of the court, re all gone to the coronation, I warrant; and, are entertained, both by night and by day, as ciadeed, we should have been there too, hadn't it villy as at their own homes ; and by gentlewomen een for that wicked villain, constable Fang, that, as kind to them, I warrant ye, as their own ladies y a mistake of the beadle of our ward, would themselves.-A house of civil entertainment a ave carried us to Bridewell this morning. bawdy-house? why I keep a house of civility my
Fal. How ! mine hostess and my fair Dorothy self, and I would have you to know, Mr Bar. • Bridewell, I can assure ye.
dolphQuick. Even to Bridewell, I can assure ye. Bar. Nay, nay, 'tis all onc: what Sir John Fal. But how ! how dame Quickly to Bride- pleases. iell ? a decent church-going widow and a modest Quick. Yes, by my truly, and so I think it zaiden, I should say single gentlewoman, to a ought, for if Sir John recommends you to the ouse of correction! why, what
kingQuick. So I said, Sir John. Nuthook, Nut Doll. Nay, were I Sir John, I'm sure I would ook, says I, do you know what you do, says 1? never promote such a clown as Bardolph at lave me to Bridewell, says I-I say to Bridewell, court. ndeed! a ruptable housekeeper, that has paid
Bar. Ah! Doll, Doll, I am afraid our promocot and lot, and borne the burden of half the pa- tion will be at the gallows. If Sir John has any ish any time these twenty years ?
interest with the hanginan, he may get me preFal. That thou hast, hostess ; of the male half, ferr'd, perhaps, to the top of the ladder. 'll be sworn for thee.
Doli. Why, how now, varlet? Quick. Beside, says I, do you know Sir John Quick. Do you hear do you hear, sweet Sir Falstaff! says I.Touch a hair of Mrs Dorothy's | John ?