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are punctual to their ruin; and hypocrisy, by ring, she takes it up) your mistress's favours imposing on the world, at last deceives itself. hang very loose about you, sir. Are all things prepared for his reception? Wild. 'I cann't, justly, madam, pay your trou
Par. Exactly to your ladyship’s order : the al- ble of taking it up, by any thing but desiring you derman, too, is just come, dressed and cooked up to wear it. for iniquity.
Lure. You gentlemen have the cunningest Lure. Then he has got women's clothes on? ways of playing the fool, and are so industrious
Par. Yes, madam, and has passed upon the in your profuseness. Speak seriously; am I befamily for your nurse.
holden to chance or design for this ring? Lure. Convey him into that closet, and put Wild. To design, upon my honour. And I out the candles, and tell him, I'll wait on him hope my design will succeed.
[Aside. presently (As PARLY goes to put out the Lure. And what shall I give you for such a candles, somebody knocks. Music plays without. fine thing?
Lure. This must be Sir Harry; tell him I'm Wild. You'll give me another, you'll give me not to be spoken with.
another fine thing.
[Both sing. Par. Sir, my lady is not to be spoken with.
Lure. Shall I be free with you, Sir Harry? Wild. I must have that from her own mouth,
Wild. With all my heart, madam, so I may be Mrs Parly. Play, gentlemen.
free with you. (Music plays again.
Lure. Then, plainly, sir, I shall beg the favour Lure. This must be some clown without man- to see you some other time; for at this very miners, or a gentleman above ceremony. Who's nute I have two lovers in the house. there?
Wild. Then to be as plain, I must be gone this
minute, for I must see another mistress within WILDAIR sings.
these two hours.
Lure. Frank and free. Thus Damon knock'd at Celia's door,
Wild. As you with me-Madam, your most He sigh’d, and wept, and begg'd, und swore,
[Exit. The sign was so,
Lure. Nothing can disturb his humour. Now She answer'd no, (Knocks thrice.
for my merchant and Vizard. No, no, no.
[Exit, and takes the candles with her. Again he sigh'd, again he pray'd,
Enter PARLY, leading in SMUGGLER, dressed in No, Dumon, no, I am afraid :
Pur. This way, Mr Alderman.
Smug. Well, Mrs Parly,—I'm obliged to you
for this trouble: Here are a couple of shillings No, 8c.
for you. Times are hard, very hard indeed; but
next time, I'll steal a pair of silk stockings froin At last his sighs and tears made way; my wife, and bring them to you-What are you She rose, und softly turn’d the key :
fumbling about my pockets for ? Come in, said she, but do not stay.
Par. Only setting the plaits of your gown : I may conclude,
here, sir, get into this closet, and my lady will You will be rude,
wait on you presently. But if you are, you may.
[Exit PARLY. (Puts him into the closet, runs out, and returns
with VIZARD. Enter Sir HARRY.
Viz. Where wouldst thou lead me, my dear Lure. 'Tis too early for serenading, Sir Har- auspicious little pilot ?
Par. You're almost in port, sir ; my lady's in Wild. Wheresoever love is, there music is pro- the closet, and will come out to you immediately. per : there's an harmonious consent in their na Viz. Let me thank thee as I ought. tures, and when rightly joined, they make up the
(Kisses her. chorus of earthly happiness.
Par. Pshaw! who has hired me best? a couple Lure. But, Sir Harry, what tempest drives you of shillings, or a couple of kisses ? here at this hour?
Viz. Propitious darkness guides the lover's Wild. No tempest, madam, but as fair wea. steps, and night, that shadows outward sense, ther as ever enticed a citizen's wife to cuckold lights up our inward joy. Night! the great her husband in fresh air. Love, madam. awful ruler of mankind, which, like the Per
[Wild. taking her by the hand. sian monarch, hides its royalty to raise the veneLure. As pure and white as angels' soft de- ration of the world ; under thy easy reign dissires.
semblers may speak truth; all slavish forms and Wild, Fierce as when ripe consenting beauty ceremonies laid aside, and generous villany may fires. I'st not so ?
act without constraint. Lure. Oh, villain! What 'privilege' have men Sinug: Peeping out of the closet.] Bless me! to our destruction, that thus they hunt our ruin? what voice is this? Aside.) If this be a love token, (Wird. drops a Ma. Our hungry appetites, like the wild
beasts of prey, now scour about to gorge their Smug. Ah, the young son of a whore! Well, craving maws; the pleasure of hypocrisy, like sir, and what of him? a chained lion, once broke loose, wildly indulges Viz. Hell hungers not more for wretched souls, its new freedom, ranging through all unbounded than he for ill-got pelf: and yet (what's wonderjoys.
ful), he that would stick at no profitable villany Smug. My nephew's voice, and certainly pos- himself, loves holiness in another. He prays sessed with an evil spirit; he talks as profanely all Sundays for the sins of the week past; he as an actor possessed with a poet.
spends all dinner-time in two tedious graces, and Viz. Ha!' I hear a voice. Madam— my life, what he designs a blessing to the meat, proves a my happiness, where are you, madam ?
curse to his family; he's the mostSinug. Madam! He takes me fora woman too: Smug. Well, well, sir, I know him very well. I'll try him. Where have you left your sanctity, l'iz. Then, madam, he has a swingeing estate, Mr Vizard ?
which I design to purchase as a saint, and spend Viz. Talk no more of that ungrateful subject like a gentleman. He got it by cheating, and -I left it where it has only business, with day- should lose it by deceit
. By the pretence of my light; 'tis needless to wear a mask in the dark. zeal and sobriety, I'll cozen the old miser, one of
Sing. Oh, the rogue, the rogue! -The these days, out of a settlement and deed of conworld takes you for a very sober, virtuous gentle veyance
Smug. It shall be a deed to convey you to the Viz. Ay, madam, that adds security to all gallows, then, ye young dog.
(Aside. my pleasure. With me a cully-'squire may squan Viz. And no sooner he's dead, but I'll rattle der his estate, and ne'er be thought a spend over his grave with a coach and six, to inform his thrift.-— With me a holy elder may zealously be covetous ghost how genteelly I spend his money. drunk, and toast his tuneful noise in sack, to make Smug. I'll prevent you, boy; for I'll have my it hold forth clearer-But what is most my money buried with me.
(Aside. praise, the formal rigid she, that rails at vice and Viz. Bless me, madam! here's a light coming men, with me secures her loosest pleasures, and this way. I must fly immediately. When her strictest honour --She who, with scornful shall I see you, madam? mien; and virtuous pride, disdains the name of Smug. Sooner than you expect, my dear. whore, with me can wanton, and laugh at the de Viz. Pardon me, dear madam, I would not be luded world.
seen for the world. I would sooner forfeit my Smug. How have I been deceived! Then you life, my pleasure, than my reputation.
(Exit. are very great among the ladies ?
Smug. Reputation, reputation! That poor word Viz. Yes, madam, they know that like a mole suffers a great deal ----Well, thou art the most in the earth I dig deep, but invisible; not like accomplished hypocrite that ever made a grave those fluttering noisy sinners, whose pleasure is plodding face over a dish of coffee and a pipe of the proclamation of their faults; those empty tobacco. He owes me for seven years maintenflashes, who no sooner kindle, but they must ance, and shall pay me by seven years imprisonblaze, to alarm the world. But conie, madam, ment; and when I die, I'll leave him the fee-simyou delay our pleasures.
ple of a rope and a shilling
-Who are these? Smug. He surely takes me for the Lady Lure. I begin to be afraid of some mischief — I wish well-she has made him an appointment toom that I were safe within the city liberties—I'll but I'll be revenged of both. - Well, sir, what
hide myself. are those you are so intimate with ? Viz. Come, come, madam, you know very
Enter Butler, with other Servants, and Lights. well—those who stand so high, that the vulgar But. I say there are two spoons wanting, and envy even their crimes, whose figure adds privi- I'll search the whole house. Two
spoons lege to their sin, and makes it pass unquestioned: no small gap in my quarter's wages. fair, high,pampered females, whose speaking eyes, Serv. When did you miss them, James ? and piercing voice, would arm the statue of a But. Miss thein! why, I miss them now stoic, and animate his cold marble with the soul -In short, they must be among you; and if of an epicure, all ravishing, lovely, soft and kind, you don't return them, I'll go to the cunning man like you.
-My spoons I want, and Smug. I'm very lovely and soft indeed! You
my spoons I will have. shall find me much harder than you imagine, Serv. Come, come, search about. friend. Well, sir, but I suppose your dissi
(Search, and discover SMUGGLER. mulation has some other motive besides pleasure? But. Hark'e, good woman, what makes you
Viz. Yes, madam, the honestest motive in the hide yourself? What are you ashamed of? world-interest - You must know, madam, that Smug. Asham'd of! Oh, Lord, sir, I'm an I have an old uncle, Alderman Smuggler ; you honest old woman, that never was ashamed of have seen him, I suppose.
any thing. Smug. Yes, yes, I have some small acquaint But. What, are you a midwife, then? Speak, ance with him.
did not you see a couple of stray spoons in your Viz. 'Tis the most knavish, precise, covetous travels? old rogue, that ever died of the gout.
Smug. Stray spoons!
But. Ay, ay, stray spoons. In short, you stole | has stole two silver spoons, and says she is your them; and I'll shake your old limbs to pieces, nurse. if you don't deliver them presently.
Lure. My nurse! Oh, the impudent old jade! Smug. Bless me! a reverend elder, of seventy I never saw the withered creature before. years old, accused for petty larceny !Why, Smug. Then I'm finely caught—Oh, madam, search me, good people, search me; and if you madam, don't you know me? Don't you rememfind any spoons about me, you shall burn me for ber buss and guinea? a witch.
Lure. Was ever such impudence !-I know But. Ay, we will search you, mistress. thee !-Why, thou’rt as brazen as a bawd in the (They search, and pull the spoons out of his side-box. Take her before a justice, and then to pocket.
Newgate; away! Smug. Oh, the devil, the devil !
Smug. Oh, consider, madam, that I'm an alBut. Where, where is he? Lord bless us ! derman ! she is a witch in good earnest, may be.
Lure. Consider, sir, that you're a compound Snug. Oh, it was some devil, some Covent- of covetousness, hypocrisy, and knavery, and Garden or St. James's devil, that put them in must be punished accordingly. You must be in my pocket.
petticoats, gouty monster! must ye? You must But. Ay, ay, you shall be hang’d for a thief, buss and guinea too; you must tempt a lady's burned for a witch, and then carted for a bawd. honour, old satyr! Away with him! Speak, what are you?
[Hurry him off Enter LUREWELL.
Still may our sex thus frauds of men oppose,
Still may our arts delude these tempting foes. Smug. I'm the Lady Lurewell's nurse. May honour rule, and never fall betray'd, Lure. What noise is this?
But vice be caught in nets for virtue laid. But. Here is an old succubus, madam, that
means were you made acquainted with his deSCENE 1.- Lady DARLING's House. signs ?
Darl. Means, child! Why, my cousin Vizard, Enter DARLING and ANGELICA.
who, I'm sure, is your sincere friend, sent him. Darl. Daughter, since you have to deal with a He brought me this letter from my cousin. man of so peculiar a temper, you must not think
(Guves her the letter, which she opens. the general arts of love can secure him; you Ang. Ha, Vizard !-then I'm abused in earmay therefore allow such a courtier some encou nest Would Sir Harry, by bis instigation, fix ragement extraordinary, without reproach to your a base affront upon me! No, I cann't suspect him modesty.
of so ungenteel a crime~ This letter shall trace Ang. I am sensible, madam, that a formal the truth. [Aside.My suspicions, madam, nicety makes our modesty sit awkward, and ap are much cleared; and I hope to satisfy your pears rather a chain to enslave, than a bracelet ladyship in my management, when I next see Sir 10 adorn us; it should shew, when unmolested, Harry. easy and innocent as a dove, but strong and vi
Enter Servant. gorous as a falcon, when assaulted.
Darl. I'm afraid, daugliter, you mistake Sir Serv. Madam, here's a gentleman below, calls Harry's gaiety for dishonour.
himself Wildair. Ang. Tho' modesty, madam, may wink, it must Darl. Conduct him up. (Ex. Ser.] Daughter, not sleep, when powerful enemies are abroad. II won't doubt your discretion. [Erit DARL. must confess, that, of all men's, I would not see Sir Harry Wildair's faults; nay, I could wrest his
Enter WILDAIN. most suspicious words a thousand ways, to make Wild. Oh, the delights of love and Burgundy them look like honour. But, madam, in spite of Madam, I have toasted your ladyship fifteen love, I must hate him, and curse those practices bumpers successively, and swallowed Cupids like which taint our nobility, and rob all virtuous wo loches to every glass. men of the bravest men
Ang. And what then, sir? Darl. You must certainly be mistaken, Ange Wild. Why then, madam, the wine has got inlica ; for I'm satisfied Sir Harry's designs are only to my head, and the Cupids into my heart; and to court and marry you.
unless, by quenching quick my flame, you kindly Ang. His pretence, perhaps, was such ; but ease the smart, I'm a lost man, madam. women, now, like enemies, are attacked; whether Ang. Drunkenness, Sir Harry, is the worst by treachery, or fairly conquered, the glory of pretence a gentleman can make for rudeness ; for the triumph is the same, Pray, madam, by what I the excuse is as scandalous as the fault. There
fore, pray consider who you are so free with, sir; 1 with sharp resentment, and with a virtuous pride, a woman of condition, that can call half a dozen that looks dishonour dead. footmen upon occasion.
Wild. This is the first whore in heroics that I Wild. Nay, madam, if you have a mind to toss have met with. (Aside.) Look ye, madam, as to me in a blanket, half a dozen chambermaids that slender particular of your virtue, we sha'n't would do better service. Come, come, madam; quarrel about it; you may be as virtuous as any though the wine makes me lisp, yet it has taught woman in England, if you please ; you may say me to speak plainer. By all the dust of my an- your prayers all the time. But, pray, madamn, be cient progenitors, I must this night rest in your pleased to consider, what is this same virtue that
you make such a mighty noise about — Can your Ang. Nay, then—who waits there? [Enter virtue bespeak you a front row in the boxes? No; footmen.] Take hold of that madınan, and bind for the player's cann't live upon virtue. Can him.
your virtue keep you a coach and six ? No, no; Wild. Nay, then, Burgundy's the word; slaugh- your virtuous women walk on foot.-Can your ter will ensue. Hold-Do you know, scoundrels, virtue hire you a pew in the church? Why, the that I have been drinking victorious Burgundy ? very sexton will tell you, No. Can your virtue
(Draus. stake for you at picquet? No. Then what busiServants. We know you're drunk, sir. ness bas a woman with virtue ? Come, come, ma
Wild. Then how have you the impudence, dam, I offered you fifty guineas; there's a hunrascals, to a gentleman with a couple of dred--The devil !-virtuous stil? ! -Why, it is flasks of courage in his head ?
hundred, five score, a hundred guineas. Servants. We must do as our young mistress Ang. Oh, indignation! Were I a man, you commands us.
durst not use me thus. But the mean, poor abuse Wild. Nay, then have among ye, dogs! you throw on me, reflects upon yourself: our [Throws money among them; they scramble, sex still strikes an awe upon the brave, and only
and tuke it up: he pelting them out, cowards dare affront a woman.
Wild. Affront! 'Sdeath, madam, a hundred Rascals, poltroons ! - I have charmed the dra- guineas will set you up a bank at Basset; a hundred gon, and now the fruit's my own.
guineas will furnish out your lodging with china; Ang. Oh, the mercenary wretches! This was hundred guineas will give you an air of quality; a plot to betray me.
a hundred guineas will buy you a rich escritoire Wild. I have put the whole army to flight; for your billet-doux, or a fine Common Prayer and now I'll take the general prisoner.
Book for your virtue; a hundred guineas will
[Luying hold on her. buy a hundred fine things, and fine things are for Ang. I conjure you, sir, by the sacred name fine ladies, and fine ladies are for fine gentlemen, of honour, by your dead father's name, and the and fine gentlemen are—-'Egad, this Burgundy fair reputation of your mother's chastity, that makes a man speak like an angel
—Come, come, you offer not the least offence. Already you madam, take it, and put it to what use you please. have wronged me past redress.
Ang. I'll use it as I would the base unworthy Wild. Thou art the most unaccountable crea- giver; thusture
[Throws down the purse, und stamps upon it. Ang. What madness, Sir Harry, what wild Wild. I have no mind to meddle in state af. dream of loose desire could prompt you to at- fairs; but these women will make me a parliatempt this baseness ? - View me well-the bright- ment-man in spite of my teeth, on purpose to ness of my mind, methinks, should lighten out- bring in a bill against their extortion. Shetramples wards, and let you see your mistake in my be- under foot that deity which all the world adoreshaviour. I think it shines with so much inno-Oh, the blooming pride of beautiful eighteen! cence in my face, that it should dazzle all your | Pshaw I'll talk to her no longer ; I'll make vicious thoughts. Think not I am defenceless, my market with the old gentlewonian; she knows because alone. Your very self is guard against business better--[Goes to the door.—Here, yourself: I'm sure there's something generous in you, friend: pray, desire the old lady to walk inyour soul; my words shall search it out, and eyes Hark’e, 'egad, madam, I'll tell your mother. shall fire it for my own defence. Wild. (Mimicking.) Tal tidum, tidum, tal ti
Enter Lady DARLING. didi didum. A million to one, now, but this girl Darl. Well, Sir Harry, and how d’ye like my is just come flush from reading the Rival Queens daughter, pray? ’Egad, I'll at her in her own cant-Oh! my Wild. Like her, madam !
-Hark'e, will you Statira ; oh! my angry dear, turn thy eyes on take it? -Why, 'faith, madam--Take the me-behold thy beau in buskins.
money, I say, or, 'egad, all's out. Ang. Behold me, sir ; view me with a sober Ang. All shall out-Sir, you're a scandal to thought, free from those fumes of wine that throw the name of gentleman. a mist before your sight, and you shall find that Wild. With all my heart, madam--In short, every glance from my reproaching eyes is arnı'd madan, your daughter has used me somewhat
too familiarly, though I have treated her like a you have clapt in another cypher to the account, woman of quality.
and made it three or four hundred, 'egad I'll not Darl. How, sir?
stand to't. Wild. Why, madam, I have offered her a hun Ang. Now, I cann't tell whether disdain or dred guineas.
anger be the most just resentment for this injury. Durl. A hundred guineas ! Upon what score? Darl. The letter, sir, shall answer you.
Wild. Upon what score !_Lord, Lord, how Wild. Well then-[Reads.)-Out of my earthese old women love to hear bawdy ! -Why, nest inclination to serve your ladyship, and my 'faith, madam, I have never a double entendre cousin Angelica'-Ay, ay, the very words, I can ready at present: but I'll sing you a song. say it by heart—'I have sent Sir Harry Wildair
to'—What the devil's this? - Sent Sir Harry Behold the goldfinches, tall al de rall, Wildair to court my cousin'-He read to me And a man of my inches, tall al de rall,
quite a different thing — He's a gentleman of You shall take 'em, believe me, lull al de rall, great parts and fortune' --He's a son of a whore If you will give me your tall ul de rall.
and a rascal And would make your daughter A modish minuet, madam, that's all.
very happy (Whistles] in a husband.' - Looks Darl. Sir, I don't understand you.
foolish, and hums a song.)-Oh! poor
Sir Harry, Wild. Ay, she will have it in plain terms what have thy angry stars design'd ! Then, madam, in downright English, I offered Ang. Now, sir, I hope you need no instigation your daughter a hundred guineas to
to redress our wrongs, since even the injury points Ang. Hold, sir, stop your abusive tongue, too the way. loose for modest ears to hear -Madam, I did Darl. Think, sir, that our blood for many gebefore suspect that bis designs were base, now nerations has run in the purest channel of unthey're too plain ; this knight, this mighty man sullied honour. of wit and jumour, is made a tool to a knave Wild. Ay, madam.
(Bows to her. Vizard has sent him on a bully's errand, to af Ang. Consider what a tender flower is wów front a woman? but I scorn the abuse, and him man's reputation, which the least air of foul dethat offered it.
traction blasts. Darl. How, sir ; come to affront us ! D'ye Wild. Yes, madam. (Bows to the other. know who we are, sir?
Darl. Call then to mind your rude and scanWild. Know who you are! Why, your daugh- dalous behaviour. ter there, is Mr Vizard's -cousin, I suppose. Wild. Right, madam.
(Bows again. And for you, madam—-Now to call her procu Ang. Remember the base price you offered ress á-la-mode de France.- Aside.) -J'estime
[Exit. votre occupation
Wild. Very true, madam. Was ever man so Darl. Pray, sir, speak English.
catechized ? Wild. Then to define her office á-la-mode de Darl. Then think that Vizard,- villain Viz. Londres. – [Aside.?- I suppose your ladyship to ard, -caused all this, yet lives : that's all: farebe one of those cívil
, obliging, discreet old gen- well. tlewomen, who keep their visiting days for the Wild. Stay, madam, (To DARLING) one word; entertainment of their presenting friends, whom is there no other way to redress your wrongs, they treat with imperial tea, a private room, and but by fighting? a pack of cards. Now I suppose you do under Darl. Only one, sir; which if you can think
of, you may do; you know the business I enteri Darl. This is beyond sufferance ! But say, tained you for. thou abusive man, what injury have you ever re Wild. I understand yout, madam. [Exit Darceiv'd from me, or mine, thus to engage you in LING.) Here am I brought to a very pretty dilemthis scandalous aspersion ?
ma. I must commit murder or commit matrimony: Ang. Yes, sir, what cause, what motives could which is the best now? a licence from Doctors induce you thus to debase yourself below your Commons, or a sentence from the Old Bailey? rank?
-If I kill my man, the law hangs me; if I Wild. Hey-day! Now, dear Roxana, and you, marry my woman, I shall hang myself.my fair Statira, be not so very heroic in your But, damn it -cowards dare fight:-1'll marstyle: Vizard's letter may resolve you, and an ry, that's the most daring action of the two swer all the impertinent questions you have made So, my dear cousin Angelica, have at you.
(Erit. Darland Ang. We appeal to that. Wild. And I'll stand to't; he read it to me,
SCENE II.-Newgate. and the contents were pretty plain, I thought.
CLINCHER Scnior solus.
Clin.sen. How severe and melancholy are NewWild. Opening ihe letter.) But hold, madam, gate reflections! Last week my father died; yes[To Darling;} before I read, I'll make some terday I turned beau; to-day I am laid by the conditions :-Mr Vizard says here, that I won't heels, and to-morrow shall be hung by the neck. scruple thirty or forty pieces. Now, madam, if | -I was agreeing with a bookseller wbout VOL. IV.