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EPILOGUE.

LADIES! I've had a squabble with the poet-
About his characters-and you shall know it.
Young man, said I, restrain your saucy satire!
My part's ridiculous-false-out of nature.
Fine draughts indeed of ladies! sure you hate 'em!
Why, sir!
-My part is scandalum magnatum.
"Lord, ma'am," said he, "to copy life my
trade is,

And poets ever have made free with ladies:
One Šimon-the deuce take such names as these!
A hard Greek name- -O-ay-Simonides-

He shew'd-our freaks, this whim and that desire. Rose first from earth, sea, air; nay, some from fire; Or that we owe our persons, minds, and features To birds, forsooth, and filthy four-legg'd crea

tures.

"The dame, of manners various, temper fickle, Now all for pleasure, now the conventicle! Who prays, then raves, now calm, now all commotion,

Rises another Venus from the ocean.

"Constant at every sale, the curious fair, Who longs for Dresden, and old China ware; Who dotes on pagods, and gives up vile man For niddle-noddle figures from Japan;

Critic in jars and josses, shews her birth
Drawn, like the brittle ware itself, from earth.
The flaunting she, so stately, rich, and vain,
Who gains her conquests by her length of train;
While all her vanity is under sail,
Sweeps a proud peacock, with a gaudy tail.
"Husband and wife, with sweets! and dears!
and loves!

What are they but a pair of cooing doves?
But seiz'd with spleen, fits, humours, and all that,
Your dove and turtle turn to dog and cat.

"The gossip, prude, old maid, coquette, and

trapes,

Are parrots, foxes, magpies, wasps, and apes; But she, with ev'ry charm of form and mind, Oh! she's-sweet soul!-the phoenix of her kind."

This his apology!-'Tis rank abuseA fresh affront, instead of an excuse! His own sex rather such description suits: Why don't he draw their characters-The brutes!

Ay, let him paint those ugly monsters, men! Mean time-mend we our lives, he'll mend his

pen.

THE

CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE.

BY

G. COLMAN AND D. GARRICK.

PROLOGUE.

WRITTEN BY MR GARRICK,

Spoken by Mr Holland.

POETS and Painters, who from nature draw
Their best and richest stores, have made this law:
That each should neighbourly assist his brother,
And steal with decency from one another.
To-night, your matchless Hogarth gives the
thought,

Which from his canvas to the stage is brought.
And who so fit to warm the poet's mind,
As he who pictured morals and mankind?
But not the same their characters and scenes;
Both labour for one end, by different means;
Each, as it suits him, takes a separate road,
Their one great object, MARRIAGE-A-LA-MODE!
Where titles deign with cits to have and hold,
And change rich blood for more substantial gold;
And honour'd trade from interest turns aside,
To hazard happiness for titled pride.

The Painter dead, yet still he charms the eye;
While England lives, his fame can never die :
But he, who struts his hour upon the stage,
Can scarce extend his fame for half an age;
Nor pen nor pencil can the actor save,
The art and artist share one common grave.

O let me drop one tributary tear,
On poor Jack Falstaff's grave and Juliet's bier!
You to their worth must testimony give;
'Tis in your hearts alone their fame can live.
Still as the scenes of life will shift away,
The strong impressions of their art decay.
Your children cannot feel what you have known;
They'll boast of Quins and Cibbers of their own:
The greatest glory of our happy few,
Is to be felt, and be approved by YOU.

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SCENE I.-A Room in STERLING'S House.

Miss FANNY and BETTY meeting.

ACT I.

Bet. [Running in.] Ma'am! Miss Fanny! ma'am! Fan. What is the matter, Betty?

Bet. Oh la ! ma'am ! as sure as I am alive, here is your husband

Fan. Hush! my dear Betty! if any body in the house should hear you, I am ruined.

Bet. Mercy on me! it has frightened me to such a degree that my heart is come up to my mouth. But as I was saying, ma'am, here's that dear, sweet

Fan. Have a care! Betty.

Bet. Lord! I am bewitched, I think.-But as I was a-saying, ma'am, here's Mr Lovewell just come from London.

Fan. Indeed!

I

Bet. Yes, indeed and indeed, ma'am, he is. saw him crossing the court-yard in his boots. Fan. I am glad to hear it.-But pray now, my dear Betty, be cautious. Don't mention that word again, on any account. You know, we have agreed never to drop any expressions of that sort, for fear of an accident.

Bet. Dear ma'am, you may depend upon me. There is not a more trustier creature on the face of the earth than I am. Though I say it, I am as secret as the grave-and if it is never told till I tell it, it may remain untold till doom's-day for Betty.

Fan. I know you are faithful-but in our circumstances we cannot be too careful.

Bet. Very true, ma'am! and yet I vow and protest, there's more plague than pleasure with a secret; especially if a body mayn't mention it to four or five of one's particular acquaintance.

Fan. Do but keep this secret a little while longer, and then, I hope, you may mention it to any body.-Mr Lovewell will acquaint the family with the nature of our situation as soon as possible.

Bet. The sooner the better, I believe: for if he does not tell it, there's a little tell-tale, I know of, will come and tell it for him.

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you.

Bet. Angry!-Bless the dear puppet! I am sure I shall love it, as much as if it was my own.-I meant no harm, Heaven knows.

Fan. Well, say no more of this-It makes me uneasy-All I have to ask of you, is to be faithful and secret, and not to reveal this matter, till we disclose it to the family ourselves.

Bet. Me reveal it !-If I say a word, I wish I may be burned. I would not do you any harm for

the world-And as for Mr Lovewell, I am sure I have loved the dear gentleman ever since he got a tide-waiter's place for my brother-But let me tell you both, you must leave off your soft looks to each other, and your whispers, and your glances, and your always sitting next to one another at dinner, and your long walks together in the evening.-For my part, ifI had not been in the secret, I should have known you were a pair of lovers at least, if not man and wife, as

Fan. See there now! again. Pray be careful. Bet. Well-well-nobody hears me. Man and wife. I'll say no more-what I tell you is very true for all that.

Lov. [Calling within.] William !
Bet. Hark! I hear your husband.
Fan. What!

Bet. I say, here comes Mr Lovewell-Mind the caution I give you-I'll be whipped now, if you are not the first person he sees or speaks to in the family. However, if you choose it, it's nothing at all to me,-as you sow, so you must reap-as you brew, so you must bake. I'll e'en slip down the back-stairs, and leave you together. [Exit.

Fan. I see, I see I shall never have a moment's ease till our marriage is made public. New distresses crowd in upon me every day. The solicitude of my mind sinks my spirits, preys upon my health, and destroys every comfort of my life. It shall be revealed, let what will be the conse

quence.

Enter LOVEWELL.

Loc. My love!-How's this !-In tears ?--Indeed this is too much. You promised me to support your spirits, and to wait the determination of our fortune with patience. For my sake, for your own, be comforted! Why will you study to add to our uneasiness and perplexity?

Fan. Oh, Mr Lovewell ! the indelicacy of a secret marriage grows every day more and more shocking to me. I walk about the house like a guilty wretch: I imagine myself the object of the suspicion of the whole family; and am under the perpetual terrors of a shameful detection.

Lov. Indeed, indeed, you are to blame. The amiable delicacy of your temper, and your quick sensibility, only serve to make you unhappy. To clear up this affair properly to Mr Sterling, is the continual employment of my thoughts. Every thing now is in a fair train-It begins to grow ripe for a discovery; and I have no doubt of its concluding to the satisfaction of ourselves, of your father, and the whole family.

Fan. End how it will, I am resolved it shall end soon-very soon. I would not live another week in this agony of mind to be mistress of the universe.

Lov. Do not be too violent neither. Do not

let us disturb the joy of your sister's marriage with the tumult this matter may occasion!-I have brought letters from Lord Ogleby and Sir John Melvil to Mr Sterling. They will be here this evening-and, I dare say, within this hour. Fan. I am sorry for it. Lov. Why so?

Fan. No matter-Only let us disclose our marriage immediately!

Lov. As soon as possible.
Fan. But directly.

Lov. In a few days, you may depend upon it.
Fun. To-night-or to-morrow morning.
Lov. That, I fear, will be impracticable.
Fun. Nay, but you must.
Lov. Must! Why?

Fan. Indeed you must.alarming reasons for it.

-I have the most

Lon. Alarming indeed! for they alarm me, even before I am acquainted with them-What are they?

Fan. I cannot tell you.

Lov. Not tell me?

Fan. Not at present. When all is settled, you shall be acquainted with every thing.

Lov. Sorry they are coming!-Must be discovered!-What can this mean? Is it possible you can have any reasons that need be concealed from me?

Fan. Do not disturb yourself with conjectures

-but rest assured, that, though you are unable to divine the cause, the consequence of a discovery, be it what it will, cannot be attended with half the miseries of the present interval.

Lov. You put me upon the rack. I would do any thing to make you easy.—But you know your father's temper.-Money (you will excuse my frankness) is the spring of all his actions, which nothing but the idea of acquiring nobility or mag. nificence, can ever make him forego-and these he thinks his money will purchase.-You know too your aunt's, Mrs Heidelberg's, notions of the splendour of high life; her contempt for every thing that does not relish of what she calls quality; and that from the vast fortune in her hands, by her late husband, she absolutely governs Mr Sterling and the whole family: now if they should come to the knowledge of this affair too abruptly, they might, perhaps, be incensed beyond all hopes of reconciliation.

Fun. But if they are made acquainted with it otherwise than by ourselves, it will be ten times worse: and a discovery grows every day more probable. The whole family have long suspected our affection. We are also in the power of a foolish maid-servant; and, if we may even depend on her fidelity, we cannot answer for her discretion.-Discover it, therefore, immediately, lest some accident should bring it to light, and involve us in additional disgrace.

Lov. Well-well-I mean to discover it soon, but would not do it too precipitately. I have more than once sounded Mr Sterling about it, and will attempt him more seriously the next opportunity. But my principal hopes are these.-My relation

ship to Lord Ogleby, and his having placed me with your father, have been, you know, the first links in the chain of this connection between the two families; in consequence of which, I am at present in high favour with all parties: while they all remain thus well affected to me, I propose to lay our case before the old lord; and if I can prevail on him to mediate in this affair, I make no doubt but he will be able to appease your father; and, being a lord and a man of quality, I am sure he may bring Mrs Heidelberg into good humour at any time.Let me beg you, therefore, to have but a little patience, as, you see, we are upon the very eve of a discovery, that must probably be to our advantage.

Fan. Manage it your own way. I am per suaded.

Lov. But in the mean time make yourself easy. Fan. As easy as I can, I will. We had bet ter not remain together any longer at present.Think of this business, and let me know how you proceed.

Lov. Depend on my care! But, pray, be cheerful.

Fan. I will.

[Exit.

As she is going out, enter STERLING. Sterl. Hey-day! who have we got here? Fan. [Confused.] Mr Lovewell, sir! Sterl. And where are you going, hussy? Fan. To my sister's chamber, sir! Sterl. Ah, Lovewell! What! always getting my foolish girl yonder into a corner?-Well-welllet us but once see her eldest sister fast married to Sir John Melvil, we'll soon provide a good husband for Fanny, I warrant you.

Lov. Would to Heaven, sir, you would provide her one of my recommendation!

Sterl. Yourself! eh, Lovewell?
Lov. With your pleasure, sir.
Sterl. Mighty well!

Lov. And I flatter myself, that such a proposal would not be very disagreeable to Miss Fanny. Sterl. Better and better!

Lov. And if I could but obtain your consent, sir—

Sterl. What! you marry Fanny !-no-nothat will never do, Lovewell!--You're a good boy, to be sure-I have a great value for youbut cann't think of you for a son-in-law.-There's no stuff in the case; no money, Lovewell!

Lov. My pretensions to fortune, indeed, are but moderate; but, though not equal to splendour, sufficient to keep us above distress.—Add to which, that I hope by diligence to increase it—and have love, honour

Sterl. But not the stuff, Lovewell !—Add one little round o to the sum total of your fortune, and that will be the finest thing you can say to me.- -You know I've a regard for you-would do any thing to serve you-any thing on the footing of friendship-but— Lov. If you think me worthy of your friendship, sir, be assured, that there is no instance in which I should rate your friendship so highly.

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Lov. I cannot absolutely answer for Miss Fanny, sir; but am sure that the chief happiness or mi. sery of my life depends entirely upon her.

Sterl. Why, indeed, now if your kinsman, Lord Ogleby, would come down handsomely for youbut that's impossible-No, no-'twill never doI must hear no more of this-Come, Lovewell, promise me that I shall hear no more of this.

Lov. [Hesitating.] I am afraid, sir, I should not be able to keep my word with you, if I did promise you.

Sterl. Why you would not offer to marry her without my consent, would you, Lovewell? Lov. Marry her, sir!

[Confused.

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Lov. Very true, sir.

course.

Sterl. True, sir!-Why then, have done with your nonsense of love and matrimony. You're not rich enough to think of a wife yet. A man of business should mind nothing but his business.Where are these fellows?-John! Thomas! [CallSterl. Ay, marry her, sir!-I know very welling.]-Get an estate, and a wife will follow of that a warm speech or two from such a dangerous young spark as you are, would go much far-is ther towards persuading a silly girl to do what she has more than a month's mind to do, than twenty grave lectures from fathers or mothers, or uncles or aunts, to prevent her. But you would not, sure, be such a base fellow, such a treacherous young rogue, as to seduce my daughter's affections, and destroy the peace of my family in that manner.I must insist on it, that you give me your word not to marry her without my consent.

Lov. Sir-I-I-as to that-I-I-beg, sir Pray, sir, excuse me on this subject at present. Sterl. Promise then, that you will carry this matter no farther without my approbation.

Lov. You may depend on it, sir, that it shall go no farther.

Sterl. Well-well-that's enough-I'll take care of the rest, I warrant you.-Come, come, let's have done with this nonsense !-What's doing in town? Any news upon 'Change?

Lov. Nothing material.

Sterl. Have you seen the currants, the soap, and Madeira safe in the warehouses? Have you compared the goods with the invoice and bills of lading, and are they all right?

Lov. They are, sir.

Sterl. And how are stocks?

Lov. Fell one and a half this morning.

Sterl. Well, well, some good news from America, and they'll be up again.-But how are Lord Ogleby and Sir John Melvil? When are we to expect them?

Lov. Very soon, sir. I came on purpose to bring you their commands. Here are letters from both of them. [Giving letters. Sterl. Let me see-let me see-'Slife, how his lordship's letter is perfumed!-It takes my breath away. [Opening it.] And French paper too! with a fine border of flowers and flourishes-and a slippery gloss on it that dazzles one's eyes. My dear

-Ah, Lovewell! an English merchant the most respectable character in the universe. 'Slife, man, a rich English merchant may make himself a match for the daughter of a nabob.Where are all my rascals? Here, William !

[Exit, calling.

Lov. So as I suspected.- -Quite averse to the match, and likely to receive the news of it with great displeasure.-What's best to be done? -Let me see!-Suppose I get Sir John Melvil to interest himself in this affair. He may mention it to Lord Ogleby with a better grace than I can, and more probably prevail on him to interfere in it. I can open my mind also more freely to Sir John. He told me, when I left him in town, that he had something of consequence to communicate, and that I could be of use to him. I am glad of it: for the confidence he reposes in me, and the service I may do him, will ensure me his good offices.Poor Fanny! It hurts me to see her so uneasy, and her making a mystery of the cause adds to my anxiety.-Something must be done upon her account; for, at all events, her solicitude shall be removed.

[Exit.

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