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LADIES! I've had a squabble with the poet Critic in jars and josses, shews her birth
About his characters--and you shall know it. Drawn, like the brittle ware itself, from earth
Young man, said I, restrain your saucy satire ! The flaunting she, so stately, rich, and vain,
My part's ridiculous—false-out of nature. Who gains her conquests by her length of train;
Fine draughts indeed of ladies ! sure you hate'em! | While all her vanity is under sail,
Why, sir?
My part is scandalum magnatum. Sweeps a proud peacock, with a gaudy tail

. “ Lord, ma'am,” said he,

“ Husband and wife, with sweets! and dears! trade is,

and loves ! And poets ever have made free with ladies : What are they but a pair of cooing doves? One Simon-the deuce take such names as these! But seiz'd with spleen, fits, humours, and all that, A hard Greek name -0-ay~Simonides, Your dove and turtle turn to dog and cat. He shew'd—our freaks, this whim and that desire. “ The gossip, prude, old maid, coquette, and Rose first from earth, sea, air; nay, some from fire;

trapes, Or that we owe our persons, minds, and features Are parrots, foxes, magpies, wasps, and apes; To birds, forsooth, and filthy four-legg'd crea But she, with ev'ry charm of form and mind,

Oh! she's-sweetsoul!—the phenix of her kind. “ The dame, of manners various, temper fickle, This his apology !_'Tis rank abuseNow all for pleasure, now the conventicle ! A fresh affront, instead of an excuse ! Who prays, then raves, now calm, now all com His own sex rather such description suits : motion,

Why don't he draw their characters-The Rises another Venus from the ocean.

brutes ! “ Constant at every sale, the curious fair, Ay, let him paint those ugly monsters, men! Who longs for Dresden, and old China ware ; Mean time-mend we our lives, he'l mend he Who dotes on pagods, and gives up vile man

pen. For niddle-noddle figures from Japan;








Spoken by Mr Holland.

Poets and Painters, who from nature draw The Painter dead, yet still he charms the eye; Their best and richest stores, have made this law: While England lives, his fame can never die: That each should neighbourly assist his brother, But he, who struts his hour upon the stage, And steal with decency from one another. Can scarce extend his fame for half an age; To-night, your matchless Hogarth gives the Nor pen nor pencil can the actor save, thought,

The art and artist share one common grave. Which from

his canvas to the stage is brought. O let me drop one tributary tear, And who so fit to warm the poet's mind, On poor Jack Falstaff's grave and Juliet's bier ! As he who pictured morals and mankind? You to their worth must testimony give; But not the same their characters and scenes; 'Tis in your hearts alone their fame can live. Both labour for one end, by different means; Still as the scenes of life will shift away, Each, as it suits him, takes a separate road, The strong impressions of their art decay. Their one great object, MARRIAGE-A-LA-MODE! Your children cannot feel what you have known; Where titles deign with cits to have and hold, They'll boast of Quins and Cibbers of their own: And change rich blood for more substantial gold; The greatest glory of our happy few, And honour'd trade from interest turns aside, Is to be felt, and be approved by you. To hazard happiness for titled pride.



Sir John MELVIL.
Serjeant FLOWER
VOL. v.


2 H


the world—And as for Mr Lovewell, I am sure I SCENE I.-A Room in STERLING's House.

have loved the dear gentleman ever since he got Miss FANNY and BETTY meeting.

a tide-waiter's place for my brother-But let me Bet.[Running in.] Ma’am! Miss Fanny! ma'am! tell you both, you must leave off your soft looks Fun. What is the matter, Betty?

to each other, and your whispers, and your glanBet. Ob la! ma'am ! as sure as I am alive, here ces, and your always sitting next to one another is your husband

at dinner, and your long walks together in the Fun. Hush ! my dear Betty! if any body in the evening:-For my part, if I had not been in the house should hear you, I am ruined.

secret, I should have known you were a pair of Bet. Mercy on me! it has frightened me to lovers at least, if not man and wife, assuch a degree that my heart is come up to my Fan. See there now! again. Pray be careful. mouth.-But as I was saying, ma'am, here's that Bet. Well—well-nobody hears me. Man and dear, sweet

wife. I'll say no more-what I tell you is very Fan. Have a care! Betty.

true for all that. Bet. Lord! I am bewitched, I think.-But as Lov. (Calling within.] William ! I was a-saying, ma'am, here's Mr Lovewell just Bet. Hark! I hear your husband. come from London.

Fan. What ! Fan. Indeed !

Bet. I say, here comes Mr Lovewell-Mind the Bet. Yes, indeed and indeed, ma’am, he is. I caution I give you—I'll be whipped now, if you saw him crossing the court-yard in his boots. are not the first person he sees or speaks to in the

Fan. I am glad to hear it.—But pray now, my family. However, if you choose it, it's nothing at dear Betty, be cautious. Don't mention that all to me,-as you sow, so you must reap-as you word again, on any account. You know, we have brew, so you must bake. I'll e’en slip down the agreed never to drop any expressions of that sort, back-stairs, and leave you together.

(Exit. for fear of an accident.

Fan. I see, I see I shall never have a moment's Bet, Dear ma'am, you may depend upon me. ease till our marriage is made public. New disThere is not a more trustier creature on the face tresses crowd in upon me every day. The soliof the earth than I am. Though I say it, I am as citude of my mind sinks my spirits, preys upon my secret as the grave--and if it is never told till I health, and destroys every comfort of my life. It tell it, it may remain untold till doom's-day for shall be revealed, let what will be the conseBetty.

quence. Fan. I know you are faithful—but in our circumstances we cannot be too careful.

Enter LOVEWELL. Bet. Very true, ma'am! and yet I vow and Lor. My love!-How's this !- In tears ?-Inprotest, there's more plague than pleasure with a deed this is too much. You promised me to supsecret ; especially if a body mayn't mention it to port your spirits, and to wait the determination four or five of one's particular acquaintance. of our fortune with patience. For my sake, for

Fan. Do but keep this secret a little while long your own, be comforted ! Why will you study to er, and then, I hope, you may mention it to any add to our uneasiness and perplexity? body.--Mr Lovewell will acquaint the family with Fan. Oh, Mr Lovewell ! the indelicacy of a se the nature of our situation as soon as possible. cret marriage grows every day more and more

Bet. The sooner the better, I believe: for if he shocking to me. I walk about the house like a does not tell it, there's a little tell-tale, I know of, guilty wretch : I imagine myself the object of the will come and tell it for bimn.

suspicion of the whole family; and am under the Fun. Fie, Betty.

{Blushing. perpetual terrors of a shameful detection. Bet. Ah! you may well blush. But you're not Lov. Indeed, indeed, you are to blame. The so sick, and so pale, and so wan, and so many amiable delicacy of your temper, and your quick qualms

sensibility, only serve to make you unhappy. To Fan. Have done! I shall be quite angry with clear up this affair properly to Mr Sterling, is the you.

continual employment of my thoughts. Every Bet. Angry!—Bless the dear puppet! I am sure thing now is in a fair train-It begins to grow I shall love it, as much as if it was my own. I ripe for a discovery ; and I have no doubt of its mcant no harm, Heaven knows.

concluding to the satisfaction of ourselves, of your Fan. Well, say no more of this— It makes me father, and the whole family. uneasy-All I have to ask of you, is to be faith Fan. End how it will, I am resolved it shall ful and secret, and not to reveal this matter, till end soon-very soon. I would not live another we disclose it to the family ourselves.

week in this agony of mind to be mistress of the Bet. Me reveal it !- If I say a word, I wish I universe. may be burned. I would not do you any harm for Lou. Do not be too violent neither. Do not


let us disturb the joy of your sister's marriage ship to Lord Ogleby, and his having placed me with the tumult this matter may occasion !--I with your father, have been, you know, the first have brought letters from Lord Oglehy and Sir links in the chain of this connection between the John Melvil to Mr Sterling. They will be here two families; in consequence of which, I am at this evening-and, I dare say, within this hour. present in high favour with all parties : while they Fun. I am sorry for it.

all remain thus well affected to me, I propose to Loo. Why so so?

lay our case before the old lord; and if I can preFan. No matter-Only let us disclose our mar vail on him to mediate in this affair, I make no riage immediately!

doubt but he will be able to appease your father ; Loo. As soon as possible.

and, being a lord and a man of quality, I am sure Fan. But directly.

he may bring Mrs Heidelberg into good humour Loo. In a few days, you may depend upon it. at any time. Let me beg you, therefore, to Fun. To-night-or to-morrow morning. have but a little patience, as, you see, we are upLov. That, I fear, will be impracticable. on the very eve of a discovery, that must probaFun. Nay, but you must.

bly be to our advantage. Loo. Must! Why?

Fan. Manage it your own way. I am per Fan. Indeed you must. -I have the most suaded. alarıning reasons for it.

Lor. But in the mean time make yourself easy. Lon. Alarming indeed! for they aların me, Fan. As easy as I can, I will. We had beta even before I am acquainted with them-What ter not remain together any longer at present.are they?

Think of this business, and let me know how you Fan. I cannot tell you.

proceed. Loo. Not tell me ?

Lov. Depend on my care ! But, pray, be cheerFan. Not at present. When all is settled, you ful. shall be acquainted with every thing.

Fan. I will. Lov. Sorry they are coming !--Must be discovered !- What can this mean? Is it possible you

As she is going out, enter STERLING. can have any reasons that need be concealed from Sterl. Hey-day! who have we got here?

Fan. [Consused.] Mr Lovewell, sir ! Fan. Do not disturb yourself with conjectures Sterl. And where are you going, hussy?

-but rest assured, that, though you are un Fan. To my sister's chamber, sir ! (Exit. able to divine the cause, the consequence of a dis Sterl. Ah, Lovewell! What ! always getting my covery, be it what it will, cannot be attended with foolish girl yonder into a corner?-Well-well half the miseries of the present interval.

let us but once see her eldest sister fast married Lov. You put me upon the rack.- I would do to Sir John Melvil, we'll soon provide a good husany thing to make you easy.—But you know your band for Fanny, I warrant you. father's temper.-Money (you will excuse my Loo. Would to Heaven, sir, you would provide frankness) is the spring of all his actions, which her one of my recommendation ! nothing but the idea of acquiring nobility or mag. Sterl. Yourself! eh, Lovewell? nificence, can ever make him forego—and these Lov. With your pleasure, sir. he thinks his money will purchase.—You know Sterl. Mighty well! too your aunt's, Mrs Heidelberg's, notions of the Lov. And I fatter myself, that such a proposal splendour of high life; her contempt for every would not be very disagreeable to Miss Fanny. thing that does not relish of what she calls quali Sterl. Better and better! ty; and that from the vast fortune in her hands, Lvv. And if I could but obtain your consent, by her late husband, she absolutely governs Mr sirSterling and the whole family: now if they should Sterl. What! you marry Fanny !--no-nocome to the knowledge of this affair too abruptly, that will never do, Lovewell !

You're a good they might, perhaps, be incensed beyond all hopes boy, to be sure, I have a great value for youof reconciliation.

but cann't think of you for a son-in-law.- There's Fan. But if they are made acquainted with it no stuff in the case; no money, Lovewell ! otherwise than by ourselves, it will be ten times Lov. My pretensions to fortune, indeed, are but worse: and a discovery grows every day more pro moderate; but, though not equal to splendour, sufbable. The whole family have long suspected ficient to keep us above distress.-Add to which, our affection.

We are also in the power of a that I hope by diligence to increase it-and have foolish maid-servant; and, if we may even depend love, honour on her fidelity, we cannot answer for her discre Sterl. But not the stuff, Lovewell !--Add one tion.—Discover it, therefore, immediately, lest little round o to the sum total of your fortune, some accident should bring it to light, and involve and that will be the finest thing you can say to us in additional disgrace.

me.—You know I've a regard for you-would do Lov. Well-well - I mean to discover it soon, any thing to serve you—any thing on the footing but would not do it too precipitately. I have more of friendship-butthan once sounded Mr Sterling about it, and will Lor. If you think me worthy of your friendattempt him more seriously the next opportunity. ship, sir, be assured, that there is no instance in But my principal hopes are these.—My relation- / which I should rate your friendship so highly.

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Sterl. Psha ! psha! that's another thing, you | Mr Sterling.' (Reading.] Mercy on me! his lorda know.-Where money or interest is concerned, ship writes a worse hand than a boy at his exer. friendship is quite out of the question.

cise.—But how's this?-Eh!—'with you to-night' Lop. But where the happiness of a daughter is - (Reading.)– Lawyers to-morrow morningat stake, you would not scruple, sure, to sacrifice To-night !-that's sudden, indeed—Where's my a little to her inclinations.

sister Heidelberg ? she should know of this imSterl. Inclinations ! why, you would not per- mediately.--Here, John! Harry! Thomas! suade me that the girl is in love with you~eh, [Calling the servants.] Hark ye, Lovewell! Lovewell?

Lov. Sir. Lov. I cannot absolutely answer for Miss Fanny, Sterl. Mind now, how I'll entertain his lordship sir; but am sure that the chief happiness or mi. and Sir John - We'll shew your fellows at the sery of my life depends entirely upon her. other end of the town how we live in the city

Sterl. Why, indeed, now if your kinsman, Lord They shall eat gold-and drink gold-and lie in Ogleby, would come down handsomely for you, gold. Here, cook ! butler ! (Calling.) What but that's impossible-No, nom'twill never do- signifies your birth, and education, and titles! I must hear no more of this Come, Lovewell, Money, money!. -that's the stuff that makes the promise me that I shall hear no more of this. great man in this country.

Loo. (Hesitating.) I am afraid, sir, I should not Loo. Very true, sir. be able to keep my word with you, if I did pro Sterl. True, sir !—Why then, have done with

your nonsense of love and matrimony. You're not Sterl. Why you would not offer to marry her rich enough to think of a wife yet. A man of without my conse'it, would you, Lovewell; business should mind nothing but his businessLov. Marry her, sir !

[Confused. Where are these fellows?-John! Thomas! [Call. Sterl. Ay, marry her, sir !-I know very well ing.]-Get an estate, and a wife will follow of that a warm speech or two from such a danger- course. -Ah, Lovewell! an English merchant ous young spark as you are, would go much far- is the most respectable character in the universe. ther towards persuading a silly girl to do what she --'Slife, man, a rich English merchant may make has more than a month's mind to do, than twenty himself a match for the daughter of a nabob.grave lectures from fathers or mothers, or uncles Where are all my rascals? Here, William! or aunts, to prevent her. But you would not, sure,

[Exit, calling be such a base fellow, such a treacherous young Loo. So-as I suspected.

-Quite averse to rogue, as to seduce my daughter's affections, and the match, and likely to receive the news of it destroy the peace of my family in that manner. with great displeasure.—What's best to be done? I must insist on it, that you give me your word -Let me see !-Suppose I get Sir John Melvi not to marry her without my consent.

to interest himself in this affair. He may mention Lov. Sir-I-I—as to that-1-1-beg, sir- it to Lord Ogleby with a better grace than I can, Pray, sir, excuse me on this subject at present. and more probably prevail on him to interfere in

Sterl. Promise then, that you will carry this it. I can open my mind also more freely to Sir matter no farther without my approbation. John. He told me, when I left him in town, that Loo. You may depend on it, sir, that it shall he had something of consequence to communi

cate, and that I could be of use to him. I am Sterl. Well-well—that's enough—I'll take glad of it: for the confidence he reposes in me, care of the rest, I warrant you.—Come, come, and the service I may do him, will ensure me his let's bave done with this nonsense !-What's do good offices. Poor Fanny! It hurts me to see ing in town? Any news upon 'Change? her so uneasy, and her making a mystery of the Loo. Nothing material.

cause adds to my anxiety.—Something must be Sterl. Have you seen the currants, the soap, done upon her account ; for, at all events, her so. and Madeira safe in the warehouses ? Have you licitude shall be removed. compared the goods with the invoice and bills of Jading, and are they all right?

SCENE II.-Changes to another Apartment.
Lov. They are, sir.
Sterl. And how are stocks?

Enter Miss STERLING and Miss FANNY.
Lvv. Fell one and a half this morning.

Miss Sterl. Oh, my dear sister, say no more! Sterl. Well, well,—some good news from Ame- This is downright hypocrisy. You shall never rica, and they'll be up again.-But how are Lord convince me that you don't envy me beyond mea. Ogleby and Sir John Melvil ? When are we to ex sure. Well, after all, it is extremely natural. It

is impossible to be angry with you. Lov. Very soon, sir. I came on purpose to bring Fan. Indeed, sister, you have no cause. you

their commands. Here are letters from both Miss Sterl. And you really pretend not to envy of them,

[Giving letters. Sterl. Let me see let me see— 'Slife, how his Fan. Not in the least. lordship’s letter is perfumed !- It takes my breath Miss Sterl. And you don't in the least wish that away. (Opening it.] And French paper too ! with you was jast in my situation ? a fine border of flowers and flourishes—and a slip Fan. No, indeed, I don't. Why should I? pery gloss on it that dazzles one's eyes. “My dear Miss Sterl. Why should you? What! on the

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