brink of marriage, fortune, title-But I had forgot -There's that dear sweet creature, Mr Lovewell, in the case. You would not break your faith with your true love now for the world, I warrant you. Fan. Mr Lovewell !-always Mr Lovewell!Lord, what signifies Mr Lovewell, sister? Miss Sterl. Never do I desire it-never, my dear Fanny, I promise you. Oh, how I long to be transported to the dear regions of Grosvenorsquare-far-far from the dull districts of Aldersgate, Cheap, Candlewick, and Farringdon Without and Within-my heart goes pit-a-pat at the very idea of being introduced at court! Gilt chariot! pye-bald horses!-laced liveries !-and then the Miss Sterl. Pretty peevish soul-Oh, my dear grave, romantic sister!-a perfect philosopher in petticoats!-Love and a cottage !-Eh, Fanny-whispers buzzing round the circle-'Who is that Ah, give me indifference and a coach and six! Fan. And why not the coach and six without the indifference -But pray, when is this happy marriage of yours to be celebrated? I long to give you joy. Miss. Sterl. In a day or two-I cannot tell exactly-Oh, my dear sister!-I must mortify her a little. [Aside.] I know you have a pretty taste. Pray, give me your opinion of my jewels.-How do you like the style of this esclavage? [Shewing jewels. Fan. Extremely handsome, indeed, and well fancied. Miss Sterl. What d'ye think of these bracelets? I shall have a miniature of my father set round with diamonds to one, and Sir John's to the other. -And this pair of ear-rings! set_transparent! here, the tops, you see, will take off to wear in a morning, or in an undress-How d’ye like them ? Fan. Very much, I assure you-Bless me, sister, you have a prodigious quantity of jewels-you'll be the very queen of diamonds. young lady? Who is she?'- Lady Melvil, maʼam!' -Lady Melvil! My ears tingle at the sound. -And then at dinner, instead of my father perpetually asking-Any news upon 'Change?to cry, Well, Sir John! any thing new from Arthur's?-or-to say to some other woman of quality, Was your ladyship at the Duchess of Rubber's last night?-Did you call in at Lady Thunder's? In the immensity of crowd I swear I did not see you-scarce a soul at the opera last Saturday-shall I see you at Carlisle House next Thursday?-Oh, the dear Beau Monde ! I was born to move in the sphere of the great world. Fan. And so, in the midst of all this happiness, you have no compassion for me-no pity for us poor mortals in common life. Miss Sterl. [Affectedly.] You!-You're above pity-You would not change conditions with me. -You're over head and ears in love, you know. [Shews jewels.-Nay, for that matter, if Mr Lovewell and you come together, as I doubt not you will, you will live very comfortably, I dare say.-He will mind his business-you'll employ yourself in the deMiss Sterl. Ha, ha, ha! very well, my dear!-lightful care of your family-and once in a season I shall be as fine as a little queen, indeed.-I have a bouquet to come home to-morrow-made up of diamonds and rubies, and emeralds, and topazes, and amethysts-jewels of all colours, green, red, blue, yellow, intermixt-the prettiest thing you ever saw in your life !-The jeweller says, I shall set out with as many diamonds as any body in town, except Lady Brilliant, and Polly What d'ye call it, Lord Squander's kept mistress. Fan. But what are your wedding clothes, sister? Miss Sterl. Oh, white and silver to be sure, you know. I bought them at Sir Joseph Lutestring's, and sat above an hour in the parlour behind the shop, consulting Lady Lutestring about gold and silver stuffs, on purpose to mortify her. Fan, Fie, sister! how could you be so abominably provoking? perhaps you'll sit together in a front box at a benefit play, as we used to do at our dancing-master's, you know-and perhaps I may meet you in the summer with some other citizens at Tunbridge. For my part, I shall always entertain a proper regard for my relations.-You sha'n't want my countenance, I assure you. Fun. Oh, you're too kind, sister! Enter Mrs Heidelberg. Mrs Heidel. [At entering.] Here this evening! I vow and pertest we shall scarce have time to provide for them-Oh, my dear![To Miss STERL.] I am glad to see you're not quite in a dishabille. Lord Ogleby and Sir John Melvil will be here tonight. Miss Sterl. To-night, ma'am? Mrs Heidel. Yes, my dear, to-night—Oh, put on a smarter cap, and change those ordinary ruffles!-Lord, I have such a deal to do, I shall scarce have time to slip on my Italian lutestring.Where is this dawdle of a housekeeper? [Enter Mrs TRUSTY.] Oh, here, Trusty! do you know that people of qualaty are expected here this even Miss Sterl. Oh, I have no patience with the pride of your city-knights' ladies. Did you ever observe the airs of Lady Lutestring, drest in the richest brocade out of her husband's shop, playing crown whist at Haberdasher's Hall; whilst the civil smirking Sir Joseph, with a snug wig trimmed round his broad face as close as a new-ing? cut yew-hedge, and his shoes so black that they shine again, stands all day in his shop, fastened to his counter like a bad shilling? Trus. Yes, ma'am. Mrs Heidel. Well-Do you be sure now that every thing is done in the most genteelest manner Fan. Indeed, indeed, sister, this is too much--and to the honour of the famaly. If you talk at this rate, you will be absolutely a bye-word in the city-You must never venture on the inside of Temple Bar again. Trus. Yes, ma'am. Mrs Heidel. Well-but mind what I say to you. Mrs Heidel. Get the great dining-room in order as soon as possable. Unpaper the curtains, take the civers off the couch and the chairs, and put the china figures on the mantle-piece immediately. Trus. Yes, ma'am. Mrs Heidel. Be gone then! fly, this instant! -Where's my brother Sterling? Trus. Talking to the butler, ma'am. Mrs Heidel. Very well. [Fxit TRUSTY.] Miss Fanny! I pertest I did not see you beforeLord, child, what's the matter with you? Fan. With me! Nothing, ma'am. Mrs Heidel. Bless me! Why your face is as pale, and black, and yellow-of fifty colours, I pertest.And then you have drest yourself as loose and as big-I declare there is not such a thing to be seen now, as a young woman with a fine waist--You all make yourselves as round as Mrs Deputy Barter. Go, child!—You know the qualaty will be here by and by.-Go, and make yourself a little more fit to be seen. [Exit FANNY] She is gone away in tears-absolutely crying, I vow and pertest.- -This ridicalous love! we must put a stop to it. It makes a perfect nataral of the girl. Miss Sterl. Poor soul! she cann't help it. [Affectedly. Mrs Heidel. Well, my dear! Now I shall have an opportunity of convincing you of the absurdity of what you was telling me concerning Sir John Melvil's behaviour to you. Miss Sterl. Oh, it gives me no manner of uneasiness. But, indeed, ma'am, I cannot be persuaded but that Sir John is an extremely cold lover. Such distant civility, grave looks, and lukewarm professions of esteem for me and the whole family! I have heard of flames and darts, but Sir John's is a passion of mere ice and snow. Miss Heidel. Oh fie, my dear! I am perfectly ashamed of you. That's so like the notions of your poor sister! What you complain of as coldness and indiffarance, is nothing but the extreme gentilaty of his address, an exact pictur of the manners of qualaty. Miss Sterl. Oh, he is the very mirror of complaisance! full of formal bows and set speeches! -I declare, if there was any violent passion on my side, I should be quite jealous of him. Mrs Heidel. I say jealus indeed-Jealus of who, pray ? Miss Sterl. My sister Fanny. She seems a much greater favourite than I am, and he pays her infinitely more attention, I assure you. Mrs Heidel. Lord! d'ye think a man of fashion, as he is, cannot distinguish between the genteel and the wulgar part of the famaly !-Between you and your sister, for instance-or me and my brother?-Be advised by me, child! It is all puliteness and good-breeding. Nobody knows the qualaty better than I do. Miss Sterl. In my mind, the old lord, his uncle, has ten times more gallantry about him than Sir John. He is full of attentions to the ladies, and smiles, and grins, and leers, and ogles, and fills every wrinkle of his old wizen face with comical expressions of tenderness. I think he would make an admirable sweetheart. Enter STERLING. Sterl. [At entering.] No fish !—Why the pond was dragged but yesterday morning-There's carp and tench in the boat.-Pox on't, if that dog Lovewell had any thought, he would have brought down a turbot, or some of the land-carriage mackrell. Mrs Heidel. Lord, brother, I am afraid his lordship and Sir John will not arrive while it is light. Sterl. I warrant you.--But, pray, sister Heidelberg, let the turtle be drest to-morrow, and venison, and let the gardener cut some pine-apples -and get some ice.--I'll answer for wine, I warrant you--I'll give them such a glass of Champagne as they never drank in their lives-no, not at a duke's table. Mrs Heidel. Pray now, brother, mind how you behave. I am always in a fright about you with people of qualaty. Take care that you don't fall asleep directly after supper, as you commonly do. Take a good deal of snuff; and that will keep you awake. And don't burst out with your horrible loud horse-laughs. It is monstrous wulgar. Sterl. Never fear,sister.- -Who have we here? Mrs Heidel. It is Mons. Cantoon, the Swish gen tleman, that lives with his lordship, I vow and pertest. Sterl. Pox on't, it's almost dark-It will be too late to go round the garden this evening.How ever, I will carry them to take a peep at my fine canal at least, I am determined. [Exit. ACT II. Brush. You shall stay, my dear, I insist upon it. Cham. Nay, pray, sir, don't be so positive; I cannot stay indeed. Brush. You shall drink one cup to our better acquaintance. Cham. I seldom drinks chocolate; and, if I did, one has no satisfaction with such apprehensions about one-if my lord should wake, or the Swish gentleman should see one, or Madam Heidelberg should know of it, I should be frighted to death -besides, I have had my tea already this morning —I'm sure I hear my lord. [In a fright. Brush. No, no, madam, don't flutter yourself -the moment my lord wakes, he rings his bell, which I answer sooner or later, as it suits my convenience. Cham. But should he come upon us without ringing for your own drinking, Takes them out of a drawer and I must beg of you to accept of a few cakes in the table.] and, in return, I desire nothing but to taste the perfume of your lips. [Kisses her.]— A small return of favours, madam, will make, I hope, this country and retirement agreeable to us both. [He bows, she curtsies.]- -Your young ladies are fine girls, faith: [Sips.] though, upon my soul, I am quite of my old lord's mind about them; and, were I inclined to matrimony, I should take the youngest. [Sips. · Cham. Miss Fanny's the most affablest, and the most best natured creter!— Brush. And the eldest a little haughty or soCham. More haughtier and prouder than Saturn himself-but this I say quite confidential to you; for one would not hurt a young lady's marriage, you know. [Sips. Brush. By no means; but you cannot hurt it with us-we don't consider tempers-we want money, Mrs Nancy. Give us plenty of that, we'll abate you a great deal in other particulars, ha, ha, ha! Cham. Bless me, here's somebody!-[Bellrings.] Brush. I'll forgive him if he does-This key-Oh, 'tis my lord!-Well, your servant, Mr [Takes a phial out of the case.] locks him up till I Brush—I'll clean the cups in the next room. please to let him out. Cham. Law! Sir, that's potecary's stuff. Brush. It is so-but without this he can no more get out of bed than he can read without spectacles [Sips] What with qualms, age, rheumatisms, and a few surfeits in his youth, he must have a great deal of brushing, oiling, screwing, and winding-up, to set him a-going for the day. Cham. [Sips] That's prodigious indeed-[Sips] My lord seems quite in a decay. Brush. Yes, he's quite a spectacle, [Sips.] a mere corpse, till he is revived and refresh'd from our little magazine here-When the restorative pills, and cordial waters, warm his stomach, and get into his head, vanity frisks in his heart, and then he sets up for the lover, the rake, and the fine gentleman. Cham. [Sips.] Poor gentleman! but should the Swish gentleman come upon us- [Frightened. Brush. Why then the English gentleman would be very angry. -No foreigner must break in upon my privacy. [Sips.] But I can assure you Monsieur Canton is otherwise employed-He is obliged to skim the cream of half a score newspapers for my lord's breakfast-Ha, ha, ha! Pray, madam, drink your cup peaceably-My lord's chocolate is remarkably good; he won't touch a drop, but what comes from Italy. Cham. [Sipping.] 'Tis very fine indeed! [Sips.] and charmingly perfumed-it smells for all the world like our young ladies' dressing-boxes. Brush. You have an excellent taste, madam; Brush. Doso-but never mind the bell-Isha'n't go this half hour.—Will you drink tea with me in the afternoon? Cham. Not for the world, Mr Brush-I'll be here to set all things to rights-But I must not drink tea indeed—and so your servant. [Exit with tea-board. Bell rings again. Brush. It is impossible to stupify one's self in the country for a week, without some little flirting with the Abigails:-this is much the handsomest wench in the house, except the old citizen's youngest daughter, and I have not time enough to lay a plan for her.-[Bell rings]-And now I'll go to my lord, for I have nothing else to do. Going. Enter CANTON, with Newspapers in his Hand. Can. Monsieur Brush!- -Maistre Brush! my lor stirra yet? Brush. He has just rung his bell-I am going to him. [Exit. Can. Depechez vous donc. [Puts on his spectacles.]-I wish de devil had all dese papiers-I forget as fast as I read-de Advertise put out of my head de Gazette, de Chronique, and so dey all go l'un aprés l'autre-I must get some nouvelle for my lor, or he'll be enragé contre moi.- -Voyons! [Reads the paper.] Here is nothing but Anti-sejanu and advertise Enter Maid with Chocolate Things, Vat you want, child ? Maid. Only the chocolate things, sir. Can. O, ver well-dat is good girl-and very prit too. [Exit Maid. Lord Og. [Within.] Canton! he, he!-[Coughs.] Canton ! Can. I come, my lor!—vat shall I do?-I have no news-he will make great tintamarre!Lord Og. [Within.] Canton! I say, Canton! Where are you ? Enter Lord OGLEBY, leaning on BRUSH. Can. Here, my lor;—I ask pardon, my lor, I have not finish de papiers. Lord Og. Damn your pardon, and your papiers -I want you here, Canton. Can. Den I run, dat is all. [Shuffles along. Lord OGLEBY leans upon CANTON too, and comes forward.] Lord Og. You Swiss are the most unaccountable mixture-you have the language and the impertinence of the French, with the laziness of Dutchmen. Can. 'Tis very true, my lor-I cann't help Can. You are not in pain, I hope, my lor? Lord Og. Indeed but I am, my lor.-That vulgar fellow, Sterling, with his city politeness, would force me down his slope last night to see a clay-colour'd ditch, which he calls a canal; and what with the dew, and the east wind, my hips and shoulders are absolutely screw'd to my body. Can. A littel veritable eau d'arquibusade vil set all to right again. [Lord OG. sits down, and BRU SH gives cho colate. Lord Og. Where are the palsy drops, Brush? Brush. Here, my lord! [Pouring out. Lord Og. Quelle nouvelle avez vous, Canton. Can. A great deal of papier, but no news at all. Lord Og. What! nothing at all, you stupid fellow ? Can. Yes, my lor, I have little advertise here vil give you more plaisir den all de lies about nothing at all. La voila! [Puts on his spectacles. Lord Og. Come, read it, Canton, with good emphasis, and good discretion. Can. I vil, my lor.[CAN. reads.] 'Dere is no question, but that the Cosmetique Royale vil utterly take away all heats, pimps, frecks, oder eruptions of de skin, and likewise de wrinque of old age, &c. &c.'-A great deal more, my lor.- Be sure to ask for de Cosmetique Royale, signed by the Doctor own hand-Dere is more raison for dis caution dan good men vil tink.'-Eh bien, my lor! Lord Og. Eh bien, Canton !- -Will you pur chase any Can. For you, my lor? Lord Og. For me, you old puppy! for what? Can. My lor! Lord Og. Do I want cosmeticks? Can. My lor! Lord Og. Look in my face-come, be sincere. -Does it want the assistance of art? -but tote dat you 'Tis very smoose and brillianmight take a little by way of prevention. Lord Og. You thought like an old fool, monsieur, as you generally do.- -The surfeit water, Brush! [BRUSH pours out.]- -What do you think, Brush, of this family we are going to be connected with? -Eh! Brush. Very well to marry in, my lord; but it would never do to live with. Lord Og. You are right, Brush—There is no washing the blackmoor white- -Mr Sterling will never get rid of Blackfriars—always taste of the Boracho-and the poor woman his sister is so busy, and so notable, to make one welcome, that I have not yet got over her first reception; it almost amounted to suffocation !—I think the daughters are tolerable- -Where's my cephalic snuff? [BRUSH gives him a box.] Can. Dey tink so of you, my lor, for dey look at no ting else, ma foi. Lord Og. Did they! Why, I think they did a little- -Where's my glass? (BRUSH puts one on the table.] The youngest is delectable. [Takes snuff. Can. O oui, my lor, very delect, inteed: she made doux yeux at you, my lor. Lord Og. She was particular.The eldest, my nephew's lady, will be a most valuable wife; she has all the vulgar spirits of her father and aunt, happily blended with the termagant qualities of her deceased mother. Some peppermint water, Brush.-How happy is it, Canton, for young ladies in general, that people of quality overlook every thing in a marriage contract but their fortune. Can. C'est bien heureux, et commode aussi. Lord Og. Brush, give me that pamphlet by my bed side.- -[BRUSH goes for it.] Canton, do you wait in the anti-chamber, and let nobody interrupt me till I call you. Can. Mush good may do your lordship. Lord Og. [To BRUSH, who brings the pamphlet.] And now, Brush, leave me a little to my studies. [Exit BRUSH.]- -What can I possibly do among these women here, with this confounded rheumatism? It is a most grievous enemy to gallantry and address. (Gets off his chair.] He! courage, my lor! by Heavens I'm another creature. [Hums and dances a little.] It will do, faith.--Bravo, my lor! these girls have absolutely inspired me- -If they are for a game of romps- -Me voila pret! [Sings and dances.]-Oh! that's an ugly twinge-But it's gone.I have rather too much of the lily this morning in my complexion; a faint tincture of the rose will give a delicate spirit to my eyes for the day. [Unlocks a drawer at the bottom of the glass, and takes out rouge; while he's painting himself, a knocking at the door.] Who's there? I won't be disturb'd. Can. [Without.] My lor! my lor! here is Monsieur Sterling to pay his devoir to you this morn in your chambre. Lord Og. [Softly.] What a fellow ![Aloud.] I am extremely honour'd by Mr Sterling-Why don't you see him in, monsieur !———— I wish he was at the bottom of his stinking canal. [Door opens.] Oh, my dear Mr Stirling, you do me a great deal of honour. Enter STERLING and LOVEWELL. Sterl. I hope, my lord, that your lordship slept well in the night-I believe there are no better beds in Europe than I have-I spare no pains to get them, nor money to buy them.His majesty, God bless him, don't sleep upon a better out of his palace; and if I had said in too, I hope no treason, my lord. Lord Og. Your beds are like every thing else about you-incomparable !-They not only make one rest well, but give one spirits, Mr Sterling. Sterl. What say you then, my lord, to another walk in the garden? You must see my water by day-light, and my walks, and my slopes, and my clumps, and my bridge, and my flow'ring trees, and my bed of Dutch tulips.-Matters look'd but dim last night, my lord. I feel the dew in my great toe-but I would put on a cut shoe, that I might be able to walk you about-I may be laid up to-morrow. Lord Og. I pray Heaven you may! [Aside. Lord Og. I was saying, sir, that I was in hopes of seeing the young ladies at breakfast: Mr Sterling, they are, in my mind, the finest tulips in this part of the world, he, he, he! Can. Bravissimo, my lor! ha, ha, he! Sterl. Not if they have enough to live upon, my lord-Ha, ha, ha! Can. Dat is all Monsieur Sterling tink of. Sir John.[Apart.] Pr'ythee, Lovewell, come with me into the garden; I have something of conse quence for you, and I must communicate it directly. Love. [Apart.] We'll go together.If your lordship and Mr Sterling please, we'll prepare the ladies to attend you in the garden. [Exeunt Sir JOHN and LOVEWELL. Sterl. My girls are always ready; I make them rise soon and to bed early; their husbands shall have them with good constitutions, and good fortunes, if they have nothing else, my lord. Lord Og. Fine things, Mr Sterling! Sterl. Fine things, indeed, my lord !-Ah, my lord, had not you run off your speed in your youth, you had not been so crippled in your age, my lord! Lord Og. Very pleasant, he, he, he ![Half laughing. Sterl. Here's mounseer now, I suppose, is pretty near your lordship's standing; but having little to eat, and little to spend in his own country, he'll wear three of your lordship out-Eating and drinking kills us all. Lord Og. Very pleasant, I protest-What a vulgar dog! [Aside. Can. My lor so old as me!-He is chicken to gar-me-and look like a boy to pauvre me. Sterl. They shall meet your lordship in the den-we won't lose our walk for them; I'll take you a little round before breakfast, and a larger before dinner, and in the evening you shall go the grand tour, as I call it, ha, ha, ha! Lord Og. Not a foot, I hope, Mr Sterling; consider your gout, my good friend-you'll certainly be laid by the heels for your politeness, he, he, he! Can. Ha, ha, ha! 'tis admirable, en verité! [Laughing very heartily. Sterl. If my young man [To Lov.] here would but laugh at my jokes, which he ought to do, as mounseer does at yours, my lord, we should be all life and mirth. Lord Og. What say you, Canton? will you take my kinsman into your tuition? You have certainly the most companionable laugh I ever met with, and never out of tune. Cun. But when your lordship is out of spirits. Lord Og. Well said, Canton! But here comes my nephew, to play his part. Enter Sir JOHN MELVIL. Well, Sir John, what news from the island of Love! Have you been sighing and serenading this morning? St John. I am glad to see your lordship in such spirits this morning. Lord Og. I'm sorry to see you so dull, sir.What poor things, Mr Sterling, these very young fellows are! they make love with faces, as if they were burying the dead-though, indeed, a marriage sometimes may be property called a burying of the living-ch, Mr Stelling? Sterl. Ha, ha, ha! Well said, mounseer-keep to that, and you'll live in any country of the world Ha, ha, ha!-But, my lord, I will wait upon Lord Og. I shall attend you with pleasure- Lord Og. He is a vulgar dog, and if there was not so much money in the family, which I cann't do without, I would leave him and his hot rolls and butter directly-Come along, monsieur! [Exeunt Lord OGLEBY and CAnton. |