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often already, we have nothing but earthquakes, sense without pride, and beauty without affectafamines, plagues, and mad dogs, from year's end tion. to year's end. You remember, sir, it is not above Miss Rich. This, sir, is a style very unusual with a month ago, you assured us of a conspiracy Mr Honeywood ; and I should be glad to know among the bakers, to poison us in our bread; why he thus attempts to increase that vanity, and so kept the whole family a week upon pota- which his own lessons have taught me to despise
Hon. I ask pardon, madam. Yet, from our long Cro. And potatoes were too good for them. friendship, I presumed I might have some right to But why do I stand here talking with a girl, when offer, without offence, what you may refuse withI should be facing the enemy without ? Here, out offending John, Nicodemus, search the house. Look into Miss Rich. Sir! I beg you'd reflect; though, I the cellars, to see if there be any combustibles be- fear, I shall scarce have any power to refuse a relow; and above, in the apartments, that no quest of yours; yet you may be precipitate : conmatches be thrown in at the windows. Let all sider, sir. the fires be put out, and let the engine be drawn Hon. I own my rashness: but, as I plead the out in the yard, to play upon the hous: in case cause of friendship, of one who loves-Don't be of necessity.
(Exit. alarmed, madam-Who loves you with the most Miss Rich. What can be mean by all this? Yet, ardent passion; whose whole happiness is placed why should I enquire, when he alarmıs us in this in youmanner almost every day! But Honeywood has Miss Rich. I fear, sir, I shall never find whom desired an interview with me in private. What you mean, by this description of him. can he mean; or, rather, what means this palpi Hon. Ah, madam, it but too plainly points him tation at his approach ? It is the first time he ever out; though he should be too humble himself tourge shewed any thing in his conduct that seem'd par his pretensions, or you too modest to understand ticular. Sure he cannot mean to-but he's them. here.
Miss Rich. Well; it would be affectation ang Enter HONEYWOOD.
longer to pretend ignorance ; and, I will own, sir,
I have long been prejudiced in his favour. It was Hon. I presumed to solicit this interview, ma but natural to wish to make his heart mine, as he dam, before I left town, to be permitted
seem'd himself ignorant of its value. Miss Rich. Indeed ! leaving town, sir ? Hon. I see she always loved him. [ Aside) I find,
Hon. Yes, madam : perhaps the kingdom. I madam, you're already sensible of his worth, his have presumed, I say, to desire the favour of this passion. How happy is my friend, to be the fa interview-in order to disclose something which vourite of one with such sense to distinguish merit, ur long friendship prompts. And yet my fears, and such beauty to reward it.
Miss Rich. His fears! What are his fears to Miss Rich. Your friend ! sir. What friend? mine ! (Aside.) We have indeed been long ac Hon. My best friend—My friend Mr Lofty, quainted, sir; very long. If I remember, our first madam. meeting was at the French ambassador's.-Do Miss Rich. He, sir ! you recollect how you were pleased to rally me Hon. Yes, he, madam. He is, indeed, what upon my complexion there?
your warmest wishes might have form’d him. And Hon. Perfectly, madam ; I presumed to reprove. to his other qualities, he adds that of the most you for painting : but your warmer blushes soon passionate regard for you. convinced the company that the colouring was all Miss Rich. Amazement !-No more of this, I from nature.
beg you, sir. Miss Rich. And yet you only meant it, in your Hon. I see your confusion, madam, and know good-natured way, to make me pay a compliment how to interpret it. And, since I so plainly read! to myself. In the same manner you danced that the language of your heart, shall I make my friend night with the most awkward woman in company, happy, by communicating your sentiments ? because you saw nobody else would take her out. Miss Rich. By no means.
Hon. Yes; and was rewarded the next night, Hon. Excuse me; I must ; I know you desire by dancing with the finest woman in company, it. whom every body wish'd to take out.
Miss Rich. Mr Honeywood, let me tell you, Miss Rich. Well, sir, if you thought so then, I that you wrong my sentiments and yourse!f. When fear your judgment has since corrected the errors I first applied to your friendship, I expected adof a first impression. We generally shew to most vice and assistance ; but now, sir, I see that it is advantage at first. Our sex are like poor trades- vain to expect happiness from him, who has been men, that put all their best goods to be seen at the so bad an economist of his own ; and that I must windows.
disclaim his friendship, who ceases to be a friend Hon. The first impression, madam, did indeed to himself.
[Exit. deceive me. I expected to find a woman with all Hon. How is this ! she has confess'd he loved the faults of conscious flattered beauty. I expect hint, and yet she seemed to part in displeasure, al to find her vain and insolent. But every day Can I have done anything to reproach myself with? has since taught me that it is possible to possess No;I believe not; yet,after all, these things should
not be done by a third person ; I should have spa- | the best way is to face the enemy in the field, and red her confusion. My friendship carried me a not wait till he plunders us in our very bed-chamlittle too far.
Hon. Why, sir, as to the best, that—that's a Enter CROAKER, with the letter in his hand, and
very wise way too. Mrs CROAKER.
Mrs Cro. But can any thing be more absurd, Mrs Gro. Ha, ha, ha! And so, my dear, it's than to double our distresses by our apprehensions, your supreme wish that I should be quite wretched and put it in the power of every low fellow, that upon this occasion ? Ha, ha,
can scrawl ten words of wretched spelling, to torCro. (Mimicking.] Ha, ha, ha ! and so, my dear, ment us? it's your supreme picasure to give me no better Hon. Without doubt ; nothing more absurd. consolation ?
Cro. How ! would it not be more absurd to des. Alrs Cro. Positively, my dear : what is this in- pise the rattle till we are bit by the snake ? cendiary stuff and trumpery to me? Our house Hon. Without doubt, perfectly absurd. may travel through the air like the house of Loret Cro. Then you are of my opinion ? to, for aught I care, if I'm to be miserable in it.
Hon. Entirely. Cro. Would to Heaven it were converted into Mrs Cro. And you reject mine ? an house of correction for your benefit. Have Hon. Heavens forbid, madam ! No, sure no we not every thing to alarm us? Perhaps this very reasoning can be more just than yours. We ought moment the tragedy is beginning.
certainly to despise malice, if we cannot oppose it, Mrs Cro. Then let us reserve our distress till and not make the incendiary's pen as fatal to our the rising of the curtain, or give them the money repose as the highwayman's pistol. they want, and have done with them.
Mrs Cro. O ! then you think I'm quite right? Cro. Give them my money !-And
what Hon. Perfectly right. right have they to my money?
Cro. A plague of plagues ! we cann't be both Mrs Cro. And pray, what right then have you right. I ought to be sorry, or I ought to be to my good humour ?
glad. -My hat must be on my head, or my hat Cro. And so your good humour advises me to must be off. part with
my money? Why then, to tell your good Mrs Cro. Certainly, in two opposite opinions, humour a piece of my mind, I'd sooner part with if one be perfectly reasonable, the other cann't be my wife. Here's Mr Honeywood, see what he'll perfectly right. say to it. - My dear Honeywood, look at this in Hon. And why may not both be right, madam ? cendiary letter dropped at my door. It will freeze Mr Croaker in earnestly seeking redress, and you you with terror; and yet lovey here can read it, in waiting the event with good humour. Pray let and laugh.
me see the letter again. I have it. This letter * AIrs Cro. Yes, and so will Mr Honeywood. requires twenty guineas to be left at the bar of the
Cro. If he does, I'll suffer to be hanged the next Talbot inn. If it be indeed an incendiary letter, minute in the rogue's place, that's all.
what if you and I, sir, go there; aad, when the Mrs Cro. Speak, Mr Honeywood; is there any writer comes to be paid his expected booty, seize thing more foolish than my husband's fright upon him? this occasion ?
Cro. My dear friend, it's the very thing; the Hon. It would not become me to decide, ma
-While I walk by the door, you shall dam ; but, doubtless, the greatness of his terrors plant yourself in ambush near the bar; burst out now will but invite them to renew their villainy upon the miscreant like a masked battery ; exanother time.
tort a confession at once, and so bang him up by Alrs Cro. I told you he'd be of my opinion. surprise.
Cro. How, sir ! do you maintain that I should Hon. Yes ; but I would not choose to exercise lie down under such an injury, and shew, neither too much severity. It is my maxim, sir, that crimes by my tears or complaints, that I have something generally punish themselves. of the spirit of a man in me?
Cro. Well, but we may upbraid him a little, I Hon. Pardon me, sir. You ought to make the suppose ?
(Ironically, loudest complaints, if you desire redress. The Hon. Ay, but not punish him too rigidly. surest way to have redress, is to be earnest in the Cro. Well, well, leave that to my own benevopursuit of it.
lence. Cro. Ay, whose opinion is he of now?
Hon. Well, I do: but remember that universal Mrs Cro. But don't you thiuk that laughing off benevolence is the first law of nature. our fears is the best way?
[Exeunt HoneYWOOD und Mrs CROAKER. Hon. What is the best, madam, few can say ; Cro. Yes; and my universal benevolence will but I'll maintain it to be a very wise way. lang the dog, if he had as many necks as a hydia. Gro. But we are talking of the best. Surely
could not help coming to see you set out, though SCENE I.--An Inn.
it exposes us to a discovery.
Oin. May every thing you do prove as fortunate. Enter OLIVIA and JARVIS.
Indeed, Leontine, we have been most cruelly dis
appointed. Mr Honeywood's bill upon the city Olio. Well, we have got safe to the inn, how
has, it seeirs, been protested, and we have been ever. Now, if the post-chaise were ready-
utterly at a loss how to proceed. Jar. The horses are just finishing their oats ;
Lco. How ! An offer of his own too. Sure, and, as they are not going to be married, they
he could not mean to deceive us. choose to take their own time. Oliv. You are for ever giving wrong motives to took the desire for the power of serving us. But
Oliv. Depend upon his sincerity; he only mismy impatience.
let us think no more of it. I believe the postJar. Be as impatient as you will, the horses chaise is ready by this. must take their own time; besides, you don't consider we have got no answer froin our fellowship’s pardon, I don't think your ladyship quite
Land. Not quite yet : and, begging your lach; traveller yet. If we hear nothing from Mr Leon- ready for the post-chaise. The north road is a tine, we have only one way left us. Oliv. What way?
cold place, madam. I have a drop in the house
of as pretty raspberry as ever was tipt over tongue. Jur. The way home again. Oliv. Not so. I have made a resolution to go, mach.
Just a thiinble-full to keep the wind off your stoand nothing shall induce me to break it.
To be sure, the last couple we had here, Jar. Ay, resolutions are well kept when they
they said it was a perfect nosegay. Ecod, I sent jump with inclination. However, I'll go hasten
them both away as good-natured-Up went the
blinds, round went the wheels, and drive away, things without. And I'll call too at the bar to see
ost-boy, was the word. if any things should be left for us there. Don't be in such a plaguy hurry, madam, and we shall
Enter CROAKER. go the faster, I promise you. [Erit JARVIS.
Cro. Well, while my friend Honeywood is upon Enter Landlady.
the post of danger at the bar, it must be my busi
ness to have an eye about me here. I think I know Land. What! Solomon ; why don't you move? an incendiary's look; for, wherever the devil makes Pipes and tobacco for the Lamb there.-_Will a purchase, he never fails to set his mark. Ha! aho nobody answer? To the Dolphin ; quick. The have we here? My son and daughter! What can Angel has been outrageous this half hour. Did they be doing here? your ladyship call, madam ?
Land. I tell you, madam, it will do you good; Olio. No, madam.
I think I know by this time what's good for the Land. I find, as you're for Scotland, madam— north road. It's a raw night, nadam.—Sir; But that's no business of mine ; married, or not Leo. Not a drop more, good madam. I should married, I ask no questions. To be sure, we had now take it as a greater favour if you hasten the a sweet little couple set off from this two days horses, for I am afraid to be seen myself
. ago for the same place. The gentleman, for a Land. That shall be done. Wha, Solomon! are tailor, was, to be sure, as fine a spoken tailor as you all dead there? Wha, Solomon, I say: ever blew froth from a full pot, and the young lady so bashful, it was near half an hour before Olir. Well, I dread least an expedition begun we could get her to finish a pint of raspberry bc. in fear should end iu repentance. Every moment tween us.
we stay increases our danger, and adds to my apOliv. But this gentleman and I are not going to prehensions. be married, I assure you.
Leo. There's no danger, trust me, my dear; there Land. May be not. That's no business of mine; can be none: if Honeywood has acted with lofor certain, Scotch marriages seldom turn out. nour, and kept my father, as he promised, in eine There was, of my own knowledge, Miss Macfag, ployment till we are out of danger, nothing can that married her father's footman.-Alack-a-day! interrupt our journey. she and her husband soon parted, and now keep Oliv. I have no doubt of Mr Honeywood's sinseparate cellars in Hedge-lane.
cerity, and even bis desires to serve us. My fears Oliv. A very pretty picture of what lies befor:
are from your father's suspicions. A mind so (Aside disposed to be alarmed without a cause, will be
but too ready when there's a reason. Enter LEONTINE.
Leo. Why, let him, when we are ont of his Leo. My dear Olivia, my anxiety till you were power. But, believe me, Olivia, you bave no out of danger was too great to be resisted. I ] great reason to dread his resentinent. His re
pining temper, as it does no manner of injury to himself, so will it never do harm to others. "He Enter Post-Boy, dragging in JARVIS: HONEY. only frets to keep himself employed, and scolds
WOOD entering soon after. for his private amusement.
Post. Ay, master, we have him fast enough. Here Oliv. I don't know that ; but am sure, on some is the incendiary dog. I'm entitled to the reward ; occasions, it makes him look most shockingly. I'll take my oath I saw him ask for the money at
Cro. (Discovering himself.] How does he look the bar, and then run for it. now ? ---How does he look now?
Hon. Come, bring him along. Let us see him. Oliv. Ah !
Let him learn to blush for his crimes. (DiscoverLeo. Undone !
ing his mistake.] Death! what's here! Jarvis, Cro. How do I look now? Sir, I am your very Leontine, Olivia ! What can all this mean? humble servant. Madam, I am yours. What, you Jar. Why, I'll tell you what it means : that I are going off, are you? Then, first, if you please, was an old fool, and that you are my master-that's take a word or two from me with you before you
all. gn. Tell me first where you are going? and when Hon. Confusion ! you have told me that, perhaps, I shall know as Leo. Yes, sir, I find you have kept your word little as I did before.
with me. After such baseness, I wonder how you Leo. If that be so, our answer might but increase can venture to see the man you have injured. your displeasure, without adding to your informa Hon. My dear Leontine, by my life, my honourtion.
Leo. Peace, peace, for shame! and do not conCru. I want no information from you, puppy : | tinue to aggravate baseness by hypocrisy. I know and you too, good madam, what answer have you you, sir, I know you. got? Eh, (A cry without, stop him!] I think I heard Hon. Why, won't you hear me ? By all that's a noise. My friend, Honeywood, without-has he just, I knew notseized the incendiary ? Ah, no, for now I hear no Leo. Hear you, sir! to what purpose? I now more on't.
see through all your low arts; your ever complyLeo. Honeywood without! Then, sir, it was Mr ing with every opinion ; your never refusing any Honeywood that directed
request ; your friendship as common as a prostiCro. No, sir, it was Mr Honeywood conducted tute's favours, and as fallacious; all these, sir, have me hither.
long been contemptible to the world, and are now Leo. Is it possible?
perfectly so to me. Cro. Possible! Why, he's in the house now, sir. Hon. Ha! contemptible to the world ! That More anxious about me than my own son, sir.
(Aside. Leo. Then, sir, he's a villain.
Leo. All the seeming sincerity of your profes.' Cro. How, sirrah! a villain, because he takes sions I now find were only allurements to betray; most care of your father? I'll not bear it. I tell and all your seeming regret for their consequences you I'll not bear it. Honeywood is a friend to the only calculated to cover the cowardice of your family, and I'll have him treated as such.
heart. Draw, villain ! Leo. I shall study to repay his friendship as it deserves.
Enter CROAKER, out of Breath. Cro. Ah, rogue, if you knew how earnestly he Cro. Where is the villain ? Where is the incen. entered into my griefs, and pointed out the means diary? (Seizing the Post-Boy.) Hold him fast, the to detect them, you would love him as I do. (Acry dog : he has the gallows in his face. Come, you withvitt, stop him. Fire and fury! they have scizo dog, confess ; confess all, and hang yourself. ed the incendiary : they have the villain, the in. Post. Zounds, master! what do
throttle cendiary in view. Stop him, stop an incendiary, a murderer; stop him!
[Exit. Cro. [Beating him.] Dog, do you resist; do you Oliv. Oh, my terrors ! What can this new tumult resist ? mean?
Posl. Zounds, master! I'm not he; there's Leo. Some new mark, I suppose, of Mr Honey- the man that we thought was the rogue, and turns wood's sincerity. But we shall have satisfaction: out to be one of the company, he sliall give me instant satisfaction.
Cro. How ! Oliv. It must not be, my Leontine, if you value Hon, Mr Crcaker, we have all been under a my esteem, or my happiness. Whatever be our strange mistake here; I find there is nobody guilty ; fate, let us not add guilt to our misfortunes-Con- it was all an error ; entirely an error of our own. sider that our innocence will shortly be al! we have Cro. And I say, sir, that you're in an error ; for left us. You must forgive him.
there's guilt and double guilt, a plot, a damn'd jesuLeo. Forgive him! Has he not in every instance itical pestilential plot, and I must have proof of it. betrayed us? Forced me to borrow money from Hon. Do but hear me. him, which appears a mere trick to delay us : pro Cro. What, you intend to bring 'em off, I supmised to keep my father engaged till we were out pose ; I'll hear nothing. of danger, and here brought him to the very scene Hon. Madam, you scem at least calm enough to
hear reason. Oliv. Don't be precipitate. We may yet be mis
Oliv. Excuse me. taken.
Hon. Good Jarvis,let methen explain it to you.
of our escape!
Jar. What signifies explanations, when the thing was tried to fix her for life in a convent, contrary is done ?
to her inclinations. Of this I was informed upon Hon. Will nobody hear me ? Was there ever my arrival at Paris ; and, as I had been once her such a set, so blinded by passion and prejudice ? father's friend, I did all in my power to frustrate [To the Post-boy.] My good friend, I believe you'll her guardian's base intentions. I had even medibe surprised when I assure you
tated to rescue her from his authority, when your Post. Sure me nothing-I'm sure of nothing but son stept in with more pleasing violence, gave her a good beating.
liberty, and you a daughter. Cro. Come then, you, madam, if you ever hope Cro. But I intend to have a daughter of my own for any favour or forgiveness, tell me sincerely all choosing, sir: a young lady, sir, whose fortune, you know of this affair.
by my interest with those that have interest, will Oliv. Unhappily, sir, I'm but too much the cause be double what my son has a right to expect. Do of your suspicions : you see before you, sir, one you know Mr Lofty, sir ? that, with false pretences, has stept into your family Sir Wil. Yes, sir ; and know that you are deto betray it: not your daughter
ceived in him. But step this way, and I'll conCro. Not my daughter ! Oliv. Not your daughter, but a mean deceiver [CROAKER and Sir WILLIAM seem to confer. -who-support me, I cannotHon. Help! she's going; give her air.
Enter HONEYWOOD. Cro. Ay, ay, take the young woman to the air ; Hon. Obstinate man, still to persist in his outI would not hurt a hair of her head, whose ever rage ! Insulted by him, despised by all, I now begin daughter she may be not so bad as that neither. to grow contemptible, even to myself. How have
[Exeunt all but CroAKER. I sunk by too great an assiduity to please! How Cro. Yes, yes, all's out ; I now see the whole have I overtax'd all my abilities, lest the approbaaffair : my son is either married, or going to be so, tion of a single fool should escape me! But all to this lady, whom he imposed upon me as his sister. is now over ; I have survived my reputation, my Ay, certainly so; and yet I don't find it afflicts me
fortune, my friendships, and nothing remains henceso much as one might think. There's the advan- forward for me but solitude and repentance. tage of fretting away our misfortunes beforehand, Miss Rich. Is it true, Mr Honeywood, that you we never feel them when they come.
are setting off
, without taking leave of your friends?
The report is, that you are quitting England. Can Enter Miss RICHLAND and Sir WILLIAM,
it be? Sir Wil. But how do you know, madam, that Hon. Yes, madam; and tho' I am so unhappy as my nephew intends setting off from this place? to have fallen under your displeasure, yet, thank
Miss Rich. My maid assured me he was come Heaven, I leave you to happiness; to one who loves to this inn, and my own knowledge of his intend- you, and deserves your love; to one who has power ing to leave the kingdom, suggested the rest. But to procure you affluence, and generosity to improve what do I see, my guardian here before us! Who, your enjoyment of it. my dear sir, could have expected meeting you here? Miss Rich. And are you sure, sir, that the genTo what accident do we owe this pleasure ? tleman you mean is what you describe him? Cro. To a fool, I believe.
Hon. I have the best assurances of it—his serving Miss Rich. But to what purpose did you come ? me. He does indeed deserve the highest happiness, Cro. To play the fool.
and that is in your power to confer. As for me, Miss Rich. But with whom ?
weak and wavering as I have been, obliged by all, Cro. With greater fools than myself.
and incapable of serving any, what happiness can Miss Rich. Explain.
I find but in solitude ? What hope but in being Cro. Why, Mr Honeywood brought me here, forgotten? to do nothing now I am here ; and my son is going Miss Rich. A thousand ! to live among friends to be married to I don't know who that is here ; that esteem you, whose happiness it will be to be so now you are as wise as I am.
permitted to oblige you. Miss Rich. Married! to whom, sir?
Hon. No, madam, my resolution is fix'd. Inferi. Cro. To Olivia; my daughter, as I took her to ority among strangers is easy : but among those be ; but who the devil she is, or whose daughter that once were equals, insupportable. Nay, to shew she is, I know no more than the man in the moon. you how far my resolution can go, I can now speak
Sir Wil. Then, sir, I can inform you; and, tho? with calmness of my former follies, my vanity, my a stranger, yet you shall find me a friend to your dissipation, my weakness. I will even confess, that, family: it will be enough at present to assure you, among the number of my other presumptions, that, both in point of birth and fortune, the young had the insolence to think of loving you. Yes
, lady is at least your son's equal. Being left by her madam, while I was pleading the passion of ano. father, Sir James Woodville
ther, my heart was tortured
with its own. But it Cro. Sir James Woodville ! What, of the West? is over, it was unworthy our friendship, and let it
Sir Wil. Being left by him, I say, to the care of be forgotten. a mercenary wretch, whose only aim was to secure Miss Rich. You amaze me! her fortune to himself, she was sent into France, Hon. But you'll forgive it, I know you will, under pretence of education; and there every art since the confession should not have come from