Mum! Miss Rich. Sooner, sir, I should hope. Lof. Why, yes, I believe it may, if it falls into proper hands, that know where to push and where to parry; that know how the land lies-ch, Honeywood? Miss Rich. It is fallen into yours. Lof. Well, to keep you no longer in suspense, your thing is done. It is done, I say - that's all. I have just had assurances from Lord Neverout, that the claim has been examined, and found admissible. Quietus is the word, madam. Hon. But how! his lordship has been at Newmarket these ten days. Lof. Indeed! then Sir Gilbert Goose must have been most damnably mistaken. I had it of him. Miss Rich. He! why Sir Gilbert and his family have been in the country this month. Lof. This month! it must certainly be soSir Gilbert's letter did come to me from Newmarket, so that he must have met his lordship there; and so it came about.-I have his letter about me; I'll read it to you.-[Taking out a large bundle. That's from Paoli of Corsica, that from the Marquis of Squilachi —Have you a mind to see a letter from Count Poniatowski, now king of Poland?-Honest Pon-[Searching.]-O, sir, what are you here too?-I'll tell you what, honest friend, if you have not absolutely delivered my letter to Sir William Honeywood, you may return it. The thing will do without him. Sir Wil. Sir, I have delivered it, and must inform it was received with the most mortifyyou, ing contempt. Co. Contempt! Mr Lofty, what can that mean? Lof. Let him go on, let him go on, I say. You'll find it come to something presently. Sir Wil. Yes, sir, I believe you'll be amazed, if, after waiting some time in the anti-chamber, after being surveyed with insolent curiosity by the passing servants, I was at last assured, that Sir William Honeywood knew no such person, and I must certainly have been imposed upon. Lof. Good; let me die, very good. Ha, ha, ha! Cro. Now, for my life, I cann't find out half the goodness of it. Lof. You cann't? Ha, ha! Cro. No, for the soul of me; I think it was as confounded a bad answer, as ever was sent from one private gentleman to another, Lof. And so you cann't find out the force of the message? Why, I was in the house at that very time. Ha, ha! It was I that sent that very answer to my own letter. Ha, ha! Cro. Indeed! How! Why! Lof. In one word, things between Sir William and me must be behind the curtain. A party has many eyes. He sides with Lord Buzzard, I side with Sir Gilbert Goose. So that unriddles the mystery. Cro. And so it does indeed, and all my suspicions are over. Lof. Your suspicions!-What then you have been suspecting, you have been suspecting, have you? Mr Croaker, you and I were friends we are friends no longer. Never talk to me. It's over; I say, it's over. Cro. As I hope for your favour, I did not mean to offend. It escaped me. Don't be discomposed. Lof. Zounds, sir, but I am discomposed, and will be discomposed! To be treated thus!-Who am I?-Was it for this I have been dreaded both by ins and outs?-Have I been libelled in the Gazetteer, and praised in the St James's ? have I been chaired at Wildman's, and a speaker at Merchant Tailors' Hall? have I had my hand to addresses, and my head in the print shops, and talk to me of suspects? Cro. My dear sir, be pacified. What can you have but asking pardon? Lof. Sir, I will not be pacified-Suspects! Who am I? To be used thus, have I paid court to men in favour to serve my friends, the lords of the treasury, Sir William Honeywood, and the rest of the gang, and talk to me of suspects!Who am I, I say, who am I? Sir Wil. Since, sir, you're so pressing for an A gentleman answer, I'll tell you who you are. as well acquainted with politics, as with men in power; as well acquainted with persons of fashion, as with modesty; with lords of the treasury, as with truth; and with all, as you are with Sir William Honeywood. I am Sir William Honeywood. [Discovering his ensigns of the Bath, Cro. Sir William Honeywood! Hon. Astonishment! my uncle! Lof. So then my confounded genius has been all this time only leading me up to the garret, in order to fling me out of the window. [Aside. Cro. What, Mr Importance, and are these your works? Suspect you! You, who have been dreaded by the ins and outs: you, who have had your hand to addresses, and your head stuck up in print-shops. If you were served right, you should have your head stuck up in the pillory. Lof. Ay, stick it where you will, for, by the Lord, it cuts but a very poor figure where it sticks at present. Sir Wil. Well, Mr Croaker, I hope you now see how incapable this gentleman is of serving you, and how little Miss Richland has to expect from his influence. Cro. Ay, sir, too well I see it, and I cann't but say I have had some boding of it these ten days. So I'm resolved, since my son has placed his af fections on a lady of moderate fortune, to be sa- Enter Mrs CROAKER, JARVIS, LEONTINE, and Mrs Cro. Where's my husband?—Come, come, lovey, you must forgive them. Jarvis here, has been to tell me the whole affair; and, I say, you must forgive them. Our own was a stolen match, you know, my dear; and we never had any reason to repent of it. Cro. I wish we could both say so: however, this gentleman, Sir William Honeywood, has been beforehand with you, in obtaining their pardon. So, if the two poor fools have a mind to marry, I think we can tack them together without crossing the Tweed for it. Joining their hands. Leo. How blest, and unexpected! What, what can we say to such goodness! But our future obedience shall be the best reply. And, as for this gentleman, to whom we owe Sir Wil. Excuse me, sir, if I interrupt your thanks, as I have here an interest that calls me. [Turning to HONEYWOOD.] Yes, sir, you are surprised to see me; and I own that a desire of correcting your follies led me hither. I saw, with indignation, the errors of a mind that only sought applause from others; that easiness of disposition, which, tho' inclined to the right, had not courage to condemn the wrong. I saw with regret those splendid errors, that still took name from some neighbouring duty. Your charity, that was but injustice; your benevolence, that was but weakness; and your friendship but credulity. I saw, with regret, great talents and extensive learning only employed to add sprightliness to error, and increase your perplexities. I saw your mind with a thousand natural charms: but the greatness of its beauty served only to heighten my pity for its prostitution. Hon. Cease to upbraid me, sir; I have for some time but too strongly felt the justice of your reproaches. But there is one way still left me: Yes, sir, I have determined this very hour to quit for ever a place where I have made myself the voluntary slave of all; and to seek among strangers that fortitude which may give strength to | the mind, and marshal all its dissipated virtues. Yet, ere I depar, permit me to solicit favour for this gentleman; who, notwithstanding what has happened, has laid me under the most signal obligations. Mr Lofty Lof. Mr Honeywood, I'm resolved upon a reformation, as well as you. I now begin to find, that the man who first invented the art of speaking truth was a much cunninger fellow than I thought him. And, to prove that I design to speak truth for the future, I must now assure you, that you owe your late enlargement to another; as, upon my soul, I had no hand in the matter. So now, if any of the company has a mind for preferment, he may take my place—I'm determined to resign. [Exit. Hon. How have I been deceived! Sir Wil. No, sir, you have been obliged to a kinder, fairer friend for that favour-To Miss Richland. Would she complete our joy, and make the man she has honoured by her friendship happy in her love, I should then forget all, and be as blest as the welfare of my dearest kins man can make me. Miss Rich. After what is past, it would be but affectation to pretend to indifference. Yes, I will own an attachment, which, I find, was more than friendship. And if my entreatis cannot alter his resolution to quit the country, I will even try if my hand has not power to detain him. [Giving her hand, Hon. Heavens! how can I have deserved all this! How express my happiness, my gratitude! A moment, like this, overpays an age of appre hension. Cro. Well, now I see content in every face; but Heaven send we be all better this day three months. Sir Wil. Henceforth, nephew, learn to respect yourself. He who seeks only for applause from without, has all his happiness in another's keeping. Hon. Yes, sir, I now too plainly perceive my errors. My vanity, in attempting to please all, by fearing to offend any; my meanness in approving folly, lest fools should disapprove. Henceforth, therefore, it shall be my study to reserve my pity for real distress; my friendship for true merit; and my love for her, who first taught me what it is to be happy. [Excunt. EPILOGUE. SPOKEN BY MRS BULKLEY. As puffing quacks some caitiff wretch procure Go, ask your manager-Who, me! Your pardon; Give him good words indeed, but no assistance. SHE STOOPS TO CONQUER; OR THE MISTAKES OF A NIGHT. BY GOLDSMITH. PROLOGUE. BY DAVID GARRICK, ESQ. Enter Mr WOODWARD, dressed in Black, and holding a Handkerchief to his Eyes. EXCUSE me, sirs, I pray-I cann't yet speak- With a sententious look, that nothing means, I give it up-Morals won't do for me: SCENE I.—A Chamber in an old-fashioned House. Enter Mrs HARDCASTLE, and Mr HARDCAS TLE. Mrs Hard. I vow, Mr Hardcastle, you're very particular. Is there a creature in the whole country, but ourselves, that does not take a trip to town now and then to rub off the rust a little? There's the two Miss Hoggs, and our neighbour, Mrs Grigsby, go to take a month's polishing every winter. Hard. Ay, and bring back vanity and affectation to last them the whole year. I wonder why London cannot keep its own fools at home. In my time, the follies of the town crept slowly among us, but now they travel faster than a stage-coach. Its fopperies come down, not only as inside passengers, but in the very basket. Mrs Hard. Ay, your times were fine times, indeed: : you have been telling us of them for many a long year. Here we live in an old rumbling mansion, that looks for all the world like an inn, but that we never see company. Our best visitors are old Mrs Oddfish, the curate's wife, and little Cripplegate, the lame dancing-master; and all our entertainment, your old stories of Prince Eugene and the duke of Marlborough. I hate such oldfashioned trumpery. Hard. And I love it. I love every thing that's old: old friends, old times, old manners, old books, old wine; and, I believe, Dorothy, [Taking her hand.] you'll own I have been pretty fond of an old wife. Mrs Hard. Lord, Mr Hardcastle, you're for ever at your Dorothy's and your old wife's. You may be a Darby, but I'll be no Joan, I promise you. I'm not so old as you'd make me by more than one good year. Add twenty to twenty, and make money of that. Hurd. Let me see; twenty added to twenty, makes just fifty and seven. Mrs Hard. It's false, Mr Hardcastle: I was but twenty when I was brought to bed of Tony, that I had by Mr Lumpkin, my first husband; and he's not come to years of discretion yet. Hard. Nor ever will, I dare answer for him. Ay, you have taught him finely. Mrs Hurd. No matter, Tony Lumpkin has a good fortune. My son is not to live by his learning. I don't think a boy wants much learning to spend fifteen hundred a year. Hard. Learning, quotha? a mere composition of tricks and mischief. Mrs Hard. Humour, my dear; nothing but hu mour. Come, Mr Hardcastle, you must allow the boy a little humour. Hard. I'd sooner allow him a horse-pond. If burning the footmen's shoes, frighting the maids, worrying the kittens, be humour, he has it. It was but yesterday he fastened my wig to the back of my chair, and when I went to make a bow, I popt my bald head in Mrs Frizzle's face. Mrs Hard. And am I to blame? The poor boy was always too sickly to do any good. A school would be his death. When he comes to be a lit the stronger, who knows what a year or two's Latin may do for him? Hard. Latin for him! A cat and a fiddle. No, no, the ale house and the stable are the only schools he'll ever go to. Mrs Hard, Well, we must not snub the poor boy now, for I believe we sha'n't have him long among us. Any body that .ooks in his face may see he's consumptive. |