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me even now, but to convince you of the sinceri Lof. And so you cann't find out the force of the ty of my intention of_never mentioning it more. message? Why, I was in the house at that very

(Going. time. Ha, ha! It was I that sent that very anMiss Rich. Stay, sir, one moment-Ha! he swer to my own letter. Ha, ha ! here

Cro. Indeed! How! Why !

Lof. In one word, things between Sir William Enter LOFTY.

and me must be behind the curtain. A party has Lof. Is the coast clear? None but friends. Imany eyes. He sides with Lord Buzzard, 1 side have followed you here with a triding piece of with Sir Gilbert Goose. So that unriddles the intelligence : bút it goes no farther ; things are mystery. not yet ripe for a discovery. I have spirits work

Cro. And so it does indeed, and all my suspiing at a certain board; your affair at the treasury cions are over. will be done in less than -a thousand years. Lof. Your suspicions !--What then you have Mum!

been suspecting, you have been suspecting, have Miss Rich. Sooner, sir, I should hope. you ? Mr Croaker, you and I were friends we are

Lof. Why, yes, I believe it may, if it falls into friends no longer. Never talk to me. It's over ; proper hands, that know where to push and where I say, it's over. to parry ; that know how the land lies—eh, Ho Cro. As I hope for your favour, I did not mean neywood?

to offend. It escaped me. Don't be discomposed. Miss Rich. It is fallen into yours.

Lof. Zounds, sir, but I am liscomposed, and Lnf: Well, to keep you no longer in suspense, will be discomposed ! To be treated thus !-Who your thing is done. It is done, I say– that's all. am I ?-Was it for this I have been dreaded both I have just had assurances from Lord Neverout, by ins and outs-Have I been libelled in the that the claim has been examined, and found ad- Gazetteer, and praised in the St James's ? have I missible. Quietus is the word, madam.

been chaired at Wildman's, and a speaker at MerHon. But how ! his lordship has been at New- chant Tailors' Hall ? have I had my hand to admarket these ten days.

dresses, and my head in the print shops, and talk Lof. Indeed! then Sir Gilbert Goose must to me of suspects ? have been most damnably mistaken. I had it of Cro. My dear sir, be pacified. What can you him.

have but asking pardon? Miss Rich. He! why Sir Gilbert and his fami Lof. Sir, I will not be pacified Suspects ! ly have been in the country this month.. Who am I? To be used thus, have I paid court

Lof. This month! it must certainly be so to men in favour to serve my friends, the lords of Sir Gilbert's letter did come to me from New the treasury, Sir William Honeywood, and the market, so that he must have met his lordship rest of the gang, and talk to me of suspects ! there; and so it came about. I have his letter Who am I, I say, who am I? about me; I'll read it to you.-{ Taking out a

Sir Wil. Since, sir, you're so pressing for an large bundle.) — That's from Paoli of Corsica, answer, I'll tell you who you are. A gentleman that from the Marquis of Squilachi ---Have you a as well acquainted with politics, as with men in mind to see a letter from Count Poniatowski, now power; as well acquainted with persons of faking of Poland ?- Honest Pon-{Scurching.)-0, shion, as with modesty; with lords of the treasir, what are you here too ?-1'll tell you what, sury, as with truth; and with all, as you are with honest friend, if you have not absolutely deliver- Sir William Honeywood. I am Sir William How ed my letter to Sir William Honeywood, you may neywood. (Discovering his ensigns of the Bath, return it. The thing will do without him.

Cro. Sir William Honeywood ! Sir Wil. Sir, I have delivered it, and must in Hon. Astonishment! my uncle ! (Aside. form

you, it was received with the most mortify Lof. So then my confounded genius has been ing contempt.

all this time only leading me up to the garret, in Cro. Contempt! Mr Lofty, what can that order to fling me out of the window. mean?

Cro. What, Mr Importance, and are these your Lof. Let him goon, let him go on, I say. You'll works? Suspect you! You, who have been dreadfind it come to something presently.

ed by the ins and outs: you, who have had your Sir Wil. Yes, sir, I believe you'll be amazed, hand to addresses, and your head stuck up in if

, after waiting some time in the anti-chamber, af- print-shops. If you were served right, you should ter being surveyed with insolent curiosity by the have your head stuck up in the pillory. passing servants, I was at last assured, that Sir Lof. Ay, stick it where you will, for, by the William Honeywood knew no such person, and I Lord, it cuts but a very poor figure where it sticks must certainly have been imposed upon.

at present. Lof. Good; let me die, very good. Ha, ha, ha! Sir Wil. Well, Mr Croaker, I hope you now

Cro. Now, for my life, I cann't find out half the see how incapable this gentleman is of serving goodness of it.

you, and how little Miss Richland has to expect Lof. You cann't? Ha, ha!

from his influence. Cro. No, for the soul of me; I think it was as Cro. Ay, sir, too well I see it, and I cann't but confounded a bad answer, as ever was sent from say I have had some boding of it these ten days. onc private gentleman to another,

So I'm resolved, since my son has placed his af

fections on a lady of moderate fortune, to be sa the mind, and marshal all its dissipated virtues. tisfied with his choice, and not run the hazard of Yet, ere I deparı, permit me to solicit favour for another Mr Lofty in helping him to a better. this gentleman ; who, notwithstanding what has

Sir Wil. I approve your resolution, and here happened, has laid me under the most signal obthey come, to receive a confirmation of your par- ligations. Mr Loftydon and consent.

Lof. Mr Honeywood, I'm resolved upon a reEnter Mrs CROAKER, Jarvis, LEONTINE, and that the man who first invented the art of speak.

formation, as well as you. I now begin to find, OLIVIA.

ing truth was a much cunninger fellow than I Mrs Cro. Where's my husband ? - Come, thought him. And, to prove that I design to come, lovey, you must forgive them. Jarvis here, speak truth fo: the future, I must now assure has been to tell me the whole affair ; and, I say, you, that you owe your late enlargement to anoyou must forgive them. Our own was a stolen ther; as, upon my soul, I had no hand in the match, you know, my dear; and we never had matter. So now, if any of the company has a any reason to repent of it.

mind for preferment, he may take my place I'm Cro. I wish we could both say so: however, determined to resign.

Exit. this gentleman, Sir William Honeywood, has been Hon. How have I been deceived ! beforehand with you, in obtaining their pardon. Sir Wil. No, sir, you have been obliged to a So, if the two poor fools have a mind to marry, kinder, fairer friend for that favour-To Miss I think we can tack them together without cross Richland. Would she complete our joy, and ing the Tweed for it. (Joining their hands. make the man she has honoured by her friend

Leo. How blest, and unexpected! What, what ship happy in her love, I should then forget allo can we say to such goodness! But our future obe and be as blest as the welfare of my dearest kinsdience shall be the best reply. And, as for this man can make me. gentleman, to whom we owe

Aliss Rich. After what is past, it would be Sir Wil. Excuse me, sir, if I interrupt your but aftectation to pretend to indifference. Yes, thanks, as I have here an interest that calls me. I will own an attachment, which, I find, was [Turning to HoneyWOOD.] Yes, sir, you are sur more than friendship. And if my entreatı s prised to see me; and I own that a desire of cor cannot alter his re olution to quit the country, recting your follies led me bither. I saw, with in- I will even try if my hand has not power to de dignation, the errors of a mind that only souglit tain him.

[Giving her hand. applause from others; that easiness of disposition, Hon. Heavens ! how can I have deserved all which, tho' inclined to the right, had not courage this ! How express my happiness, my gratitude ! to condemn the wrong. I saw with regret those A moment, like this, overpays an age of appre splendid errors, that still took name from some hension. neighbouring duty. Your charity, that was but Cro. Well, now I see content in every face; injustice ; your benevolence, that was but weak- but Heaven send we be all better this day three ness; and your friendship but credulity. I saw, months. with regret, great talents and extensive learning Sir Wil. Henceforth, nephew, learn to reonly employed to add sprightliness to error, and spect yourself. He who seeks only for applause increase your perplexities. I saw your mind with from without, has all his happiness in another's a thousand natural charms: but the greatness of keeping. its beauty served only to heighten my pity for Hon. Yes, sir, I now too plainly perceive my its prostitution.

errors. My vanity, in atteuipting to please all, Hon. Cease to upbraid me, sir ; I bave for some by fearing to offend any; my meanness in aptime but too strongly felt the justice of your re- proving folly, lest fools should disapprove. Henceproaches. But there is one way still left me: forth, therefore, it shall be my study to reserve Yes, sir, I have determined this very hour to quit my pity for real distress; my friendship for true for ever a place where I have made myself the merit; and my love for her, who first caught me voluntary slave of all; and to seek among stran- what it is to be happy.

Excunt. gers that fortitude which may give strength to

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As puffing quacks some caitiff wretch procure Go, ask your manager, Who, me! Your pardon ; To swear the pill, or drop, has wrought a cure ; Those things are not our forte at Covent-Garden. Thus on the stage, our play-wrights still depend Our author's friends, thus placed at happy disFor Epilogues and Prologues on some friend,

tance, Who knows each art of coaxing up the town, Give him good words indeed, but no assistance. And make full many a bitter pill go down. As some unhappy wight, at some new play, Conscious of this, our bard has gone about, At the pit-door stands elbowing away, And teased each rhyming friend to help him out. While oft, with many a smile, and many a shrug, An Epilogue,—things cann't go on without it; He eyes the centre, where his friends sit snug, It could not fail, would you but set about it. His simpering friends, with pleasure in their eyes, Young man, cries one (a bard laid up in clover) Sink as he sinks, and as he rises rise : Alas, young man, my writing days are over ; He nods, they nod; he cringes, they grimace; Let boys play tricks, and kick the straw, not I; But not a soul will budge to give him place. Your brother doctor there, perhaps, may try. Since then, unhelp’d, our bard must now contorm What I! dear sir, the doctor interposes;

To ’bide the pelting of this pitiless storm, What, plant my thistle, sir, among his roses ! Blame where you must, be candid where you can, No, no, I've other contests to maintain ;

And be each critic the Good-Natured Man. To-night I head our troops at Warwick-lane.








Enter Mr WOODWARD, dressed in Black, and (Faces are blocks, in sentimental scenes,)

With a sententious look, that nothing means, holding a Handkerchief to his Eyes.

Thus I begin-All is not gold that glitters, Excuse me, sirs, I pray-I cann't yet speak Pleasure seems sweet, but proves a glass of bitters I'm crying now-and have been all the week! When ign’rance enters, folly is at hand; 'Tis not alone this mourning suit, good masters; Learning is better far than house or land. I've that within-for which there are no plasters! Let not your virtue trip ; who trips may stumble, Pray would you know the reason why I'm crying? And virtue is not virtue, if she tumble. The Comic Muse, long sick, is now a-dying! I give it up-Morals won't do for me : And if she goes, my tears will never stop : To make you laugh I must play tragedy. For, as a player, I cann't squeeze out one drop: One hope remains—Hearing the maid was ill, I am undone, that's all-sball lose my bread A doctor comes this night to shew his skill. I'd rather-but that's nothing-lose my head. To cheer her heart, and give your muscles motion, When the sweet maid is laid upon the bier, He, in five draughts prepared, presents a potion : Shuter and I shall be chief mourners here. A kind of magic charm-for, be assured, To her a mawkish drab of spurious breed, If


will swallow it, the maid is cured ; Who deals in sentimentals, will succeed ! But desp'rate the doctor, and her case is, Poor Ned and I are dead to all intents,

If you reject the dose, and make wry faces ! We can as soon speak Greek as sentiments ! This truth be boasts, will boast it while he lives, Both nervous grown, to keep our spirits up, No pois'nous drugs are mixed with what he gives : We now and then take down a hearty cup. Should he succeed, you'll give him his degree; What shall we do ?-If Comedy forsake us, If not, within he will receive no fee ! They'll turn us out, and no one else will take us. The college you, must his pretensions back, But why cann't I be moral !-Let me try Pronounce him regular, or dub him quacke My heart thus pressing-fix'd my face and eye

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one good year. Add twenty to twenty, and make SCENE I.--A Chamber in an old-fashioned House. money of that.

Hurd. Let me see ; twenty added to twenty, Enter Mrs HARDCASTLE, and Mr HARDCAS

makes just fifty and seven.

Mrs Hard. It's false, Mr Hardcastle: I was but Mrs Hard. I vow, Mr Hardcastle, you're very twenty when I was brought to bed of Tony, that particular. Is there a creature in the whole coun I had by Mr Lumpkin, my first husband ; and he's try, but ourselves, that does not take a trip to town not come to years of discretion yet. now and then to rub off the rust a little ? There's Hard. Nor ever will, I dare answer for him. the two Miss Hoggs, and our neighbour, Mrs Grigs- Ay, you have taught him finely. by, go to take a month's polishing every winter. Mrs Hurd. No matter, Tony Lumpkin has a

Hard. Ay, and bring back vanity and affecta- good fortune. My son is not to live by his learntion to last them the whole year. I wonder why ing. I don't think a boy wants much learning to London cannot keep its own fools at home. In my spend fifteen hundred a year. time, the follies of the town crept slowly among Hard. Learning, quotha ? a mere composition us, but now they travel faster than a stage-coach of tricks and mischief. Its fopperies come down, not only as inside pas Mrs Hard. Humour, my dear ; nothing but husengers, but in the very basket.

mour. Come, Mr Hardcastle, you must allow the Mrs Hard. Ay, your times were fine times, in- boy a little humour. deed : you have been telling us of them for many Hard. I'd sooner allow him a horse-pond. If a long year. Here we live in an old rumbling man- burning the footmen's shoes, frighting the maids, sion, that looks for all the world like an inn, but worrying the kittens, be humour, he has it. It that we never see company. Our best visitors are was but yesterday he fastened my wig to the back old Mrs Oddfish, the curate's wife, and little Crip- of my chair, and when I went to make a bow, I plegate, the lame dancing-master; and all our en- popt my bald head in Mrs Frizzle's face. tertainment, your old stories of Prince Eugene Mrs Hard. And am I to blame? The poor boy and the duke of Marlborough. I hate such old was always too sickly to do any good. A school fashioned trumpery.

would be his death. When he comes to be a lit. Hard. And I love it. I love every thing that's tle stronger, who knows what a year or two's Laold: old friends, old times, old manners, old books, tin may do for him? old wine; and, I believe, Dorothy, (Taking her Hard. Latiu for him ! A cat and a fiddle. No, hand.} you'll own I have been pretty fond of an no, the ale house and the stable are the only old wife.

schools he'll ever go to. Nirs Hard. Lord, Mr Hardcastle, you're for ever Mrs Hard, Well, we must not snub the poor at your Dorothy's and your old wife's. You may boy now, for I believe we sha'n't have him long be a Darby, but I'll be no Joan, I promise you. among us. Any body that cooks in his face may l'm not so old as you'd make me by more than see he's consumptive.

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