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congregation-women. There's such a fuss and Stand. Ay, why, here's another beau. such a clatter about their devotion, that it makes Fire. Let him come, let him come; I'll shew more noise than all the bells in the parish. you how to manage a beau presently. Well, but what advantage can you make now of Stand. Hold, hold, sir; this is a simple inofthe picture ?
fensive fellow, that will rather make us diversion. Mons. De advantage of ten tousan livres, par Fire. Diversion ! ay. Why, I'll knock him die. --Attendez-vous, madame; dis lady she die at down for diversion. Montpelier, in France; I ave de broder in dat ci Stand. No, no; pr’ythee be quiet ; I gave him ty dat write me one account dat she die in dat a surfeit of intriguing some months ago, before I city, and dat she send me dis picture as a legacy, was married.—Here, bid him come up. He's wid a tousan baisemains to de dear marquis, de worth your acquaintance, brother. charmant marquis, mon cæur le marquis.
Fire. My acquaintance! What is he? Lure. Ay, here was devotion! here was dis Stand. A fellow of a strange weathercock cretion! here was fidelity! Mon cæur le mar- head, very hard, but as light as the wind; conquis ! Ha, ha, ha!-Well, but how will this stantly full of the times, and never fails to pick procure the money?
up some humour or other out of the public reMons. Now, madame, for de France politique. volutions, that proves diverting enough. Some Lure. Ay, what is the French politic? time ago he had got the travelling maggot in his
Mons. Never to tell a secret to a voman.- head, and was going to the jubilee upon all ocMadame, je suis votre serviteur. (Runs off: casions ; but lately, since the new revolution in
Lure. Hold, hold, sir, we sha'n't part so; I Europe, another spirit has possessed him, and he will have it.
(Follows. runs stark mad after news and politics. Enter STANDARD and FIREBALL.
Enter CLINCHER. Fire. Hah! look! look! look you there, bro Clin. News, news, colonel! great-Eh! what's ther! See how they coquet it! Oh! there's a this fellow? Methinks he has a kind of suspilook! there's a simper! there's a squeeze for cious air. --Your ear, colonel.—The pope's you! ay, now the marquis is at it. Alon caur, ma dead. foy, pardie, allons: Don't you see how the French Stand. Where did you hear it? rogue has the head, and the feet, and the hands, Clin. I read it in the public news. and the tongue, all going together?
[Il'hispering. Stand. (Waiking in disorder.) Where's my Stand. Ha, ha, ha!--And why d’ye whisper reason? Where's my philosophy? Where's my it for a secret ? religion now?
Clin. Odso! Faith that's true—but that felFire. I'll tell you where they are ;-in your low there; what is he? forehead, sir.---Blood ! I say revenge.
Stund. My brother Fireball, just come home Stund. But how, dear brother?
from the Baltic. Fire. Why, stab him, stab him now.--Italian Clin. Odso! noble captain, I'm your most him, Spaniard him, I say:
humble and obedient servant, from the poop to Stand. Stab him! Why cuckoldom's a hydra the forecastle.- Nay, a kiss o’t’other side, pray:that bears a thousand heads; and though I should Now, dear captain, tell us the news.-Odso! I'm cut this one off, the monster still would sprout. so pleased I have met you! Well, the news, Must I murder all the fops in the nation, and, to dear captain.-You sailed a brave squadron of save my head from horns, expose my neck to the men of war to the Baltic.-Well, and what then? halter
Eh! Fire. 'Sdeath, sir, cann't you kick and cuff? Fire. Why then we came back again.
Clin. Did you, faith ?-Foolish! foolish! very Stand. Cane another.
foolish ! a right sea captain-But what did Fire, Cut off the ears of a third.
you do? How did you fight? What storms did Stund. Slit the nose of a fourth.
you meet? And what whales did you see? Fire. Tear cravats,
Fire. We had a violent storm off the coast of Stand. Burn perukes.
Jutland. Fire. Shoot their coach-horses.
Clin. Jutland ! ay, that's part of Portugal.Stand. A noble plot.-But, now 'tis laid, how | Well, and so,--you entered the Sound ;-and shall we put it in execution? For not one of these you mauled Copenliagen, 'faith.--And then fellows stirs about without his guard-du-corps. that pretty, dear, sweet, pretty king of Sweden Then they're stout as heroes; for I can assure what sort of a man is he, pray ? you, that a beau with six footmen shall fight you Fire. Why, tall and slender. or any gentleman in Christendom.
Clin. Tall and slender! much about my pitch ?
Fire. Not so gross, not altogether so low. Ser. Sir, here's Mr Clincher below, who begs Clin. No! I'm sorry for't'; very sorry, inthe honour to kiss your hand.
llere PARLY enters, and stands at the door ; winds variable, courses per traverse, true course
CLINCHER beckons her with his hands be- protracted, with all impediments allowed, is north hind, going backwards, and speaking to her forty-five degrees, west sixty miles, difference of
and the gentlemen by turns.] Well, and latitude forty-two miles, departure west forty what more ? And so you bombarded Copenhagen! miles, latitude, per judgment, fifty-four degrees -[Mrs Parly.)--Whiz, slap went the bombs !-- thirteen minutes, meridian distance current from [[Irs Parly.)-And so-Well, not altogether so the bearing of the land, and the latitude is eightygross, you say—[Here's a letter, you jade.)--Very eight miles. -Odso! great news, faith. tall
, you say? Is the king very tall :-[Here's a Let me see. At noon broke our main-top-sailguinea, you jade.]—[She takes the letter, and the yard, being rotten in the slings : two whales colonel observes him.]–Hem, hem ! Colonel, l’m southward. — -Odso! a whale! great news, mightily troubled with the pthisick of late. Hem, faith.—Come, come along, captain. But, d’ye hem ! a strange stoppage of my breast here. hear? with this proviso, gentlemen, that I won't Hem ! but now it is off again. --Well, but, drink; for, bark'e, captain, between you and I, captain, you tell us no news at all.
there's a fine lady in the wind, and I shall have Fire. I tell you one piece that all the world the longitude and latitude of a fine lady, and knows, and still you are a stranger to it.
theClin. Bless me! what can this be?
Fire. A fine lady! ah, the rogue ! (Aside. Fire. That you are a fool.
Clin. Yes, a fine lady, colonel, a very fine Clin. Eh ! witty, witty, sea captain. Odso! lady. -Come, no ceremony, good captain. and I wonder, captain, that your understanding
(Exeunt FIREBALL and CLINCHER. did not split your ship to pieces.
Stand. Well, Mrs Parly, how go the rest of Fire. Why so, sir?
our affairs ? Clin. Because, sir, it is so very shallow, very Par. Why, worse and worse, sir : here's more shallow! There's wit for you, sir-
mischief still, more branches a-sprouting.
Stand. Of whose planting, pray? Enter Party, who gives the Colonel u Letter.
Par. Why, that impudent young rogue, Sir Odso! a letter ! then there's news.-- -What, is it Harry Wildair's brother, has commenced his suit, the foreign post? What news, dear colonel ? and fec'd counsel already.-Look here, sir; two What news? Hark ye, Mrs Parly.
picces, for which, by article, I am to receive four. [He talks with PARLY, while the Colonel Stund. 'Tis a hard case, now, that a man must reads the letter.
give four guincas for the good news of his disStand. The son of a whore! Is it he?
honour. Some men throw away their money in (Looks at CLINCHER. debauching other men's wives, and I lay out mine [Reads.]—'Dear madam,
to keep my own honest : but this is making a “I was afraid to break open the seal of your man's fortune! Well, child, there's your pay; letter, lest I should violate the work of your fair and I expect, when I come back, a true account hands.'-Oh, fulsome fop!—I therefore with the how the business goes on. warmth of my kisses thawed it asunder.'-Ay, Par. But suppose the business be done before here's such a turn of style as takes a fine lady! you come back? I have no news, but that the pope's dead, and Stand. No, no; she ha'n't seen him yet; and I have some packets upon that affair to send my her pride will preserve her against the first ascorrespondent in Wales; but I shall wave all bu saults. Besides, I sha’n’t stay. siness, and hasten to wait on you at the hour ap
[Excunt STAND. and PAR. pointed, with the wings of a flying-post. Yours,
TOBY CLINCHER.' SCENE III.-Changes to another Room in the Very well, Mr Toby.---Ilark'e, brother, this
same House. fellow's a rogue. Fire. A damned rogue.
Enter WILDAIR and LUREWELL. Stand. See here ! a letter to my wife!
Lure. Well now, Sir Harry, this book you gave Fire. 'Sdeath! let me tear him to pieces. me! as I hope to breathe, I think 'tis the best
Stand. No, no, we'll manage him to more ad penned piece I have seen a great while; I don't vantage. Take him with you to Locket's, and know any of our authors have wrote in so florid invent some way or other to fuddle him.
and genteel a style. Here, Mr Clincher, I have prevailed on my bro Wild. Upon the subject, madam, I dare affirm ther here to give you a particular account of the there is nothing extant more moving.-Look ye, whole voyage to the Sound by his own journal, madam, I am an author rich in expressions: the if you please to honour him with your company needy poets of the age may fill their works with at Locket's.
rhapsodies of flames and darts, and barren sighs Clin. His own journal! Odso, let me see it. and tears, their speaking looks and amorous Stand. Shew it him.
vows, that might, in Chaucer's time, perhaps, Fire. Here, sir.
have passed for love; but now, 'tis only such as Clin. Now for news--[Reads.]—Thursday, Aug. I can touch that noble passion, and by the true, the 17th, from the 6th at noon to this day noon, persuasive eloquence, turned in the moving style
of louis d'ors, can raise the ravished female to a that the colonel cann't write French ? Your time rapture. In short, madam, I'll match Cowley is so precious ! in softness, o'ertop Milton in sublime, banter Ci Wild. Shall I direct by way of Roan or Paris? cero in eloquence, and Dr Swan in quibbling, by Lure. Which
will. the help of that most ingenious society, called the Bun. Madam, I very much applaud your choice Bank of England.
of a secretary; he understands the intrigues of Lure. Ay, Sir Harry, I begin to hate that old
most courts in Europe, they say. thing called love; they say 'tis
clear out in France. Wild. Clear out, clear out; nobody wears it:
Enter WILDAIR, with a Letter. and bere too, honesty went out with the slashed Wild. Here, madam, I presume 'tis right~doublets, and love with the close-bodied gowns. This gentleman a relation of yours, madam?-Love! 'tis so obsolete, so mean, and out of fa- Dem him.
[Aside. shion, that I can compare it to nothing but the Ban. Brother, your humble servant. miserable picture of Patient Grizzel at the head Wild. Brother! by what relation, sir ? of an old ballad—-Faugh!
Ban. Begotten by the same father, born of Lure. Ha, ha, ha!—The best emblem in the the same mother, brother kindred, and brother world.-Come, Sir Harry, faith we'll run it beau. down.-Love !--Ay, methinks I see the Wild. Hey-day ! how the fellow strings his gemournful Melpomene, with her handkerchief at nealogy! -Look ye, sir, you may be brother her eye, her heart full of fire, her eyes full of | to Tom Thumb, for aught I know ; but if you are water, her head full of madness, and her mouth | my brother-I could have wished you in your full of nonsense. ---Oh, hang it.
mother's womb for an hour or two longer. Wild. Ay, madam. Then the doleful ditties,
(Aside. piteous plaints, the daggers, the poisons !
Ban. Sir, I received your letter at Oxford, with Lure. Oh, the vapours !
your commands to meet you in London; and if Wild. Then a man must kneel, and a man you can remember your own hand, there it is. must swear - There is a repose, I see, in the
[Gives a letter. (Aside.
Wild. [Looking over the letter.] Oh ! pray, Lure. Unnatural stuff.
sir, let me consider you a little. --By Jupiter, Wild. Oh, madam, the most unnatural thing a pretty boy, a very pretty boy; a handsome face, in the world; as fulsome as a sack-posset, (Pullo good shape,--[Walks about, and views him-well ing her towards the door) ungenteel as a wed- dressed–The rogue has got a leg too.—Come, ding-ring, and as impudent as the naked statue kiss me, child. -Ay, he kisses like one of the was in the Park.
[Pulls her again. family; the right velvet lip.-Canst thou dance, Lure. Ay, Sir Harry; I hate love that's impu- child? dent. These poets dress it up so in their trage. Ban. Ouy, monsieur. dies, that no modest woman can bear it. Your Lure. Hey-day! French too; why sure, sir, way is much the more tolerable, I must confess. you could never be bred at Oxford !
Wild. Ay, ay, madam; I hate your rude whi Bun. No, madam, my clothes were made in ning and sighing; it puts a lady out of counte. London-Brother, I have some affairs of conse
(Pulling her. quence to communicate, which require a little Lure. Truly so it does. -Hang their impu- privacy. dence. But where are we going?
Lure. Oh, sir! I beg your pardon ; I'll leave Wild. Only to rail at love, madam.
you. Sir Harry, you'll stay supper? [Pulls her in.
Wild. Assurement, madam.
Ban. Yes, madam, we'll both stay.
Wild. Both !-Sir, I'll send you back to your Ban. Hey! Who's here?
mutton-commons again. How now? (LUREWELL comes back. Ban. No, no; I shall find better mutton-coita Lure. Pshaw! prevented by a stranger too! mons by messing with you, brother--Come, Had it been my husband now-Pshaw!-Very Sir Harry; if you stay, I stay; if you go, allons. familiar, sir.
Wild. Why, the devil's in this young fellow.-[BANTER takes up WildAir’s hat, that was Why, sirrah, hast thou any thoughts of being my dropped in the room.
heir? Why, you dog, you ought to pimp for me; Ban. Madam, you have dropped your hat. you should keep a pack of wenches o
Lure. Discovered too by a stranger !—What hunt down matrimony. Don't you know, sir, shall I do?
that lawful wedlock in me is certain poverty to Wild. (From within.]
-Madam, you have you? Look ye, sirrah, come along; and, for my got the most confounded pens here! Cann't you disappointment just now, if you don't get me a get the colonel to write the superscriptions of new mistress to-night, I'll marry tomorrow, and your letters for you?
won't leave you a groat.-Go, pimp, like a dutiLure. Bless me, Sir Harry! don't you know ful brother. (Pushes him out, and excuni,
Stand. Here, boy, bring in the brandy-Fill. SCENE I.-A Tavern.
Clin. This is a piece of politics that I don't so
well comprehend. Enter FIREBALL, hauling in CLINCHER.
Stand: Here, sir ; now drink it off, or (Draws) Fire. Come, sir; not drink the king's health ! expect your throat cut.
Clin. Pray, now, good captain, excuse me. Clin. Ay, this comes o'th' succession; fire and Look here, sir; (Pulling out his watch the cri- sword already. tical minute, the critical minute, faith.
Stand. Come, sir, off with it. Fire. What d’ye mean, sir?
Clin. Pray, colonel, what have I done to be Clin. The lady's critical minute, sir-Sir, your burned alive? humble servant.
[Going. Stand. Drink, sir, I say-Brother, manage him: Fire. Well, the death of this Spanish king I must be gone. [Aside to FIREBALL, and erit. will
Fire. Ay, drink, sir. Clin. (Returning.] Eh! what's that of the Clin. Eh! what the devil, attacked both by Spanish king? tell me, dear captain, tell me. sea and land !--Look ye, gentleinen, if I must
Fire. Sir, if you please to sit down, I'll tell be poisoned, pray let me chuse my own dose. you that old Don Carlos is dead.
Were I a lord now, I should have the privilege Clin. Dead!--Nay, then-[Sits down.}----Here, of the block; and as I'm a gentleman, pray, stitle pen and ink, boy; pen and ink presently ; I must me with claret at least ! don't let me die like a write to my correspondent in Wales straight-bawd, with brandy. Dead ! (Rises, and walks about in disorder. Fire. Brandy, you dog! abuse brandy! Flat Fire. What's the matter, sir?
treason against the navy royal !-- Sirrah, I'll teach Clin. Politics, politics, stark mad with po- you to abuse the fleet-Here, Sharklitics. Fire. 'Sdeath, sir, what have such fools as you
Enter SHARK. to do with politics ?
Get three or four of the ship's crew, and press Clin. What, sir, the succession!-not mind the this fellow aboard the Belzebub. succession !
Shark. Ay, master.
[Exit. Fire. Nay, that's minded already ; 'tis settled Clin. What, aboard the Belzebub !-Nay, nay, upon a prince of France.
dear captain, I'll chuse to go to the devil this way. Clin. What, settled already! the best news Here, sir, your good health—and my own confuthat ever came into England. Come, captain, sion, I'm afraid. [Drinks it off.] Oh, fire! fire! faith and troth, captain, here's a health to the fames ! brimstone ! and tobacco ! succession.
(Beats his stomach. Fire. Burn the succession, sir. I won't drink Fire. Here, quench it, quench it, then-Take it--What, drink confusion to our trade, religion, the glass, sir. and liberties!
Clin. What, another broadside ! nay, then, Clin. Ay, by all means-As for trade, d'ye see, / I'm sunk downright. Dear captain, give me I'm a gentleman, and hate it mortally. These quarter; consider the present juncture of affairs; tradesmen are the most impudent fellows we have, you'll spoil my head, ruin my politics; faith you and spoil all our good manners.
What have we
will. to do with trade?
Fire. Here, Shark ! Fire. A trim politician truly !-And what do Clin. Well, well, I will drink--The devil take you think of our religion, pray?
Shark for me. (Drinks.] Whiz! buz!-Don't Clin. Hi, hi, hi !- Religion !- And what bas you hear it! -Put your ear to my breast, and a gentleman to do with religion, pray? And to hear how it whizzes like a hot iron-Eh! bless hcar a sea captain talk of religion? that's plea- me, how the ship rolls !-I cann't stand upon my sant, faith.
legs, faith—Dear captain, give me a kissFire. And have you no regard to our liberties, Ay, burn the succession -Look ye, captain, sir?
I shall be sea-sick presently. Clin. Pshaw! liberties ! that's a jest. We
(Falls into FIREBALL's arms. beaus shall have liberty to whore and drink in any government, and that's all we care for.
Enter SHARK and another, with a Chair. Enter STANDARD.
Fire. Here, in with him.
Shark. Ay, ay, sir-Avast, avast -Here, Dear colonel, the rarest news!
boy-No Nantz left
[Tops the glass. Stand. Damn your news, sir : why are you not Fire. Bring him along. drunk by this?
Clin. Politics, politics, brandy, politics ! Clin. A very civil questioa, truly !
hates a man.
lady so easy? What assaults did you make ? and SCENE II.-Changes to LUREWELL'S Apart what resistance did she shew? ment.
Mar. Resistance against de France marquis!
Voyez, madame; dere was tree deux yeux, one Enter LUREWELL and PARLY. screnade, and two capre; dat was all, begar. Lure. Did you ever see such an impudent
Lure. Chatillionte! There's nothing in nature so Foung rogue as that Banter? He followed his sweet to a longing woman as a malicious storybrother up and down from place to place so very Well, monsieur, 'tis about a thousand pound close, that we could not so much as whisper.
we go snacks. Par. I reckon Sir Harry will dispose of him
Mar. Snacke! Pardie, for what? Why snacke, now, madam, where he may be secured. But I
madain? Me vill give you de present of fifty Fonder, madam, why Clincher comes not, accord-louis d’ors; dat is ver' good snacke for you. ing to his letter; it is near the hour.
Lure. And you'll give me no more? Very Lure. I wish, Parly, that no harm may befal well. me to-day; for I had a most frightful dream last Mar. Very well! yes, begar, 'tis ver well. pight: I dream'd of a mouse.
Consider, madame, me be de poor refugee; me Par. 'Tis strange, madam, you should be so ’ave nothing but de religious charité and de much afraid of that little creature, that can do you
France politique, de fruit of my own address; dat no harm.
is all, Lure. Look ye, girl, we women of quality have Lure. Ay, an object of charity, with a thoueach of us some darling fright—1, now, hate sand pounds in his fist !-Emh!-(Knocking be a mouse; my lady Lovecards abhors a cat ; Mrs lox.]-Oh, monsieur, that's my husband ! I know Fiddlefan cann't bear a squirrel; the countess of his knock. He must not see you. Get into the Piquet abominates a frog'; and my lady Swimair closet till by and by; (Hurries him in) and if I
don't be revenged upon your France politique,
then have I no English politique-Hang the moEnter MARQUIS, running.
ney! I would not for twice a thousand pounds Mar. Madam! madam! madam! Pardie voyez. forbear abusing this virtuous woman to her hus. L'argent ! l'argent ! (Shews a bag of money. band. Lure. As I hope to breathe, he has
Enter PARLY. -Well, but how, how, dear monsieur ? Mar. Ah, madamne! begar, Monsieur Sir Ar Par. 'Tis Sir Harry, madam. my be one pigeaneau— Voyez, madame! me did tell Lure. As I could wish. Chairs ! him dat my broder in Montpelier did furnise his lady wid ten tousan livres for de expence of her
Enter WILDAIR. travaille; and dat she not being able to write Wild. Here, Mrs Parly, in the first place, I when she was dying, did give him the picture for sacrifice a louis d'or to thee for good luck. de certificate and de credential to receive de mo Pur. A guinea, sir, will do as well. ney from her husband-Mark ye !
Wild. No, no, child; French money is alLure. The best plot in the world—You told ways most successful in bribes, and very much him that your brotherlent herthe money in France, in fashion, child. when her bills, I suppose, were delayed— You put in that, I presume?
Enter Dicky, and runs to Sir HARRY. Mar. Ouy, ouy, madame.
Dick, Sir, will you please to have your own Lure. And that upon her death-bed she gave night-caps ? pour brother the picture, as a certificate to Sir Wild. Sirrah? Harry that she had received the money; which Dick. Sir, sir! shall I order your chair to the picture
your brother sent over to you, with com back-door by five o'clock in the morning? mission to receive the debt.
Wild. The devil's in the fellow! Get you gone Mar. Assurement-Dere was de politique, de -(Dicky runs out.] Now, dear madam, I have France politique ! See, madame, what he secured my brother, you have disposed of the can do, de France marquis ! He did make de colonel, and we'll rail at love till we ha’n't Anglise lady cuckle her husband when she was word more to say. living, and sheat him when she was dead, begar. Lure. Ay, Sir Harry.—Please to sit a little, Ha, ha, ha!-Oh, pardie, c'est bon !
sir,—You must know I'm in a strange humour Lure. Ah! but what did Sir Harry say? of asking you some questions.-How did you
Mar. Oh, begar, Monsieur Chevalier he love like your lady, pray, sir? his wife ; he say, dat if she takes up a hundre tou Hild. Like her! Ha, ha, ha! -So very well, san livres, he would repay it: he knew de pic faith, that for her very sake I'm in love with ture, he say, and order me de money from his every woman I meet. stewar-Oh, Notre Dame ! Monsieur Sir Arry Lure. And did matrimony please you extreme
ly? Lure. Well, but, monsieur, I long to know Wild. So very much, that if polygamy were al. One thing. Vi'as the conquest you made of his lowed, I would have a new wife every day,
be one dupe.