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Lure. Oh, Sir Harry, this is raillery! But your | I should have thought the devil had raised the serious thoughts upon the matter, pray. phantom, and my more conscious reason had given my eyes the lie.

Wild. Why, then, madam, to give you my true sentiments of wedlock: I had a lady that I married by chance, she was virtuous by chance, and I loved her by great chance. Nature gave her beauty, education, and air, and fortune threw a young fellow of five-and-twenty in her lap. I courted her all day, loved her all night; she was my mistress one day, and my wife another; I found in one the variety of a thousand, and the very confinement of marriage gave me the pleasure of change.

Lure. And she was very virtuous ?-Wild. Look ye, madam, you know she was beautiful. She had good nature about her mouth, the smile of beauty in her cheeks, sparkling wit in her forehead, and sprightly love in her eyes.

Lure. Pshaw! I knew her very well; the woman was well enough. But you don't answer my question, sir.

Wild. So, madam, as I told you before, she was young and beautiful, I was rich and vigorous; my estate gave a lustre to my love, and a swing to our enjoyment; round, like the ring that made us one, our golden pleasures circled without end.

Lure. Golden pleasures! golden fiddlesticks! -What d'ye tell me of your canting stuff?— Was she virtuous, I say?

Wild. Ready to burst with envy; but I will torment thee a little. [Aside.] So, madam, I powdered to please her, she dressed to engage me; we toyed away the morning in amorous nonsense, lolled away the evening in the Park or the playhouse, and all the night- -Hem!

Lure. Look ye, sir, answer my question, or I shall take it ill.

Wild. Then, madam, there was never such a pattern of unity. Her wants were still prevented by my supplies; my own heart whispered me her desires, because she herself was there; no contention ever rose, but the dear strife of who should most oblige; no noise about authority; for neither would stoop to command, because both thought it glory to obey.

Lure. Stuff, stuff, stuff!-I won't believe a word on't.

Wild. Ha, ha, ha! Then, madam, we never felt the yoke of matrimony, because our inclinations made us one; a power superior to the forms of wedlock. The marriage torch had lost its weaker light in the bright flame of mutual love that joined our hearts before. Then

Lure. Hold, hold, sir; I cannot bear it: Sir Harry, I'm affronted.

Wild. Ha, ha, ha! Affronted!

Lure. Yes, sir; it is an affront to any woman to hear another commended, and I will resent it.—In short, Sir Harry, your wife was a —

Wild. Buz, madam-No detraction--I'll tell you what she was-So much an angel in her conduct, that though I saw another in her arms,

Lure. Very well! Then I an't to be believed, it seems. But d'ye hear, sir?

Wild. Nay, madam, do you hear? I tell you 'tis not in the power of malice to cast a blot upon her fame; and though the vanity of our sex, and the envy of yours, conspired both against her honour, I would not hear a syllable.

[Stopping his ears. Lure. Why, then, as I hope to breathe, you shall hear it-The picture, the picture, the picture! [Bawling aloud. Wild. Ran, tan, tan! A pistol-bullet from ear

to ear.

Lure. That picture which you had just now from the French marquis for a thousand pounds, that very picture did your very virtuous wife send to the marquis, as a pledge of her very virtuous and dying affection. So that you are both robbed of your honour, and cheated of your money.[Aloud. Wild. Louder, louder, madam.

Lure. I tell you, sir, your wife was a jilt; I know it, I'll swear it.-She virtuous! She was a devil.

Wild. [Sings.] Tal, lal, de ral.

Lure. Was ever the like seen! He won't hear me-I burst with malice, and now he won't mind me!-Won't you hear me yet?

Wild. No, no, madam.

Lure. Nay, then I can't bear it. [Bursts out a crying.] Sir, I must say that you're an unworthy person, to use a woman of quality at this rate, when she has her heart full of malice; I don't know but it may make me miscarry. Sir, I say again and again, that she was no better than one of us, and I know it; I have seen it with my eyes, so I have.

Wild. Good Heavens deliver me, I beseech thee!How shall I 'scape?

Lure. Will you not hear me yet? Dear Sir Harry, do but hear me; I'm longing to speak. Wild. Oh, I have it !--Hush, hush, hush! Lure. Eh! What's the matter?

Wild. A mouse! a mouse! a mouse!
Lure. Where, where, where?

Wild. Your petticoats, your petticoats, madam!-[LURE. shrieks, and runs.]--Oh, my head !-I was never worsted by a woman before. But I have heard so much as to know the marquis to be a villain. [Knocking.] Nay, then, I must run for't. [Runs out, and returns.] The entry is stopped by a chair coming in; and something there is in that chair that I will discover, if I can find a place to hide myself. [Goes to the closet door.] Fast!-I have keys about me for most locks about St. James's-Let me see[Tries one key.]-No, no; this opens my lady Planthorn's back-door--[Tries another.]-Nor this; this is the key to my lady Stakeall's garden,-[Tries a third.-Ay, ay, this does it, faith.

[Goes into the closet, and peeps out.

Enter SHARK, PARLY, and another, with CLIN- loose, to tell you, madam, that I am a man unmust stoop, and indignation give my words a

CHER in a Chair.

Par. Hold, hold, friend; who gave you orders to lug in your dirty chair into the house? Shark. My master, sweet-heart.

Par. Who is your master, impudence? Shark. Every body, sauce-box--And for the present, here's my master; and if you have any thing to say to him, there he is for ye. [Lugs CLINCHER out of the chair, and throws him upon the floor.] Steer away, Tom.

(Exit SHARK, with Chair. Wild. What the devil, Mr Jubilee, is it you? Par. Bless me! the gentleman's dead !Murder! murder !

Enter LUREWELL.

Lure. Protect me! What's the matter? Clincher!

Par. Mr Clincher, are you dead, sir?
Clin. Yes.

blemished in my honour, have nobly served my king and country; and for a lady's service, I think that nature has not been defective.

Wild. 'Egad, I should think so too; the fellow's well made. [Aside.

Stand. I'm young as he, my person too as fair to outward view; and for my mind, I thought it could distinguish right, and therefore made a choice of you. Your sex have bless'd our isle. with beauty, by distant nations priz'd; and could. they place their loves aright, their lovers might acquire the envy of mankind, as well as they the wonder of the world.

Wild. Ah! now he coaxes▬▬ -He will conquer, unless I relieve her in time; she begins to melt already. [Aside. Stand. Add to all this, I love you next to heaven; and by that heaven I swear, the constant study of my days and nights has been to please my dearest wife. Your pleasure never met controul

Lure. Oh, then it is well enough—Are you from me, nor your desires a frown.-I never drunk, sir?

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Clin. Brandy.

Stand. See there, madam!-behold the man that you prefer to me: and such as he are all those fop-gallants that daily haunt my house, ruin your honour, and disturb my quiet. I urge not the sacred bond of marriage; I'll wave your earnest vows of truth to me, and only lay the case in equal balance, and see whose merit bears the greater weight, his or mine.

Wild. Well argued, colonel.

[Aside. Stand. Suppose yourself freely disengaged, unmarried, and to make choice of him you thought most worthy of your love; would you prefer a brute, a monkey, one destin'd only for the sport of man?-Yes, take him to your bed; there let the beast disgorge his fulsome load in your fair, lovely bosom, snore out his passion in your soft embrace, and with the vapours of his sick debauch perfume your sweet apartment. Lure. Ah, nauseous, nauseous, poison! Stand. I ne'er was taught to set a value on myself; but when compared to him, there modesty

mentioned my distrust before, nor will I now wrong your discretion, so as e'er to think you made him an appointment.

Lure. Generous, generous man! [Weeps. Wild. Nay, then, 'tis time for me; I will relieve her. [He steals out of the closet, and coming behind STANDARD, claps him on the shoulder.] Colonel, your humble servant.

Stand. Sir Harry, how came you hither? Wild. Ah, poor fellow! thou hast got thy load with a witness: but the wine was humming strong: I have got a touch on't myself.

[Reels a little. Stand. Wine, Sir Harry! What wine? Wild. Why, 'twas new Burgundy, heady stuff. But the dog was soon gone, knock'd under presently.

Stand. What, then Mr Clincher was with you, it seems? Eh!

Wild. Yes, faith; we have been together all this afternoon: 'tis a pleasant foolish fellow. He would needs give me a welcome to town, on pretence of hearing all the news from the jubilee. The humour was new to me; so to't we went. But 'tis a weak-headed coxcomb; two or three bumpers did his business-Ah! madam! what do I deserve for this? [Aside to LURE.

Lure. Look ye there, sir; you see how Sir Harry has cleared my innocence- -I'm obliged t'ye, sir; but I must leave you to make it out. [To WILD. and ex.

Stand. Yes, yes; he has cleared you wonderfully-But, pray, sir-I suppose you can inform me how Mr Clincher came into my house? Eh!

Wild. Ay-Why, you must know that the fool got presently as drunk as a drum; so I had him tumbled into a chair, and ordered the fellows to carry him home. Now, you must know, he lodges but three doors off; but the boobies, it seems, mistook the door, and brought him in here, like a brace of loggerheads.

Stand. Oh yes; sad loggerheads! to mistake a door in James's Street, for a house in CoventCarden-Here

Enter Servants.

Take away that brute.--[Servants carry off CLINCH.]—And you say 'twas new Burgundy, Sir Harry; very strong.

Wild. 'Egad, there's some trick in this matter, and I shall be discovered. [Aside.] Ay, colonel -but I must be gone; I am engaged to meet -Colonel, I'm your humble servant. [Going. Stand. But, Sir Harry, where's your hat, sir? Wild. Oh, morbleu !-These hats, gloves, canes, and swords, are the ruin of all our designs. [Aside.

Stand. But where's your hat, Sir Harry? Wild. I'll never intrigue again with any thing about me but what is just bound to my body. How shall I come off?-Hark ye, colonel; in your ear; I would not have your lady hear it -You must know, just as I came into the room here, what should I spy but a great mouse running across that closet door: I took no notice, for your lady should be frightened, but, with all my force, (d'ye see?) I flung my hat at it, and so threw it into the closet, and there it lies.

fear

Stand. And so, thinking to kill the mouse, you flung your hat into that closet.

Wild. Ay, ay, that was all; I'll go fetch it.

Stand. No, Sir Harry, I'll bring it out.

[Goes into the closet. Wild. Now have I told a matter of twenty lies in a breath.

Re-enter STANDARD, with the Hat in one hand, and hauling in the Marquis with the other. Stand. Sir Harry, is this the mouse that you threw your hat at?

Wild. I'm amaz'd!

Mar. Pardie, I'm amaze too!

Stand. Look'e, Monsieur Marquis, as for your part, I shall cut your throat, sir.

Wild. Give me leave; I must cut his throat first.

Mar. Vat, bote cut my troat! Begar, messicurs, I ave but one troat.

Enter PARLY, and runs to STANDARD. Par. Sir, the monsieur is innocent; he came upon another design. My lady begins to be penitent, and, if you make any noise, 'twill spoil all.

Stand. Look'e, gentlemen, I have too great a confidence in the virtue of my wife, to think it in the power of you, or you, sir, to wrong my honour. But I am bound to guard her reputation, so that no attempts be made that may provoke a scandal. Therefore, gentlemen, let me tell you it is time to desist. [Exit.

Wild. Ay, ay; so it is, faith. Come, monsieur, I must talk with you, sir. [Exeunt.

ACT V.

SCENE I.-STANDARD'S House.

Enter STANDARD and FIREBALL. Stand. In short, brother, a man may talk till doomsday of sin, hell, and damnation; but your rhetoric will ne'er convince a lady that there's any thing of a devil in a handsome fellow with a fine coat. You must shew the cloven foot, expose the brute, as I have done; and though her virtue sleeps, her pride will surely take the alarm.

Fire. Ay, but if you had let me cut off one of the rogue's ears before you sent him away

Stand. No, no; the fool has served my turn, without the scandal of a public resentment; and the effect has shewn that my design was right: I've touch'd her very heart, and she relents apace.

Enter LUREWELL, running. Lure. Oh, my dear, save me! I'm frightened out of my life.

Fire. Blood and fire, madam, who dare touch you? [Draws his sword, and stands before her. Lure. Oh, sir, a ghost, a ghost! I have seen it twice.

Fire. Nay, then, we soldiers have nothing to do with ghosts; send for the parson.

[Sheaths his sword. Stand. 'Tis fancy, my dear, nothing but fancy. Lure. Oh, dear colonel, I'll never lie alone again; I'm frightened to death; I saw it twice; twice it stalked by my chamber-door, and, with a hollow voice, uttered a piteous groan.

Stand. This is strange! ghosts by day-light!Come, my dear, along with me; don't shrink, we'll see to find this ghost. [Exeunt.

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Mar. Morbleu, que dites vous, bougre le chien? Wild. Hold, sir; pray, answer me one question- -What made you fly your country?

Mar. My religion, monsieur.

Wild. So you fled from your religion out of France, and are a downright atheist in England. A very tender conscience, truly!

Mar. Begar, monsieur, my conscience be de ver' tendre; he no suffre his mastre to starve, pardie.

Wild. Come, sir, no ceremony; refund. Mar. Refunde ! Vat is dat refunde? Parlez François, monsieur ?

Wild. No, sir; I tell you, in plain English, return my money, or I'll lay you by the heels.

Mar. Oh, begar, dere is de Anglis-man now! Dere is de law for me. De law! Ecoute, monsieur Sir Arry-Voyez sa-De France marquis scorn de law. My broder lend your vife de money, and here is my witness. [Draws.

:

Wild. Your evidence, sir, is very positive, and shall be examined; but this is no place to try the cause we'll cross the Park into the fields; you shall throw down the money between us, and the best title, upon a fair hearing, shall take it up-Allons!

Mar. Oh, de tout mon cœur!Fient à la tête, begar.

-Allons! [Exeunt.

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Lure. Defend me! Don't you hear a voice? Par. I thought so, madam.

Lure. It called, Hold! I'll venture once more. [Sits down to write.

Ghost. Disturb no more the quiet of the dead. Lure. Now it is plain. I heard the words. Par. Deliver us, madam, and forgive us our sins!-What is it?

Enter Ghost; LUREWELL and PARLY shriek, and run to a corner of the Stage. Ghost. Behold the airy form of wrong'd Angelica,

Forc'd from the shades below, to vindicate her fame.

Forbear, malicious woman, thus to load

Forbear to wrong thy injur'd husband's bed; Disturb no more the quiet of the dead. [Stalks off. (LUREWELL Swoons, and PARLY supports her. Par. Help! help! help!

Enter STANDARD and FIREBALL. Stand. Bless us! What, fainting! What's the matter?

Fire. Breeding, breeding, sir.

Par. Oh, sir! we're frightened to death: here has been the ghost again.

Stand. Ghost! why you're mad, sure! What ghost?

Pur. The ghost of Angelica, Sir Harry Wildair's wife.

Stand. Angelica !

Par. Yes, sir; and here it preached to us the Lord knows what, and murdered my mistress with mere morals.

Fire. A good hearing, sir; 'twill do her good. Stand. Take her in, Parly. [PARLY leads out LUREWELL.] What can this mean, brother?

Fire. The meaning's plain. There's a design of communication between your wife and Sir Harry; so his wife is come to forbid the banns, that's all.

Stand. No, no, brother. If I may be induced to believe the walking of ghosts, I rather fancy that the rattle-headed fellow her husband has broke the poor lady's heart, which, together with the indignity of her burial, has made her uneasy in her grave. But whatever be the cause, it's fit we immediately find out Sir Harry, and inform him. [Exeunt.

SCENE IV.---The Park. Company walking.
WILDAIR and Marquis passing hastily over
the Stage, one calls.
Lord. Sir Harry.

sir.

Wild. My lord?--Monsieur, I'll follow you, [Exit Marquis. Lord. I must talk with you, sir. Wild. Pray, my lord, let it be very short, for I was never in more haste in my life.

Lord. May I presume, sir, to enquire the cause that detained you so late last night at my house?

Wild. More mischief again ?-Perhaps, my lord, I may not presume to inform you.

Lord. Then, perhaps, sir, I may presume to extort it from you.

Wild. Look ye, my lord, don't frown; it spoils your face.But if you must know, your lady owes me two hundred guineas, and that sum I will presume to extort from your lordship.

Lord. Two hundred guineas! Have you any thing to shew for it?

Wild. Ha, ha, ha!-Shew for it, my lord; I shewed quint and quatorze for it; and to a man

With scandalous reproach the grave of inno- of honour, that's as firm as a bond and judgment.

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Lord. Come, sir, this won't pass upon me; I'm a man of honour.

Wild. Honour! ha, ha, ha!-'Tis very strange that some men, though their education be ever so gallant, will ne'er learn breeding! Look ye, my lord, when you and I were under the tuition

Mar. Allons! allons! stripe, stripe! Wild. No, no, sir, I never strip to engage a man; I fight as I dance.-Come, sir, down with the money.

Mar. Dere it is, pardie. [Lays down the bag between them.] Allons!

Enter DICKY, and gives WILDAIR a gun. Morbleu! que sa?

Wild. Now, monsieur, if you offer to stir, I'll

of our governors, and conversed only with old Cicero, Livy, Virgil, Plutarch, and the like; why, then such a man was a villain, and such a one was a man of honour: but now, that I have known the court, a little of what they call the beau monde and the bel esprit, I find that honour looks as ridiculous as Roman buskins upon your lordship, or my full peruke upon Scipio Africanus. Lord. Why should you think so, sir? Wild. Because the world's improved, my lord, and we find that this honour is a very trouble-shoot you through the head.-Dicky, take up the some and impertinent thing-Cann't we live together like good neighbours and Christians, as they do in France? I lend you my coach, I borrow yours; you dine with me, I sup with you; I lie with your wife, and you lie with mine.Honour! that's such an impertinence !-Pray, my lord, hear me. What does your honour think of murdering your friend's reputation; making a jest of his misfortunes; cheating him at cards; debauching his bed; or the like!

Lord. Why, rank villainy.

Wild. Pish! pish! nothing but good manners; excess of good manners. Why, you ha'n't been at court lately. There, 'tis the only practice to shew our wit and breeding—as, for instance: your friend reflects upon you when absent, because 'tis good manners; rallies you when present, because 'tis witty; cheats you at piquet, to shew he has been in France; and lies with your wife, to shew he's a man of quality.

Lord. Very well, sir.

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Wild. Because, my lord, you must run all their customers quite through the body. Were it not for abusing your men of honour, taverns and chocolate-houses could not subsist; and were there but a round tax laid upon scandal and false politics, we men of figure would find it much heavier than four shillings in the pound.-Come, come, my lord; no more on't: for shame; your honour is safe enough, for I have the key of its back-door in my pocket. [Runs off. Lord. Sir, I shall meet you another time.

SCENE V.-The Fields.

[Exit.

Enter Marquis, with a Servant, carrying his fighting equipage, pumps, cap, &c. He dresses himself accordingly, and flourishes about the Stage.

Mar. Sa, sa, sa, fient à la tête. Sa, embaracade: quart sur redouble. Hey!

Enter WILDAIR.

Wild. Ha, ha, ha !-The devil! must I fight with a tumbler? These French are as great fops in their quarrels as in their amours.

money, and carry it home.

Dick. Here it is, faith; and if my master be killed, the money's my own.

Mur. Oh, morbleu! de Anglis-man be one coward.

Wild. Ha, ha, ha!-Where is your French politique now? Come, monsieur, you must know I scorn to fight any man for my own; but now we're upon the level; and since you have been at the trouble of putting on your habiliments, I must requite your pains. So, come on, sir.

[Lays down the gun, and uses his sword. Mar. Come on! For vat, wen de money is gone? De France-man fight vere dere is no profit! Pardonnez moi, pardie. [Sits down to pull off his pumps. Wild. Hold, hold, sir; you must fight. Tell me how you came by this picture?

Mar. [Starting up.] Why, den, begar, Monsieur Chevalier, since de money be gone, me vill speak de verite.-Pardie, monsieur, me did make de cuckle of you, and your vife send me de picture for my pain.

Wild. Look ye, sir, if I thought you had merit enough to gain a lady's heart from me, I would shake hands immediately, and be friends; but as I believe you to be a vain, scandalous liar, I'll cut your throat. [They fight.

Enter STANDARD and FIREBALL, who part them.

Stand. Hold, hold, gentlemen.-Brother, secure the marquis.-Come, Sir Harry, put up; I have something to say to you very serious.

Wild. Say it quickly then; for I am a little out of humour, and want something to make me laugh.

[As they talk, Marquis dresses, and FIREBALL helps him.

Stand. Will what's very serious make you laugh?

Wild. Most of all.

Stand. Pshaw! pray, Sir Harry, tell me what made you leave your wife?

Wild. Ha, ha, ha!-I knew it.-Pray, colonel, what makes you stay with your wife?

Stand. Nay, but pray answer me directly; I beg it as a favour.

Wild. Why then, colonel, you must know we were a pair of the most happy, toying, foolish people in the world, till she got, I don't know how, a crotchet of jealousy in her head. This made her frumpish; but we had ne'er an angry

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