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Dug. Who, Mademoiselle Bisarre ?
Dug. Well, sister, I won't pretend to underOri. The same: we live merrily together, with stand the engagements between you and your out scandal or reproach; we make much of the lover: I expect, when you have need of my old gentleman between us, and he takes care of counsel or assistance, you will let me know more as; we eat what we like, go to bed when we of your affairs. Mirabel is a gentleman; and as please, rise when we will, all the week we dance far as my honour and interest can reach, you and sing, and upon Sundays go first to church, may command me to the furtherance of your hapand then to the play. Now, brother, besides piness: in the mean time, sister, I have a great these motives for choosing this gentleman for mind to make you a present of another humble my guardian, perhaps I had some private rea servant, a fellow that I took up at Lyons, who
has served me honestly ever since. Dug. Not so private as you imagine, sister : Ori. Then why will you part with him ? your love to young Mirabel's no secret, I can as Dug. He has gain'd so insufferably on my sure you, but so public, that all your friends are good humour, that he's grown too familiar; but asham'd on't.
the fellow's cunning, and may be serviceable to Ori. O' my word, then, my friends are very you in your afiair with Mirabel. Here he comes, bashful; though I am afraid, sir, that those people are not ashamed enough at their own crimes,
Enter Petit. who have so many blushes to spare for the faults Well, sir, have you been at Rousseau's? of their neighbours.
Pet. Yes, sir: and who should I find there Dug. Ay, but, sister, the people say
but Mr Mirabel and the captain, hatching as Ori. Pshaw! hang the people, they'll talk warmly over a tub of ice, as two hen pheasants treason, and profane their Maker; must we over a brood—they would not let me bespeak therefore infer, that our king is a tyrant, and re
any thing, for they had dined before I came. ligion a cheat? Look'e, brother, their court of Dug. Come, sir, you shall serve my sister ; I inquiry is a tavern, and their informer, claret; shall still continue kind to you; and if your lady they think as they drink, and swallow reputations recommends your diligence, upon trial, I'll use like loches; a lady's health goes briskly round my interest to advance you; you have sense with the glass, but her honour is lost in the enough to expect preferinent.--Here, sirrah, toast.
here's ten guineas for thee; get thyself a drugget Dug. Ay, but, sister, there is still some suit and a puff' wig, and so-1 dub thee gentle
man-usher. Sister, I must put myself in repair: Ori. If there be something, brother, 'tis none you may expect me in the evening-Wait on of the people's something; marriage is my thing, your lady home, Petit. (Exit DUGARD. and I'll stick to't.
Pet. A chair, a chair, a chair ! Dug. Marriage! Young Mirabel marry! He'll Ori. No, no, I'll walk home; 'tis but next build churches sooner. Take heed, sister, though door.
[Exeunt. your honour stood proof to his home-bred assaults, you must keep a stricter guard for the fu- SCENE II.-A Tatern, discovering Young MIture: he has now got the foreign air and the
RABEL and DURETETE rising from the table. Italian softness; his wit's improved by converse, his behaviour finished by observation, and his as
Mir. Welcome to Paris once more, my dear slirances confirmed by sticcess. Sister, I can as captain: we have eat heartily, drank roundly,
I liked sure you, he has made his conquests; and 'tis a paid plentifully, and let it plague upon your sex, to be the soonest deceiv'd every thing but our women; they looked so lean by those very men that you know have been false
and tawdry, poor creatures ! 'Tis a sure sign the to others,
army is not paid. --Give me the plump VeneOri. Then why will you tell me of his con
tian, brisk and sanguine, that smiles upon me quests? for I must confess, there is no title to a
like the glowing sun, and meets my lips like woman's favour so engaging as the repute of a
sparkling wine, her person shining as the glass, handsome dissimulation, there is something of and spirit like the foaming liquor. a pride to see a fellow lie at our feet, that has
Dür. Ah! Mirabel ! Italy I grant you ; but triumphed over so many; and then, I don't for our women here in France, they are such know, we fancy he must have something extra
thin, brawn-fallen jades, a man may as well make
a bed-fellow of a cane chair. ordinary about him to please us, and that we have
Mir. France! a light, unscasoned country, something engaging about us to secure him; so we cann't be quiet till we put ourselves upon the nothing but fenthers, foppery, and fashions: we lay of being both disappointed.
are fine indeed, so are our coach-horses : men Dug. But then, sister, he's as fickle
say we are courtiers,-men abuse us; that we are Ori. For God's sake, brother, tell me no more
wise in politics, non credo, seigneur ; that our of his faults ; for if you do, I shall run mad for
women have wit ;-parrots, mere parrots; assihim :-say no more, sir; let me but get him into rance and a good memory sets them up. There's the bands of matrimony, I'll spoil his wandering, service t'ye-Ha, Romu la santa ! Italy for my
nothing on this side the Alps worth my humble I warrant him; l'il do his business that way; never fear,
moncy: their customs, gardens, buildings, paint
But now you
ings, music, politics, wine, and women! the pa the education of the country; they shall learn to radise of the world -not pestered with a par dance before they can walk, and be taught to cel of precise, old, gouty fellows, that would debar sing before they can speak. their children every pleasure that they themselves Mir. Come, come, throw off that childish huare past the sense of: commend me to the Italian mour; put on assurance, there's no avoiding it; familiarity ;-here, son, there's fifty crowns, go stand all hazards: thou'rt a stout, lusty fellow, pay your whore her week's allowance.
and hast a good estate: look bluff, Hector; you Dur. Ay, these are your fathers for you, that have a good side-box face, a pretty impudent
face; understand the necessities of young men; not so that's pretty well. This fellow went abroad like our musty dads, wbo, because they cannot like an ox, and is returned like an ass. (Aside. fish themselves, would muddy the water, and Dur. Let me see now how I look. [Pulls out spoil the sport of them that can.
a pocket glass, and looks on't.) A side-box face, talk of the plump, what d'ye think of a Dutch say you !’Egad I don't like it, Mirabel. Fie, sir, woman?
don't abuse your friends ; I could not wear such Mir. A Dutch woman's too compact ; nay,
a face for the best countess in Christendom. every thing among them is so: a Dutch man is Mir. Why cann't you, blockhead, as well as I? thick, a Dutch woman is squab, a Dutch horse is Dur. Why, thou hast impudence to set a good round, a Dutch dog is short, a Dutch ship is face upon any thing: I would change half my gold broad-bottom'd, d, in short, one would swear for half thy brass, with all my heart.-Who the whole produce of the country were cast in comes here?-Odso, Mirabel, your father. the same mould with their cheeses. Dur. Ay, but Mirabel, you have forgot the
Enter Old MIRABEL. English ladies.
Old Mir. Where's Bob, dear Bob? Mir. The women of England were excellent, Mir. Your blessing, sir. did they not take such unsufferable pains to ruin Old Mir. My blessing! Damn ye, ye young what Nature has made so incomparably well; rogue, why did not you come to see your fathey would be delicate creatures indeed, could ther first, sirrah? My dear boy, I am heartily they but thoroughly arrive at the French mien, glad to see thee, my dear child, faith-Captain or entirely let it alone; for they only spoil a very Duretete, by the blood of the Mirabels, I'm good air of their own, by an awkward imitation yours. Well, my lads, ye look bravely, faith. of ours: their parliaments and our tailors give Bob, hast got any money left ? laws to three kingdoms. But come, Duretete, Mir. Not a farthing, sir. let us mind the business in hand: mistresses we Old Mir. Why, then I won't give thee a must have, and must take up with the manufac-souse. ture of the place; and, upon a competent dili Mir. I did but jest; here's ten pistoles. gence, we shall find those in Paris shall match Old Mir. Why, then here's ten more ; I love the Italians from top to toe.
to be charitable to those that don't want it. Dur. Ay, Mirabel, you will do well enough, Well, and how d’ye like Italy, my boys? but what will become of your friend? you know Mir. Oh, the garden of the world, sir ! Rome, I am so plaguy bashful, so naturally an ass upon Naples, Venice, Milan, and a thousand others these occasions, that
all fine. Mir. Pshaw ! you must be bolder, man: travel Old Mir. Ay, say you so! And they say that three years, and bring home such a baby as bash- Chiari is
very fulness ! - A great lusty fellow! and a soldier ! Dur. Indifferent, sir, very indifferent ; a very fie upon it.
scurvy air, the most unwholesome to a French Dur. Look'e, sir, I can visit, and I can ogle a constitution in the world. little; as thus, or thus now. Then I can kiss Mir. Pshaw! nothing on't ; these rascally abundantly, and make a shift to~—but if they gazetteers have misinformed you. chance to give me a forbidding look, as some wo Old Mir. Misinformed me! Oons, sir, were men, you know, have a devilish cast with their not we beaten there? eyes or if they cry-What d’ye mean? What Mir. Beaten, sir! the French beaten! d'ye take me for?_Fie, sir, remember who I am, Old Mir. Why, how was it, pray, sweet sir ?
-A person of quality to be used at this Mir. Sir, the captain will tell you. rate ! 'Egad, I'm struck as fat as a frying-pan. Dur. No, sir, your son will tell you.
Mir. Words of course! never mind them: Mir. The captain was in the action, sir. turn you about upon your heel, with a jantée air; Dur. Your son saw more than 1, sir, for he hum out the end of an old song; cut a cross ca
was a looker-on. per, and at her again.
Old Mir. Confound you both for a brace of Dur. (Imitates him.] No, hang it, 'twill never cowards : here are no Germans to over-hear you do-Oons! what did my father mean by sticking why don't you tell me how it was ? me up in an university, or to think that I should Mir. Why, then, you must know, that we gain any thing by my head, in a nation whose marched up a body of the finest, bravest, wellgenius lies all in their heels !--Well, if ever I dressed fellows in the universe; our commandcome to have children of my own, they shall have ers at the head of us, all lace and feather, like so
many beaux at a ball-I don't believe there was something else. Pray, how does your lovely a man of them but could dance a charmer, mor charge, the fair Oriana? bleu !
oid Mir. Ripe, sir, just ripe ; you'll find it Old Mir. Dance! very well, pretty fellows, better engaging with her than the Germans, let faith!
me tell you. And what would you say, my Mir. We capered up to their very trenches, young Mars, if I had a Venus for thee too? and there saw, peeping over, a parcel of scare Come, Bob, your apartment is ready, and pray crow, olive-coloured, gunpowder fellows, as ugly let your friend be my guest too; you shall comas the devil.
mand the house between ye, and I'll be as merDur. 'Egad, I shall never forget the looks of ry as the best of you. them while I have breath to fetch.
Nlir. Bravely said, father. Mir. They were so civil, indeed, as to welcome Let misers bend their age with niggard carts, us with their cannon; but for the rest, we found And starve themselves to pamper hungry heirs ; them such unmannerly, rude, unsociable dogs, Who, living, stint their sons what youth may that we grew tired of their company, and so we crave, e'en danced back again.
And make them revel o'er a father's grave. Old Mir. And did you all come back? The stock on which I grow does still dispense
Mir. No-two or three thousand of us staid Its genial sap into the blooming branch; behind.
The fruit, he knows, from his own root is Old Dir. Why, Bob, why?
grown, Mir. Pshaw!-because they could not come And therefore sooths those passions once bis that night. But come, sir, we were talking of own.
business should be to break gold with my lover SCENE I.-Old MIRABEI.'s House. one hour, and crack my promise the next; be
should find me one day with a prayer-book in ORIANA and BISARRE.
my hand, and with a play-book another; he should Bis. And you love this young rake, d'ye? have my consent to buy the wedding-ring, and the Qr. Yes.
next moment I would laugh in his face. Bis. In spite of all his ill usage.
Ori. Oh, my dear, were there no greater tie Ori. I cann't help it.
upon my heart than there is upon my conscience, Bis. What's the matter with ye?
I would soon throw the contract out of doors; Ori. Pshaw !
but the mischief on't is, I am so fond of being Bis. Um !- before that any young, lying, tied, that I'm forced to be just, and the strength swearing, flattering, rake-helly fellow should play of my passion keeps down the inclination of my such tricks with me, I would wear my teeth to the sex.-But here's the old gentleman, stumps with lime and chalk. Oh, the devil tako
Enter Old MIRABEL. all your Cassandras and Cleopatras for me. Pr’ythee mind your airs, modes, and fashions ; your Old Mir. Where's my wenches ? Where's my stays, gowns, and furbelows. Hark'e, my dear, two little girls ? Eh ! have a care, look to yourhave you got home your furbelowed smocks yet? selves; faith, they're a-coming, the travellers are
Ori. Pr’ythee be quiet, Bisarre ; you know I a-coming. Well, which of yon two will be my can be as mad as you, when this Mirabel is out daughter-in-law now ?-Bisarre, Bisarre, what of my head.
say you, mad-cap?--Mirabel is a pure wild felBis. Pshaw! would hé were out, or in, or low. some way, to make you casy. I warrant, now,
Bis. I like him the worse. you'll play the fool when he comes, and say you Old Mir. You lie, bussy, you like him the love him, -eh!
better, indeed you do. What say you, my t'other Ori. Most certainly; I cann't dissemble, Bi- little filbert? eh! sarre :--Besides, 'tis past that ; we're contracted. Ori. I suppose the gentleman will choose for
Bis. Contracted ! alack-a-day, poor thing - himself, sir. What, háve you changed rings, or broken an old Old Mir. Why, that's discreetly said; and so broad piece between you? Hark'e, child, ha'n't he shall. you broke soinething else between ye?
Enter MIŘABEL and DURETETE; they salute Ori. No, no, I can assure you.
The Ladies. Bis. Then what d'ye whine for? Whilst I kept that in my power, I would make a fool of Old Mir. Bob, hark'e, you shall marry one any fellow in France. Well, I must confess, I of these girls, sirrah. do love a little coquetting with all my heart: my Mir. Sir, I'll marry them both, if you please.
Bis . (Aside.] He'll find that one may serve you won't be so barbarous as to leave me alone.
Pr’ythee, speak to her for yourself, as it were. Old Mir. Both! why, you young dog, d’ye Lord, Lord, that a Frenchman should want imbanter me ? -Come, sir, take your choice. Dure- pudence !
shall have your choice too, but Robin Hir. You look mighty demure, madam.-She's shall choose first. Come, sir, begin.
deaf, captain. Mir. Well, I an’t the first son that has made Dur. I had much rather have her dumb. his father's dwelling a bawdy-house-let me Mir. The gravity of your air, madam, pro
mises some extraordinary fruits from your study, Old Mir. Well; which d’ye like?
which moves us with curiosity to enquire the Mir. Both.
subject of your ladyship's contemplation.—Not a Old Mir. But which will you marry ?
word! Mir. Neither.
Dur. I hope in the Lord she's speechless; if Old Mir. Neither! don't make me angry she be, she's mine this moment. Mirabel, d'ye now, Bob; pray, don't make me angry. Look think a woman's silence can be natural? ye, sirrah, if I don't dance at your wedding cc Bis. But the forms that logicians introduce, morrow, I shall be very glad to cry at your and which proceed from simple enumeration, grave,
are dubitable, and proceed only upon admitMir. That's a bull, father.
tance Old Mir. A bull! Why, how now, ungrate Mir. Hoity toity! what a plague have we ful? Sir, did I make thee a man, that thou here ?—Plato in petticoats! shouldst make me a beast?
Dur. Ay, ay, let her go on, man; she talks Mir. Your pardon, sir; I only meant your in my own mother-tongue. expression.
Bis. 'Tis exposed to invalidity from a contraOld Mir. Hark ye, Bob; learn better manners dictory instance, looks only upon common ope
your father before strangers. I won't be an rations, and is infinite in its termination. gty this time; but, oons! if ever you do it again, Mir. Rare pedantry! you rascal-Remember what I say
Dur. Axioms, axioms ! self-evident princiMir, Pshaw! what does the old fellow mean ples. by mewing me up here with a couple of green Bis. Then the ideas wherewith the mind is girls ? Come, Duretete, will you go? pre-occupate—Oh, gentlemen, I hope you'll par.
Ori. I hope, Mr Mirabel, you ha'n't forgot- don my cogitations ! I was involved in a profound
Mir. No, no, maulam, I ha’n’t forgot; I have point of pliilosophy; but I shall discuss it somebrought you a thousand little Italian curiosities. where else, being satisfied that the subject is not I'll assure yon, madam, as far as a hundred agreeable to your sparks that profess the vanity pistoles would reach, I ha’n't forgot the least cir- of the times.
Mir. Go thy way, good wife Bias. Do you Ori. Sir, you misunderstand me.
hear, Duretete? Dost hear this starch'd piece Mir. Odso, the relics, madam, from Rome! of austerity? I do remember now: you made a vow of chastity Dur. She's mine, man, she's mine! My own before my departure ; a vow of chastity, or some talent to a T. I'll match her in dialects, faith. thing like it; was it not, madam ?
I was seven years at the university, man; nursed Ori. Oh, sir, I am answered at present. up with Barburu, Celarunt, Durii, Ferio, Bera
(Exit. lipton. Did you ever know, man, that 'twas meMir. She was coming full mouth upon nie taphysics made me an ass ? It was, faith. Had with her contract. Would I might dispatch she talked a word of singing, dancing, plays, fa
shions, or the like, I had foundered at the first Dur. Mirabel-that lady there, observe her; step; but as she is, Mirabel, wish me joy. she's wondrous pretty, faith, and seems to have
Mir. You don't mean marriage, I hope. but few words: I like her mainly. Speak to her, Dur. No, no, I am a man of more honour. man; pr’ythee, speak to her.
Mir. Bravely resolved, captain. Now, for Mir. Madam, here's a gentleman, who de thy credit, warm this frozen snow-ball; 'twill be
a conquest above the Alps. Dur. Madam, don't believe him; I declare Dur. But will you promise to be always near nothing—What the devil do you mean, man?
me? Mir. He says, madain, that you are as beauti Mir. Upon all occasions ; never fear. ful as an angel.
Dur. Why, then, you shall see me in two moDur. He tells a damn'd lie, madam; I say ments make an induction from my love to her no such thing. Are you mad, Mirabel? Why, Í hand, from her hand to her mouth, from her shall drop down with shame.
mouth to her heart, and so conclude in bed, ca. Mir. And so, madam, not doubting but your ladyship may like him as well as he does you, I Mir. Now the game begins, and my fool is think it proper to leave you together.
entered. But here comes one to spoil my sport. (Going, DURET, holds him. Now shall I be teazed to death with this old-faDur. Hold, hold-Why, Mirabel, friend, sure shioned contract.--I should love her too, if I
might do it my own way; but she'll do nothing all our lives long, how to put tricks upon one without witnesses, forsooth.--I wonder women another. What is your business, now, from the can be so immodest.
time you throw away your artificial babies, but
how to get natural ones with the most advan. Enter ORIANA.
tage? No fowler lays abroad more nets for his Well, madam, why d'ye follow me?
game, nor a hunter for his prey, than you do to Ori. Well, sir, why do you shun me?
catch poor innocent men. Why do you sit three Mir. 'Tis my humour, madam; and I'm na or four hours at your toilet in it morning? Only turally swayed by inclination.
with a villanous design to make some poor felOri. Have you forgot our contract, sir? low a fool before night. What are your languish
Mir. All I remember of that contract is, that ing looks, your studied airs and affectations, but it was made some three years ago; and that's so many baits and devices, to delude men out of enough, in conscience, to forget the rest on't. their dear liberty and freedom? What d'ye sigh
Ori. 'Tis sufficient, sir, to recollect the pas for? What d'ye weep for? What d'ye pray for? sing of it; for in that circumstance, I presume, Why, for a husband ; that is, you implore Provilies the force of the obligation.
dence to assist you in the just and pious design Mir. Obligations, madam, that are forced upon of making the wisest of his creatures a fool, and the will are no tie upon the conscience. I was the head of the creation a slave. a slave to my passion when I passed the instru Ori. Sir, I am proud of my power, and am re ment; but the recovery of my freedom makes solved to use it. the contract void.
Mir. Hold, hold, madam; not so fast. As Ori. Sir, you cann't make that a compulsion you have variety of vanities to make coxcombs which was your own choice; besides, sir, a sub of us, so we have vows, oaths, and protestations, jection to your own desires has not the virtue of of all sorts and sizes, to make fools of you. As a forcible constraint; and you will find, sir, that you are very strange and whimsical creatures, so to plead your passion for the killing of a man, we are allowed as unaccountable ways of manawill hardly exempt you from the justice of the ging you. And this, in short, my dear creature, punishment.
is our present condition: I have sworn and lied Mir. And so, madam, you make the sin of briskly, to gain my ends of you; your ladyship murder and the crime of a contract the very same, has patched and painted violently, to gain your because that hanging and matrimony are so much ends of me: but since we are both disappointed, alike.
let us make a drawn battle, and part cicar on OriCome, Mr Mirabel, these expressions I both sides.
but I hope for very different sentiments from your contract, and I'll never see your face again. honour and generosity.
Mir. Indeed I won't, child. Mir. Look ye, madam; as for my generosity, Ori. What, sir, neither do one nor t’other? 'tis at your service, with all my heart : I'll keep Mir. No, you shall die a maid, unless you you a coach and six horses, if you please; only please to be otherwise upon my terms. permit me to keep my honour to myself; for I Ori. What do you intend by this, sir? can assure you, madam, that the thing called ho Mir. Why, to starve you into compliance. nour is a circumstance absolutely unnecessary in Look ye, you shall never marry any man; and à natural correspondence between male and fe- you'd as good let me do you a kindness as a male; and he's a madman that lays it out, con stranger, sidering its scarcity, upon any such trivial occa Ori. Sir, you're a sions. There's honour required of us by our Mir. What am I, mistress? friends, and honour due to our enemies, and they Ori. A villain, sir. return it to us again; but I never heard of a man Mir. I'm glad on't. I never knew an honest that left but an inch of his honour in a woman's fellow in my life, but was a villain upon these ockeeping, that could ever get the least account casions. Ha’n't you drawn yourself now into a on't. Consider, madam, you have no such thing very pretty dilemma? Ha, ha, ha! the poor lady among ye ; and 'tis a main point of policy to has made a vow of virginity, when she thought keep no faith with reprobates-Thou art a pretty of making a vow for the contrary. Was ever little reprobate ; and so get thee about thy busi- poor woman so cheated into chastity ?
Ori. Sir, my fortune is equal to yours, my Ori
. Well, sir, even all this I will allow to the friends as powerful, and both shall be put to the gaiety of your temper: your travels have improved test, to do me justice. your talent of talking, but they are not of force, Mir. What, you'll force me to marry you, will I hope, to impair your morals.
Mir. Morals! Why, there it is again, now. I Ori. Sir, the law shall. tell thee, child, there is not the least occasion Mir. But the law cann't force me to do any for morals in any business between you and I thing else, can it ? Don't you know, that, of all the commerce in the Ori. Pshaw! I despise thee, monster. world, there is no such cozenage and deceit as in Mir. Kiss, and be friends then. Don't cry, the traffic between man and woman? We study, child, and you shall have your sugar-plun. Come,