Shakspeare's Dramatic Works

Ano. A trusty villain, fir; that very oft,
When I am dull with care and melancholy,
Lightens my humour with his merry jefts.
What, will you walk with me about the town,
And then go to my inn, and dine with me?

Mer. I am invited, fir, to certain, merchants,
Of whom I hope to make much benefit,
I crave your pardon. Soon, at five o'clock,
Please you, I'll meet with you upon the mart,
And afterwards confort you till bed-time;
My present business calls me from you now.

Ant. Farewell till then: I will go lose myself,
And wander up and down to view the city.

Methinks, your maw, like mine, should be your
And ftrike you home without a messenger. [clock,
Ant. Come, Dromio, come, these jests are out
of season ;

5 Referve them till a merrier hour than this:
Where is the gold I gave in charge to thee?
E. Dro. To me, fir? why you gave no gold to me.
Ant. Come on, fir knave, have done your
foolishness,

10 And tell me, how thou haft difpos'd thy charge.
E. Dro. My charge was but to fetch you from
the mart

Mer. Sir, I commend you to your own content.
[Exit Merchant. 15
Ant. He that commends me to mine own content,
Commends me to the thing I cannot get.
I to the world am like a drop of water,
That in the ocean seeks another drop;
Who, falling there, to find his fellow forth,
Unfeen, inquifitive, confounds himself:
So I, to find a mother, and a brother,
In queft of them, unhappy, lose myself.
Enter Dromio of Epbefus.

Here comes the almanack of my true date.
What now? How chance, thou art return'd fo foon?

E. Dro. Return'd fo foon! rather approach'd too
The capon burns, the pig falls from the fpit; [late;
The clock has ftrucken twelve upon the beil,
My mistress made it one upon my cheek:
She is fo hot, because the meat is cold;
The meat is cold, because you come not home;
You come not home, because you have no ftomach;
You have no ftomach, having broke your faft;
But we, that know what 'tis to fast and pray,
Are penitent for your default to-day.

Ant. Stop in your wind, fir: tell me this, I pray;
Where have you left the money that I gave you?
E. Drs. Oh,-fix-pence, that I had o' Wednesday

Home to your house, the Phoenix, fir, to dinner;
My mistress, and her fifter, stay for you.

Ant. Now, as I am a christian, answer me,
In what fafe place you have difpos'd my money;
Or I fhall break that merry sconce1 of yours,
That ftands on tricks when I am undifpos'd:
Where are the thousand marks thou had'ft of me?
E. Dro. I have fome marks of yours upon my

pate,

Some of my miftrefs' marks upon my shoulders, But not a thousand marks between you both. If I fhould pay your worship those again, 25 Perchance, you will not bear them patiently. Ant. Thy mistress' marks! what mistress, flave, [Phoenix;

haft thou?

E. Dro. Your worship's wife, my mistress at the She that doth faft, till you come home to dinner, 30 And prays, that you will hie you home to dinner. Ant. What, wilt thou flout me thus unto my

Ant. Upon my life, by fome device or other, The villain is o'er-raught2 of all my money.

To pay the fadler for my mistress' crupper;- [laft, 40 They say, this town is full of cozenage;

As, nimble jugglers, that deceive the eye;
Dark-working forcerers, that change the mind;
Soul-killing witches, that deform the body;
Difguifed cheaters, prating mountebanks,

45 And many fuch like liberties of fin:
If it prove fo, I will be gone the fooner.
I'll to the Centaur, to go feek this flave;
I greatly fear, my money is not fafe.

[Exit.

Adr.Why should their liberty than ours be more? Luc. Because their business still lies out o' door. Adr. Look, when I ferve him fo, he takes it ill. Luc. Oh, know he is the bridle of your will. Adr. There's none, but affes, will be bridled fo. Lue. Why head-ftrong liberty is lafh'd with woe. There's nothing, fituate under heaven's eye, But hath his bound, in earth, in sea, in sky : The beafts, the fifhes, and the winged fowls, Are their males' subject, and at their controuls: Men, more divine, the maiters of all thefe, Lords of the wide world, and wild watry feas, Indu'd with intellectual sense and fouls, Of more pre-eminence than fish and fowls, Are masters to their females, and their lords: Then let your will attend on their accords.

Adr. This fervitude makes you to keep unwed. Luc. Not this, but troubles of the marriage-bed. Adr. But, were you wedded, you would bear fome fway.

Luc. Ere I learn love, I'll practise to obey. Adr. How if your husband ftart fome other where 1?

Luc. Till he come home again, I would forbear.

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1cI know, quoth he, no boufe, no wife, no mistress ;— So that my errand due unto my tongue,

I thank him, I bare home upon my shoulders;
For, in conclufion, he did beat me there. [home.
Adr. Go back again, thou slave, and fetch him
E. Dro. Go back again, and be new beaten home?
For God's fake, fend fome other messenger.
Adr. Back, flave, or I will break thy pate across.
E. Dro. And he will blefs that cross with other
beating:
Between you I shall have a holy head.

[home.
Adr. Hence, prating peasant; fetch thy master
F. Dro. Am I fo round3 with you, as you with me,
That like a foot-ball you do fpurn me thus?
You fpurn me hence, and he will spurn me hither:

Adr. Patience, unmov'd, no marvel though the 25 If I last in this service, you must case me in leather.

Luc. Well, I will marry one day, but to try; Here comes your man, now is your husband nigh. Enter Dremio of Ephefus.

Adr. Say, is your tardy master now at hand? E. Dro. Nay, he is at two hands with me, and 40 that my two ears can witness.

Adr. Say, didft thou fpeak with him? know'ft

thou his mind?

[Exit.

Luc. Fye, how impatience lowreth in your face! Adr. His company must do his minions grace, Whilft I at home ftarve for a merry look:

30 Hath homely age the alluring beauty took
From my poor cheek? then, he hath wafted it:
Are my difcourfes dull? barren my wit?
If voluble and fharp difcourfe be marr'd,
Unkindness blunts it, more than marble hard.
35 Do their gay vestments his affections bait?
That's not my fault, he's master of my state:
What ruins are in me, that can be found
By him not ruin'd? then is he the ground
Of my defeatures 4: My decayed fair
A funny look of his would foon repair:
But, too unruly deer, he breaks the pale,
And feeds from home; poor I am but his stale 5.
Luc. Self-harming jealousy !-fye, beat it hence.
Adr. Unfeeling fools can with such wrongs dif-
I know his eye doth homage other-where; [penfe.
Or elfe, what lets it but he would be here?
Sifter, you know, he promis'd me a chain ;—
Would that alone, alone he would detain,
So he would keep fair quarter with his bed!
50I fee, the jewel, best enamelled,

E. Dro. Ay, ay, he told his mind upon mine car: Befhrew his hand, I fcarce could understand it. 45 Luc. Spake he fo doubtfully, thou couldst not feel his meaning?

E. Dro. Nay, he ftruck fo plainly, I could too well feel his blows; and withal so doubtfully, that I could scarce understand them 2.

Adr. But fay, I pr'ythee, is he coming home?
It seems, he hath great care to please his wife.
E. Dro. Why, miftrefs, fure my mafter is horn-
Adr. Horn-mad, thou villain?

[mad.

Will lofe his beauty; and the gold 'bides ftill, That others touch; yet often touching will Wear gold: and fo no man, that hath a name, But falfhood and corruption doth it shame 6.

E. Dro. I mean not cuckold-mad; but, fure, 55 Since that my beauty cannot please his eye,

he's ftark mad:

When I defir'd him to come home to dinner,

He afk'd me for a thousand marks in gold:

1 Meaning, fome other place.

I'll weep what's left away, and weeping die. Luc. How many fond fools ferve mad jealousy! [Exeunt.

2 Meaning, ftand under them.

3 That is, plain, free in fpeech.

Meaning, my change, or alteration of features. 5 That is, his pretence, his cover. See a preceding note in the Tempest. 6 The fenfe is, "Gold, indeed, will long bear the handling; however, often touching will wear even gold; just so the greatest character, though as pure as gold itself, may, in time, be injured by the repeated attacks of falfhood and corruption.

SCENE

Enter Antipbolis of Syracuse.

Ant. The gold, I gave to Dromio, is laid up Safe at the Centaur; and the heedful flave

Is wander'd forth, in care to seek me out.

By computation, and mine hoft's report,
I could not speak with Dromio, fince at firft
I fent him from the mart: See, here he comes.
Enter Dremio of Syracufe.

How now, fir? is your merry humour alter'd?
As you love strokes, so jeft with me again.
You know no Centaur? you receiv'd no gold?
Your mistress fent to have me home to dinner?
My house was at the Phoenix? Waft thou mad,
That thus fo madly thou didst answer me?

S. Dro. What answer, fir? when spake I fuch a word?

Ant. Even now, even here, not half an hour fince. 20
S. Dro. I did not fee you fince you fent me hence,
Home to the Centaur, with the gold you gave me.
Ant. Villain, thou didst deny the gold's receipt;|
And told'ft me of a mistress, and a dinner;
For which, I hope, thou felt'ft I was difpleas'd.

Ant. Well, fir, learn to jeft in good time: There's a time for all things.

S. Dro. I durft have deny'd that, before you were fo cholerick.

Ant. By what rule, fir?

S. Dro. Marry, fir, by a rule as plain as the plain bald pate of father Time himself.

Ant. Let's hear it.

S. Dro. There's no time for a man to recover his hair, that grows bald by nature.

Ant. May he not do it by fine and recovery? S. Dro. Yes, to pay a fine for a peruke, and recover the loft hair of another man.

Ant. Why is Time fuch a niggard of hair, being, 25 as it is, fo plentiful an excrement?

S. Dro. I am glad to see you in this merry vein:
What means this jeft? I pray you, master, tell me.
Ant. Yea, doft thou jeer and flout me in the teeth?
Think'ft thou Ijeft? Hold, take thou that, and that.
[Beats Dro. 30
S. Dra. Hold, fir, for God's fake; now your jeft
Upon what bargain do you give it me? [is earneft:
Ant. Because that I familiarly fometimes

S. Dro. Sconce, call you it? fo you would leave
battering, I had rather have it a head: an you use
thefe blows long, I must get a sconce for my head,
and infconce2 it too, or elfe I fhall feek my wit in 45
my fhoulders. But, I pray, fir, why am I beaten?
Ant. Doft thou not know?

S. Dro. Nothing, fir, but that I am beaten.
Ant, Shall I tell you why?

S. Dro. Ay, fir, and wherefore; for, they fay, 50 every why hath a wherefore.

[fore,

Ant. Why, firft, for flouting me; and then, whereFor urging it the fecond time to me. [of feafon, S. Dro. Was there ever any man thus beaten out When, in the why, and the wherefore, is neither rhime nor reason ?—

Well, fir, I thank you.

Ant. Thank me, fir? for what?

S. Dro. Marry, fir, for this fomething that you gave me for nothing.

Ant. I'll make you amends next, to give you no-l

S. Dro. Because it is a bleffing that he bestows on beafts: and what he hath fcanted men in hair, he hath given them in wit.

Ant. Why, but there's many a man hath more hair than wit.

S. Dro. Not a man of those but he hath the wit to lofe his hair 3.

Ant. Why, thou didst conclude hairy men plain dealers without wit.

S. Dro. The plainer dealer, the sooner loft: Yet he lofeth it in a kind of jollity.

Ant. For what reason?

S. Dro. For two; and found ones too.

Ant. Nay, not found, I pray you.

S. Dro. Sure ones then.

Ant. Nay, not fure, in a thing falfing. S. Dro. Certain ones then.

Ant. Name them.

S. Dro. The one, to fave the money that he fp ends in tiring; the other, that at dinner they should not drop in his porridge.

Ant. You would all this time have prov'd, there is no time for all things.

S. Dr. Marry, and did, fir; namely, no time to recover hair loft by nature.

Ant. But your reason was not fubftantial, why there is no time to recover.

S. Dro. Thus I mend it: Time himself is bald, and therefore to the world's end, will have bald fol|55|lowers.

Ant. I knew, 'twould be a bald conclusion:
But foft! who wafts us yonder?

Enter Adriana and Luciana.

Adr. Ay, ay, Antipholis, look strange, and frown; 60 Some other miftrefs hath thy fweet afpects, I am not Adriana, nor thy wife.

The allufion is to thofe tracts of effects of the venereal disease, Those who are entrapped by

' Meaning, And break in, or intrude upon them when you pleafe. ground called commons. 2 That is, fortify it. 3 This alludes to the one of which, on its first appearance in Europe, was the lofs of hair. Loofe women, have more hair than wit, and suffer for their lewdness, by the lofs of their hair.

The

The time was once, when thou, unurg'd, would'st
That never words were musick to thine ear, [vow
That never object pleasing in thine eye,
That never touch well-welcome to thy hand,
That never meat fweet-favour'd in thy taste, [thee.
Unless I fpake, or look'd, or touch'd, or carv'd, to
How comes it now, my husband, oh, how comes it,
That thou art then estranged from thyself?
Thyfelf I call it, being strange to me,
That, undividable, incorporate,

And better than thy dear felf's better part.
Ah, do not tear away thyself from me;
For know, my love, as easy may'st thou fall
A drop of water in the breaking gulph,
And take unmingled thence that drop again,
Without addition, or diminishing,

As take from me thyself, and not me too.
How dearly would it touch thee to the quick,
Shouldft thou but hear, I were licentious?
And that this body, confecrate to thee,
By ruffian luft fhould be contaminate?
Wouldft thou not spit at me, and spurn at me,
And hurl the name of husband in my face,
And tear the ftain'd skin off my harlot-brow,
And from my false hand cut the wedding-ring,
And break it with a deep-divorcing vow?

I know thou canft, and therefore fee, thou do it.
I am poffefs'd with an adulterate blot;
My blood is mingled with the crime of luft:
For, if we two be one, and thou play false,
I do digeft the poison of thy flesh,
Being ftrumpeted by thy contagion.

Keep then fair league and truce with thy true bed:
I live dif-ftain'd, thou undishonoured.

Adr. How ill agrees it with your gravity, To counterfeit thus grofly with your flave, Abetting him to thwart me in my mood? Be it my wrong, you are from me exempt', But wrong not that wrong with a more contempt. Come, I will faften on this fleeve of thine: Thu art an elm, my husband, I a vine; Whofe weakness, marry'd to thy stronger state, Makes me with thy ftrength to communicate: If ought poffefs thee from me, it is drofs, Ufurping ivy, briar, or idle 2 mofs; Who, all for want of pruning, with intrusion infect thy fap, and live on thy confusion. [theme: Ant. To me the speaks; the moves me for her 15 What, was I marry'd to her in my dream? Or fleep I now, and think I hear all this? What error drives our eyes and ears amifs? Until I know this fure uncertainty,

I'll entertain the favour'd fallacy.

Luc. Dromio, go, bid the fervants spread for dinner. S. Dro. Oh, for my beads! I crofs me for a finner. This is the fairy land;-oh, fpight of fpights; We talk with goblins, owls 3, and elvish sprights; If we obey them not, this will enfue, [blue 25 They'll fuck our breath, and pinch us black and Luc. Why prat'ft thou to thyself, and answer'st not? [fot! Dromio, thou drone, thou fnail, thou flug, thou S. Dro. I am transform'd, master, am I not? Ant. I think, thou art, in mind, and so am I. S. Dro. Nay, mafter, both in mind, and in my Ant. Thou haft thine own shape. [shape.

Ant. Plead you to me, fair dame? I know you not:35

In Ephefus I am but two hours old,

As ftrange unto your town, as to your talk;
Who, every word by all my wit being scann'd,
Want wit in all one word to understand.

Luc. Fie, brother! how the world is chang'd with 4c
When were you wont to use my fifter thus? [you;
She fent for you by Dromio home to dinner.

Ant. By Dromio?

S. Dro. By me?

Adr.By thee;and thus thou didst return from him,-
That he did buffet thee, and, in his blows
Deny'd my houfe for his, me for his wife.
Ant. Did you converfe, fir, with this gentlewoman?
What is the courfe and drift of your compact?

S. Dro. I, fir? I never faw her till this time. Ant. Villain, thou lieft; for even her very words Didft thou deliver to me on the mart.

S. Dro. I never spake with her in all my life. Ant. How can fhe thus then call us by our names, Unless it be by inspiration?

S. Dro. No, I am an ape.

Luc. If thou art chang'd to ought, 'tis to an afs. S. Dro. 'Tis true, fhe rides me, and I long for 'Tis fo, I am an afs; elfe it could never be, [grass. But I fhould know her as well as fhe knows me.

Adr. Come, come, no longer will I be a fool, To put the finger in the eye and weep, Whilft man, and master, laugh my woes to fcorn. Come, fir, to dinner; Dromio, keep the gate: Hufband, I'll dine above with you to-day, And fhrive you of a thousand idle pranks : Sirrah, if any ask you for your master, 45 Say, he dines forth, and let no creature enter.Come, fifter: Dromio, play the porter well.

Ant. Am I in earth, in heaven, or in hell? Sleeping or waking? mad, or well-advis'd? Known unto thefe, and to myfelf difguis'd! 5I'll fay as they say, and perfever so,

1551

And in this mift at all adventures go.

S. Dr. Mafter, fhall I be porter at the gate ? Adr. Ay, let none enter, left I break your pate. Luc. Come, come, Antipholis, we dine too late. [Excunt.

That is, feparated. 2 That is, unfertile, and therefore useless or idle; an happy allusion to the mofs which grows on fruit-trees, haftening their decay, and neither fuffers the tree to bear fruit, nor does it bear any itself. The exact character of the kind of woman whom Adriana fuppofes to have attracted the affections of Antipholis. S. A. 3 Dr. Warburton fays, it was an old popular fuperstition, that the fcrietch-owl fucked out the breath and blood of infants in the cradle. On this account, the Italians called witches, who were supposed to be in like manner mischievously bent against children, frega, from frix, the ferietch-ol. That is, I'll call you to confeffion, and make you tell all

y our tricks.

ACT

The fireet before Antipbolis's boufe.

Enter Antipbolis of Ephefus, Dromio of Epbefus,

E. Ant.

Angelo, and Baltbazar.

OOD fignior Angelo, you must excufe
us all;

My wife is fhrewish, when I keep not hours;
Say, that I linger'd with you at your shop,
To fee the making of her carkanet',

And that to-morrow you will bring it home.
But here's a villain that would face me down
He met me on the mart; and that I beat him,
And charg'd him with a thousand marks in gold;
And that I did deny my wife and house :-
Thou drunkard, thou, what didft thou mean by
this?
[I know:

E. Dr. Say what you will, fir, but I know what That you beat me at the mart, I have your hand to show: [gave were ink, 20 If the skin were parchment, and the blows you Your own hand-writing would tell you what I

think.

E. Ant. I think, thou art an afs.

E. Dro. Marry, so it doth appear

III.

When one is one too many? go, get thee from the door.

E. Dro. What patch is made our porter? my mafter stays in the street.

S. Dro. Let him walk from whence he came, left he catch cold on's feet. [door. E. Ant. Who talks within there? ho, open the S. Dro. Right, fir, I'll tell you when, an you'll tell me wherefore. [not din'd to-day. E. Ant. Wherefore? for my dinner; I have S. Dro. Nor to-day here you must not; come again, when you may.

E. Ant. What art thou, that keep'st me out from the house I owe?

S. Dro. The porter for this time, fir, and my name is Dromio.

E. Dro. O villain, thou hast stolen both mine office and my name; [blame. The one ne'er got me credit, the other mickle If thou hadst been Dromio to-day in my place, Thou would't have chang'd thy face for a name, or thy name for an afs.

S. Drog. O Lord, I must laugh :

By the wrongs I fuffer, and the blows I bear.
I should kick, being kick'd; and, being at that

país,

[an afs

You would keep from my heels, and bew-
E. Ant. You are fad, fignior Baitle:

god, our cheer

[here.

May answer my good-will, and your good welcome| Bal. I hold your dainties cheap, fir, and your welcome dear.

[fish,

[staff?

maki
ave at you with a proverb.-Shall I fet in my
Luce. Have at you with another: that's-
When? can you tell?

S. Dro. If thy name be called Luce, Luce, thou
haft answer'd him well.

E. Ant. Do you hear, you minion? you'll let
us in, I trow 5 ?

Luce. I thought to have afk'd you.
S. Dro. And you faid, no.

E. Dro. So, come, help; well ftruck; there
was blow for blow.

E. Ant. Thou baggage, let me in.
Luce. Can you tell for whofe fake?
E. Dro. Mafter, knock the door hard.
Luce. Let him knock till it ake.

E. Ant. You'll cry for this, minion, if I beat
the door down.

Luce. What needs all that, and
Adr. [within] Who is that at
keeps all this noife?

1 A carkanet is faid to have been a necklace set with stones, or ftrung with pearls. 2 That is, blockhead, stock, poft. Sir T. Hanmer fays, Meme owes its original to the French word Momon, which fignifies the gaming at dice in masquerade, the custom and rule of which is, that a strict filence is to be observed: whatever sum one stakes, another covers, but not a word is to be spoken: from hence alfo comes our word mum! for filence. 3 That is, fool.. 4 That is, I own. 5 To trow fignifies to think, to imagine, to conceive. Ang

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Shakspeare's Dramatic Works: With Explanatory Notes, Volume 1