5

Fal. Mistress Ford, I cannot cog, I cannot prate, miftrefs Ford. Now fhall I fin in my wish: 1 would thy husband were dead; I'll speak it before the best lord, I would make thee my lady.

Mrs, Ford. I your lady, fir John! alas, I should be a pitiful lady.

Fal. Let the court of France fhew me fuch another; I fee how thine eye would emulate the diamond: Thou hast the right arched bent of the 10 brow, that becomes the ship-tire, the tire-valiant, for any tire of Venetian admittance 4.

Mrs. Ford. A plain kerchief, fir John: my brows become nothing else; nor that well neither. Fal. Thou art a traitor 5 to say fo; thou would'st 15 make an abfolute courtier; and the f.-m fixture of thy foot would give an excellent motion to thy gait, in a femi-circled farthingale. I fee what thou wert, if fortune thy foe were not; nature is thy friend: Come, thou canst not hide it.

Mrs. Ford. Marry, as I told you before, John, and Robert, be ready here hard by in the brewhoufe; and when I fuddenly call on you, come 20 forth, and (without any pause, or staggering, take this basket on your shoulders: that done, trudge with it in all hafte, and carry it among the whitfters in Datchet mead, and there empty it in the muddy ditch, clofe by the Thames fide..

Mrs. Page. You will do it?

Mrs. Ford. I have told them over and over; they lack no direction: Be gone, and come when you are call. [Exeunt Servants. Mrs. Page. Here comes little Robin. Enter Robin.

Mrs. Ford. How now, my eyas-musket 2? what news with you?

Mrs. Ford. Believe me, there's no fuch thing in me.

Fal. What made me love thee? let that perfuade thee, there's fomething extraordinary in thee. Come, I cannot cog, and fay, thou art this 25 and that, like a many of thefe lifping haw-thorn buds, that come like women in men's apparel, and fmell like Bucklers-bury 6 in fimple time; I cannot: but I love thee; none but thee; and thou deferveft it.

30

Rob. Ay, I'll be fworn: My mafter knows not of your being here; and hath threaten'd to put me into everlasting liberty, if I tell you of it; 40 for, he fwears, he'll turn me away.

Mrs. Page. Thou 'rt a good boy; this fecrecy of thine fhall be a tailor to thee, and fhall make thee a new doublet and hofe.-I'll go hide me.

Mrs. Ford. Do fo: Go tell thy mafter, I am alone. 45 Miftrefs Page, remember you your cue. [Exit Robin. Mrs. Page. I warrant thee; if I do not act it, hifs me. [Exit Mrs. Page. Mrs. Ford. Go to then;-we'll ufe this unwholefome humidity, this grofs watry pumpion ;-50 we'll teach him to know turtles from jays.

Mrs. Ford. Do not betray me, fir; I fear you love miftrefs Page.

Fal. Thou might'ft as well fay I love to walk by the Counter-gate; which is as hateful to me as the reek of a lime-kiln.

Mrs. Ford. Well, heaven knows how I love you; and you fhall one day find it.

Fal. Keep in that mind; I'll deferve it, Mrs. Ford. Nay, I must tell you, so you do; or elfe I could not be in that mind.

Rob. [Within.] Mistress Ford, mistress Ford! here's miftrefs Page at the door, fweating, and blowing, and looking wildly, and would needs fpeak with you presently.

Fal. She fhall not fee me; I will enfconce me behind the arras.

Mrs. Ford. Pray you, do fo; fhe's a very tattling [Falftaff bides bimself.

woman.

Enter Miftrefs Page.

What's the matter? how now?
Mrs. Page. O mistress Ford, what have you
done? you're sham'd, you are overthrown, you
are undone for ever.

Mrs. Ford. What's the matter, good mistress

Page?

Mrs. Page. O well-a-day, mistress Ford! having an honeft man to your husband, to give him such cause of fufpicion !

1 Pipe is known to be a veffel of wine, now containing two hogsheads. Pipe wine is therefore wine, not from the bottle, but the pipe; and the jeft confifts in the ambiguity of the word, which fignifies both a cafk of wine, and a musical instrument. 2 Eyas-mufket is the fame as infant Lilliputian. 3 A, Jack o' lent was a puppet thrown at in Lent, like fhrove-cocks. 4 The speaker here tells his miftrefs, the had a face that would become all the head-dreffes in fashion. 5 That is, to thy own merit. 6 Bucklers-bury, in the time of Shakspeare, was chiefly inhabited by druggists, who fold all kinds of herbs, green as well as dry.

Mrs. Ford.

Mrs. Ford. Why, alas! what's the matter? Mrs. Page. Your husband's coming hither, woan, with all the officers in Windfor, to fearch for a gentleman, that, he fays, is here now in the boafe, by your consent, to take an ill advantage of has abfence: You are undone.

5

Mrs. Ford. Speak louder.-[Afide.] "Tis not 10 , I hope.

Mrs. Page. Pray heaven it be not fo, that you have fuch a man here; but 'tis most certain your fband's coming with half Windfor at his heels, to fearch for fuch a one. I come before to tell 15 you: If you know yourself clear, why I am glad efit: but if you have a friend here, convey him, envey him out. Be not amaz'd; call all your fendes to you; defend your reputation, or bid farewell to your good life for ever.

Mr. Ford. What fhall I do?-There is a genteman, my dear friend; and I fear not mine own hame, fo much as his peril: I had rather than a houfand pound, he were out of the house.

Ford. Buck? I would I could wash myself of the buck! Buck, buck, buck? Ay, buck; I warrant you, buck; and of the feafon too, it fhall appear. [Exeunt Servants with the basket.] Gentlemen, I have dream'd to-night; I'll tell you my dream. Here, here, here be my keys: afcend my chambers, fearch, feek, find out: I'll warrant, we 'll unkennel the fox :-Let me stop this way firft:-So, now uncape 2.

Page. Good mafter Ford, be contented: you wrong yourself too much.

Ford. True, mafter Page.-Up, gentlemen; you fhall fee sport anon: follow me, gentlemen. [Exit.

Eva. This is fery fantastical humours, and jealoufies.

Caius. By gar, 'tis no de fafhion of France: it is not jealous in France.

Page. Nay, follow him, gentlemen; fee the zoiffue of his search. [Exeunt. Mrs. Page. Is there not a double excellency in

Mr. Page. For fhame, never ftand you bad 25 raber, and you bad rather; your husband's here at hand, bethink you of fome conveyance: in the houfe you cannot hide him.-Oh, how have you deceived me!-Look, here is a basket; if he be of any reasonable ftature, he may creep in here; 30 and throw foul linen upon him, as if it were going bucking: Or, it is whiting-time, fend him by your two men to Datchet mead.

Mrs. Ford. He's too big to go in there: What fhall I do?

Re-enter Falstaff.

Fal. Let me fee 't, let me fee 't! O let me fee 't! I'll in, I'll in ;-follow your friend's coun;—I'll in.

35

Mrs. Page. What! fir John Falstaff? Are thefe 40 your letters, knight?

Fal. I love thee,-help me away: let me creep in here; I'll never————

[He goes into the basket, they cover him with foul linen. Mrs. Page. Help to cover your mafter, boy:45 Call your men, mistress Ford:-You diffembling knight!

Mrs. Ford. What, John, Robert, John! Go, take up these clothes here, quickly; Where's the cowl-ftaff? look, how you drumble : carry them 50 to the laundrefs in Datchet mead; quickly, come. Enter Ford, Page, Caius, and Sir Hugb Evans. Ford. Pray you, come near: if I fufpect without caufe, why then make sport at me, then let me be your jeft, I deferve it.-How now? whither 55 bear you this?

Serv. To the laundrefs, forfooth.

Mrs. Ford. Why, what have you to do whither they bear it? you were beft meddle with buckwalbing.

60

this?

Mrs. Ford. I know not which pleafes me better, that my husband is deceiv'd, or fir John.

Mrs. Page. What a taking was he in, when your hufband afk'd who was in the basket!

Mrs. Ford. I am half afraid, he will have need of washing; fo throwing him into the water will do him a benefit.

Mrs. Page. Hang him, difhoneft rafcal! I would all of the fame ftrain were in the fame diftrefs.

Mrs. Ford. I think, my husband hath fome fpecial fufpicion of Falftaff's being here; for I never faw him fo grofs in his jealousy till now.

Mrs. Page. I will lay a plot to try that: And we will yet have more tricks with Falftaff: his diffolute difeafe will scarce obey this medicine.

Mrs. Ford. Shall we fend that foolish carrion, miftrefs Quickly, to him, and excufe his throwing into the water; and give him another hope, to betray him to another punishment?

Mrs. Page. We'll do it; let him be sent for tomorrow, eight o'clock, to have amends.

Re-enter Ford, Page, and the reft at a diftance. Ford. I cannot find him: may be the knave brag'd of that he could not compass.

Mrs. Page. Heard you that?

Mrs. Ford. I, I; peace:You ufe me well, mafter Ford, do you?

Ford. Ay, I do fo.

↑ Look, how you drumble, means, bow confufed you are. In the North, drumbied ale, means muddy, furb'd ale. This alludes to the stopping every hole at which a fox could enter, before they uncape turn him out of the bag in which he was brought. Every one has heard of a bag-fox.

Page

Page. Fie, fie, mafter Ford! are you not afham'd? what fpirit, what devil fuggefts this imagination? I would not have your distemper in this kind, for the wealth of Windsor Castle.

Ford. 'Tis my fault, mafter Page: I fuffer for it. Eva. You fuffer for a pad confcience: your wife is as honeft a 'omans, as I will defires among five thousand, and five hundred too.

5

Caius. By gar, I fee 'tis an honest woman. Ford. Well ;-I promis'd you a dinner:-Come, 10 come, walk in the park: I pray you, pardon me; I will hereafter make known to you, why I have done this. Come, wife; come, mistress Page; I| pray you pardon me; pray heartily, pardon me.

Page. Let's go in, gentlemen; but, truft me, 15 we'll mock him. I do invite you to-morrow morning to my houfe to breakfaft; after, we'll a birding together; I have a fine hawk for the bush: fhall it be fo?

Ford. Any thing.

Eva. If there is one, I fhall make two in the company.

Caius. If there be one or two, I fhall make-a de turd.

Eva. In your teeth :-for fhame.
Ford. Pray you go, master Page.
Eva. I pray you now, remembrance to-mor-

row on the lousy knave, mine host.

Enter Shallow, Slender, and Mrs. Quickly. Sbal. Break their talk, mistress Quickly; my kinfman fhall speak for himself.

Slen. I'll make a shaft or a bolt on't: 'flid, 'tis but venturing.

Shal. Be not dismay'd.

Slen. No, the fhall not difmay me: I care not for that,-but that I am afeard.

Quic. Hark ye; mafter Slender would speak a word with you.

Arne. I come to him.-This is my father's choice.
O, what a world of vile ill-favour'd faults
Look handsome in three hundred pounds a year!
[Afide.

Quic. And how does good mafter Fenton? pray you, a word with you.

Shal. She's coming; to her, coz. O boy, thou hadft a father!

Slen. I had a father, mistress Anne ;-my uncle 20 can tell you good jests of him :-Pray you, uncle, tell mistress Anne the jeft, how my father stole two geefe out of a pen, good uncle.

Shal. Miftrefs Anne, my cousin loves you. Slen. Ay, that I do; as well as I love any woman 25 in Glocestershire.

Shal. He will maintain you like a gentlewoman. Slen. Ay, that I will, come cut and long-tail, under the degree of a 'fquire.

Shal. He will make you a hundred and fifty

Caius. Dat is good; by gar, vit all my heart. Eva. A lousy knave; to have his gibes, and 30 pounds jointure. his mockeries.

[Excunt.

Enter Fenton and Mistress Anne Page.

Fent. I fee, I cannot get thy father's love; Therefore no more turn me to him, fweet Nan. Anne. Alas! how then?

Fent. Why, thou must be thyfelf.

He doth object, I am too great of birth;

And, that, my state being gall'd with my expence,
I feek to heal it only by his wealth:
Befides thefe, other bars he lays before me,-
My riots paft, my wild focieties;
And tells me, 'tis a thing impoffible

I should love thee, but as a property.
Anne. May be, he tells you true.

Fent. No, heaven fo fpeed me in my time to come!
Albeit, I will confefs, thy father's wealth
Was the first motive that I woo'd thee, Anne:
Yet, wooing thee, I found thee of more value
Than ftamps in gold, or fums in fealed bags;
And 'tis the very riches of thyfelf

That now I aim at.

Anne. Gentle master Fenton,

Yet feek my father's love; still seek it, fir:
If opportunity and humbleft fuit
Cannot attain it, why then,-

-Hark you hither.
[Fenton and Mistress Anne go apart.

Anne. Good mafter Shallow, let him woo for himfelf.

Shal. Marry, I thank you for it; I thank you for that-good comfort. She calls you, coz: I'и 35 leave you.

Anne. Now, master Slender.

Slen. Now, good miftrefs Anne.

Anne. What is your will?

Slen. My will? od's heartlings, that's a pretty 40jeft indeed! I ne'er made my will yet, I thank heaven; I am not fuch a fickly creature, I give heaven praise.

145

Anne. I mean, master Slender, what would you with me?

Slen. Truly, for mine own part, I would little or nothing with you: Your father, and my uncle, have made motions: if it be my luck, so; if not, happy man be his dole 2! They can tell you how things go, better than I can: You may ask your 50 father; here he comes.

Enter Page and Mifirefs Page.

Page. Now, matter Slender :-Love him, daugh-
ter Anne.

Why how now! what does mafter Fenton here?
55 You wrong me, fir, thus ftill to haunt my house:
I told you, fir, my daughter is dispos'd of.
Fent. Nay, mafter Page, be not impatient. [child.
Mrs. Page. Good master Fenton, come not to my
Page. She is no match for you.

That is, come poor, or rich, to offer himself as my rival. The phrafe is derived from the foreft laws, according to which, a man who had no right to the privilege of chace, was obliged to cut or law his dog, amongst other modes of disabling him, by depriving him of his tail. A dog fo cut was called a cut, or curt-tail, and by contraction cur. Cut and long-tail therefore fignified the dog of a clown, and the dog of a gentleman. 2 A proverbial expression.

Fente

Fal. I marvel, I hear not of master Brook; he 45fent me word to stay within: I like his money well. Oh, here he comes.

A common proverb in the Southern counties of England. intends to say specially.

logue of our comedy; and at his heels a rabble of his companions, thither provok'd and inftigated by his diftemper, and forfooth, to fearch his houfe for his wife's love.

Ford. What, while you were there?

Fal. While I was there.

Ford. And did he search for you, and could not find you?

Jown grease: think of that,- —a man of my kidney 3—— think of that; that am as fubject to heat as butter; a man of continual diffolution and thaw; it was a miracle to 'fcape fuffocation. And in the height of 5 this bath, when I was more than half ftew'd in greafe, like a Dutch difh, to be thrown into the Thames, and cool'd, glowing hot, in that furge, like a horfe-fhoe; think of that--hiffing hot-think of that, mafter Brook.

Fal. You fhall hear. As good luck would have it, comes in one mistress Page; gives intelligence 10 of Ford's approach; and by her invention, and Ford's wife's distraction, they convey'd me into a buck-basket.

Ford. A buck-basket!

Fal. Yea, a buck-basket: ramm'd me in with foul fhirts and fmocks, focks, foul stockings, and greafy napkins; that, master Brook, there was the rankeft compound of villanous fmell, that ever offended noftril.

Ford. And how long lay you there!

Ford. In good sadness, fir, I am forry that for my fake you have fuffer'd all this. My fuit is then defperate; you'll undertake her no more?

Fal. Mafter Brook, I will be thrown into Etna, as I have been into Thames, ere I will leave her 15thus. Her husband is this morning gone a birding : I have receiv'd from her another embaffy of meeting: 'twixt eight and nine is the hour, master Brook. Ford. "Tis paft eight already, fir.

Fal. Is it? I will then addrefs me 4 to my ap20 pointment. Come to me at your convenient leifure, and you fhall know how I fpeed; and the conclufion fhall be crown'd with your enjoying her: Adieu. You fhall have her, master Brook; master Brook, you fhall cuckold Ford.

Fal. Nay, you shall hear, mafter Brook, what I have fuffer'd to bring this woman to evil for your good. Being thus cramm'd in the basket, a couple of Ford's knaves, his hinds, were call'd forth by their mistress, to carry me in the name of foul cloaths 25 to Datchet-lane: they took me on their fhoulders; met the jealous knave their master in the door; who afk'd them once or twice, what they had in their basket: I quak'd for fear, left the lunatic knave would have fearch'd it; but fate, ordaining he should 30 be a cuckold, held his hand. Well; on went he for a fearch, and away went I for foul cloaths. But mark the fequel, mafter Brook: I fuffer'd the pangs of three feveral deaths: first, an intolerable fright, to be detected with a jealous rotten bell-35 wether: next, to be compafs'd, like a good 2 bilbo, in the circumference of a peck, hilt to point, heel to head: and then, to be stopp'd in, like a strong diftillation, with ftinking cloaths that fretted in their

[Exit.

Ford. Hum! ha! is this a vifion? is this a dream? do I fleep? Master Ford, awake! awake, master Ford; there's a hole made in your best coat, master Ford. This 'tis to be married! this 'tis to have linen, and buck-baskets!-Well, I will proclaim myfelf what I am: I will now take the lecher; he is at my houfe: he cannot 'fcape me; 'tis impoffible he fhould; he cannot creep into a halfpenny purfe, nor into a pepper-box: but, left the devil that guides him, fhould aid him, I will fearch impoffible places. Though what I am I cannot avoid, yet to be what I would not, shall not make me tame: If I have horns to make one mad, let the proverb go with me, I'll be hornmad.

[Exit

1 With was sometimes used for of. 2 A bilbo is a Spanish blade, of which the excellence is flexiblenefs and elasticity. 3 Kidney in this phrase now fignifies kind or qualities; but Falstaff means, a man bofe kidneys are as fat as mine.

4 That is, make myself ready.