Mrs. Page. Peace. 30 Enter Falftaff and Mrs. Ford. [Exeunt. Fal. Mistress Ford, your forrow hath eaten up my fufferance: I see, you are obfequious in your love, and I profefs requital to a hair's breadth ; not only, miftrefs Ford, in the fimple office of love, but in all the accoutrement, complement, and ceof it. But are you sure of your husband remony now? Mrs. Ford. He's a-birding, sweet fir John. Mrs. Page. [Within.] What hoa, goffip Ford! what hoa! Mrs. Ford. Step into the chamber, fir John. [Exit Falstaff. Enter Mrs. Page. Mrs. Page. How now, fweetheart? who's at home befides yourself? Mrs. Ford. Why, none but my own people. Mrs. Ford. No, certainly-Speak louder. [Afide. Mrs. Page. Truly, I am so glad you have nobody here. Mrs. Ford. Why? Mrs. Page. Why, woman, your husband is in his old lunes 3 again: he fo takes on 4 yonder with my husband; so rails against all married mankind; fo curfes all Eve's daughters, of what com Eva. What is your genitive case plural, William? 35 plexion foever; and so buffets himself on the fore Will. Genitive cafe? Eva. Ay. Will. Genitive, borum, barum, borum. Quic. 'Vengeance of Giney's cafe! fie on her!never name her, child, if the be a whore, Eva. For fhame, 'oman. Quic. You do ill to teach the child fuch words: he teaches him to hick and to hack, which they'll do faft enough of themselves; and to call horum: -fie upon you! Eva. 'Oman, art thou lunatics? haft thou no underftanding for thy cafes, and the numbers of the genders? thou art a foolish chriftian creatures, as I would defires. Mrs. Page. Pr'ythee, hold thy peace. Eva. Shew me now, William, fome declenfions of your pronouns. Will. Forfooth, I have forgot. 40 45 Eva. It is ki, ka, cod; if you forget your kies, your kes, and your cods, you must be preeches 1.55 Go your ways and play, go. Mrs. Page. He is a better scholar, than I thought|| he was. head, crying, 5 Peer-out, peer-out! that any madnefs, I ever yet beheld, feem'd but tamenefs, civility, and patience, to this diftemper he is in now: I am glad the fat knight is not here. Mrs. Ford. Why, does he talk of him? Mrs. Page. Of none but him; and swears, he was carried out, the last time he search'd for him, in a basket; protests to my husband, he is now here; and hath drawn him and the rest of their company from their sport, to make another experiment of his fufpicion: but I am glad the knight is not here; now he fhall fee his own foolery. Mrs. Ford. How near is he, mistress Page? Mrs. Page. Hard by; at street end; he will be here anon. Mrs. Ford. I am undone !-the knight is here. Mrs. Page. Why, then thou art utterly sham'd, and he's but a dead man. What a woman are you? Away with him, away with him; better shame than murther. Mrs. Ford. Which way fhould he go? how fhould I beftow him? Shall I put him into the basket again? 2 This word 1 Sir Hugh means to fay, You must be breech'd, i. e. flogg'd. To breech is to flog. is ftill in ufe, and fignifies ready, alert, fprightly: it is pronounced as if it was written-Sprack. 4 To take on, now used for to grieve, feems to be used by our author 3 That is, lunacy, frenzy. for to rage. 5 That is, appear borns. F Enict Enter Falstaff. Fal. No, I'll come no more i' the basket: May I not go out, ere he come? Mrs. Page. Alas, three of mafter Ford's brothers watch the door with piftols, that none 5 fhould iffue out; otherwife you might slip away ere he came.-But what make you here? Fal. What fhall I do? I'll creep up into the chimney. Mrs. Ford. Go, firs, take the basket again on your shoulders; your master is hard at door; if he bid you fet it down, obey him: quickly, dispatch, [Exeunt Mrs. Page and Mrs. Ford. Enter Servants with the basket. 1 Serv. Come, come, take up. 2 Serv. Pray heaven, it be not full of the knight again. 1 Serv. I hope not; I had as lief bear so much Mrs. Ford. There they always ufe to discharge 10 lead. their birding-pieces: creep into the kiln-hole. Fal. Where is it? Mrs. Ford. He will feek there, on my word.Neither prefs, coffer, cheft, trunk, well, vault, but he hath an abstract for the remembrance of 15 fuch places, and goes to them by his note: There is no hiding you in the house. Fal. I'll go out then. Mrs. Ford. If you go out in your own semblance, you die, fir John; unless you go out difguis'dHow might we disguise him? Mrs. Page. Alas the day, I know not. There is no woman's gown big enough for him; otherwife, he might put on a hat, a muffler, and a kerchief, and fo escape. Fal. Good hearts, devife fomething: any extremity, rather than a mischief. Mrs. Ford. My maid's aunt, the fat woman of Brentford, has a gown above. Mrs. Page. On my word, it will ferve him; fhe's as big as he is; and there's her thrum 2 hat, and her muffler 3 too: Run up, fir John. Enter Furd, Shallow, Page, Caius, and Sir Hugh Evans. Ford. Ay, but if it prove true, master Page, have you any way then to unfool me again?-Set down the basket, villain :-Somebody call my wife :— Youth in a basket!—Oh, you pandarly rascals!— there's a knot, a gang, a pack, a conspiracy, against me: Now fhall the devil be fham'd.What! wife, I fay! come, come forth; behold what hozoneft cloaths you send forth to bleaching. Mrs. Ford. Heaven be my witness, you do, if you fufpe&t me in any dishonesty. Ford. Well faid, brazen-face; hold it out.Come forth, firralı. [Pulls the cloaths out of the basket. Page. This paffes 4. Mrs. Ford. Are you not asham'd? let the cloaths alone. Ford. I fhall find you anon. Eva. 'Tis unreasonable! Will you take up your wife's cloaths? come away. Ford. Empty the basket, I say. Ford. Mafter Page, as I am a man, there was Jone convey'd out of my house yesterday in this bafket; Why may not he be there again? In my houfe I am fure he is: my intelligence is true; my jealoufy is reasonable: Pluck me out all the Mrs. Page. Nay, but he'll be here prefently: 50 linen. let's go drefs him like the witch of Brentford. Mrs. Ford. I'll first direct my men what they fhall do with the basket. Go up, I'll bring linen for him ftraight. Mrs. Ford. If you find a man there, he fhall die a flea's death. Page. Here's no man. Shal. By my fidelity, this is not well, mafter Mrs. Page. Hang him, dishonest varlet! we 55 Ford; this wrongs 5 you. cannot misuse him enough. We'll leave a proof, by that which we will do, Wives may be merry, and yet honest too: Eva. Master Ford, you must pray, and not follow the imaginations of your own heart: this is jealoufies. Ford. Well, he's not here I feek for. We do not act, that often jeft and laugh; 'Tis old but true, Still fwine eat all the draugh. 1 That is, a lift, an inventory. used for making coarfe hats. means here, to go beyond bounds, Page. No, nor no where else but in your brain. 2 The brum is the end of a weaver's warp, and was probably 3 A muffler was fome part of dress that cover'd the face. 5 Meaning, this is below your character. 4 To pass Ford. Ford. Help to fearch my house this one time: if I find not what I feek, fhew no colour for my extremity, let me for ever be your table-fport; let them fay of me, As jealous as Ford, that fearch'd a hollow wall-nut for his wife's leman 1. Satisfy 5 me once more, once more fearch with me. Mrs. Ford. What hoa, mistress Page! come you and the old woman down; my husband will come into the chamber. Ford. Old woman! what old woman's that? Mrs. Ford. Why, it is my maid's aunt of Brentford. IO Ferd. A witch, a quean, an old cozening quean Have I not forbid her my house? She comes of errands, does she? We are fimple men; we do not 15 know what's brought to pass under the profeffion of fortune-telling. She works by charms, by spells, by the figure, and fuch daubery 2 as this is: beyond our element: we know nothing.Come down, you witch; you hag you, come down, I20 fay. Mrs. Ford. Nay, good sweet husband; -good gentlemen, let him not ftrike the old woman. Enter Falftaff in women's cloaths, led by Mrs. Page. Mrs. Page. Come, mother Prat, come, give me your hand. Mrs. Page. Yea, by all means, if it be but to fcrape the figures out of your husband's brains. If they can find in their hearts, the poor unvirtuous fat knight fhall be any further afflicted, we two will be ftill the minifters. Mrs. Ford, I'll warrant, they'll have him pub. licly fham'd: and, methinks, there would be no period 5 to the jest, should he not be publicly ham'd. Mrs. Page. Come, to the forge with it, then, shape it: I would not have things cool. [Exeunt. Bard. Sir, the Germans defire to have three of your horfes: the duke himself will be to-morrow at court, and they are going to meet him. Hoft. What duke should that be, comes fo fecretly? I hear not of him in the court: let me speak with the gentlemen; they speak English? Bard. Sir, I'll call them to you. Heft. They fhall have my horfes; but I'll make 25them pay, I'll fauce them: they have had my houses a week at command; I have turn'd away my other guefts: they must come off; I'll fauce them: [Exeunt. Ford. I'll prat her:- -Out of my doors, you witch! [Beats bim.] you hag, you baggage, you poulcat, you ronyon 3! out! out! I'll conjure you, I'll fortune-tell you. [Exit Fal. 30 Mrs. Page. Are you not asham'd? I think, you have kill'd the poor woman. Mrs. Ford. Nay, he will do it :-'Tis a goodly credit for you. Ford. Hang her, witch! Eva. By yea and no, I think the 'oman is al witch indeed: I like not when a 'omans has a great peard; I spy a great peard under his muffler. 35 Ford. Will you follow, gentlemen? I befeech Page. Let's obey his humour a little further:- [Exeunt. Mrs. Page. Truft me, he beat him moft pitifully. Mrs. Ford. Nay, by the mass, that he did not; he beat him most unpitifully, methought. Mrs. Page. I'll have the cudgel hallow'd, and hung o'er the altar; it hath done meritorious fervice. Mrs. Ford. What think you? may we, with the warrant of womanhood, and the witnefs of a good confcience, pursue him with any further revenge? 45 come. Hugb Evans. Eva. 'Tis one of the beft difcretions of a'omans as ever I did look upon. Page. And did he send you both these letters at Mrs. Page. Within a quarter of an hour. I rather will fufpect the fun with cold, [ftand, Page. 'Tis well, 'tis well; no more. But let our plot go forward; let our wives Mrs. Page. The fpirit of wantonnefs is, fure, fcar'd out of him; if the devil have him not in fee 55 fimple, with fine and recovery, he will never, I think, in the way of waste, attempt us again. Mrs. Ford. Shall we tell our husbands how we have served him? At midnight! fie, fie; he will never come. Eva. You fay, he hath been thrown into the rivers; and hath been grievously peaten, as an old "oman: methinks, there should be terrors in him, 4 This 1 Lover. Leman is derived from leef, Dutch, beloved, and man. 2 Dauberies are difguifes. 3 Ronyon, applied to a woman, imports much the fame with fcall or fcab spoken of a man. expreffion is borrowed from hunting. Trail is the fcent left by the paffage of the game. To cry sut, is to open or bark. 5 Meaning, there would be no proper catastrophe. That is, they must pay. that he fhould not come: methinks, his flesh is and I will be like a jack-an-apes also, to burn the punish'd, he shall have no defires. knight with my taber. Page. So think I too. Mrs. Ford. Devife but how you'll use him when Ford. This will be excellent. I'll go buy them vizards. Mrs. Page. My Nan fhall be the queen of all the fairies, Finely attired in a robe of white. Page. That filk will I go buy ;-and in that time Shall mafter Slender steal my Nan away, [Afide. 10 And marry her at Eaton.Go, fend to Falstaff ftraight. You have heard of such a spirit; and well you know, 15 Page. Why, yet there want not many, that do fear Mrs. Ford. Marry, this is our device; Page. Well, let it not be doubted but he'll come, thither, [Exeunt Page, Ford, and Evans. Mrs. Page. Go, mistress Ford, 20 Send Quickly to fir John, to know his mind. [Exit Mrs. Ford. I'll to the doctor; he hath my good will, What shall be done with him? what is your plot? Mrs. Page. That likewife we have thought 30 upon, and thus: Nan Page my daughter, and my little fon, And three or four more of their growth, we'll drefs Mrs. Ford. And till he tell the truth, Mrs. Page. The truth being known, We'll all prefent ourfelves; dif-horn the spirit, Ford. The children must Be practis'd well to this, or they'll ne'er do't. The doctor is well money'd, and his friends SCENE V. The Garter inn. Hoft. What would'st thou have, boor? what, 35 thick-fkin?. speak, breathe, discuss; brief, short, quick, fnap. Simp. Marry, fir, I come to speak with fir John Falftaff from master Slender. Hoft. There's his chamber, his house, his castle, 40 his ftanding-bed, and truckle-bed 7; 'tis painted about with the story of the prodigal, fresh and new; Go, knock and call; he'll fpeak like an Anthropophaginian3 unto thee: Knock, I say. Simp. There's an old woman, a fat woman, gone 45 up into his chamber; I'll be fo bold as stay, fir, 'till she come down: I come to speak with her, indeed. Hoft. Ha! a fat woman! the knight may be robb'd: I'll call.Bully knight! Bully fir John! 50fpeak from thy lungs military: Art thou there? It is thine hoft, thine Ephefian, calls. Falftaff above. Fal. How now, mine hoft? Heft. Here's a Bohemian Tartar 9 tarries the 1 To take, here means to feize or ftrike with a difeafe. 2 Meaning, age. 3 Urchin is a hedge-hog 5 but is here used to fignify any thing little and dwarfish. Oupb is a fairy or goblin. 4 Dr. Warburton fays, this fignifies a fong that ftrikes out into wild fentiments beyond the bounds of nature, such as thofe whofe fubject is fairy land. 5 Properties are incidental neceffaries to a theatre, exclufive of fcenes and dreffes. To trick, is to drefs out. 7 The ufual furniture of chambers in those times confifted of a standing-bed, under which was a truckle, or running bed. In the former lay the mafter, and in the latter the fervant. 8 That is, a Cannibal. The Host uses this high-founding word to aftonish Simple; an effect which he probably likewife means to produce by the word Ephefian, which follows. 9 See the preceding note. coming down of thy fat woman: Let her defcend, bully, let her defcend; my chambers are honourable: Fie! privacy? fie! Enter Falfaff. Fal. There was, mine hoft, an old fat woman 5 even now with me; but she's gone. Simp. Pray you, fir, was't not the wife woman of Brentford ? Fal. Ay,marry was it, muffel-shell1; What would you with her? Simp. My mafter, fir, mafter Slender fent to her, feeing her go through the street, to know, fir, whether one Nym, fir, that beguil'd him of a chain, had the chain, or no, Fal, I fpake with the old woman about it, Fal. Marry, she says, that the very fame man,| that beguil'd mafter Slender of his chain, cozen'd him of it. horses and money. I tell you for good-will, look Hoft. Here, mafter doctor, in perplexity, and doubtful dilemma.' Caius. I cannot tell vat is dat: But it is tell-a-me, 10dat you make a grand preparation for a duke de Famany: by my trot, dere is no duke, dat de court is know, to come; I tell you for good-vill: adieu. [Exit. Hoft. Hue and cry, villain, go! assist me, knight; 15I am undone :-fly, run, hue and cry, villain! I'm undone! [Exit. Fal. I would all the world might be cozen'd; for I have been cozen'd, and beaten too. If it hould come to the ear of the court, how I have Simp. I would I could have spoken with the wo-20been transform'd, and how my transformation hath man herself; I had other things to have spoken with her too, from him. Fal. What are they? let us know. Heft. Ay, come; quick. Simp. I'may not conceal them, fir. Simp. Why, fir, they were nothing but about mistress Anne Page; to know, if it were my mafter's fortune to have her, or no. Fal. "Tis, 'tis his fortune. Simp. What, fir? Fal. To have her or no: Go; fay the woman told me fo. been wash'd and cudgel'd, they would melt me out of my fat, drop by drop, and liquor fishermen's boots with me: I warrant, they would whip me with their fine wits, till I were as creft25 faln as a dry'd pear. I never profper'd fince I forefwore myself at Primero3. Well, if my wind were but long enough to fay my prayers, I would repent.Enter Miftrefs Quickly. 30 Now! whence came you? Quic. From the two parties, forfooth. Fal. The devil take one party, and his dam the other, and fo they fhall be both bestow'd! I have fuffer'd more for their fakes, more, than the vil35 lainous inconftancy of man's disposition is able to bear. Simp. May I be fo bold to fay fo, fir? Fal. Ay, fir Tike; like who more bold. Simp. I thank your worship: I shall make my mafter glad with these tidings. [Exit Simple. Hoft. Thou art clerkly 2, thou art clerkly, fir John: Was there a wife woman with thee? Fal. Ay, that there was, mine hoft; one, that 40 hath taught me more wit than ever I learn'd before in my life; and I paid nothing for it neither, but was paid for my learning. Enter Bardolph. Bard. Out, alas, fir! cozenage! mere cozenage! Heft. Where be my horses! speak well of them, varletto. Bard. Run away with the cozeners: for fo foon as I came beyond Eaton, they threw me off, from Quic. And have not they fuffer'd? yes, I warrant; fpeciously one of them; miftrefs Ford, good heart, is beaten black and blue, that you cannot fee a white spot about her. Fal. What tell'ft thou me of black and blue ? I was beaten myself into all the colours of the rainbow; and I was like to be apprehended for the witch of Brentford; but that my admirable dex45 terity of wit, counterfeiting the action of an old woman, deliver'd me, the knave conftable had fet me i' the stocks, i' the common stocks, for a witch. Quic. Sir, let me fpeak with you in your cham behind one of them, in a slough of mire; and fet 50 ber; you shall hear how things go; and, I war Enter Sir Hugh Evans. Eva. Where is mine hoft? Heft. What is the matter, fir? Eva. Have a care of your entertainments: there is a friend of mine come to town, tells me, there 60 is three couzin-germans, that has cozen'd all the hofts of Readings, of Maidenhead, of Colebrook, of rant, to your content. Here is a letter will fay SCENE [Exeunt. VI. Enter Fenton and Hoft. Hoft. Mafter Fenton, talk not to me; my mind is heavy, I will give over all. Fent. Yet hear me speak: Affst me in my purpose, ■ Falstaff probably calls Simple muffel-fbell, from his standing with his mouth open. (sholar-like. 3 A game at cards. F3 2 That is, And, |