T

TRAPES.

HOUGH you were born and bred and live in the Indies, as you are a subject of Britain you fhould live up to our customs. Prodigality there, is a fashion that is among all ranks of people. Why, our very younger brothers pufh themfelves into the polite world by fquandering more than they are worth. You are wealthy, very wealthy, Mr. Ducat; and I grant you, the more you have, the taste of getting more fhould grow stronger upon you. 'Tis juft fo with us. But then the richest of our lords and gentlemen, who live elegantly, always run out. 'Tis genteel to be in debt. Your luxury fhould diftinguish you from the vulgar. You cannot be too expenfive in your pleasures.

! AIR I. The disappointed widow.

The manners of the great affect:
Stint not your pleasure :

If confcience had their genius checkt,

How got they treasure?

The more in debt, run in debt the more,

Careless who is undone :

Morals and honesty leave to the poor,

As they do at London.

Duc. I never thought to have heard thrift laid to my charge. There is not a man, though I fay it, in the

whole

whole Indies who lives more plentifully than myself; nor who enjoys the neceffaries of life in fo handsome a

manner.

Trap. There it is now. Who ever heard a man of fortune in England talk of the neceffaries of life? If the neceffaries of life would have satisfied fuch a poor body as me, to be fure I had never come to mend my fortune to the plantations. Whether we can afford it or no, we must have fuperfluities. We never ftint our expence to our own fortunes, but are miserable if we do not live up to the profufenefs of our neighbours. If we could content ourfelves with the neceffaries of life, no man alive ever need be difhonest. As to woman now; why, look ye, Mr. Ducat, a man hath what we may call every thing that is neceffary in a wife.

Duc. Ay, and more!

Trap. But for all that, d'ye fee, you married men are my best customers. It keeps wives upon their good be

haviour.

Duc. But there are jealoufies and family lectures, Mrs. Trapes.

Trap. Blefs us all! how little are our customs known on this fide the herring-pond! Why, jealousy is out of fashion even among our common country gentlemen. I hope you are better bred than to be jealous. A hufband and wife fhould have a mutual complaifance for each other. Sure, your wife is not fo unreasonable to expect to have you always to herself.

Duc. As I have a good estate, Mrs. Trapes, I would willingly run into every thing that is fuitable to my dignity and fortune. Nobody throws himself into the extravagancies of life with a freer fpirit. As to confcience and mufty morals, I have as few drawbacks upon my profits or pleasures as any man of quality in England; in thofe I am not in the leaft vulgar. Befides, Madam, in moft of my expences I run into the polite tafte. I have a fine library of books that I never read; I have a fine stable of horses that I never ride; I build, I buy plate, jewels, pictures, or any thing that is valuable and curious, as your great men do, merely out of oftentation. But indeed I must own, I do ftill cohabit with my wife;

4

and

and she is very uneafy and vexatious upon account of vifits to you.

my

Trap. Indeed, indeed, Mr. Ducat, you fhould break through all this ufurpation at once, and keep. Now too is your time; for I have a frefh cargo of ladies juft arrived nobody alive fhall fet eyes upon 'em till you have provided yourfelf. You fhould keep your lady in awe by her maid; place a handfome, fprightly wench near your wife, and fhe will be a fpy upon her into the bargain. I would have you fhew yourself a fine gentleman in every thing.

Duc. But I am fomewhat advanc'd in life, Mrs. Trapes, and my duty to my wife lies very hard upon me; I must leave keeping to younger husbands and old bachelors.

Trap. There it is again now! Our very vulgar purfue pleasures in the flush of youth and inclination, but our great men are modifhly profligate when their appetite hath left them.

Trap. When love in the pulfe beats low,
(As haply it may with you)

A girl can fresh youth bestow,
And kindle defire anew.
Thus, numb'd in the brake,
Without motion, the snake
Sleeps cold winter away :
But in every vein
Life quickens again
On the bofom of May.

We are not here, I must tell you, as we are at London, where we can have fresh goods every week by the waggon. My maid is again gone aboard the veffel; the is perfectly charmed with one of the ladies; it will be a credit to you to keep her. I have obligations to you, Mr. Ducat, and I would part with her to no man alive but yourself. If I had her at London, fuch a lady. would be fufficient to make my fortune; but, in truth, fhe is not impudent enough to make herself agreeable to the failors in a public house in this country. By all accounts, the hath a behaviour only fit for a private family.

Duc. But how fhall I manage matters with my wife? Trap. Just as the fine gentlemen do with us We could bring you many great precedents for treating a wife with indifference, contempt, and neglect; but that, indeed, would be running into too high life, I would have you keep fome decency, and ufe her with civility. You should be fo cbliging as to leave her to her liberties, and take them to yourself. Why, all our fine ladies, in what they call pin-money, have no other views; it is what they all expect.

Duc. But I am afraid it will be hard to make my wife think like a gentlewoman upon this fubject; so that if I take her, I must act discreetly, and keep the affair a dead fecret.

Trap. As to that, Sir, you may do as you please. Should it ever come to her knowledge, cuftom and education perhaps may make her at first think it fomewhat odd. But this I can affirm with a fafe confcience, that many ladies of quality have fervants of this fort in their families, and you can afford an expence as well as the best of them.

Duc. I have a fortune, Mrs. Trapes, and would fain make a fashionable figure in life; if we can agree upon the price, I'll take her into the family.

Trap. I am glad to fee you fling yourfelf into the polite taste with a fpirit. Few, indeed have the turn or talents to get money; but fewer know how to fpend it handfomely after they have got it. The elegance of luxury confifts in variety, and love requires it as much as any of our appetites and paffions, and there is a

time

time of life when a man's appetite ought to be whetted by a delicacy.

Duc. Nay, Mrs. Trapes, now you are too hard upon me. Sure, you cannot think me fuch a clown as to be' really in love with my wife! We are not fo ignorant here as you imagine; why, I married her in a reasonable way, only for her money.

AIR III. Noel Hills.

He that weds a beauty
Soon will find her cloy;
When pleasure grows a duty,
Farewel love and joy :
He that weds for treafure
(Though he hath a wife)
Hath chofe one lasting pleasure
In a married lite.

Enter Damaris.

charge you you fee your be fure to

Damaris [Calling at the door.] Damaris, I not to stir from the door, and the inftant lady at a distance, returning from her walk, give me notice.

Trap. She is in molt charming rigging; fhe won't coft you a penny, Sir, in clothes at first fetting out. But alack-a-day! no bargain could ever thrive with dry lips a glafs of liquor makes every thing go fo glibby..

Duc. Here, Damaris; a glass of rum for Mrs. Dye. [Damaris goes out, and returns with a bottle and glass. Trap. But as I was faying, Sir, I would not part with her to any body alive but yourfelf; for, to be fure, I could turn her to ten times the profit by jobbs and chance customers. Come, Sir, here's to the young lady's health.

Enter Flimzy.

Well, Flimzy; are all the ladies fafely landed, and havė you done as I ordered you?

Film. Yes, Madam. The three ladies for the run of the house are fafely lodg'd at home; the other is without in the hall to wait your commands. She is a

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moft