Quid caufa eft, meritò quin illis Jupiter ambas
Iratus buccas inflet: neque fe forte pofthac
Tam facilem dicat, votis ut præbeat aurem ?

I

N

Hor.

my laft Paper, I gave my Reader a Sight of that Mountain of Miseries, which was made up of those several Ca

lamities that afflict the Minds

of Men. I faw, with unspeakable Pleafure, the whole Species thus delivered from its Sorrows: tho', at the fame time, as we ftood round the Heap, and furveyed the feveral Materials of which it was compofed, there was scarce a Mortal, in this vaft Multitude, who did not discover what he thought Pleasures and Bleffings of Life ; and wondered how the Owners of them ever came to look upon them as Burthens and Grie

vances.

AS we were regarding very attentively this Confufion of Miseries, this Chaos

Chaos of Calamity, Jupiter issued out a fecond Proclamation, that every one was now at Liberty to exchange his Affliction, and to return to his Habitation with any fuch other Bundle as fhould be delivered to him.

UPON this, FANCY began again to beftir her felf, and, parcelling out the whole Heap with incredible Activity, recommended to every one his particular Packet. The Hurry and Confufion at this time was not to be expreffed. Some Obfervations, which I made upon the Occafion, I fhall communicate to the Publick. A venerable greyheaded Man, who had laid down the Cholick, and who I found wanted ant Heir to his Eftate, fnatched up an undutiful Son, that had been thrown into the Heap by his angry Father The graceless Youth, in less than a quarter of an Hour, pulled the old Gentleman by the Beard, and had like to have knocked his Brains out; fo that meeting the true Father, who came towards him in a Fit of the Gripes, he begged him to take his Son again, and give him back his Cholick; but they were incapable either of them to recede from the Choice they had made. A poor Gaily-Slave, D 3 who

who had thrown down his Chains took up the Gout in their ftead, but made fuch wry Faces, that one might eafily perceive he was no great Gainer by the Bargain. It was pleasant enough to see the several Exchanges that were made, for Sicknefs against Poverty, Hunger against want of Appetite, and Care against Pain.

THE Female World were very bufy among themselves in bartering for Features; one was trucking a Lock of grey Hairs for a Carbuncle, another was making over a fhort Waste for a Pair of round Shoulders, and a third cheapning a bad Face for a loft Reputation: But on all these Occafions, there was not one of them who did not think the new Blemish, as foon as she had got it into her Poffeffion, much more difagreeable than the old one. I made the fame Obfervation on every other Miffortune or Calamity, which every one in the Affembly brought upon himself, in lieu of what he had parted with ; whether it be that all the Evils which befall us are in fome meafure fuited and proportioned to our Strength, or that every Evil becomes more fuppor

table

· bu·

other

for a

third

Repo

there

hink

dila

e the

Mil

one

nielt

ith;

hich

for

table by our being accustomed to it, I fhall not determine.

I could not for my Heart forbear pitying the poor hump-backed Gentleman mentioned in the former Paper, who went off a very well-shaped Perfon with a Stone in his Bladder; nor the fine Gentleman who had ftruck up this Bargain with him, that limped through a whole Affembly of Ladies, who used to admire him, with a Pair of Shoulders peeping over his Head.

I must not omit my own particular Adventure. My Friend with the long Vifage had no fooner taken upon him my fhort Face, but he made fuch a grotefque Figure in it, that as I looked upon him I could not forbear laughing at my felf, infomuch that I put my own Face out of Countenance. The poor Gentleman was fo fenfible of the Ridicule, that I found he was afhamed of what he had done: On the other Side I found that I my felf had no great Reafon to triumph, for as I went to touch my Forehead I miffed the Place and clapped my Finger upon my upper Lip. Befides, as my Nofe was exceeding Prominent, I gave it two or three unlucky Knocks as I was playing my D 4

Hand

Hand about my Face, and aiming at fome other Part of it. I faw two other Gentlemen by me, who were in the fame ridiculous Circumftances. Thefe had made a foolish Swop between a Couple of thick bandy Legs, and two long Trapfticks that had no Calfs to them. One of these looked like a Man walking upon Stilts, and was fo lifted up into the Air above his ordinary Height, that his Head turned round with it, while the other made fuch aukward Circles, as he attempted to walk, that he fcarce knew how to move forward upon his new Supporters: Obferving him to be a pleafant kind of Fellow, I ftuck my Cane in the Ground, and told him I would lay him a Bottle of Wine, that he did not march up to it on a Line, that I drew for him, in a Quarter of an Hour.

THE Heap was at last distributed among the two Sexes, who made a moft piteous Sight, as they wandered up and down under the Preffure of their feveral Burthens. The whole Plain was filled with Murmurs and Complaints, Groans and Lamentations. Jupiter at length, taking Compaffion on the poor Mortals, ordered them a fecond time

to