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Mel. I'll go to him--My beart Autters strange- de better than nothing. He's a man, and that's ly.
[Erit. all--and, Heaven knows, mere man is but small Kitły. Oh, woman,woman! foolish woman !- consolation ! she'll certainly have this Gayless; nay, where she as well convinced of his poverty as I am, 'sbe Be this advice pursued by each fond maid, would have him. A strong dose of love is worse Ne'er slight the substance for an empty shade : than one of ratatia; when it once gets into our Rich weighty sparks alone should please and heads, it trips up our heels, and then good night to discretion. Here is she going to throw away For should spouse cool, his gold will always ksteen thousand pounds! upoo what? Faith, lit warm ye.
who know me so well, can't help swallowing my
hook. Why, sir, I could have played with you Enter GAYLESS and SHARP.
backwards and forwards at the end of my liue, Gay. Pr’ythee be serious, Sharp. Hast thou till I had put your senses into such a fermentareally succeeded?
tion, that you should not have known, in an Sharp. To our wishes, sir. In short I have hour's time, whether you was a fish or a man. managed the business with such skill and dex Gay. Why, what is all this you have been terity, that neither your circumstances nor my telling me? veracity are suspected.
Sharp. A downright lie from beginuing to Gay. But how hast thou excased me from the end ! ball and entertainment,
Gay. And have you really excused me to her? Sharp. Beyond expectation, sir—But in that Sharp. No, sir; but I have got this half-guinea particular, I was obliged to have recourse to to make her excuses to you! and instead of a truth, and declare the real situation of your af- confederacy between you and me to deceive her, fairs. I told her, we had so long disused our she thinks she has brought me over to put the selves to dressing either dinners or suppers, that deceit upon you. I was afraid that we should be but aukward in Gay. Thou excellent fellow! our preparations. In short, sir,-as that instant, Sharp. Don't lose time, but slip out of the a cursed gnawiog seized my stomach, that I house inmediately; the back way, I believe, could not help telling her, that botla you and will be the safest for you, and to her as fast as myself seldom idade a good meal, now-a-days, you can; pretend vast surprise and concern, that once in a quarter of a year.
her indisposition has debarred you the pleasure Gay. Hell and confusion! have you betrayed of her company here to-night. You need know me, villain? Did you not tell me this moment, no more; away. she did not in the least suspect my circumstances? Guy. But what shall we do, Sharp? Here's Sharp. No more she did, sir, till I told her.
her maid again. Gay. Very well; and was this your skill and Sharp. The devil she is! I wish I could dexterity?
poison iier: for I'm sure, while she lives, I can Sharp. I was going to tell you; but you won't never prosper. bear reason : my melancholy face and pileous narration, had such an effect upon her generous
Enter Kitty. bowels, that she freely forgives all that's past.. Gay. Does sle, Sharp?
Kitty. Your door was open; so I did not Sharp. Yes, and desires never to see your face stand upon ceremonies. again ; and, as a farther consideration for so Gay. I am sorry to hear your mistress is taken doing, she has sent you half-a-guinea.
Kitty. Vapours, vapours only, sir; a few maGay. What do you mean?
triinonial omens, that's all; but I suppose Mr. Sharp. To spend it, spend it, aud regale. Sharp bas inade bier excuses. Gay. Villain ! you have undone ine! Gay. And tells me, I can't have the pleasure Sharp. What! by bringing you money, when of her company to-night. I had made a small you are not worth a farthing in the whole world. preparation ; but ’ris no matter : Sharp shall.go Well, well, then, to inake you happy again, I'll to the rest of the company, and let them know keep it myself; and wish somebody would take 'tis put off, t into their head to load me with such misfor Kitty. Not for the world, sir !
mistress [Puts up the money. was sensible you must have provided for her and Gay. Do you laugh at me, rascal?
the rest of the company; so she is resolved, Sharp. Who deserves more to be laughed at? though she can't, the other ladies and gentlemen ba, ha, ha! Never for the future, sir, dispute shall partake of your entertainment; she's very the success of my negotiations; when even you, good-natured.
Sharp. I had better run, and let them know I have Mr. Guttle, sir, Mr. Gayless ;-Mr. 'tis deferred,
[Going. Gayless, Justice Guttle. Kitty. (Stopping him.] I have been with them Sharp. Oh, destruction, one of the quorum. already, and told them my mistress insists upon Gut. Hem! Though I had not the honour of their coming, and they have all promised to be any personal knowledge of you, yet, at the inhere; so, pray, don't be under any apprehensions stigation of Mrs. Gad-about, I have, without any that your preparations will be thrown away. previous acquaintance with you, throwed aside
Gay. But as I can't have her company, Mrs. all ceremony, to let you know, that I joy to hear Kitty, 'twill be a greater pleasure to me, and a the solemnization of your nuptials is so near at greater compliment to her, to defer our mirth; hand. besides, I can't enjoy any thing at present, and Gay. Sir, though I cannot answer you with the she not partake of it.
same elocution, however, sir, I thank you with Kitty. Oh, no! to be sure; but what can I the same sincerity. do? my mistress will have it so; and Mrs. Gad Gad. Mr. and Mrs. Trippet, sir; the properest about, and the rest of the company, will be here lady in the world for your purpose, for she'll in a few minutes; there are two or three coach- dance for four and twenty bours together. fuls of them.
Trip: My dear Charles, I am very angry with Sharp. Then my master must be ruined, in you, faith; so near marriage, and not let me spite of my parts.
[Aside. know ! 'twas barbarous ; you thought, I suppose, Gay. [Aside to SHARP.] Tis all over, Sharp! I should rally you upon it; but dear Mrs. TripSharp. I know it, sir.
pet here has long ago eradicated all my antimaGay. I shall go distracted ! what shall I do? trimonial principles. Sharp. Why, sir, as our rooms are a little out Mrs. Trip. I eradicate ! fie, Mr. Trippet, don't of furniture at present, take them into the cap
be so obscene. tain's that lodges here, and set them down to Kitty. Pray, ladies, walk into the next room; cards: if he should come in the mean time, I'll Mr. Sharp can't lay his cloth till you are set excuse you to him.
[Aside. down to cards. Kitty. I have disconcerted their affairs, I find; Gad. One thing I had quite forgot, Mr. GayI'll have some sport with them. [Aside.]—Pray, less : my nephew, whom you never saw, will be Mr. Gayless, don't order too many things: they in town from France presently; so I left word only make you a friendly visit; the more cere
to send him here to make one. mony, you know, the less welcome. Pray, sir, Gay. You do me honour, madam. let me entrcat you not to be profuse. If I can Sharp. Do the ladies choose cards, or the supbe of service, pray command ine; my mistress per first? has sent me on purpose: while Mr. Sharp is do Gay. Supper! what does the fellow mean? ing the business without doors, I may be em
Gut. Oh! the supper by all means; for I ployed within. If you'll lend me tbe keys of have eaten nothing to signify since dinner. your side-board (To SHARP], I'll dispose of your Sharp. Nor I, since last Monday was a fortplate to the best advantage.
Aside. Sharp. Thank you, Mrs. Kitty; but it is dis Gay. Pray, ladies, walk into the next room : posed of already. [Knocking at the door. Sharp, get things ready for supper, and call the Kitty. Bless me, the company's come! I'll go
music. to the door, and conduct them into your pre
Sharp. Well said, master! [Exit Kitty.
Gad. Without ceremony, ladies. Sharp. If you'd conduct them into a horse
[Ereunt Ladies. pound,
and wait on them there yourself, we should Kitty. I'll go to my mistress, and let her know be much obliged to you.
every thing is ready for her appearance. Gay. I can never support this.
[Exit Kitty. Sharp Rouse your spirits, and put on an air
Enter Guttle und SHARP. of gaiety, and I don't despair of bringing you off yet.
Gut. Pray, Mr. What's-your-name, don't be Gay. Your words have done it effectually. long with supper: But hark'e, what can I do in
the mean time? Suppose you get me a pipe and Enter Mrs. GAD-ABOUT, MR. GUTTLE, MR. some good wine; I'll try to divert myself that TRIPPET, and MRS. TRIPPET.
way till supper's ready.
Sharp. Or suppose, sir, you was to take a nap Gad. Ah, my dear Mr. Gayless! (Kisses him. till then; there's a very easy couch in that closet. Gay. My dear widow !
Kisses her. Gut. The best thing in the world ; I'll take Gal. We are come to give you joy, Mr. Gay- your advice; but be sure you wake me when less!
supper is ready.
[Exit Guttle. Sharp. You never was more mistaken in
Sharp. Pray beaven, you may not wake till
[ Aside. then-What a fine situation my master is in at Gad. I have brought some company here, I present! I have promised him my assistance; believe, is not well known to you; and I protest but his affairs are in so desperate a way, that I I have been all about the town to get the little I am afraid 'tis out of my skill to recover him.'
if you draw.
Well, fools have fortune, says an old proverb, Gay. Draw, sir, and follow me. and a very true one it is; for my master and I
[Ereunt Gayless and Gad. are two of the most unfortunate mortals in the Trip. Not I; I don't care to run myself into creation.
needless quarrels; I have suffered too much fore
merly by Aying into passions: besides, I have Enter GAYLESS.
pawned my honour to Mrs. Trippet, never to Gay. Well, Sharp, I have set them down to draw my sword again; and, in her present concards; and now what have you to propose ? dition, to break my word might have fatal con
Sharp. I have one scheme left, which, in all sequences. probability, may succeed. The good citizen, over Sharp. Pray, sir, don't excuse yourself; the loaded with his last meal, is taking a nap in that young gentleman inay be murdered by this time. closet, in order to get him an appetite for yours. Trip. Then my assistance will be of no service Suppose, sir, we should make him treat us. to him; however, I'll go to oblige you, and look Gay. I don't understand you.
on at a distance. Sharp. I'll pick his pocket, and provide us a Mrs. Trip. I shall certainly faint, Mr. Trippet, supper with the booty.
Gay. Monstrous ! for without considering the villainy of it, the danger of waking him makes it
Enter GUTTLE, disordered, as from sleep. impracticable !
Gut. What noise and confusion is this? Sharp. If he awakes, I'll sin other him, and lay his death to indigestion-a very common death
Sharp. Sir, there's a man murdered in the
street. among the justices,
Gut. Is that all? Zounds! I was afraid you Gay. Prythee be serious; we have no time had thrown the supper down—A plague of your to lose : can you invent nothing to drive them noise I shau't recover my stomach this half out of the house?
Sharp. I can fire it.
Guy: Shame and confusion so perplex me, I Enter Gayless and Gad-ABOUT, with Melissa cannot give myself a moment's thought.
in boy's clothes, dressed in the French manner." Sharp. I have it; did not Mrs. Gad-about say her nephew would be here?
Gad. Well, but my dear Jemmy, you are not Gay. She did.
hurt, sure. Sharp. Say no more, but in to your company:
Níel. A little with riding post only. if I don't send them out of the house for the Gad. Mr. Sharp alarned us all with an acnight, I'll at least frighten their stomachs away; count of your being set upon by four inen; that and if this stratagem fails, I'll relinquish politics, you had killed two, and was attaking the other and think my understanding no better than my when he came away; and when we met you at Reighbour's.
the door, we were running to your rescue. Gay. How shall I reward thee, Sharp?
Mel. I had a small rencounter with half a Sharp. By your silence and obedience : away dozen villains; but, finding me resolute, they to your company, sir. (Exit Gayless.]—Now, were wise enough to take to their heels: 'I bedear madam Fortune, for once open your eyes, lieve I scratched some of thein. and behold a poor unfortunate man of parts ad
[Laying her hand on her sword. dressing you: now is your time to convince your Sharp. His vanity has saved my credit. I have foes you are rot that blind, whimsical whore, / a thought come into my head may prove to our they take you for; but let them see, by your as- adrantage, provided Monsieur’s ignorance bears sisting me, that men of sense, as well as fools, any proportion to his impudence. (Aside. are sometimes intitled to your favour and protec Gad. Now my fright's over, let me introduce tion. --So much for prayer; now for a great you, my dear, to Mr. Gayless. Sir, this is my noise and a lie. [Goes aside, and cries out.) - nephew. Help, help, master! help! gentlemen, ladies! Gay. [Saluting her.] Sir, I shall be proud of Vurder, fire, brimstone! -Help, help, belp! your friendship.
Mel. I don't doubt liut we shall be better acEnter Mr. Gayless and the Ladies, with cards quianted in a little time.
in their hands, and SHARP enters, running, Gut. Prav, sir, what news in France ? and meets them.
Mel. Faith, sir, very little that I know of in Gay. What's the matter?
the political way: I had no time to spend among Sharp: Matter, sir! if you don't run this mi- the politians. I was wite with that gentleman, this lady's nephew will Gay. Among the ladies, I suppose? be murdered! I am sure it was hie; he was set Mcl. Tuo much, indeed. Faith, I have not upon at the corner of the street by four; he has philosophy enough to resist their solicitations ; killed two; and if you don't make haste, he'll be you take me?
[To Gayless aside. either murdered, or took to prison.
Gay. Yes, to be a most incorrigible fop; Gad. Por Heaven's sake, gentlemen, run to 'Sdcath, this puppy's impertinence is an addition, his assistance! How I tremble for Melissa! - to my misery.
[Aside to SHARP. This frolic of her’s may be fatal. [Aside. Mel. Poor Gayless ! to what shifts is he reduc
ed? I cannot bear to see him much longer in Sharp. Damnably, sir; but mum-You must this condition; I shall discover myself. know this entertainment was designed for madam
[Aside to GAD-ABOUT, to-night; but she got so very gay after dinner, Gad. Not before the end of the play: besides, that she could not walk out of her own house; the more his pain now, the greater his pleasure so her maid, who was half gone too, came here when relieved from it.
with an excuse, that Mrs. Melissa had got the Trip. Shall we return to our cards? I have a vapours: and so she had indeed violently, here, sans prendre here, and must insist you play it here, sir,
[Pointing to his head. out.
Mel. This is scarcely to be borne. [Aside.)Ladies. With all
Melissa ! I have heard of ber; they say she's
Sharp. A very woman, an't please your hoSharp. Sir, sir! Shall I beg Icave to speak nour; and, between you and me, none of the with you? Pray, did you find a bank-note in mildest and wisest of her sex -But to return, your way hither?
sir, to the twenty pounds. Mel. What, between bere and Dover, do you Mel. I am surprised, you, who have got so mean?
much money in his service, should be at a loss Sharp. No, sir, within twenty or thirty yards for twenty pound, to save your bones at this of this house.
juncture. Mel. You are drunk, fellow !
Sharp. I have put all my money out at inSharp. I am undone, sir, but not drunk, I'll terest; I never keep above five pounds by me; assure you.
and if your honour would lend me the other Mel. What is all this?
fifteen, and take my note for it [Knocking Sharp. I'll tell you, sir: A little while ago, my Mel. Somebody's at the door. master sent me out to change a note of twenty Sharp. I can give very good security. pounds; but I, unfortunately, hearing a noise
[Knocking. in the street of, Damn-me, sir ! and clashing of Mel. Don't let the people wait, Mr. swords, and Rascal, and Murder ! I runs up to Sharp. Ten pounds will do. [Knocking the place, and saw four men upon one: and
Mel. Allez vous en. having heard you was a mettlesome young gen Sharp. Five, sir.
[Knocking. tleman, I immediately concluded it must be Mel. Je ne puis pas. you; so ran back to call my master; and when Sharp. Je ne puis pas !-I find we shan't unI went to look for the note to change it, I found derstand one another ; I do but lose time; and it gone, either stole or lost ; and if I don't get the if I had any thought, I might have known these money immediately, I shall certainly be turned young fops return from their travels generally out of my place, and lose my character with as little money as improvement. Mel. I shall laugh in his face. [Aside.)-Oh,
[Exit SAARP. I'll speak to your master about it, and he will Mel. Ha, ha, ha! what lies does this fellow forgive you, at my intercession.
invent, and what rogueries does he commit, for Sharp. Ah, sir, you don't know my master. his master's service! There never, sure, was a
Mel. I'm very little acquainted with him; but more faithful servant to his master, or a greater I have heard he's a very good-natured man. rogue to the rest of mankind. But here he
Sharp. I have heard so tov; but I have felt it comes again: the plot chickens ; I'll in and obotherwise : he has so much good-nature, that if serve Gayless.
[Exit MELISSA, I could compound for one broken-head a day, Enter Suarp, before several persons, with dishes I should think myself very well off. Mel. Are you serious, friend?
in their hands, and a Cook, drunk. Sharp. Look'e, sir, I take you for a mian of Sharp. Fortune, I thank tliee! the most lucky honour; there is something in your face that is accident! [Aside.).—This way, gentlemen; this generous, open, and masculine; you don't look way. like a foppish effeminate tell-tale; so I'll venture Cook. I am afraid I have mistook the house. to trust youSee here, sir, [Sheros his head.] Is this Mr. Treatwell's? thesc are the effects of my master's good-nature. Sharp. The saine, the same: What, don't you
Mel. Matchless impudence! (Aside.]--Why know me? do you live with him, then, after such usage? Cook. Know you!--Are you sure there was a
Sharp. He's worth a great deal of money; supper bespoke here? and when he's drunk, which is commonly once Sharp. Yes, upon my honour, Mr. Cook ; the a day, he's very free, and will give me any thing: company is in the next room, and must have gone but I design to leave him when he's married, for without, had you not brought it. I'll draw a all that.
table. I see you have brought a cloth with you; Mel. Is he going to be married then? but you need not have done that, for we have a
Sharp. To-morrow, and between you and very goud stock of linen—at the pawnbroker's. I, he'll meet with his match, both for humour
(Aside. and something else too.
[Erit, und returns immediately, drawing in Mel, Whai! she drinks, too?
Come, come, my boys, be quick; the company Sharp. [Runs and stops his mouth.] Hold, began to be very uneasy; but I knew my old hold! what are you doing? Are you mad? friend Lick-spit here would not fail us.
Mel. What do you stop the man's breath for? Cook. Lick-spit! I am no friend of your's; so Sharp. Sir, he was going to call you naines.--I desire less familiarity: Lick-spit, too! Don't be abusive, Cook; the gentleman is a
inan of honour, and said nothing to you: pray Enter Gayless, and stares.
be pacified; you are in liquor. Gay. What is all this?
Cook. I will have mySharp. Sir, if the sight of the supper is offen Sharp. (Holding still.] Why, I tell you, fool, sive, I can easily have it removed.
you mistake the gentleman; he's a friend of my
[Aside to Gayless. Master's, and has not said a word to you. Pray, Gay. Pr'ythee, explain thyself, Sharp. good sir, go into the next room; the fellow's
Sharp. Some of our neighbours, I suppose, drunk, and takes you for another.—You'll repent have bespoke this supper; but the cook has drank this when you are sober, friend.—Pray, sir, don't away his memory, forgot the house, and brought stay to hear his impertinence. it here: however, sir, if you dislike it, I'll tell him Guy. Pray, sir, walk in—He's below your of his mistake, and send him about his business. anger. Gay.'Hold, hold ! necesity obliges me, against
Mel. Damn the rascal! What does he mean my inclination, to favour the cheat, and feast at by affronting me? Let the scoundrel go; I'll my neighbour's expense.
polish his brutality, I warrant you. Here's the Cook. Hark you, friend, is that your master best reformer of manners in the universe. [Draws Sharp. Ay; and the best master in the world. his sword.] Let him go, I say !
Cook. I'll speak to him then-sir, I have, ac Sharp. So, so, you have done finely now-Get cording to your commands, dressed as genteel aaway as fast as you can; he's the most courasupper as my art and your price would admit of geous, mettlesome man in all England - Why, Sharp. Good again, sir; 'tis paid for. if his passion was up, he could eat you-Make
[Aside to Gayless. your escape, you fool. Gay. I don't in the least question your abi
Cook. I won't eat me! he'll find me damned lities, Mr.Cook; and I'm obliged to you for your hard of digestion, though
Sharp. Pr’ythee, come here; let me speak with Cook. Sir, you are a gentleman-And if you you.
[They walk aside. would look but over the bill, and approve it, (Pulls out a bill.) you will, over and above, re
Enter KITTY. turn the obligation.
Kitty. Gad's me! is supper on the table alSharp. Oh, the devil!
ready? Sir, pray defer it for a few moments ; my Gay. (Looking on a bill.] Very well, I'll send mistress is much better, and will be here iminemy man to pay you to-morrow.
diately. Cook. I'll spare him the trouble, and take it Gay. Will she, indeed? Bless me !—I did not with me, sir I never work but for ready mo- expect--but however--Sharp!
Kitty. What success, madam? Gay. Ha!
[Aside to Melissa. Sharp. Then you won't have our custom Mel. As we could wish, girl, but he is in such (Aside. -My master is busy now, friend : Do pain and perplexity, I can't hold it out much you think he won't pay you?
longer. Cook. No matter what I think; either my Kitty. Ay; that holding out is the ruin of ha!f meat, or my money.
Sharp. 'I will be very ill-convenient for him to Sharp. I have pacified the cook; and if you pay you to-night.
can but borrow twenty pieces of that young prig, Cook. Then I'm afraid it will be ill-convenient all may go well yet: you may succeed, though I to pay me to-morrow; so, d’ye hear--
could not. Remember what I told you-about
it straight, sirEnter MELISSA.
Gay. Sir, sir-[To MELISSA.]--I beg to speak Gay. Pr'ythee be advised : 'sdeath, I shall be a word with you: my servant, sir, tells me he discovered!
[Takes the Cook aside. has had the misfortune, sir, to lose a note of mine Mel. (To SHARP.] What's the matter? of twenty pounds, which I sent him to receive
Sharp. The cook has not quite answered my and the bankers' shops being shut up, and having inaster's expectations about the supper, sir, and very little cash by me, I should be much obliged he's a little angry at bim; that's all.
to you if you would favour me with twenty Mel.Come, come, Mr. Gayless, don't be unea- pieces till to-morrow. sy; a bachelor cannot be supposed to have things Mel. Oh, sir, with all my heart-[Taking out in the utmost regularity; we don't expect it. her purse.)--and as I have a small favour to beg
Cook. But I do expect it, and will have it. of you, sir, the obligation will be mutual,
Cook. That I will have my money, and I won't Mel. You are to be married, I hear, to Mestay till to-morrow-and-and