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Gay. to-morrow, sir.
Gay. You cannot mean it, sure? I am lost in Mël
. Then you'll oblige me, sir, by never see- wonder! ing her again.
Mel. Prepare yourself for more wonder-You Gay. Do you call this a small favour. have another friend in masquerade bere. Mr.
Mel. A mere trifle, sir; breaking of contracts, Cook, pray throw aside your drunkenness, and suing for divorces, committing adultery, and make your sober appearance. Don't you know such like, are all reckoned trifles now-a-days: that face, sir ? and smart young fellows, like you and myself, Cook. Ay, master! what, have you forgot your Gayless, should be never out of fashion. friend Dick, as you used to call me?
Gay. But, pray, sir, how are you concerned Gay. More wonder indeed! Don't you live in this affair?
with my father? Mel. Oh, sir, you must know I have a very Mel. Just after your hopeful servant, there, great regard for Melissa, and indeed she for me: had left me, comes this man from Sir William and, by the by, I bave a most despicable opinion with a letter to me; upon which (being by that of you'; for, entre nous, I take you, Charles, to wholly convinced of your necessitous condition) be a very great scoundrel.
I invented, by the help of Kitty and Mrs. GadGay. Sir!
about, this little plot, in which your friend Dick, Mél. Nay, don't look fierce, sir, and give there, has acted miracles, resolving to teaze you yourself airs-Damme, sir, I shall be through a little, that you might have a greater relish for your body, else, in the snapping of a finger! a happy turn in your affairs. Now, sir, read that Gay. I'll be as quick as you, villain! letter, and complete your joy.
[Draws, and makes at Melissa. Kitty. Hold,“ hold! murder! You'll kill my unfortunate young man, who, I hear, by a friend
Gay. [Reads.] — Mudam, I am father to the mistress—the young gentleman, I mean.
of mine (that by my desire has been a continual Gay. Ah, her mistress! [Drops his sword. Sharp. How! Melissa ! Nay, then, drive away if he is so happy as to make himself agreeable to
spy upon him), is making his addresses to you : cart--all's over now.
you (whose character I am charmed with), I
shall own him with joy for my son, and forget Enter all the Company, laughing. his former follies.
· I am, madam, Gad. What, Mr. Gayless, engaging with Me
Your most humble servant, lissa before your time? Ha, ha, ha!
WILLIAM GAYLESS.' Kitty. Your bumble servant, good Mr. Politi · P.S. I will be soon in town myself, to congracian-To Sharp.]-This is, gentlemen and la-tulate his late reformation and marriage.' dies, the most celebrated and ingenious l'imothy Sharp, schemer-general, and redoubted squire Oh, Melissa, this is too much,! Thus let me show to the most renowned and fortunate adventurer my thanks and gratitude-[Kneeling, she raises Charles Gayless, knight of the woeful counte- him.)—for here'tis only due.
ha, ha, ha! Oh, that dismal face, and Sharp. A reprieve ! A reprieve ! A reprieve! more dismal head of yours !
Kitty. I have been, sir, a most bitter enemy [Strikes Sharp upon the head. to you; but since you are likely to be a little Sharp. 'Tis cruel in you to disturb a man in more conversant with cash than you have been, his last agonies.
I am now, with the greatest sincerity, your most Mel. Now, Mr. Gayless ! What, not a word ? obedient friend, and humble servant. And I You are sensible I can be no stranger to your bope, sir, all former enmity will be forgotten. misfortunes; and I might reasonably expect an Gay. Oh, Mrs. Pry, I have been too much inexcuse for your ill treatinent of
dulyed with forgiveness myself, not to forgive Gay. Na, madam, silence is my only refuge; less offences in other people. for to endeavour to vindicate my crimes, would Sharp. Well, then, madam, since my master show a greater want of virtue, than even the has vouchsafed pardon to your handmaid Kitty, commission of them.
I hope you'll not deny it to--bis-footman Timo Mel. Oh, Gayless? 'twas poor to impose upon thy? a woman, and one that loved you, too!
Mel. Pardon! for what! Gay. Oh, most unpardonable! but my neces Sharp. Only for telling you about ten thousitics
sand lies, madam; and, among the rest, insinuSharp. And mine, madam, were not to be ating that your ladyship wouldmatched, I'm sure, o’this side starving.
Niel. I understand you ; and can forgive any Mel. His tears have softened me at once- thing, Sharp, that was designed for the service Your necessities, Mr. Gayless,with such real con- of your master; and if Pry and you will follow trition, are too powerful inotives not to affect the our example, I'll give her a small fortune as a breast already prejudiced m your favour. You reward for both your fidelities. have suffered too much already for your extra Sharp. I fancy, madam, 'twould be better to vagance; and as I take part in your sufferings,'tis halve the small fortune between us, and keep us easing myself to relieve you: Know, therefore, both single; for as we shall live in the same all that's past I freely forgive.
bouse, in all probability we may taste the com
forts of matrimony, and not be troubled with its Sharp. Oh, pray, sir, have supper first; or inconveniences_ What say you, Kitty?
I'm sure I shan't live till the dance is finished. Kitty. Do you hear, Sharp? before you talk Gay. Behold, Melissa, as sincere a convert of the comforts of matrimony, taste the com as ever truth and beauty made. The wild impeforts of a good dinner, and recover your flesh a tuous sallies of my youth are now blown o er, little ; do, puppy.
and a most pleasing calm of perfect happiness Sharp. The devil backs her, that's certain ! succeeds. and I am no match for her at any weapon.
Mel. And now, Mr. Gayless, to show I have Thus Ætna’s fames the verdant earth connot provided for you by halves, let the music sume, prepare themselves, and, with the approbation But milder heat makes drooping nature bloom; of the company, we'll have a dance.
So virtuous love affords us springing joy, All. By all means a dance !
Whilst vicious passions, as they burn, destroy. Gut. By all means a dance---after supper,
(Ereunt omnes. though.
SCENE I,-A street,
her aunt were removed to town, and lived some
where near this part of it. Enter CAPTAIN LOVEIT and Purf, Puff. And now we are got to the place of
action, propose your plan of operation. Capt. This is the place we were directed to; Capt. My father lives in the next street, so and now, Puff, if I can get no intelligence of| I must decamp immediately, for fear of disher, what will become of me?
coveries : you are not known to be my servant; Puff And me 100, sir?-You must consider go, make what inquiries you can in the neighI am a married man, and can't bear fatigue as I bourhood, and I shall wait at the ion for your have done. But, pray, sir, why did you leave intelligence. the army so abruptly, and not give me time to Puff. I'll patrol hereabouts, and examine fill my knapsack with common necessaries ? | all that pass ; but I have forgot the word, sirHalf a dozen shirts, and your regimentals, are Miss Biddymy whole cargo.
Capt. BellairCapt. I was wild to get away; and as soon Puff. A young lady of wit, beauty, and fifas I obtained any leave of absence, I thought teen thousand pounds fortune-But, sirevery moment an age till I returned to the Capt. What do you say, Puff? place where I first saw this young, charming, in Puff. If your bonour pleases to consider, nocent, bewitching creature. I did so; hut we that I had a wife in town whom I left somcfound the house was shut up; and all the in- what abruptly half-a-year ago, you'll think it, forination, you know, that we could get from I believe, but decent to make some inquiry the neighbouring cottage was, that miss and after her first: to be sure it would be some
small consolation to me to know whether the Jas. Not absolutely; the girl, I believe, depoor woman is living, or has made away with tests him; but her aunt, a very good, prudent herself, or
old lady, has given her consent, if he can get her Capt. Pr’ythee don't distract me; a mo- nieca's: how it will end, I can't tell—but I'ın hot ment's delay is of the utmost consequence; upon't myself. I must insist upon an immediate compliance Puff. The devil! not marriage, I hope? with my commands,
[Exit Captain Jas. That is not yet determined. Puff! The devil's in these fiery young fel Puff. Who is the lady, pray? lows! they think of nobody's wants but their Jas. A maid in the sanie family; a woman own. He does not consider that I am flesh of honour, I assure you. She has one husband and blood as well as himself. However, I may already, a scoundrel sort of a fellow, that has kill two birds at once : for I shan't be surprised run away from her, and listed for a soldier; so, if I meet my lady walking the streets-But, towards the end of the campaign, she hopes to who have we here? Sure I should know that have a certificate he's knocked o'the head : face.
if not, I suppose, we shall settle matters anEnter Jasper from a house.
Puff. Well, speed the plough!-But hark ye?
consummate without the certificate if you canWho's that? my old acquaintance Jasper ! keep your neck out of the collar-do-I have Jas. What, Puff! are you here?
wore it these two years, and dainnably galled Puff. My dear friend! Well
, and now, Jas- | I am. per, still easy and happy? Toujours le même ! Jas. I'll take your advice ; but I must run What intrigues now? What girls have you away to my master, who will be impatient for ruined, and what cuckolds made, since you an answer to his message, which I have just and I used to beat up together, eh?
delivered to the young lady: so, dear Mr. Puff, Jas. Faith, business has been very brisk I am your most obedient humble servant. during the war; men are scarce, you know : Puff. And I must to our agents for my not that I can say I ever wanted anzusement arrears: if you have an hour to spare, you'll in the worst of times—But hark ye, Puff hear of me at George's, or the Tilt-yard—Au
Puff. Not a word aloud; I am incognito. revoir, as we say abroad. (Erit Jasper.) Thus,
Jus. Why, faith, I should not have known we are as civil and as false as our betters : you, if you had not spoke first; you seem to be Jasper and I were always the beau monde exa little dishabille too, as well as incognito. actly; we ever hated one another heartily, yet Whom do you honour with your service now? always kiss and shake hands—But now to my Are you froin the wars?
master with a head full of news, and a heart full Puff . Piping hot, I assure you; fire and smoke of joy!
(Going, starts. will tarnish: a man that will go into such service as I have been in, will find his clothes the
* Angels and ministers of
defend me! worse for the wear, take my word for it. But It can't be! By Heavens, it is, that fretful porhow is it with you, friend Jasper! What, you cupine, my wife! I can't stand it? what shall still serve, I see you live at that house, II do?-1'lery to avoid her. suppose ? Jas. I don't absolutely live, but I am nost
Enter Tag. of my time there. I have, within these two Tag. It must be he! I'll swear to the rogue at months, entered into the service of an old gen- a mile's distance: he either has not seen me, man, who hired a reputable servant, and dressed or won't know me. If I can keep my temper, inim as you see, because lie has taken it into his I'll try him farther. Tiead to fall in love.
Puff. I sweat -I tremble !-She comes Puff. False appetite, and second childhood! upon me! But, pr’ythee, what's the object of his passion? Tag. Pray, good sir, if I may be so boldJas. No less than a virgin of sixteen I can Puff. I have nothing for you, good woman;
don't trouble me. Puff Oh, the toothless old dotard !
Tug. If your honour pleases to look this Jas. And he mumbles and plays with her till wayhis mouth waters; then he chuckles till he cries, Puff. The kingdom is overrun with beggars. and calls her his Bid and his Bidsy; and is so I suppose the last I gave to has sent this : but I foolishly fond
have no more loose silver about me: so, pr’ythee, Puff. Bidsy! what's that?
woman, don't disturb me. Jas. Her name is Biddy.
Tag. I can hold no longer. Oh, you villain, Puff Biddy! What, Miss Biddy Bellair? you? where have you been, scoundrel? Do Jas. The same
you know me now, varlet?
Seizes him. Puff. I have no luck, to be sure. [Aside.) Puff. Here, watch, watch! Zounds, I shall Oh, I have beard of her; she's of a pretty good have my pockets picked ! family, and has some fortune, I know. But are Tag. Own me this minute hang-dog, and conthings settled ? Is the marriage fixed ?
fess every thing, or, by the rage of an injured
woman, I'll raise the neighbourhood, throttle | lady, and the old gentleman may go to the you, and send you to Newgate !
devil. Puff. Amazement! what, my own dear Tag! Tag. Heyday! what's all this? Come to my arms, and let ine press you to my Puff. Say no more; the dice are thrown heart, that 'pants for thee, and only thee, my doublets for us : away to your young mistress, true and lawful wife !Now my stars have while I run to my master. Tell ber Rhodophil, overpaid me for the fatigue and dangers of Rhodophil will be with her immediately; then, the field. I wandered about, like Achilles, if her blood does not mount to her face, like in search of faithful Penelope: and the gods quicksilver, in a weather-glass, and point to have brought me to this happy spot.
extreme hot, believe the whole a lie, and your
[Embraces her. husband no politician. Tag. The fellow's crackt for certain : Leave Tay. This is news indeed! I have had the your bombastic stuff, and tell nje, rascal, why place but a little while, and have not quite got you left me, and where you have been these into the secrets of the family: but part of your six months, heh?
story is true; and if you bring your master, and Puff. We'll reserve my adventures for our miss is willing, I warrant we'll be too hard for happy winter evenings—Í shall only tell you the old folks. now, that my heart beat so strong in my coun Puff. I'll about it straight---But, hold, Tag; try's cause, and being instigated either by ho- I had forgot-Pray how does Mr. Jasper do: nour or the devil (I can't tell which) I set out Tag. Mr. Jasper?-What do you mean? Ifor Flanders to gather laurels, and lay them at I-Ithy feet.
Puff. What! out of countenance, child? Tag. You left me to starre, villain, and beg O fie! speak plain, my dear -And the certimy bread, you did so.
ficate; when comes that, eh, love? Puff: I left you too hastily, I must confess; Tag. He has sold himself, and turned conand otten has my conscience stung me for it- jurer, or he could never have known it. I am got into an officer's service, bave been in
[Aside. several actions, gained some credit by my bcha Puff. Are you not a jade!“are you not a viour, and am now returned with my master to Jezebel ?-arn't you aindulge the gentler passions.
Tag. O ho! temperance, or I walk off. Tag. Don't think to fob me off with this non Puff. I know I am not finished yet, and so I sensical talk. What have you brought me home am easy; but more thanks to my fortune than besides?
your virtue, madam. Puff: Honour, and immoderate love.
Bid. (Within] Tag, Tag! where are you, Tag. I could tear your eyes out !
Tag ? Puff. Temperance, or I walk off.
Tag. Coming, madam ! My lady, calls Tag. Temperance, traitor! temperance ! | away to your master, and I'll prepare his reWhat can you say for yourself ? Leave me to ception within. the wide world!
Puff. Shall I bring the certificate with me? Puff: Well, I have been in the world too,
[Exit Puff. han't I? What would the wonian have?
Tag. Go, you graceless rogue ! you richly Tag. Reduce me to the necessity of going to deserve it.
[Cries. Puff. Why, I'm in service too, your lord
SCENE II.-A chamber. and master, an’t I, you saucy jade, you?Come, where dost live? bere about? Hast got
Enter BIDDY. good vails ? Dost go to market? Come, give me a kiss, darling, and tell me where I shall pay my Bid. How unfortunate a poor girl am I! dare duty to thee.
not tell my secret to any body; and, if I don't, Tag. Why, there I live, at that house. I'm undone-Heigh ho! [Sighs.] Pray, Tag, [Pointing to the house Jasper came is my aunt gone to her lawyer about me!
Heigh ho ! Puff. What there ! that house?
Tag. What's that sigh for, my
young Tag. Yes, there ; that house.
mistress? Puff. Huzza! we're made for ever, you slut Bid. I did not sigh, not I
[Sighs. you; huzza! every thing conspires this day to Tag. Nay, never gulp them down; they make me happy! Prepare for an inundation of are the worst things you can swallow. There's joy? My master is in love with, your Miss Biddy something in that little heart of yours, that over head and cars, and she with him. I know swells it, and puffs it, and will burst it at last, she is courted by some old fumbler, and her if you don't give it vent. aunt is not against the match; but now, we are Bid. What would you have me tell you? come, the town will be relieved, and the yo
[Sighs. vernor brought over : in plain English, our Tag. Come, come, you are afraid I'll befortune is made; iny master must marry the tray you: but you had as good speak; I