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may do you some service you little think Tag. Is that all, my dear? Mighty simple, of.
Aside. Bid. It is not in your power, Tag, to give Bid. One of them is a fine blastering man, me what I want.
[Sighs. and so called captain Flash; he's always talks Tag. Not directly, perhaps ; but I may be the ing of fighting and wars: he thinks he's sure means of helping you to it. As for example of me; but I shall baulk him : we shall see if you should not like to marry the old man him this afternoon, for he pressed strongly your aunt designs for you, one may find a way to come ; and I have given him leave, while to break
my aunt is taking her afternoon's nap. Bid. His neck, Tag?
Tag. And who is the other pray? Tag. Or the match ; either will do, child. Bid. Quite another sort of a man. He
Bid. I don't care which, indeed, so I was speaks like a lady for all the world, and never clear of him I don't think I am fit to be swears as Mr. Flash does, but wears nice white married
gloves, and tells me what ribbons become my Tag. To him you mean! You have no objec- complexion, where to stick my patches, who tion to marriage, but the man; and I applaud is the best milliner, where they sell the best you for it. But come, courage, miss; never tea, and which is the best wash for the face, keep it in: out with it all.
and the best paste for the hands; he is always Bid. If you'll ask me any questions, I'll an- playing with my fan, and shewing his teeth! swer them, but I can't tell you any thing of and whenever I speak, he pats me—somand myself; I shall blush if do.
cries, “The devil take me, Miss Biddy, but Tag. Well, then; in the first place, pray you'll be my perdition !—ha, ha, ha! tell me, Miss Biddy Bellair, if you don't like Tag Oh, the pretty creature! And wbat do somebody better than old sir Simon Loveit? you call him, pray? Bid. Heigh ho!
Bid. His name is Fribble : you shall see him, Tag. What's heigh ho, miss ?
too; for, by mistake, I appointed them at the Bid. When I say heigh ho, it means yes. same time: but you must help me out with them.
Tag. Very well: and this somebody is a Tag. And suppose your favourite should young handsome fellow? Bid. Heigh ho!
Bid. I should not care what became of the Tug. And if you were once his, you'd be as others. merry as the best of us?
Tag. What's his name? Bid. Heigh ho!
Bid. It begins with R-b-o Tag. So far so good! and since I have got Tag. I'll be banged if it is not Rhodophil! you to wet your feet, souce over head at once, Bid. I am frightened at you! You're a and the pain will be over.
witch, Tag. Bid. There—then. (A long sigh.] Now, help Tog. I am so; and I can tell your forme out, Tay, as fast as you can.
tune, too. Look me in the face. The genTag. When did you hear from your gallant? tleman you love most in the world, will be Bid. Never since he went to the
at our house this afternoon : he arrived from Tag. How so?
the army this morning, and dies till he sees Bid. I was afraid the letters would fall into you. my aunt's hands, so I would not let him write Bid. Is he come, Tag? Don't joke with to me: but I had a better reason then. Tag. Pray, let's hear that, too.
Bid. Not to keep you longer in suspence, Bid. Why, I thought if I should write to him, you must know the servant of your Strephon, and promise him to love nobody else, and by some unaccountable fate or other, is my should afterwards change my mind, he might lord and master: he has just been with me, think I was inconstant, and call me a co- told me of his master's arrival and impaquette.
tienceTag. What a simple innocent it is! Bid. Oh, my dear, dear, Tag, you have put (Aside. ]—And have you changed your mind, me out of my wits—I am all over in a flut
I shall leap out of my skin—I don't Bid. No, indeed, Tag; I love him the best know what to do with myself! Is he come, of of them.
Tag? I am ready to faint-I would give the Tag. Of any of them! Why, have you any world I had put on my pink and silver robings more?
to-day. Bid. Pray, don't ask me.
Tag. I assure you, miss, you look charmTag. Nay, miss, if you only trust me by ingly. halves, you can't expect
Bid. Do I, indeed, though? I'll put a little Bid. I will trust you with every thing. When patch under my left eye, and powder my hair I parted with him, I grew melancholy; so, in immediately. order to divert me, I have let two others court Tag. Well, go to dinner first, and then I'll ine, till he return again.
Bid. Dinner! I can't eat a morsel! I don't know what's the matter with me; my cars tingle, my heart beats, my face flushes, and I tremble every joint of me.
I must run in and look at myself in the glass this moment.
Tag: Yes, she has it, and deeply too: This is no hypocrisy
Not art, but nature, now, performs her part,
call for you.
SCENE I.- chamber.
my other sparks flatter me more, I can't abide
the thoughts of them now-I have business Enter CAPTAIN LOVEIT, BIDDY, Tag, and
upon my hands enough to turn my little head PUFF.
-but, egad, my heart's good, and a fig for Capt. To find you still constant, and to arrive dangers ! Let me see—What shall I do with at such a critical juncture, is the height of for- my two gallants? I must at least part with tune and happiness.
them decently. Suppose I set them together Bid. Nothing shall force me from you; and, world! For, if they won't quarrel (as I believe
by the ears? The luckiest thought in the if I am secure in your affections
Puff. I'll be bound for him, madam, and they won't), I can break with them for cowgive you any security you can ask.
ards, and very justly dismiss them my service; Tag. Every thing goes on to our wish, sir.) and, if they will fight, and one of them bé I just now had a second conference with my run away; and so I shall very handsomely get
killed, the other will certainly be banged, or old lady; and she was so convinced by my rid of both. I am glad I have settled it so arguments, that she returned instantly to the lawyer to forbid the drawing out of any writ- purely. ings at all: and she is determined never lo
Enter Tag, thwart miss's inclinations, and left it to us to give the old gentleman his discharge at the Well, Tag, are they safe? next visit.
Tag. I think so -the door's double locked, Capt. Shall I undertake the old dragon? and I have the key in my pocket. Tug. If we have occasion for help, we shall Bid. That's pure; but have you given them
any thing to divert them? Bid. I expect him every moment ! there Tag. I have given the Captain one of your old fore, I'll tell you what, Rhodophil
, you and gloves to mumble; but my Strephon is divertiug your man shall be locked up in my bed-himself with the more substantial comforts of a chamber till we have settled matters with the cold venison pasty. old gentleman.
Bid. What shall we do with the next that Capt. Do what you please with me.
comes ? Tug. You must not be impatient though. Tag. If Mr. Fribble comes first, I'll clap him
Cupt. I can undergo any thing with such a up into my lady's store-room. I suppose he is a reward in view. One kiss, and I'll be quite great maker of marmalade himself, and will have resignedAnd now, show me the way. an opportunity of making some critical remarks
[Exeunt. upon our pastry and sweetmeats. Tug. Corne, sirrah, when I have got you
Bid. When one of them comes, do you go aud under lock and key, I shall bring you to watch for the other; and as soon as you see him,
run in to us, and pretend it is my aunt, and so Puff. Are your wedding clothes ready, my we shall have an excuse to lock him up till we dove? The certificate is come.
want him. Tag. Go, follow your captain, sirrah! Tag. You may depend upon me. Here is one march. You may thank Heaven I had pa- of them. tience to stay so long; [E.reunt Tag and Puff.
Bid. Mr. Fribble, your servant
Frib. Miss Biddy, your slave-I hope I have Bid. I was very much alarmed for fear my not come upon you abruptly? I should have two gallants should come in upon us una-waited upon you sooner; but an accident hapwares; we should have had sad work if they pened that discomposed me so, that I was had. I find I love Rhodophil vastly; for thoug libliged to go home again to take some drops.
Bid. Indeed you don't look well, sir-Go, Bid. I shall laugh in his face.--[Aside.]—I am Tag, and do as I bid you.
afraid you are in great pain. Pray sit down, Mr. Tag. I will, madam.
[E.rit Tac. Fribble: but I hope your hand is in no danger. Bid. I have set my maid to watch my aunt,
[They sit. that we mayo't be surprised by ber.
Frib. Not in the least, madam; pray, don't Frib. Your prudence is equal to your beauty, be apprehensive. A milk poultice, and a genmiss; and I hope your permitting me to kiss tle sweat to-night, with a little manna in the your hands, will be no impeachment to your un- morning, I am confident will relieve me enderstanding.
tirely. Bid. I hate the sight of him.-[Aside.]-I Bid. But, pray, Mr. Fribble, do you make was afraid I should not have had the pleasure use of a husswife? of seeing you, Pray, let me know what ac Frib. I can't do without it, madam : there is cident you met with, and what's the mat a club of us, all young bachelors, the sweetest ter with your hand?-I shan't be easy till I society in the world; and we meet three times know.
a week at each other's lodgings, where we Frib. Well, I vow, Miss Biddy, you're a good drink tea, bear the chat of the day, invent facreeter—I'll endeavonr to muster up what lit- shions for the ladies, make models of them, and tle spirits I have, and tell you the whole af- cut out patterns in paper. We were the first infair, -Hem ! -But first, you must give me ventors of knotting; and this fringe is the orileave to make you a present of a small pot ginal produce, and joint labour of our little of my lip-salve. My servant made it this community. morning : the ingredients are innocent, I as Bid. And who are your pretty set, pray? sure you ; nothing but the best virgin-wax, Frib. There's Phil. Whiffle, Jacky Wagtail, conserve of roses, and lily-of-the-valley water. my Lord Trip, Billy Dimple, Sir Dilberry Did
Bid. I thank you, sir; but my lips are ge- dle, and your humblenerally red; and when they an't, I bite them. Bid. What a sweet collection of happy crea
Frib. I bite my own sometimes, to pout them tures ! a little; but this will give them a softness, co Frib. Indeed and so we are miss—but a prolour, and an agreeable moister. Thus, let ine digious fracas disconcerted us some time ago at make an humble offering at that shrine, where I Billy Dimple's—three drunken naughty women have already sacrificed my heart.
of the town burst into our club-room, cursed us [Kneels, and gives the pot. all, threw down the china, broke six looking glassBid. Upon my word, that's very prettily ex-es, scalded us with the slop bason, and scratched pressed ! you are positively the best company in poor Phil. Whiffle's check in such a manner, that the world. I wish he was out of the house. he has kept his bed these three weeks.
[Aside. Bid. Indeed, Mr. Fribble, I think all our sex Frib. But to return to my accident, and the have great reason to be angry; for if you are so reason why my hand is in this condition—I bey happy, now you are bachelors, the ladies may you'll excuse the appearance of it, and be sa- wish and sigh to very
purpose. tisfied, that nothing but mere necessity could Frib. You are mistaken, I assure you; I am have forced me to appear thus muffled before prodigiously rallied about my passion for you, I
can tell you that, and am looked upon as lost to Bid. I am very willing to excuse any misfor- our society already. He, he, he! tune that happens to you, sir. [Curtsies. Bid. Pray, Mr. Fribble, now you have gone
Prib. You are vastly good, indeed–Thus it so far, don't think me impudent, if I long lo was-Hem! You must know, miss, there is know how you intend to use the lady who has not an animal in the creation I have so great been honoured with your affections? an aversion to, as those hackney-coach fellows Frib. Not as most other wives are used, I as-As I was coming out of my lodgings, says sure you: all the domestic business will be taken one of them to me,' Would your honour have off her hands. I shall make the tea, comb the a coach? No, man,' said I, not now' (with dogs, and dress the children myself; so that, all the civility imaginable. I'll carry you and though I'm a commoner, Mrs. Fribble will lead your doll too,' said be, Miss Margery, for the the life of a woman of quality; for she will have same price'-upon which the masculine beasts nothing to do but lie in bed, play at cards, and abou: 'us fell a laughing. Then I turned round scold the servants. in a great passion - Curse me,' says I, “ fel Bid. What a happy creature she must be! low, but I'll trounce thee!'-Ánd 'as I was Frib. Do you really think so ? Then, pray, let holding
out my hand in a threatening posterine have a little serous talk with you-Though -thus—he makes a cut at me with his whip, my passion is not of long standing, I hope the and striking me over the nail of my little tinger, sincerity of my intentions it
gave me such exquisite torter, that I fainted Bid. Ha, ha, ha! away—and wbile I was in this condition, the mob Frib. Go, you wild thing !—[Pats her.]-The picked ray pocket of my purse, my scissars, my devil take me, but there is no talking to you Morocco smelling bottle, and my husswise. How can you use me in this barbarous manner!
If I had the constitution of an alderman, it Tag. Indeed it is not, sir. would sink under my sufferings
-hooman Frib. What shall I do? I shall certainly catch nater can't support it.
ay death! Where's my cambric handkerchief, Bid. Why, what would you do with me, Mr. and my salts? I shall certainly have my hysteFribble?
[Runs in with Tag. Frib. Well, I vow I'll beat you if you talk so Bid. In, in, in !-So, now let the other come - don't look at me in that manner-flesh and as soon as he will! I do not care if I had twenty blood can't bear it-I could—but I won't grow of them, so they would but come one after anindecent
other. Bid. But pray, sir, where are the verses you
Re-enter Tag. were to write upon me? I find, if a young lady depends too much upon such fine gentlemen as Was my aunt coming? you, she'll certainly be disappointed.
Tag. No, 'twas Mr. Flash, I suppose, by the Frib. I vow, the flutter I was put into this length of bis stride, and the cock' of his hat. afternoon, has quite turned my senses- here He'll be here this minute-What shall we do they are though-and I believe you'll like with hini? them.
Bid. I'll manage him, I warrant you, and try Bid. There can be no doubt of it.
his courage; be sure you are ready to second me [Curtsies.
-we shall have pure sport. Frib. I protest, miss, I don't like that curtsy
Tag. Hush! here he comes. -Look at me, and always rise in this manner.(Shows her.]-But, my dear creeter, who put on
Enter Flash, singing. your cap to-day? They bave made a fright of you, and it is as yellow as old Lady Crowfoot's neck. When we are settled, I'll dress your head hopes for a poor dog, eh!-How! the maid
Flash. Well, my blossom, here am I! What myself.
here? then I've lost the town, damme! Not Bid. Pray read the verses to me, Mr. Frib
a shilling left to bribe the governor; she'll ble.
spring a mine, and I shall be blown to the Frib. I obey-Hem! William Fribblc, Esq. to
devil! Miss Biddy Bellair-greeting.
Bid. Don't be ashamed, Mr. Flash : I have
told Tag the whole affair; and she's my friend, No ice so hard, so cold as I,
I can assure you. "Till warmed and softened by your eye; Flash. Is she? than she won't be mine, I am And now my heart dissolves away,
certain. [Aside.) Well, Mrs. Tag, you know, I In dreams by night, in sighs by day.
suppose, what is to be done: this young lady No brutal passion fires my breast,
and I have contracted ourselves; and so, if you Which loathes the object when possessed ;
please to stand bride-maid, why we'll fix the But one of harmless, gentle kind,
wedding-day directly, Whose joys are centered-in the mind :
Tag. The wedding-day, sir? Then take with me love's better part,
Flash. The wedding-day, sir! Ay, sir! the His downy wing, but not his dart.
wedding day, sir! What have you to say to that,
sir? How do you like them? Bid. Ha, ha, ha! I swear they are very pretty
Bid. My dear Captain Flash, don't make such a noise; you'll wake
my -but I don't quite understand them. Frib. These light pieces are never so well un
Flash. And suppose I did, child, what then?
Bid. She'd be frightened out of her wits. derstood in reading as singing. I have set them myself, and will endeavour to give them you; au contraire, I assure you : you mistake the
Flash. At me, miss ? friglitened at me? Tout La-la-I have an abominable cold, and can't sing a note; however, the tune's nothing, the thing, child : I have some reason to believe I am
not quite so shocking.
[Affectedly. manner's all.
Tag. Indeed, sir, you flatter yourself -But No ice so hard, &c.
[Sings. pray, sir, what are your pretensions ?
Flash. The lady's promises, my own passion, Enter Tag, running.
and the best-mounted blade in the three king
doms. If any man can produce a better title, Tag. Oh, madam, madam!
let him take her. If not, the devil mince me if I Frib. What's the matter?
give up an atom of her! Tag. Your aunt, your aunt, your aunt, ma Bid. He's in a fine passion, if he would but dam!
hold it. Bid. Oh! for Heaven's sake, hide Mr. Frib Tag. Pray, sir, hear reason a little. ble, or we are ruined! Put him into the store Flash. I never do, madam; it is not my meroom this moment.
thod of proceeding; here is my logic ! [Draws Frib. Is it a damp place, Mrs. Tag? The floor his sword.] Sa, sa---my best argument is cartis boarded, I hope?
over-arm, madan, ha, ha! [Lounges.] and if
way, I'll let
he answers that, madam, through my small guts, Flash. [Stopping her.] Stay, stay a little ; my breath, blood, and mistress, are all at his what a passion I am in !Are you sure he is in service-nothing more, madam.
the next room ?-I shall certainly tear him to Bid. This'll do, this'll do!
pieces I would fain murder him like a genTag. But, sir, sir, sir !
tleman too-Besides, this family shan't be Flash. But, madam, madam, madain! I pro- brought into trouble upon my account- have fess blood, madam; I was bred up to it froin ait, I'll watch for him in the street, and mix his child; I study the book of fate, and the camp is blood with the puddle of the next kennel, my university. I have attended the lectures of
[Going. Prince Charles upon the Rhine, and Bathiani Bid. (Stopping him.] No, pray, Mr. Flash, let upon the Po, and have extracted knowledge from me see the battle ; I shall be glad to see you the mouth of a cannon. I'ın not to be frightened fight for me; you shan't go, indeed... with squibs, madam; no, no.
[Holding him. Bids. Pray, dear sir, don't mind her, but Tag.[ Holding him.] Oh, pray let me see you let me prevail with you to go away this time.-fight: there were two gentleman fit yesterday, Your passion is very fine, to be sure ; and and my mistress was never so diverted in her when my aunt and Tag are gone out of the life.-I'll fetch him out.
know when I'd have you come Bid. Do stick him, stick him, Captain Flash; again.
I shall love you the better for it. Flash. When you'd have me come again, Flush. Damn your love! I wish I was out of child! And suppose I never would come again, the house.
[Aside. what do you think of that now, ha? You pre Bid. Here he is—Now, speak some of your tend to be afraid of your aunt; your aunt hard words, and run him throughknows what's what too well, to refuse a good Flash. Don't be in fits now natch when 'tis offered-Look'e, miss, I'm a
[Aside to Biddy. man of honour; glory is my aim; I have told Bid. Never fear me! you the road I am in; and do you see here, child ? (Shows his sword.] no tricks upon tra
Enter Tag und FRIBBLE. vellers. Bid. But pray, sir, hear me.
Tag. [To FrieBLE.) Take it on my word, sir, Flash. No, no, no; I know the world, ma- he is a bully, and nothing else. dam: I am as well known at Covent-Garden as Frib. [Frightened.] I know you are my good the Dial, madam: I'll break a lamp, bully a friend; but perhaps you don't know his disposiconstable, bam a justice, or bilk a box-keeper, tion. with any man in the liberties of Westminster: Tag. I ain confident he is a coward. What do you think of me now, madam? Frib. D'ye think so, Mrs. Tag? Bid. Pray, don't be so furious, sir.
Tag. Oh, I am sure of it. Flash. Come, come, come; few words are Frib. Is he? Nay, then, I'm his man ! best; somebody's happier than somebody, and Flash. I like his looks, but I'll not venture too I am a poor silly fellow, ha, hathat's all far at first. Look
you, child, co be short (for I'ın a man of Tag. Speak to him, sir. reflection), I have but a bagatelle to say to you.
Frib. i will-I understand, sir-hem-that I am in love with you up to hell and despera- you—by Mrs. Tag here-sir-who has informed tion; may the sky crush ine if I am not ! me-hem-that
you would be glad to speak with But since there is another more fortunate than me-demme
[Turns off. I, adieu, Biddy! Prosperity to the happy rival, Flash. I can speak to you, sir-or to any bopatience to poor Flash'; but the first time we dy, sir—or I can let it alone and hold my tongue
-gunpowder be my perdition, but I'll if I see occasion, sir, damme- [Turns off. bave the honour to cut a throat with him. Bid. Well said, Mr. Flash; be in a passion.
[Going. Tag. [To FribBLE.] Don't mind his looks, he Bid. (Stopping him.] You may meet with him changes colour already; to him, to bim ! now, if you please.
Pushes him. Flash. Now! may I ? Where is he? I'll Frib. Don't burry me, Mrs. Tag, for Heaven's sacrifice the villaio!
(Aloud. sake: I shall be out of breath before I begin, if Tag. Hush; he's but in the next room. you do-sir-[To Flash.] If you can't speak to Flash. Is he? Ram me (Low.) into a mortar- a gentleman in another manner, sir—why, then, piece but I'll have vengeance ! my blood boils to l'll venture to say, you had better hold your be at him.-Don't be frightened, miss! tongue-oons. Bid. No, sir; I never was better pleased, I as Flash. Sir, you and I are of different opi.
nions. Flash. I shall soon do his business.
Frib. You and your opinions may go to the Bid. As soon as you please ; take your own devil-take that.
[Turns off to Tag
Tag. Well said, sir; the day's your own. Tag. I'll fetch the gentleman to you imine Bid. What's the matter, Mr. Flash? Is all your
[Going. I fury gone! Do you give me up?