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SCENE I.-A Room.
cause he had a little more wickedness than the
rest of his neighbours. Enter ARABELLA, and Sophia in Men's clothes.
Sop. Then I will be the first to set a better Ara. Indeed, iny dear, you'll repent this fro-example.--If I did not think a man's character
was of some consequence, I should not now run Sop. Indeed, my dear, then it will be the first such risks, and encounter such difficulties, to frolic I ever repented in all my life. Look ye, be better acquainted with it. Bell
, 'tis in vain to oppose me, for I am resolved. Ara. Ah, Sophy! if you have love enough to The only way to find out his character, is to see be jealous, and jealousy enough to try these exe hin thus, and converse freely with him. If he is periments- -don't imagine, though you should the wretch he is reported to be, I shall away with make terrible discoveries, that you can immehim at once; and if he is not, he will thank mediately quit your inclinations, with your breeches; for the trial, and our union will be the stronger and return so very philosophically to your petti
4ra. I never knew a woman yet, who had coats again, ha, ha!
ses, as you please, madam : but I know my own acts of rebellion against him, yet I fear he is a heart, and can rely upon it.
traitor at heart and then such vanity !--but I Ara. We are great bullies by nature; but had no time to make great discoveries it was courage and swaggering are two things, cousin. merely the prologue-The play is to come.
Sop. Since you are as little to be convinced, Ara. Act your part well, or we shall hiss you. as I am to be persuaded
Sap. Never fear me; you don't know wbat a
[Going. mad, raking, wild young devil I can be, if I set Ara. Nay, Sophy, this is unfriendly—if you my mind to it, Bell
. [Laying hold of her. are resolved upon your scheme, open to me
'Ara. You fright me you shall positively be without reserve, and I'll assist you.
no bed-fellow of mine any longer. Sop. Imprimis, then ; I confess to you, that I Sop. I am resolved to ruin my woman, and have a kind of whimsical attachment to Daffo- kill my man, before I get into petticoats again. dil; not but I can see his vanities and laugh at Ara. Take care of a quarrel though-a rival them.
inay be tou rough with you. Ara. And like him better for them
Sop. No, no, fighting is not the 'vice of these Sop. Pshaw ! don't plague me, Bell-my other times; and, as for a little swaggering, damn it, I lover, the jealous Mr. Tukely
can do it as well as the best of them. Ara. Who loves you too well to be success- Ara. Hush, hush! Mr. Tukely is here ful
Sop. Now for a trial of skill; if I deceive him, Sop. And whom I really esteem
you'll allow, that half of my business is done. Ara. As a good sort of a man, ha, ha, ha!
[She walks aside, takes out a glass, and Sop. Nay, should have loved him
looks at the pictures. Ara. Had not a prettier fellow stept in be
Enter TUKELY. tween, who perhaps does not care a farthing for you
Tuke. Your servant, Miss Bell-I need not Sop. That's the question, my dear-Tukely, I ask if Miss Sophy is at home, for I believe I say, either stung by jealousy, or unwilling to lose have seen her since you did. me, without a struggle, has intreated me to Ara. Have you, sir? You seem disconcerted. know more of his rival, before I engage too far Mr. Tukely : Has any thing happened? with him-Many strange things he has told me, Tuke. A trife, madam-bui I was born to be which have piqued me, I must confess, and I trifled with, and to be made uneasy at trifles. am now prepared for the proof.
Ara. Pray, what trifling affair has disturbed Aru. You'll certainly be discovered, and put you thus? to shaine.
Sop. What's the matter now? [Aside. Sop. I have secured my success already. Tuke. I met Miss Sophy this moment in a Ara. What do you mean?
backney chair at the end of the street: I knew Sop. I have seen him, conversed with him, her by the pink negligee; but, upou my crossing and am to meet him again to day, hy his own the way to speak to her, she turned her bead appointment.
away, laughed violently, and drew the curtain in Ara. Madness! it can't te. Sop. But it has been, I tell
Sop. So, so! well said, jealousy. [Aside. Ara. How? how ? Quickly, quickly, dear So- Ara. She was in haste, I suppose, to get to phy?
her engagement.' Sop. When you went to Lady Fanny's last Tuke. Yes, yes, madam; I imagine she bad night, and left me, as you thought, little dispos- some engagement upon her handsBut sure, ed for a frolic, I dressed me as you see, called madam, her great desire to see her more agreea chair, and went to the King's Arms, asked for able friends, need not be attended with conmy gentleman, and was shewn into a room; he rempt and disregard to the rest of her acquaintimmediately left the company, and came to me. Ara. I tremble for you.
Ara. Indeed, Mr. Tukely, I have so many caSop: I introduced myself as an Italian noble-prices, and follies of my own, that I can't possiman, just arrived: N Marchese di Macaronimbly answer for my cousin's too. Ara. Ridiculous! ha, ha!
Sop. Well said, Bell!
[Aside. Sop. An intimate of Sir Charles Vainlove's, Tuke. Answer, miss! No, Heaven forbid you who is now at Rome, I told him my letters should for my part, I have given up all my were with my baggage, at the custom-house--hopes as a lover, and only, now, feel for her as a He received me with all the openness imagina- friend—and indeed as a friend, a sincere friend, ble, and would have introduced me to his friends. I can't but say, that going out in a backney I begged to be excuscd, but promised to attend chair, without a serrant, and endeavouring to him to-day, and am now ready, as you see, to conceal herself, is somewhat incompatible with keep my word.
Miss Sophy's rank and reputation. This I speak Àra. Astonishing !-and what did you talk as a friend, not as a lover, Miss Bell! pray mind about?
that. Sop. Of rarious things- -women among the Ara. I see it very plainly, Mr. Tukely, and it rest; and though I have not absolutely any open' gives me great plcasure, that you can be so in.
different in your love, and yet so jealous in your your insolence would take advantage of my forfriendship
bearance, I must correct it at all eventsTuke. You do me honour, miss, by your good
[Draws. opinion. (Walks about, and sees Sopay.]-Who's Sop. that, pray?
Ha, ha, ha! Ara. A gentleman who is waiting for Sophy. Tuke. What is all this?
Tuke. I think she has gentlemen waiting for Sop. What would you set your courage to a her every where.
poor weak woman? You are a bold Briton, inSop. I am afraid, sir, [Coming up to him with deed! Ha, ha, ha! her glass.) you'll excuse me, that notwithstand- Tuke. What, Sophia? ing your declaration, and this lady's compli- Ara. Sophia ! No, no; she is in a hackneyments, there is a little of the devil, called jea- chair, you know, without a servant, in her pink lousy, at the bottom of all this uneasiness. negligee-Ha, ha, ha! Tuke. Sir!
Tuke. I am astonished ! and can scarce beSop. I say, sir, wear your cloak as long as lieve my own eyes-What means this metamoryou please, the hoof will peep out, take my word posis?
Sop. 'Tis in obedience to your commands Tuke. Upon my word, sir, you are pleased to Thus equipped, I have got access to Daffodil, honour me with a familiarity which I neither ex- and shall know whether your picture of bim is pected, or iudeed desired, upon so slight an ac- drawn by your regard for me, or resentment to quaintance.
him-I will sound him, from his lowest note Sop. I dare swear you did not.
to the top of his compass.' [Turns off, and hums a tune. Tuke. "Your spirit transports me-This will Tuke. I don't understand this !
be a busy, and, I hope, a happy day for me. I Ara. This is beyond expeetation. [Aside. have appointed no less than five ladies to meet
Sop. I suppose, sir, you never was out of Eng-me at the widow Damply's; to each of whom, land?
[Picking her teeth. as well as yourself, the accomplished Mr. DaffoTuke. I presume, sir, that you are mistaken-dil has presented his heart; the value of which I nerer was so foolishly fond of my own coun- I am resolved to convince them of this night, trę, to think that nothing good was to be bad out for the sake of the whole sex. of it; nor so shamefully ungrateful to it, to pre- Sop. Pooh, pooh! that's the old story-You fer the vices and fopperies of every other nation, are so prejudicedto the peculiar advantages of my own.
Tuke. I am afraid 'tis you who are prejudicSop. Ha, ha! well said, Old England, i'faith!-ed, madam; for, if you will believe your own Now, madam, if this gentleman would put this eyes and earsspeech into a farce, and properly lard it with Sop. That I will, I assure you ; I shall visit roast beef, and liberty. I would engage the gal- him immediately. He thinks nie in the country; leries would roar and halloo at it for half an hour and, to confirm it, I'll write to him as from together, ha, ha, ha!
thence. But ask me no more questions about dra. Now the storm's coming. (Aside. what I have done, and what is to be done ; for I
Tuke. If you are not engaged, sir, we'll ad- have not a moment to lose; and so, my good journ to the next tavern, and write this farce be friend Tukely, yours- My dear Bell, I kiss
your hand. [Kisses her hund.] You are a fine Sup. I fancy, sir, by the information of your woman, by leavens! Here, Joseppi, Brunello, face, that you are more inclined to tragedy, than Francesi, where are my fellows there? Call me comedy
a chair. Viva l'Amor, et libertaTuke. I shall be inclined to treat you very ill,
(Erit, singing. if y you dy't walk out with me.
Ara. Ua, ha! there is a spirit for you! Well, Sop. I have been treated so very ill already, now, what do you stare at? You could not well in the little conversation I have had with you, desire more- -0, fie, fie! don't sigh and bite that you must excuse my walking out for more your fingers; rouse yourself, man; set all your of it; but if you'll persuade the lady to leave the wits to work; bring this faithless Corydon to room, I'll put you to death-damme
shame, and I'll be hanged if the prize is not
[Going up to him. yours. If she returns in time, I'll bring her to Ara. For Heaven's sake! what's the matter, the widow Damply's gentlemen ?
Tuke. Dear Miss ArabellaTuke. What can I do with this fellow?
Ara. Well, well; make me a fine speech anoSop. Madam, don't be alarmed: this affair ther time. About your business nowwill be very short; I am always expeditious; Tuke. I fiy
[Erit. and will cui his throat, without shocking you in Ara. What a couple of blind fools has love the least :-Come, sir, (Draws.] if you won't made of this poor fellow, and my dear cousiu · defend yourself, I must kick you about the room. Sophy! Little do they imagine, with all their
[Advancing. wise discoveries, that Daffodil is as faithful a loTuke. Respect for this lady, and this house, ver, as he is an accomplished gentleman. I pity has curbed resentment hitherto : But as these poor deceived women with all my heart!
But how will they stare, when they find that be so young and pressing, that I'll give it up, Rufhas artfully pretended a regard for them, the fie;- the town talks of us, and I am satisfied. better to conceal his real passion for me! They Rut, Pray, sir, with submission, for what end will certainly tear my eyes out: and what will do you write to so many ladies, and make such cousin Sophy say to me, when we are obliged to a rout about them ? there are now upon the list declare our passion? No matter what--"Tis the bali' a dozen maids, a leash of wives, and the fortune of war; and I shall only serve her, as widow Damply. I know your honour don't she and every other friend would serve me ju intend mischief; but what pleasure can you the same situation
have in deceiving them, and the world? for you
are thought a terrible young gentleman. A little cheating never is a sin,
Daf. Why that pleasure, booby! At love or cards-provided that you win. Ruf. I don't understand it-What do you in
[Erit. I tend to do with them all? Ruin them?
Daf. Not I, faith.
Daf. That's their business ; not mine.
Ruf. Will you marry any one of them? Daf. But are you sure, Ruffle, that you
Daf. O, no! that would be finishing the game vered the letter last night, in the manner I or
If I preferred one, the rest would dered you?
take it ill; so, liecause I won't be particular, I Ruf. Exactly, sir.
give them all hopes, without going a step furDaf. And you are sure, that Mr. Dofterelliber. saw you slip the note into his wife's hand ?
Ruf. Widows can't live upon such slender Ruf. I have alarmed him, and you may be as- diet. sured, that he is as uneasy as you would wish to Daf. A true sportsman has no pleasure but in have him. But I should be glad, with your bo- the chase ; the game is always given to those nour's leave, to have a little serious conserva- who have less laste, and better stomachs. tion with you; for my mind forebodes much Ruf. I love to pick a bit I must confessperil to the bones of your humble servant, and Really, sir, I should not care what became of very little satisfaction to your honour.
half the women you are pleased to be merry Daf. Thou art a most incomprehensible with--but, Miss Suphy, sure, is a heavenly creablockhead
ture, and deserves better treatment; and to Ruf. No great scholar or wit, indeed : but I make love to her cousin, too, in the same house! can feel an oak sappling, as well as another ; that is very cruel. ay, and I should have felt one last night, if I Daf. But it ammuses one-besides they are had not had the heels of all Mr. Dotterel's fa- both fine creatures. And how do I know, if I mily—I had the whole pack aster me
loved only one, but the other might poison herDaf. And did not they catch you?
self? Ruf. No, thauk Heaven
Ruf. And when they know that you have Duf. You was not kicked, then ?
loved them both, they may poison one another. Ruf. No, sir.
-Tliis affair will make a great noise. Daf. Nor caned?
Daf. Or I have taken a great deal of pains Ruf. No, sir.
for nothing. But, no more prating, sirrah ; Daf. Nor dragged through a horse-pond? while I read iny letters, go and ask Harry what Ruf. 0, lord ! No, sir.
cards and messages be has taken in this mornDaf. That's unlucky
ing. Ruf. Sir!
Ruf. There's no mending him ! Daf. You must go again, Ruffie, to-night;
[Erit RUFFIE. perhaps you may be in better luck.
Daf. [Opens letters.] This is from the widow Ruf. If I go again, sir, may I be caned, kick- Damply. I know her scrawl at a mile's distance ed, and horse-ponded for my pains. I believe I she pretends that the fright of her husband's have been lucky enough to bring an old house death hurt her nerves so, that her hand has sbook over your head.
ever since-ha, ha, ha! It bas hurt her spelling Daf. What do you mean?
too, for here is joy with a G; ha, ha! poor creaRuf. Mr. Dotterel only hobbled after me, to cure! [Reads.] Hum-hun-bum. Well said, pay me for the postage of your letter; but being widow, she speaks plain, faith, and grows ara little out of wind, he soon stopt to curse and gent. I inust get quit of her she desires a téte swear at me. I could hear him mutter 'some la tête ; which, with widows, who have suffered thing of scoundrel, and pimp, and my master, much for the loss of her husband, is, as Captain and villain-and blunderbuss and saw pit ; and Bobadil says, a service of danger.- So, I am off. then he shook his stick, and looked like the (Opens another.] What the devil have we here? dev:l!
A bill in Chancery: Oh, no! my tailor's billDaf. Blunderbuss, and saw pit! This busi-Sum Total, three hundred and seventy-four ness grows a little serious, and so we'll drop it. pounds, eleven shillings, and five pence, three -The busband is so old and peevish, and she farthings. Indeed, Monsieur Chicaneau, this is
a damned bill, and you will be damned for mak-, but this morning–There are quicker successions ing it; therefore, for the good of your soul
, in your honour's list, than the court-calendar. Mons. Chicanean, you must make another. Daf. Strike off Mrs. Dotterell, and the widow (Tears it.] The French know their consequnce, Damply: and use us accordingly. [Opens another. This Ruf. They are undone. [Strikes them out. is from Newmarket.
Ser. A lady, Mr. Ruffle, in a chair, must speak
you. Cherry-Derry with Gingerbread; he is a terri- Daf. Did she ask for me? See, Ruffie, who ble horse , and very covelous of his ground.-1 it is.
Exit. have chopt Hurlothrumbo for the Roan mare,
Ser. No, your honour; but she looked quite and fifty pounds. Sir Roger has taken the Austrated. match off your hands, which is a good thing ;
Daf. Well, go below, and be careful not to for the mare has the distemper, and must have let any old gentleman in this morning; and, d’ye forfeited. I Aung his honour's groom, though heart if any of the neighbours should inquire
was abote an hour in the stable. The nut- who the lady is, you may say it is a relation ;meg grey, Custard, is matched with Alderman. and be sure smile, do you hear? when you tell Aldermun has a long wind, and will be too hard them so. for Custard.
Ser. I shall your honour-He, he, he! I am never melancholy.
Daf. That fellow's a character.
letter, and has something to say of consequence
to you both-she must see you, she says. Enter RUFFLE, with cards.
Daf. I won't see her— Why would you say
that I was at home_You know I hate to be Ruf. There's the morning's cargo, sir. alone with them, and she's so violent too
[Throws them down upon the table. Well, well, shew her up-This is so unDaf. Hey-day! I can't read them in a month; luckypr’ythee, Ruffle, set down my invitations from the Ruf. He hates to see duns he never intends cards, according to their date, and let me see
(Erit RUFFLE. them to-morrow morning-So much reading Daf. What shall I do with her? This is worse would distract me.
than meeting her husband with a blunderbuss in Ruf. And yet these are the only books that a saw-pit. gentlemen read now-a-days.
Enter Mrs. DOTTEREL, and RupFLE.
Dear Mrs. Dotterel, this is so obliging-
let every body up
Ruf. What a deal of trouble here is about Ser. Old; no, no, he looks younger than bis nothing!
[Erit Ruffle. honour. I believe he's mad, he can't stand still Mrs. Dot. In the name of virtue, Mr. Daffo& moment; he first capered out of the chair, and dil, I hope you have not given any private orwhen I told him your honour was not at home, ders, that may in the least derogate from that he capered into it again—said he would call absolute confidence which I place in your hoagain, jabbered something, and away he went, nour? singing
Daf. You may be pefectly easy under this Daf. 'Tis the Marquis of Maccaroni; I saw roof, madam. I hope, I am polite enough not to him at the King's Arms yesterday: Admit him let my passions of any kind run too great lengths when he comes, Harry.
in my own house. Ser. I shall, your honour-I can neither write Mrs. Dot. Nothing but absolute necessity or remember these outlandish names.
could have made me take this imprudent step
[Exit Servant. I am ready to faint with my apprehensionsDaf. Where is my list of women, Ruffle, and Heigh ho ! the places of their ahode, that we may strike off Daf. Heaven forbid !--I'll call for some assme, and add the new acquisitions ?
(Going to ring. Ruf. What, alter again! I wrote it out fair Mrs. Dot. Let your beil alone! (Stopping