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don't be alarmed - There can be no danger, Daf. She has even stormed me in my own while we have love and darkness to befriend us. house; but, with all my faults, madam, you'll
Tuke. Bless me, how my heart beats ! never find me over-fond of age, or ignorance.
Daf. Poor soul! what a fright it is in! Mrs. Damp. I could tear him to pieces ! You must not give way to these alarms—Were Mrs. Dot. I will tear him to pieces ! you as well convinced of my honour, as I am of Ara. Be quiet, and we'll all tear him to pieces. your charms, you would have nothing to fear Tuke. He has swallowed the hook, and can't (Squeezes her hand. escape.
[Aside. Ara. Upon my word !
[Aside. Daf. What do you say, madam? Mrs. Damp. So, so, so !
Aside. Tuke. I am only sighing, sir. Tuke. Hold, sir; you must take no liberties, Daf. Fond creature! Aside.] I know there But, if you have the least feeling for an unhappy are a thousand stories about me: You have woman, urged by her passion to this imprudent heard, too, of Lady Fanny Pewit, I suppose? step, assist me --forgive me let me go.
Don't be alarmed. Daf. Can you doubt my honour? Can you Tuke. I can't help it, sir. She is a fine woman, doubt
my love? What assurances can I give you and a woman of quality. to abate your fears?
Daf. A fine woman, perhaps, for a woman of Mrs. Dot. Very slender ones, I can assure her. quality—but she is an absolute old maid, madam,
[Aside. almost as thick as she is long-middle-aged, Tuke. I deserve to suffer all I feel — For homely, and wanton! That's her character. what, but the most blinded passion, could induce Lady Pew. Then, there is no sincerity in man. me to declare myself to one, whose amours and
[Going. infidelities, are the common topic of conversa Ara. Positively, you shan't stir. tion!
Daf. Upon my soul, I pity the poor creature ! Daf. Flattering creature! [Aside.—May I -She is now upon her last legs. If she does never know your dear name, see your charming not run away with some foolish gentleman this face, touch your soft hand, or hear your sweet winter, she'll return into the country and marry voice, if I am not more sincere in my affection her footman, ha, ha, ha! for this little finger, than for all the sex besides. Lady Pew. My footman shall break his bones,
[The Ladies seem astonished. I can tell him that. Tuke. Except the widow Damply.
Daf. Hush, madam! I protest I thought I Daf. She ! Do you know her, inadam? heard' a voice — I wonder they don't come. [ Aside. Tuke. I have not that honour.
Tuke. 'Twas only I, Mr. Daffodil— I was murDaf. I thought somDid you never see her, muring to you.
(Sighs. madam, nodding and gogling in her old fashioned Duti Pretty murmurer !—'Egad, if they don't heavy chariot, drawn by a pair of lean hackney come soon, the lady will grow fond. (A1side. horses, with a fat blackamoor footman behind, Tuke. But, among your conquests, Mr. Daffoin a scanty livery, red greasy stockings, and a dil, you forgot Miss Sophy Sprightly. dirty turban? [The Widoio seems disordered. Daf. And her cousin Arabella.- I was coming
Puke. All which may be only a foil to her to them; poor, silly, good-natured, loving fools; beauty.
(Sighs. I made my addresses to one through pique, and Daf. Beauty! don't sigh, madam; she is past the other for pity; that was all. forty, wears a wig, and has lost two of her fore Tuke. O, that I could believe you ! teeth. -And, then, she has so long a beard Daf. Don't be uneasy! I'll tell you how it was, upon her upper lip, and takes so much Spanish madam-You must know, there is a silly, selfsnuff
, that she looks for all the world, like the sufficient fellow, one TukelyGreat Mogul in petticoats; ha, ha
Tuke. So, so.—[ Aside.] _I know him a little. Mrs. Dam. What falsehood and ingratitude ! Daf: I am sorry for it-The less you know of
[Aside. him, the better; the fellow pretended to look Tuke. Could I descend to the slander of the fierce at me, for which I resolved to have his town, there is a married lady
mistress : So I threw in my line, and without Daf. Poor Mrs. Dotterel, you mean? much trouble, hooked her. Her poor cousin, Mrs. Dot. Why am I to be mentioned ! too, nibbled at the bait, and was caught. So I I have nothing to do
have had my revenge upon Tukely, and now I Mrs. Damp. Nay, nay; you must have your shall willingly resign poor Sophy, and throw him share of the panegyric.
in her cousin, for a make-weight, ha, ha, ha! Tuke. She is young, and has wit.
Lady Pew. This is some comfort, at least. Daf. She's an idiot, madam; and as fools are Ara. Your ladyship is better than you was. generally loving, she has forgot all her obligations
[Noise without. to old Mr. Dotterel, who married her without a Tuke. I vow, I hear a noise.-- What shall we petticoat; and now seizes upon every young fel- do! It comes this way. low she can lay her hands upon-she has spoiled Daf. They can't see us, my dear.--I wish my me three suits of clothes, with tearing the flaps friends would come. (Aside.j Don't whisper, or and sleeves. Ha, ha, ha!
breathe. Mrs. Dot. Monster of iniquity!
Enter Sophia, in a surtout, and slouched hat. Daf. [Running to them with his sword draun.]
O, my friends, I have been wishing for you this Soph. If I could but catch her at her pranks, half hour ! I have been set upon by a dozen felshe certainly must be this way—for the chair is lows—They have all made their escape, but this waiting at the end of Rosamond's pond—I have -My arm is quite dead-I have been at cart thrown one of her chairman into it-and, if I and tierce with them all, for near a quarter of an could but catch her
hour, Tuke. O, sir! my passion has undone me-I Soph. In buckram, my lord !—He was got with am discoved; it is my husband, Sir George, my property here, and I would have chastised and he is looking for me!
him for it, if your coming had not prevented it. Daf. The devil it is! Why, then, madam, the Daf. Let us throw the rascal into Rosamond's best way will be for you to go to him~and let pond. me sneak off the other way.
Lord Rac. Come, sir, can you swim? Tuke. Go to him, sir! What can I say to him? [All going up. TUKELÝ Snatches Sophia's Daf. Any thing, madam-Say you had the
sword, and she runs behind him. vapours, and wanted air.
Tuke. I'll defend you, my dear I-What would Tuke. Lord, sir! he is the most passionate of you murder a man, and lie with his wife, 100?mortals; and I am afraid he is in liquor, too;| Oh! you are a wicked gentleman, Mr. Daffodil. and, than, he is mad!
[Attacks Daffodil. Soph. If I could but catch her
Daf. Why, the devil's in the woman, I think ! (Looking about.
All the Ladies advance from behind. Daf. For your sake, madam, i'll make the Ladies. Ha, ha, ha! your bumble servant, best of my way home
[Going. Mr. Daffodil-ha, ha, ha! (Curtsying. Tuke. What! would you leave me to the fury Daf. This is all enchantment! of an enraged husband - Is that your affection! Lady Pew. No, sir, the enchantment is broke;
(Holds him. and the old maid, sir, bomely and wanton, before Soph. If I could but catch her–Ha! what's she retires into the country, has the satisfaction that? I saw something move in the dark—the of knowing, that the agreeable Mr. Daffodil is a point of my sword shall tickle it out, whatever much more contemptible mortal, than the footit is.
[Draws, and goes towards them. man which his goodness has been pleased to marTuke. For Heaven's sake draw, and fight him, ry her to. while I make my escape!
Ludies. Ha, ha, ha! Daf. Fight him ! 'twould be cowardly to fight Mrs. Damp. Would Mr. Daffodil please to have in the dark, and with a drunken man—I'll call a pinch of Spanish snuff out of the great mogul's
box? 'Tis the best thing in the world for low Tuke. And expose us to the world?
[Offers her bor. Daf. I would to Heaven we were! [Aside. Ladies. Ha, ha, ha! He comes forward.] Let me go, madam; you Mrs. Dot. If a fool may not be permitted to pinch me to the bone.
speak, Mr. Daffodil, let her at least be permitted Tuke. He won't know us—I have my mask to laugh at so fine a gentleman-Ha, ha, ha!
Ara. Were you as sensible of shame, as you Ladies. IIa, ha, ha!
are of fear, the sight of me, whom you loved for Soph. What, is the devil and his imps playing pity, would be revenge sufficient-But I can forat blind man's buff? Ay, ay; here he is, in- give your baseness to me, much easier than I deed; Satan himself, dressed like a fine gentle can myself, for my behaviour to this happy man-Come, Mr. Devil, out with your pitchfork, couple. and let us take a thrust or two.
Daf. Who the devil are they? Daf. You mistake me, sir, I am not the per Ara. The Marquis and Marchioness of Maçason; indeed, I am not; I know nothing of your roni, ladies-Ha, ha, ha! wife, Sir George; and if you knew how little I Soph. Ha! Mio Carrissimo Amico, il Signior care for the whole sex, you would not be so fu- Daffodillo! rious with an innocent man.
Daf. How! Tukely and Sophia !_If I don't Soph. Who are you, then? And what are you wake soon, I shall wish never to wake again! doing with that blackamoor lady there -dan Soph. Who bids fairest now for Rosamond's cing a saraband with a pair of castanets? Speak, pond? sir !
Lord Rac. What, in the name of wonder, is Daf. Pray, forbear, sir; here's company com- all this business? I don't understand it. ing that will satisfy you in every thing-Hallo, Diz. Nor I neither; but 'tis very drole, faith! hallo--Here, here, here! [Hallo's faintly.) my Tuke. The mystery will clear in a moment. lord, my lord !-Spinner-Dizzy-llallo! Daf. Don't give yourself any trouble, Mr.
Tukely; things are pretty clear as they are Enter LORD Racket, Sir TantiVY, SPINNER,
The night's cool, and my cousin Dizzy, here, is and Dizzy, with torches.
an invalid- If you please, another time, when Lord Rac. What's the matter here?--Who there is less company.-[Ladies laugh.)-The lacalls for help?
dies are pleased to be merry, and you are pleased
to be a little angry; and so, for the sake of tran- | viour to me, as it has hastened and confirmed my quillity, I'll go to the opera.
happiness here. (To Suphia.]-But, as a friend (DAFFODIL sneaks out by degrees. to you ladies, I shall insist upon his making you Lord Rac. This is a fine blow up, indeed !- ample satisfaction: However, this benefit will Ladies, your humble servant-Hallo! Daffodil. arise, that you will hereafter equally detest and
[Erit. shun these destroyers of your reputation. Diz. I'll lay you a hundred, that my cousin never intrigues again-George! George! Don't In you coquettry is a loss of fame; run-hugh-hugh
Erit. But, in our sex, 'tis that detested name, Tuke. As my satisfaction is complete, I have That marks the want of manhood, virtue, sense done to ask of Mr. Daffodil. I forgive his beha and shame,
SCENE I.--A hall in MR.HEARTLY's house. Sir Cha. Now, nephew, consider once again, Enter SiR CHARLES CLACKIT, YOUNG CLACKIT, ly, what I am going to undertake for you. Why
before I open the matter to my neighbour Heartand Servant.
don't you speak? Ser. Please to walk this way, sir.
Young Cha. Is it proper and decent, uncle? Sir Cha. Where is your master, friend? Sir Cha, Psha! don't be a fool, but answer Ser. In his dressing room, sir.
me-Don't you flatter yourself?--What assurYoung Cla. Let him, know, then
ance have you, that this young lady, my friend's Sir Cha. Pr’ythee, be quiet, Jack; when I am ward, has a liking to you? The young fellows in company, let me direct. 'Tis proper and de- of this age are all coxcombs; and, I am afraid, cent.
you are no exception to the general rule. Young Cla. I am dumb, sir.
Young Cla. Thank you, uncle; but, may I Sir Cha. Tell Mr. Heartly, his friend and this instant be struck old and peevish, if I would neighbour, Sir Charles Clackit, would say three put you upon a false scent to expose you, for all words to him.
the fine women in Christendom. I assure you Ser. I shall, sir.
[Erit Servant. again and again, and you may take my word,
uncle, that Miss Harriet has no kind of aver
Enter MR. HEARTLY. sion to your nephew and most humble servant.
Sir Cha. Ay, ay, vanity, vanity! but I never Good-morrow to you, neighbour. take a young fellow's word about women; they'll Heart. And to you, Sir Charles ; I am glad lie as fast, and with as little conscience, as the to see you so strong aud healthy. Brussels Gazette. Produce your proofs.
Sir Cha. I can return you the compliment Young Cla. Can't your eyes see them, uncle, my friend : without flattery, you don't look more without urging me to the indelicacy of repeating than thirty-five; and, between ourselves, you are them?
on the wrong side of forty—but mum for that. Sir Cha, Why, I see nothing but a fool's head Heart. Ease and tranquillity keep me as you and a fool's coat, supported by a pair of see. most unpromising legs. Have you no better Sir Chu. Why don't you marry, neighbour ? proofs.
A good wife wou'd do well for you. Young Cla. Yes, I have, my good infidel un Heart. For me ! you are pleased to be merry, cle, half a hundred.
sir Charles Sir Cha. Out with them, then.
Sir Cha. No faith, I am serious; and had I Young Cla. First, then-Whenever I see a daughter to recommend to you, you should her, she never looks at me :- That's a sign of say me nay more than once, I assure you, love. Whenever I speak to her, she never an- neighbour Heartly, before I would quit you. swers me: Another sign of love.—And when-, Heart. I am much obliged to you. ever I speak to any hody else, she seems to be Sir Cha. But, indeed you are a little too much perfectly easy: That's a certain sign of love. of the philosopher, to think of being troubled Sir Cha, The devil it is !
with women and their concerns. Young Cla. When I am with her she is al Heart. I beg your pardon, Sir Charlesways grave; and the moment I get up to leave Though there are many who call themselves her the poor thing begins : why will you philosophers, that live single, and, perhaps, are
Mr. Clackit ? can't you sacrifice a in the right of it, yet, I cannot think that mar. few moments to my bashfulness ?-Stay, you riage is at all inconsistent with true philosophy. agreeable runaway, stay; I shall soon over -A wise man will resolve to live like the rest come the feats your presence gives me.'-1 of the world, with this only difference, that could say more-But a man of honour, un- he is neither a slave to passions nor events. It cle
is not because I have a little philosophy, but beSir Cha. What, and has she said all these cause I am on the wrong side of forty, Sir things to you?
Charles, that I desire to be excused. Young Cla. O yes, and ten times more with Sir Cha. As you please, sir; and now, to
my business.—You have no objection, I supSir Cha. With her eyes ?-Eyes are very pose, to tie up your ward, Miss Harriet, equivocal, Jack. However if the young lady though you have slipped the collar yourself? bas any liking to you, Mr. Heartly is too much ba, ha, ha! a man of the world, and too much my friend, Heart. Quite the contrary, sir; I bave taken
oppose the match; so do you walk into the her some time from the boarding-school, and garden, and I will open the matter to him. brought her home, in order to dispose of her
Young Cla. Is there any objection to my worthily, with her own inclination. staying, uncle ? the business will be soon ended Sir Cha. Her father, I have heard you say, re-you will propose the match ; he will give his commended that particular care to you, when consent, I shall give mine; miss is sent for and she had reached a certain aye. i'affair est fait.
(Snapping his fingers. Heart. He did so; and I am the more deSir Cha. And so you think that a young sirous to obey him scrupulously in this circumbeautiful heiress, with forty thousand pounds, stance, as she will be a most valuable aquisiis to be had with a scrap of French, and a snap tion to the person who shall gain her ; for not of your finger? prythee get away, and don't pro- to mention her fortune, which is the least con
sideration, her sentiments are worthy her Young Cla. Nay, but my dear uncle birth ; shc is gentle, modest, and obliging. In
Sir Cha. Nay, but my impertinent nephew, a word, my friend, I never saw youth more either retire, or I'll throw up the game.
amiable or discreet; but perhaps I am a lit
(Putting him out. tie partial to her. Young Cla. Well, well, I am gone, uncle. Sir Cha. No, No; she is a delicious creature, When you come to the point, I shall be ready every body says so. But, I believe, neighbour, to make my appearance.- Bon voyage! [Erit. something has happened that you little think of.
Sir Cha. The devil's in these young fellows, Heart. What! pray, sir Charles ? I think! We send them abroad to cure Sir Cha. My nephew, Mr. Heartlytheir sbeepishness, and they get above proof
Enter YOUNG CLACKIT. the other way.
Young Cla. Here I am, at your service, sir